The Simpsons Quotes

[TwinTurboJay]

Bart gets a job with the Mob

Homer to Bart: "ow much does your job may boy ?"
Bart: "$30 a week"
Homer: "sppppllllt, I make more than that ! "

 

[Yuichi]

Maggie: (burps)
Homer: Look, she said "burlap".

 

[Event]

Homer: Ah, the last peanut. Soaked with the salt and oil of its departed breatheren. (throws peanut up to try and catch it in his mouth, but he misses it and it bounces away.) Uh, oh. Somethings wrong... my peanut! (gos on floor looking for peanut under couch. Reaches under) ow, pointy. ewww.... squishy. uh, oh! moving! Ah-ha! Awww, 20 dollars. But I wanted a peanut....
Homer's Mind: Wait, 20 Dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Mind: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo hoo! (Runs to door and slips on the peanut and falls. $20 flys out window) D'oh!

Best. Sequence. Ever.

 

[Solid Lifters]

Homer: "Weeelll, if it isn't the 'Weiner Patrol,' boning up on his nerd lessons."

 

[Firebird]

Hunter: The bear is no longer wearing his tracking device. And it looks like he's heading towards that "wildlife sanctuary".
Marge: Is there any sign of my husband?
Hunter: Hmm your husband appears to be travelling with the bear. Either as hostage or as what we call a "forest bride".

 

[Firebird]

Marge: Wait! How do you know this is where Lincoln buried the gold, you just started counting from an arbitrary place!
Homer: I started what from a what?
Marge: Your plan makes no sense.
Homer: Gold bars discovered by Marge... zero. Gold bars discovered by Homer, well lets just see! *wrecks floor*
Marge: Gold bars discovered by Homer?
Homer: Shut up...

 

[Firebird]

You're covered with a very fine fuzz...

 

[TwinTurboJay]

Homer, " .....and its all thanks to YES-I-Cannibus "

 

[TwinTurboJay]

Tony: Greetings, Homer.
Homer: Hey! Fat Tony! You still with the mafia?
Tony: Uh... Uh, yes, I am. Thank you for asking. Now, Homer, as you no doubt recall, you were done a favor by our, uh, how shall I say -- Mafia Crime Syndicate.
Homer: Oh yeah.
Tony: Now the time has come for you to do us a favor.
Homer: You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? Oh, Fat Tony! I will say good day to you, sir!

 

[slackbladder]

Homer- Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Homer- I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Kent Brockman- Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.'
Homer- Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute.
Bart- You com'ere a minute."
Homer- Oh yeah?

Mr. Burns- I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.

This could go on and on!!

 

[oscarfulz]

Mr Burns: A hoy hoy

when answering phone

 

[Cap'n Jack]

Marge: You're not going as a hobo again?
Homer: Goin' where?

Ralph: I'm idaho.

 

[TwinTurboJay]

^ just watched that one last night !! GREAT EPISODE

 

[Swift]

George Bush:"Don't understand lemonade myself. Not my fortaaaay"

And of course, the simpson spoof on the flinstone's intro. Sorry if that one is a repeat.

Edit: Oh yeah! Mr Burns:"Don't ruin this moment with your Price Taggery!"

Superintendent Chalmers: Why is it that when I heard the words "school" and the words "Explosion", I immediatly thought of the word "SKINNER!"

I get such a kick out of it when he says "Skinner!"

 

[//. /. '/]

Bart: Isn't ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas

 

[jamaican]

Bart: Isn't ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas

hahaa... just watched that one the other night where homer fell and 'clogged' the tank from releasing all the toxic waste and killing everyone

 

[Slick Rick]

Heres one which when i heard it, for some reason i have never forgotten.

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up

 

[Slick Rick]

I just found another one, so funny this has me crying

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
(you know superintendent chalmers)

 

[Flame-returns]

I dont know if this has been posted, but "you're after Al Franken so the guards should have run out of amunition."

 

[Neon_SRT]

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

 

[Slick Rick]

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

I remember that episode

 

[Jondot]

Homer: *looking at globe* He he he - you-are-gay!
(uruguay)

 

[//. /. '/]

Marge: The road is for the living
(while following a funeral presession)

 

[Jondot]

Homer: Oh look marge! I'm the happy elf from happy land! I spread happiness all around! *slams door* *opens door* Oh and by the way, i was being sarcastic! *slams door*

Marge: Well, Duh.

 

[amp88]

When Homer's being recruited by the IRS to spy on people:

Homer (whispering): "Hey, can you pay me under the table? I'm having a little trouble with the IRS"

 

[Andge08]

Sorry if this has been mentioned.

In the Treehouse of Horror episode where homer goes to buy Bart a birthday present.
Homer asks the owner if he sells toys. The owner says we sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call frogurt.
Homer tells the owner he is looking for a present for his son. The owner hands him a Krusty doll.

Owner: Take this object but beware it carries a terrible curse
Homer: Oooh that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free frogurt.
Homer: That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
Homer: (stares)
Owner: That's bad.
Homer: Can i go now?

 

[KaiZen]

bwhahaah love this thread!!

It's been all the rave in the office for the past few days!..

 

[KaiZen]

Homer: God, what's the meaning of life?
God: You'll find out when you die
Homer: But, I want to know now!
God: You can't wait a week?
Homer: Aww c'mon!
God: OK.. well..

 

[Solid Lifters]

Homer - "OK, pie, I'm going to go like this, (starts munching in air) *Omgh, omgh*... and if you get eaten, it's your own fault." (He starts to munch in the air while slowly walking over to the fruit pie on the kitchen counter, and then hits his head) OUCH! SON OF A BI... THIS IS THE WORST PAIN EV... Oh, the hell with it. (Starts to devour pie)"

 

[tait]

Barney walking down the stairs drunk in Marge's clothing: I'm going to market!

Burns on Smithers' computer in broken tones: Hello Smithers, You are quite good at turning me on.