Wallbanger's Cafe & Outlaw Motorsports Garage (New Tunes 6/15/12)

[XDesperado67]

Hey krenkme early results say your feathered friend is going to be needing a new set of wheels soon as Onboy and myself are schooling you and DaDog!

 

[Onboy123]

Hey krenkme early results say your feathered friend is going to be needing a new set of wheels soon as Onboy and myself are schooling you and DaDog!

Theo's the biggest issue though…where's ACSR when you need him!

 

[XDesperado67]

Theo's the biggest issue though…where's ACSR when you need him!

Nope its our total combined times and we more than cover AC with ours currently.:tup:👍

 

[Onboy123]

Nope its our total combined times and we more than cover AC with ours currently.:tup:👍

And when we factor in AC…Outlaw > Parrots. Again. For the 4th time.

 

[ACSR421]

Good thing this is a team effort for me. Looks like Theo brought a fast RX-8.

 

[XDesperado67]

Good thing this is a team effort for me. Looks like Theo brought a fast RX-8.

As long as your 7 keeps it close we should do just fine.:tup:👍

Probably should have warned krenkme before hand that the Airtrek was the wrong Mitsubishi wagon...a Legnum would have made a much tighter fight out of it.

 

[XDesperado67]

Announcement!
Harvey Wallbanger in commemoration of the 2,000 post in the Café & Outlaw Motorsports Garage, will present a special award.
The "Holy Handgrenade"!
This car will be awarded to any garage that defeats the Outlaws in any tuning challenge battle. The car will be given to the founder of said garage with the understanding that it will be passed on to the next garage to defeat them in a challenge. Such challenges can take place either in F.I.T.T. sanctioned events or in Tuner Wars Battles.

Clueless Tunes headed by krenkme and his fellow parrotheads has presented the first such challenge as part of ryangt's ~Japanese Auto Celebration Shootout~ a sanctioned F.I.T.T. event. Can they be the first garage to hold the "Holy Handgrenade" or will the Outlaws retain possession of this golden wonder!​

 

[VTiRoj]

What car is the Holy Handgrenade? A gold chrome Micra?

 

[XDesperado67]

What car is the Holy Handgrenade? A gold chrome Micra?

You'll have to wait and see, but I will give you one clue!

PD lies badly about its PP.

 

[comandorando87]

You'll have to wait and see, but I will give you one clue!

PD lies badly about its PP.

Hmm...British comedy troupe reference and misleading PP rating. I'm guessing it's an Ginetta G4

 

[VTiRoj]

You'll have to wait and see, but I will give you one clue!

PD lies badly about its PP.

Tommy Kaira ZZII?

 

[comandorando87]

“The name is Rando, Comandorando.”
A review of Ondoy123’s “The Wolf Within The Mountains”​

I was sitting at the bar in Harvey Wallbanger’s Café, trying to drain the last meager drop from my Henry Weinhard’s root beer and licking every last crumb from the empty plate of my half order of steak fries, all that my now desolate pockets could fetch me. Thoroughly down trodden by my broketitude, I began pondering on my seemingly mediocre existence looking for something to cheer me up.

It was at this point that it dawned on me that I had recently eclipsed the 100 post mark without any of the obviously due fan fair(I am a journalist after all, and a shamelessly self promoting one at that!). So without hesitation or any real fore thought I leapt from my stool and proclaimed to the café’s patrons:
“The next person to make any sound originating from within their own body; burp, fart, or actual spoken word, will receive an entirely free review of one of their tunes from yours truly!”. The café went crickets and all silent, and stayed that way for several minutes. I had finished my proclamation with an grossly over flourished bow, and held said bow for the entire wait. By the time Onboy123 finally piped up my legs and lower back were near collapse.
“I’ll take you up on that.” He said, after the awkward stares had done a full circle of the silent café.
“And which car would you like the whole reading world to be awe struck with?”
“I could use the feed back on my ‘Calsonic Primera’.”
“Ooo, not quite. Pick again.” I replied, hoping he would pick something not FF.
“How about my Punto Abarth?” He asked, obviously searching his memory banks for an idea.
“WRONG! pick again.” I replied in my best Ed McMan voice.
“FINE! You think this free giveaway has enough conditions yet?! I want you to review my DB9, and if you say pick again one more time I’m gonna break your fingers!” He shouted back at me in an even louder and heavily accented Ed McMan voice. I took me a moment to respond as I was totally surprised by, and slightly offended with his what I felt to be completely unwarranted and undignified overreaction.
“Good choice my good sir. I shall begin the research for my review immediately. Now, I hope you have the keys on you, because the car I drove here is completely out of gas.” At this point Onboy123 began what I can only assuming was cursing my good name under his breath in a foreign language as he proceeded to the garage area for the keys, and Harvey’s expression turned from indifferent to thoroughly dissatisfied. I knew without needing to ask that Harvey’s displeasure stemmed from the fact that I had parked my now stranded, matte brown on matte brown heap of a Nissan 240RS which I appropriately called SH:censored: Brick directly in front of the café. “Don’t even bother calling a tow truck. You and I both know I won’t the bill for it.” I said to Harvey, cutting him off as he approached me to say something, then made my way to the garage are and my new temporary(maybe) ride.

It was a clear and beautiful day, as they always are strangely, at Trial Mountain. Onboy123 had told me that this car was tuned at this specific track, thus it’s name “The Wolf in the Mountains”, but more importantly this track did not require a trans-Atlantic boat trip. The first thing I noticed about the car other than it’s ridiculous good looks was the satisfying but still stately snarl of the exhaust. Everything about this car subtlely says “Yes, I have more money than you. Yes, I like to drive fast. No, I don’t want to deal with my neighbors squawking at me about my car being to loud.”. The first lap was just plain dreamy. The nose remained firmly planted through the twisty stuff while the tail was ever so slightly and pleasantly willing to step out with a stab of the gas. Once the tires were up to temp on the second lap that plantedness in the nose turned to understeer, not intolerable but definitely noticeable. The tail end also become somewhat worryingly willing to step out at even moderate throttle anywhere within a turn. I found these attributes to be more a symptom of her full-figuredness and 60/40 distribution of said “curves” more than a failing of the suspension design(a little thicker and more top heavy than your average celebutaunt=). I think that full racing rubber would fix these issues, but I also feel that would be a bit vulgar for the kind of car this is. For the next few laps all I could think of was how smooth the ride was no matter how hard I pushed that I always felt stirred but never shaken. In my head I was saying to myself “I’m looking for a man with a golden gun.”.

A weeks sea voyage landed me in London. After the run at the Mountain I thought a city driving test was in order and what better place for such a test than Aston Martin’s ancestral home(it’s owned by a group from Abu Dhabi now). To help in my mission I had found a driving service that caters exclusively to the upper-crusty, twenty-four hour party crowd. So then, there I was with a $300,000 plus(counting all the parts) car and an already heavily drunken yet oddly fidgety and fast talking twenty something Earl’s daughter too cart around for the evening. Once securely fastened in her seat she gave me the address for the first stop of the night and instructed me to be quick about it, as she wanted to arrive there before her friend did and all the “party favors” snorted,inhaled,gone.

Her ear-splitting screaming informed me she was not quite prepared for my “being quick about it”, but I elected to maintain my full steam ahead clip instead of enduring her verbal barrage for a single second longer that necessary. I found that “The Wolf” exhibited the same composure here as it had during to first couple of laps at the Mountain, and for much longer. The simpler turns here were kinder to the tires, though I most certainly was not. As the night wore on, my passenger descended further into her drunken stupor giving me a respite from her general annoyingness. This quiet time allowed me to become one with the car, and attract the attention of the local coppers. The ensuing chase showed me that such great films as “The Italian Job”(the original, not even Charlize Theron’s unbelievable attractiveness could not save that awful remake) and the first “Bourne” movie were dirty, dirty lies. If you need a car to run from European police in, make it this one, not an old school Mini.

With much tire squealing we arrived at the young lady’s flat, her face plant into the dash waking her.
“What is your name?!” She demanded indignantly.
“The name is Rando, Comandorando.” I replied coolly.
“Whatever. I’m never using this driving service again!” She proclaimed, slamming the door with all of her anorexic might, and stomped off without even tipping me.

Unsurprised but still unsatisfied with how the night ended, I rolled down my window, raised a single finger salute in her honor, and burned rubber into the night. I was off to the dispatch office for my meager nights wages and then back to the docks before the bobbies could catch me.

The End​

 

[comandorando87]

Well Onboy123 there is your long awaited review, sorry about that. Also, sorry about there not being any links(yet). I'm not sure why but either my browser or the post editor itself is being difficult and not letting me copy/paste stuff right now so links will come in a future edit.

*Double Post= Boo yeah*
​

 

[Onboy123]

Well Onboy123 there is your long awaited review, sorry about that. Also, sorry about there not being any links(yet). I'm not sure why but either my browser or the post editor itself is being difficult and not letting me copy/paste stuff right now so links will come in a future edit.

*Double Post= Boo yeah*
​

Thanks a lot mate. 👍 And I just read it…you really should become a writer. You can never have one too many Bond references, eh?

Don't worry too much about the links, it's alright. 👍

 

[comandorando87]

oh man. my favorite car of all time, the GT40 Race Car '69 just came up in my UCD and I'm only a cool $18 million short why do the gt gods hate me so?

 

[Onboy123]

oh man. my favorite car of all time, the GT40 Race Car '69 just came up in my UCD and I'm only a cool $18 million short why do the gt gods hate me so?

You know, you can just win it from doing the B-Spec Indy 500, right? Just leave the PS3 on overnight and let bob win it for you in a X1.

 

[comandorando87]

You know, you can just win it from doing the B-Spec Indy 500, right? Just leave the PS3 on overnight and let bob win it for you in a X1.

That would require me owning an X1 which I don't, and there is no way my brother would let the PS3 run all night(its in his room). How long does that race take?

 

[Onboy123]

That would require me owning an X1 which I don't, and there is no way my brother would let the PS3 run all night(its in his room). How long does that race take?

1 and a half-ish hours with an X1, so leave it running when you go out for lunch or something. Some guys share their X1s because they don't need it, so you could use those if you find one.

 

[krenkme]

Boy, I miss one day of posting and all h**l brakes lose.

Hey krenkme early results say your feathered friend is going to be needing a new set of wheels soon as Onboy and myself are schooling you and DaDog!

The testing is early, plus we have Theo to bail me out on my short comings.

And when we factor in AC…Outlaw > Parrots. Again. For the 4th time.

Some day, I will win something... maybe

As long as your 7 keeps it close we should do just fine.:tup:👍

Probably should have warned krenkme before hand that the Airtrek was the wrong Mitsubishi wagon...a Legnum would have made a much tighter fight out of it.

I tried the Legnum, and it was faster at Suzuka, but the understeer was too much of a headache, so I went with the family tank instead.

... does anyone else smell fried chicken?

 

[Onboy123]

Boy, I miss one day of posting and all h**l brakes lose.

The testing is early, plus we have Theo to bail me out on my short comings.

Some day, I will win something... maybe

I tried the Legnum, and it was faster at Suzuka, but the understeer was too much of a headache, so I went with the family tank instead.

... does anyone else smell fried chicken?

That's the world around you today, a lot can happen in a few hours.

And we have ACSR to help put Theo in his place.

I'll tell you what, you did beat me. Once. Your Challenger was actually faster than my Prototype one in Michelin's review, but my car lacked a lot of grunt, so yea.

Hmm…I still owe you a test of that truck…give me a moment…damn headache…

KFC anyone…?

 

[krenkme]

That's the world around you today, a lot can happen in a few hours.

And we have ACSR to help put Theo in his place.

I'll tell you what, you did beat me. Once. Your Challenger was actually faster than my Prototype one in Michelin's review, but my car lacked a lot of grunt, so yea.

Hmm…I still owe you a test of that truck…give me a moment…damn headache…

KFC anyone…?

My Alpine faired well against you as well, so NA-NA-NA-NA BOO-BOO

​

My Tacoma? Or The "Lamb"?.... Sorry old age has ruined my memory... also the beer.

 

[Onboy123]

My Alpine faired well against you as well, so NA-NA-NA-NA BOO-BOO

​

My Tacoma? Or The "Lamb"?.... Sorry old age has ruined my memory... also the beer.

I was ahead of you in that one as well. Just, but still.

Dammit, why did I say truck…I meant "van"! I meant the 490PP car.

 

[krenkme]

I was ahead of you in that one as well. Just, but still.

Dammit, why did I say truck…I meant "van"! I meant the 490PP car.

Ahh, I see. I havn't been on for over a week, and my daughter didn't get my daily sign in bonus yesterday, so I'm hoping to try all the Outlaws cars later today (about 8-ish hours) and report back. I'm also going to try and test the 520pp class. Lots of fun tunes it seems there.

 

[Niku Driver HC]

Ok, time for another review!

The dangerous Caldina trilogy: part 1​

Phase 1

So, here am I, reading along the Outlaws thread, when I notice three Toyota Caldina, each modified with certain limits in mind, for the Japanese car Shootout. Harvey built each car to compete in certain classes, to prove that Outlaws can keep up with anyone, especially the Parrots...

So, in this chapter, we're dealing with Phase 1, the weakest of the three phases, made for the 490 pp class. The main difference is the lack of a turbo, which of course is ignored for the sake of pp limit. Anything else is modded, to extract as much hp as possible without going offbounds. Since I have driven Krenkme's Family Tank, I could compare Phase I to the grey Airtrek. As soon as you enter a corner, you can see the main difference between the two. The Caldina feels lighter and nimbler than the Mitsu. The non-turbo'd engine keeps its part well, making sure you have enough fizz to throw the weight around. The only problem, of course, it's the lack of overall top speed, but I can't expect much out of a limited car. On the other hand, it's a pretty good car for a start of a trilogy. But we're nowhere near the true monster...

Phase I did well, for a wagon. It has decent power, without feeling too heavy in corners. A good choice for those who want a 490 pp wagon.

 

[Onboy123]

…But not a good choice if you want a 490PP racer.

 

[Niku Driver HC]

…But not a good choice if you want a 490PP racer.

Yeah, sadly. If you want a proper sports car, you'd better go pick something else.

 

[Onboy123]

Yeah, sadly. If you want a proper sports car, you'd better go pick something else.

…like my Impreza.

 

[Niku Driver HC]

…like my Impreza.

Judging by the testers reactions, so it seems.👍 Congrats on the sucess your car got on the first multi-test.

 

[Onboy123]

Judging by the testers reactions, so it seems.👍 Congrats on the sucess your car got on the first multi-test.

Oh yea… You can tell I'm happy with it, can't you?


Clueless, EAT OUR 🤬 DUST!!

Now Niku, do ACSR a favour and run his RX7, I'm interested to see how it performs, but my PSN is acting up today, can't log in for too long and loading times take forever.

After you run his, take a day off, then run mine.

 

[Niku Driver HC]

Oh yea… You can tell I'm happy with it, can't you?


Clueless, EAT OUR 🤬 DUST!!

Now Niku, do ACSR a favour and run his RX7, I'm interested to see how it performs, but my PSN is acting up today, can't log in for too long and loading times take forever.

After you run his, take a day off, then run mine.

Very well, I'll see what I can do, I haven't driven a RX-7 for a while, so I'm happy to oblige.

And yes, you seemed very happy with the victory...