Taking Food Home?

  • Thread starter AOS-
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AOS-

AOS-

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'Sauga, ON
I only hear one side of the story.


Last night, family friends came over. A regular visit, not a party or gathering. Dad was snacking on peanuts and my friend helped himself to some. When they were about to leave, he grabs a handful on his way out.

One side of the argument is that we've known each other for so long so it shouldn't matter. The other is that, while we don't object to sharing food, taking food on your way out comes off as being a bit greedy.

The way I see it, guests are welcome to have food if the host/homeowner shares it. It's meant to show they are welcome in the house; "you may sit in this chair, watch TV with us, play a game or two, etc." It is no different from having food. You may enjoy our food so long as you are still "visiting". When you're leaving, you're leaving. Taking food on your way out comes off as reaping someone's goods. So my friend does this, thinking it's perfectly acceptable. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't if he understood how it may come off as a negative gesture as a guest. Doesn't help that his parents don't say anything. I wanted to say something because I'm not one to let things slide if it's a developed habit, but I wasn't sure what to say or how to put it without sounding like a jerk.

I'm also curious to know how many others have experienced this and whether or not you have a way to confront this issue.
 
If it's a handful of peanuts who cares. If your buddy comes over for wings and takes 2 pounds home that's different.
 
I did that once... ate something right before we were about to leave a house. I got a lot of yelling from my parents. Apparently it makes you seem like a fat***.
 
Noob616
If it's a handful of peanuts who cares. If your buddy comes over for wings and takes 2 pounds home that's different.
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This. Though, I'm sort of split. I don't think I would have said something, but I would definitely have told it to (in your case) the parents, later. To me, this is not acceptable; not even if my family does it. If I share stuff (like food), I don't want people to "grab an extra handful" - without permission - for when they've left. It's intended to be eaten in my house, and so should it.

(Off-topic, I know) I see the same way on guests "using my house as their own". When I'm visiting someones house, I always ask for permission to do whatever I intend to do (like watching TV) and I treat other peoples possessions, like furniture, with extra care. One thing that really makes me mad, is people who doesn't do that. If it were their own stuff, fine, but if anyone wants to use my stuff, they'll have to ask (like watching TV and etc.) and treat it with care. I don't know, if that's just how I've been raised, but that's my opinion.
 
Never experienced that scenario yet, I do see your point though, he probably should have asked if you minded if he took a handful for the road. What I really dislike is when guests get up and help themselves to my or someone else's refrigerator.
 
I would say is depends on the occasion. If it's a pot-luck(everyone brings something) style event I don't see anything wrong with taking a handful on the way out providing you brought something. However if it's an event where the all the food is supplied by the host I would say it's not showing good manners(unless your offered some of course).
 
Any guest in my home needs to ask before they assume that just bc they are welcome to "sit in this chair, watch TV with us, play a game or two, etc" that they are also welcome to my food. If I have a bag of chips or any other snack opened by me, that's fine. But, being allowed on my chair or watching tv is different from sharing my food; ask for permission to the latter.
 
Yes it is slightly rude, not hugely however abit of a disrespectful thing to do to you (for all the reasons said above.)

However I wouldn't let it be anything to put against the person, it was just peanuts (that cost peanuts ;) ) that you offered him whilst he was there, and to take a couple as he was leaving wasn't as if he just went and took some out of the cupboard, they were offered earlier in the evening. So whilst its a little rude its not an issue that you need to make anything of.
 
I'm wit Noob616 on this. I'm guilty of taking drinks home with me, something for a road. Once in a while I'll grab something to eat.
 
I guess the thing is too is that I'll ask if I can have something for the road. I think it's rude to just take it, but if my friend took a can of coke or a handful of peanuts without asking I wouldn't be too torn up about it.
 
If I went round a friends house and took some beers or spirits with me and I didn't drink it all, I would not even think of taking them back with me. It's one of the bonuses of hosting a gathering, you gain some drinks. However some people that I know, will take their undrunk drinks back with them. I find that bad form.
As for a handful of peanuts, I can't see a major problem with that. If they helped themselves to the contents of your fridge that wasn't on offer for the event though, I would think twice about being so hospitable next time.
 
Uh...I kinda do this all of the time. :lol:
 
Interesting mix of responses.

To clarify (though it's not utmost neccessary), they weren't invited for dinner nor was there a huge gathering. My family has been family friends for over 20 years. They like to visit our place just about every Saturday.

I guess I brought it up because I felt it was rude to be pocketing food on the way out. It's not that we didn't give him permission (he openly announced it himself), I'm probably just a bit upset (and not used to the fact) they would - like McLaren mentioned - assume our place is their second home when even we hadn't accepted such an idea.


Now comes the question how you can bring that up to them to help them notice this without sounding hostile and rejecting. Any ideas? I know my friends aren't aware likely because they're parents are doing it, which will probably be the most trouble to deal with. The mom is notorious for having your food without permission.
 
AOS-
Now comes the question how you can bring that up to them to help them notice this without sounding hostile and rejecting.
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A handful of peanuts doesnt warrant 'helping them notice it', but yeah, its on the rude side. My sister recently asked me about being at a dinner party where the bathroom was close to the dining room, and she had to use it but was worried about becoming the (audible) center of some attention :) What should she do?

(i told her she should have flushed the toilet preemptively, thus masking the sound of her disgusting need to poop.)
 
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People are far too possessive. Including myself. It's all very stupid. Saying that it's my food, my house, you need my permission to do this and that blah blah blah. Nobody can actually own anything, we just like to think we can.
 
It's disrespectful, but it's just a bunch of peanuts. If it were something bigger like barbecue it would be a problem.
 
There's a difference between taking a few peanuts and grabbing a few tinnies out the fridge for the journey.
 
AOS-
Now comes the question how you can bring that up to them to help them notice this without sounding hostile and rejecting. Any ideas?
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Ask him if he wants a doggy bag in a joking manner. It'll make him think twice about doing it in the future and you can always back down and say it was a joke if it gets taken the wrong way.
 
Good manners, at the very least, would have required him to ask something along the lines of, "Mind if I grab a handful on the way out?" Honestly I don't know how I'd approach the subject with him, though. Maybe next time, while he's reaching for whatever, saying something along the lines of "I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that without asking first". Bringing it up now, after the fact, is far more likely to cause hard feelings and needless drama than have any positive effect. It's a curious juxtaposition of an important principle and a trivial event, though.
 
So the peanuts were out and at any point were they offered to the guests?

If they were how can you go back and say something?

If they weren't why dios it even matter?

Like some others have mentioned if they went into your kitchen/cupboards to get food then yeah say something as that's abit bad.

If not let it go, it's no big deal.
 
photonrider
Some homes I visit force me to take some food home in a doggy bag.
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Yeah, this.

I wouldn't make a deal out of it, unless they're taking an alcoholic beverage with them.

Then again, I also smuggle the additional sugar packets or water bottles handed to me after a flight.
 
Does it count if I smuggle out packets of ketchup that I get from fast food restaurants? :lol:
 
^Yes, you look greedy/cheap by doing that.

I'm not making a deal out of peanuts specifically, but rather the bigger picture and that is their own trained belief it's okay to take anything home. Of course peanuts on its own is no big deal, but for all I know they could see that as a sign it's okay to do that with other things in the future.

F1 fan
Ask him if he wants a doggy bag in a joking manner. It'll make him think twice about doing it in the future and you can always back down and say it was a joke if it gets taken the wrong way.
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I like this idea actually. Thanks, guy.
 

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