Depression and Anxiety Thread

[Gomario JSP]

Friday afternoon my daughter and I met again. She had a medical exam past due and I asked the mother if I could take her to it, before I started on my new job which most likely will reduce my free/flexible time a lot.

After the exam we spent some quality time together and I can say I feel a little better now. Seeing her laughing and smiling again partially erased the last picture I had of her, when I told her about me leaving the house and I saw her crying.

I guess I'll sleep a bit better tonight. Let's see what tomorrow has in store.

That's gooed to hear buddy,

Those things in life are not the best parts, but in your case you gotta remember better days will come, and divorce def. doesn't have to mean a worse relationship with your daughter, as a stepdead i can only mention to leave the arguement with the (ex)-wife and don't ventilate with the kids, my stepdaughter hates her dead for a lot of reasons, but one of them is always talking **** about her mom.
Just be yourself and remember that a lot of "seperated" families have a stronger connection with the kids in the end.
And props for throwing that on here, respect.

I didn't even knew there was a thread about this but it's an interesting one for sure, and it seems "we" are not alone...
so from my side there is a "we" too...

Anxiety is a real thing and i personally learn it the hard way recently
42 now and managing multiple anxiety attacks a day due to a "trauma" from a heavy leukemia diagnose as a 9 year old kid.
now.... years later while i thought i was a real "nothing can hit me guy" it suddenly scares the cr*p out of me when i have physical sensations..... so the part of beeing scared for something i can relate too, and can be there day in day out.

Personnaly i went in therapy because it wasn't doable anymore, panick attacks are the worst feeling ever, now half way the 13 sessions i can find a little peace sometimes during attack that it just is a panick one.... no hard attack... no fainting.... it goes away...., the heaviness is sometimes a bit less so that's positive.
Tyou can't regulate when the occure, buissiness meeting....., barbershop..... home playing games, got them all..

So, for me.... and a ot of others..... stop wory about things that not here, don't think your less than someone else,
try to feel appriciated and you are stronger than you think.

Go get them ! 😁

​

 

[skydragon49]

@Lomic thanks for your words and sharing bits or your life.

Sharing custody doesn't seem it will be a problem. That's a topic we ended up in good terms.

I just feel... Sad... for losing time and for causing my kid the same. The more I hear about others' experiences the more I believe I still have the chance to be there for her and be present and have a good relationship, it's just scary because it's an unknown territory for me. Uncertainty in life can be scary.

@Gomario JSP thanks mate for the reply and for sharing. I'll take your action on seeking therapy as an example for myself. I definitely need it, as I mention before I had a crisis and a fall down years ago and I was taken by a friend to a physcologist. I regret big time not carrying on with it.

When I talked to my girl I just mentioned that things were "difficult" between me and the Mother and because of that we decided to leave in separated houses. Speaking ill of her Mother is a line I hope I won't cross. The divorce itself is a line I never thought we would cross and the results have been painful. Don't want to cross another line and face bad consequences, I'm afraid of what may happen.

Your post and your sharings were big, I respect your courage to open up about what you said.

 

[KK78]

Friday afternoon my daughter and I met again. She had a medical exam past due and I asked the mother if I could take her to it, before I started on my new job which most likely will reduce my free/flexible time a lot.

After the exam we spent some quality time together and I can say I feel a little better now. Seeing her laughing and smiling again partially erased the last picture I had of her, when I told her about me leaving the house and I saw her crying.

I guess I'll sleep a bit better tonight. Let's see what tomorrow has in store.

Time is the healer here my friend, I haven't experienced what you are going through as I don't have children but I have overcome decades of anxiety and PTSD and can share a few points that have really helped me;

• Everything passes, particularly anxiety, it often feels all consuming but always remember it will pass and you are far, far stronger than an anxious mind may tell you
• Seek professional help if you can, sooner rather than later, doing so can massively limit the length & depth of issues and provide a strong basis to move forward (and don't be afraid to change the professional if you don't feel it's helping after a few months but do give it time)
• Outside of professional help draw upon resources that resonate, there are many podcasts/books, Youtubers who offer a lot of insights
• Keep busy, in moderation, it can be tempting to withdraw when things are bad but I'd always advocate engaging with others or mindful activities- video games are great for this as are films, hobbies, sports and general exercise (I took up building Tamiya models and walking a lot amongst other things)
• As tempting as it can be don't overdo anything, moderation was key for me, particularly with alcohol

Keep reaching out, as others have said it's good to keep engaged and feel free to DM me anytime and we all hope to see you back on the TTs soon

Lee

 

[skydragon49]

@KK78 thanks for your advices. 🙏🏼

I hope I can put these bad days behind me soon.

 

[Jeje6410]

@skydragon49
I had your message this morning but being at work I didn't have time to reply. But I think the friends were good advice. I have divorced parents (they divorced when I was 13). It's a blow to our heads when your parents tell you this. My sister and I stayed with our mother who took care of us and gave us all her love. My father has more or less disappeared and it doesn't matter to us. My sister had to take sessions with a psychologist because she never really got over it. What I want to tell you, even if you are separated, your darling daughter, above all, always be there for her. Be always present in its evolution. This is sure to hurt her, it may take time for her to understand, but if you are there for her (in good times and bad) she will continue to love you just as much. There may be a long or short time when she will be sad (this is normal) but above all give her time to understand what is happening. I ask you not to let her down (like my father did with us). Show him that you are strong, that you are there, and that you still love him just as much.
we'll be here if you need to talk. Above all, take good care of yourself and your daughter. It's just a bad episode in your life to get over. You're going to make it for your daughter

Jérôme

 

[skydragon49]

@Jeje6410 thanks for your reply.

I feel sorry for how things happened for you and your sister. I am an only child from a divorced couple and I can relate to what you said, because after my parents split I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times I saw my father.

The daughter part of the situation scares me the most. Telling her I wasn't going home with her was the worst day of my life. I feel sad for her and I feel guilty for this. Never wanted my baby girl to experience what I lived. I feel guilty.

I hope I can always be there for her in a way our bond doesn't get weaker.

 

[Lomic]

The daughter part of the situation scares me the most. Telling her I wasn't going home with her was the worst day of my life. I feel sad for her and I feel guilty for this. Never wanted my baby girl to experience what I lived. I feel guilty.

I hope I can always be there for her in a way our bond doesn't get weaker.

Not sure how you ended up in this situation but it is clear that it is not something you wanted for her and I understand that you told her that.

Don't feel guilty, that's life and she'll understand.

If you are present for her, you'll do so much better than your father did, she won't blame you for the divorce (unless her mom messes with her mind but it seems that she has good will and the interest of your child in mind).

 

[Jeje6410]

@Jeje6410 thanks for your reply.

I feel sorry for how things happened for you and your sister. I am an only child from a divorced couple and I can relate to what you said, because after my parents split I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times I saw my father.

The daughter part of the situation scares me the most. Telling her I wasn't going home with her was the worst day of my life. I feel sad for her and I feel guilty for this. Never wanted my baby girl to experience what I lived. I feel guilty.

I hope I can always be there for her in a way our bond doesn't get weaker.

Above all, don't feel guilty. The more guilty you feel, the more unhappy you will be and the more unhappy your daughter will be too. If you show her all your love for her, she will be happy. Enjoy all the moments you spend with her. Tell yourself it could have been worse. In the sense that you could not have seen her every other week. Maybe the first few days will be hard for her and for you but if you do everything so that she is happy to see you every other week everything will be fine.

 

[skydragon49]

Today I'm gonna have my first therapy session.

Tomorrow I'm going to start working on a new job.

Mrs. and I have been talking about what happened and about family.

I wish and pray things can work out. I just want to get out of this sorrow and sadness cycle.

 

[Gomario JSP]

Today I'm gonna have my first therapy session.

Tomorrow I'm going to start working on a new job.

Mrs. and I have been talking about what happened and about family.

I wish and pray things can work out. I just want to get out of this sorrow and sadness cycle.

Therapy is such an overlooked item, I'm a real down to earth guy and didn't thought it could help me that much, clearly I was wrong 😁, good step forward! be honest there and trust the proces, it can give a lot back buddy!

Good luck on the new job, so new therapy, new job, new chapter in life, go get them!

🙏🙏

 

[Lomic]

Good luck on the new job, so new therapy, new job, new chapter in life, go get them!

And new girlfriend soon 😁

 

[mfetterelli]

Today I'm gonna have my first therapy session.

Tomorrow I'm going to start working on a new job.

Mrs. and I have been talking about what happened and about family.

I wish and pray things can work out. I just want to get out of this sorrow and sadness cycle.

Therapy will help as much as you allow it to, and be as rewarding as much as your commitment to it. Just keep going. That's my mantra on the track and in life lately. JKG. Keep going to... therapy, work, family, out, to the track, to the lobby, to chat, to messaging like this.

Just keep going, guys.

 

[mfetterelli]

Time is the healer here my friend, I haven't experienced what you are going through as I don't have children but I have overcome decades of anxiety and PTSD and can share a few points that have really helped me;

• Everything passes, particularly anxiety, it often feels all consuming but always remember it will pass and you are far, far stronger than an anxious mind may tell you
• Seek professional help if you can, sooner rather than later, doing so can massively limit the length & depth of issues and provide a strong basis to move forward (and don't be afraid to change the professional if you don't feel it's helping after a few months but do give it time)
• Outside of professional help draw upon resources that resonate, there are many podcasts/books, Youtubers who offer a lot of insights
• Keep busy, in moderation, it can be tempting to withdraw when things are bad but I'd always advocate engaging with others or mindful activities- video games are great for this as are films, hobbies, sports and general exercise (I took up building Tamiya models and walking a lot amongst other things)
• As tempting as it can be don't overdo anything, moderation was key for me, particularly with alcohol

Keep reaching out, as others have said it's good to keep engaged and feel free to DM me anytime and we all hope to see you back on the TTs soon

Lee

I've just gotten through my first year-and-a-half of CPTSD therapy/work and everything you suggest here is everything that has worked for me, when it works. Sometimes I just malfunction for a few minutes/hours/days/weeks, but there's always another race (another day, another chance...)

 

[skydragon49]

Therapy will help as much as you allow it to, and be as rewarding as much as your commitment to it. Just keep going. That's my mantra on the track and in life lately. JKG. Keep going to... therapy, work, family, out, to the track, to the lobby, to chat, to messaging like this.

Just keep going, guys.

Thank you for your words.

I'll keep them in mind. 🙏🏼

 

[Chris30]

@skydragon49 Hey, if you can, please show us a picture of you, your family and your daughter. I hope everything goes well and you all have a good enjoyable relationship. I was depressed when me and my girlfriend broke up in 2009, but I don't need a spouse/girlfriend. I have a nice, heartwarming and caring community on here and my supportive mother who helps me everyday. At least we have each other.

 

[Gomario JSP]

@skydragon49 Hey, if you can, please show us a picture of you, your family and your daughter.

For the most of us that's kind of a thing Chris, throwing family and kinds on the net, so i don't think he's gonna do that very soon 😉

 

[skydragon49]

@skydragon49 Hey, if you can, please show us a picture of you, your family and your daughter. I hope everything goes well and you all have a good enjoyable relationship. I was depressed when me and my girlfriend broke up in 2009, but I don't need a spouse/girlfriend. I have a nice, heartwarming and caring community on here and my supportive mother who helps me everyday. At least we have each other.

Even though I feel free and comfortable to share things about myself here, there'a line I can't cross by sharing things about others. In this case, the Mrs. and my baby girl.

For the most of us that's kind of a thing Chris, throwing family and kinds on the net, so i don't think he's gonna do that very soon 😉

This! 😉

 

[W3H5]

**** hits the fan for many of us at different times and for different reasons. There’s a cause and effect for everything. None of us are immune to that.

We work it out through socialisation, therapy, medication or other means. Time does heal all, even if we can’t see it now.

It’s on you to heal your hurt; find a friend, partner, councillor, or medication.

You can go it alone or get support (that’s why you’re here, right?).

Don’t let depression or anxiety win.

Tomorrow is another day. Stay focused.

 

[Chris30]

I am just so depressed about my mom having this ovarian cancer. I never thought back then when I was 10 years old that our lives would end up like this. My grandparents are elderly and live an hour away from us and most of their family does too. So we have no support network, it's up to me to take care of her. A few neighbors said a week ago they could help us with taking trash out and doing other chores around the house so it can free me up for helping cook and get food delivered for my mother. Wish us all the best on this journey. One woman said that she can run errands for us too with no charge. That was sweet and caring.

Have you guys had any family members that have had cancer or an illness?

 

[Touring Mars]

Sorry to hear that @Chris30 - unfortunately caring for sick or elderly family members is a fact of life for almost everyone at some stage.

I'm very glad to hear that your neighbours have offered to help out, and do make sure to use that support - and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

A few pieces of advice that I could suggest:

1. Make a planner (e.g. in Microsoft Excel) and keep a record of stuff that needs done, as well as a contact list of friends, neighbours and services that you can reach quickly if needed. Use a calendar online or on your phone to set reminders for stuff that needs done.
2. Stick to a schedule and a routine as much as possible; go to bed at a sensible time and try to get a regular amount of sleep. Keeping a structure to your day is massively important in my opinion.
3. Keep yourself as fit and healthy as you can - stick to your diets, cook and eat healthy food and avoid binging (as you are prone to do), and take regular exercise, even if that is just a walk around your neighbourhood every day. Needless to say, this also implies spending (far) less time gaming, watching movies etc., especially when you could/should be getting sleep/rest instead.
4. Make regular times for you and your Mom to do fun stuff together, like playing games, cooking and TV etc. During lockdown, my Mum and I met up around 3pm every weekday for coffee and a boardgame - dominos, yahtzee, Azul etc., and it was a great way to relax and break up the day.

I've found all of these things have helped me in the past, and will hopefully help both you and your Mom navigate a very difficult situation.

I do hope you can get more support, and you could ask your neighbours if they can help you and your Mom to find additional support groups that might be out there in the community, e.g. local charities etc. that might be able to help with things like transport, social visits etc..

 

[W3H5]

Have you guys had any family members that have had cancer or an illness?

I’m pretty sure most of us, if not all, have had some situations with illness including cancer.

This thread was propagated by somebody who just lost their life to cancer. RIP John.

1 in 3 people globally are affected by cancer. It gets to us all and, unfortunately, is built into, or from, our DNA. Unless you’re a shark, apparently.

The best thing you can do for your ma, as iterated by many others, is be there, be supportive, and look on the bright side as hard as that may be.

Also consider what you might do if the treatment doesn’t work. That might be the hardest thing to think about. But from a stoic stand point, you’re better prepared for hardship if you’ve already expected and thought them through and dealt with the possible ramifications before hand. Expecting the best and getting the worst is guaranteed heart ache.

If you’re feeling bummed out and need to talk, I’m always available for members here who need an outlet. Doesn’t matter to me the circumstance, situation, reason or occurrence. I don’t judge. Talking it out can be a benefit. That’s why people pay mega wedge for personal therapists. I’m like a low level, unpaid version of that for The Rumble Strip. Arrange a time if you need to talk. PM me. I’m happy to help.