Jokes!!

  • Thread starter DQuaN
  • 4,701 comments
  • 725,252 views
Where do you keep gay fish?
In an aqueerium

.............

Just had a water fight with the kids at the park. I won. Nobodies a match for me and my kettle.

............

I can't afford anti-depressants. So I'm drinking no more tears shampoo instead.

...........

Some guy wearing a black robe and carrying a scythe approached me today.
"Who are you?" I inquired. "I'm death" he replied. "Sorry mate, WHO ARE YOU?"
 
m8h3r
Where do you keep gay fish?
In an aqueerium

.............

Just had a water fight with the kids at the park. I won. Nobodies a match for me and my kettle.

............

I can't afford anti-depressants. So I'm drinking no more tears shampoo instead.

...........

Some guy wearing a black robe and carrying a scythe approached me today.
"Who are you?" I inquired. "I'm death" he replied. "Sorry mate, WHO ARE YOU?"

I get the first and third one, but not fourth and second.
 
2nd: boiling the water would definitely give an advantage in a water fight.
4th: death sounds like deaf. You don't need to get it because its not great :(
 
New rule, you must tell the joke to 3 REAL people in your everyday life and can only post it here if they laugh out loud.
 
I didn't answer your rhetorical question, you answered your own rhetorical question by answering my rhetorical question. (See Transitive Property)
 
No, but at least he's trying to stop this:

What is Mexicos national sport? Cross country

So a Ferrari, McLaren and Lamborghini go to a car show. Lol jk the Ferrari caught fire going there
Horrible joke :)

So today I was in orchestra standing next to my ex. I told her 3 words. Dream on beep female dog beep. After that she refused to talk to me :)
 
Lol it's ok. I was confused

Confused? About what?

Anyways...

Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.

Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."
 
Doog
Confused? About what?

Anyways...

Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.

Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."

Lol that's such a old joke, but is still somehow funny
So CJ walks into a bar. He goes to the hospital. Anti joke chicken
 
Lol that's such a old joke, but is still somehow funny
So CJ walks into a bar. He goes to the hospital. Anti joke chicken

:confused:

I'm gonna assume that's a joke about lynching, or something. I have no idea.
 
Told this joke to a bunch of my friends:

A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault. He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business meeting in Florida. She was perplexed by the message on her card: "Our deepest sympathy."
But she was not nearly as surprised as the woman whose husband had just passed away. Her card read, "Hotter here than I expected. Too bad you didn't come too."
 

Latest Posts

Back