The Haters Guide to the Gran Turismo World Finals
SkyPikmin may have already provided us with a great guide back on page 51, but I'm not about to let that stop me from writing my own. Since the Nations Cup starts first, let's begin there. I actually had the honour of competing in this event back in October...
and I completely prolapsed all over the track. Our finalists fared better, and have been rewarded for their efforts with a trip to a rich micronation that allegedly has this
kick ass street circuit. I was going to say something about everyone but ran out of material, so here's just some of the contestants;
Joseph De Jesus (Bass_71CKL)
Congratulations Joseph, you get the loser revival because Simmons has buggered off to do real life racing again! As Queensland's lone representative, I want to cheer for this guy to succeed, but there's one huge problem with that... he's apparently a Love Live fan.
Boo this man!
Yuki Shirakawa (Yukiku)
"Please pay attention to my strategy"
Gets overtaken by half the field in one lap. I N T E R E S T I N G tactics!
Cody Nikola Latkovski (Nik_Makozi)
Whilst things didn't go to plan for him in the final Asian round, he did show us why he is a legit threat to win it all by dominating an albeit weak Australia block. I mean I qualified for it, that's how weak the block was. Nonetheless, the chances of K32 having an orgasm this Sunday are substantial. Just don't divebomb someone who's on softer tyres than you this time Nik.
Kai Hin Jonathan Wong (saika159-)
It seems everyone in Hong Kong is either named Wong, a shameless weeaboo, or in Jonathan's case, both. He took a mean L to Kokubun in the final Asia race last month, and took it out on his countrymen by handing them six L's out of six in the
Hong Kong block of Logitech G. The world finalists will provide much stiffer competition though. Like comparing paper mache to glorious nippon steel.
Ryota Kokubun (Akagi_1942mi)
It is perhaps fitting that Ryota's username is that of a warship, as his presence in a lobby often sinks everyone else's hopes of winning the race. His pace is rivalled only by his ability to completely ignore the tyre wear multiplier and make tyres last an unearthly amount of time. Apparently itasha really does make you 20% more alien.
Martin Grady (GTA_Tidgney)
Mister
run out of fuel himself! Fortunately, there will be no repeat of this in the live event, and his raw speed gives him as good a chance of winning as anyone... though there are still
other hazards out there just waiting to take him and others out.
Patrik Blazsán (TRL_Fuvaros)
The Nissan Cup winner looked like a favourite to win in Europe too. Then the Yamauchi World Order forced him to race an Audi R8 against a McLaren F1, which led to an absolute madman doing a 6 hour forfeit race. Blazsan's chances here hinge on whether or not the YWO are still out to get him, because that Sunday schedule has many chances to get screwjobbed.
Adam Suswillo (GTP_Aderrrm)
He may have come 2nd in the Euro final, but considering his dominance during the online season, him almost choking away the block race and failing to mount a serious title bid is seen as sub-par. That's the problem with overachieving; now everyone expects you to maintain that level and not fade away when it matters most. Don't just be a flash in the pan, be a star.
Mikail Hizal (TRL_Lightning)
And YWO's golden boy took full advantage of the fix in Europe to look completely dominant. Not for a lack of talent mind you, he's every bit as good as hyped when he isn't playing
99 bottles during the online season. If he doesn't revert to bottle form, he will take some beating even without YWO assistance, and there will be cookies for all.
Jay Szkoruda (Z28)
Oh hey it's my namesake. Or at least it might be since he's down as Jamon in the Manufacturers. This guy is as indecisive with his first name as he is about whether or not he still wants to be part of the GT Sport community. Also he might be boned as there's no road car race in the semi-finals, and no weightlifting repecharge either.
Nicolás Rubilar (FT_NicoR)
On paper, this guy should be among the favourites. In practice, he has no chance, for he is cursed. All Nico's are cursed... except Rosberg, who got outta dodge before the curse came to collect it's due.
We saw this curse strike in the America's final, and it's only a matter of time before it strikes again.
Fabián Portilla (FT_Mcqueen91)
Between GT's version of Multi 21, Fabian returning the favour at the live event, and BlandSports Cars poaching everyone else, Flatout Threat is as dead as a dodo. Friendship ended with Nico, now punterino is my best friend. Somehow I don't think he'll get away with that again in the world final.
Prediction/Jinxing
There's so many potential variables in play here, especially in the final if all 16 players have to use different cars in N500 and Group 1. So I'm going to chicken out and not make a prediction here, as it's hard to pick just one in this situation. Instead I'll move right along to the Manufacturers Series. Yes, this series still exists despite PD making it look invisible by giving the Nations Cup four live events as opposed to one. Wait, Nurburgring 24h? Did you see the clown fiesta that occurred last time you hosted a live event race on this track? I hope this isn't another ploy to make the Manufacturers look like a sideshow...
BMW (Rubilar/Zocher/Okamoto)
Nicolas Rubilar, therefore C U R S E D.
Chevrolet (Felix/Bentley/Yamaguchi)
Wait, Lewis isn't mad for once? What kind of sorcery is this? Let's just hope no-one spins out in front of him again so he stays in a relatively good mood. Oh and this is a strong all-round team that can focus solely on the Manufacturers race, so there's that going for him too.
Dodge (Pinnell/Pusceddu/Kobayashi)
Dodge has a great trio and could win it all!
Dodge Viper SRT GT3-R '15 [Power Ratio : 82% > 81%] and it's gone. But at least they still have their drivers right? *Zoky and Ayumu boycott* yep they're boned.
Ferrari (Brooks/Thomas/Shirakawa)
Matt Thomas will tell anyone who will listen that he won the last race at Nurburgring 24h. What he tends to gloss over is that he
didn't do anything and that it was Anthony Duval who carried that team to the win. Still, he's got the talent, is paired up with Mister "Please pay attention to my strategy" and a rather fast Canadian... though with Ferrari's current BoP they too could be boned.
Honda (The other Rubilar/Leonhart/Sugimori)
I don't have much to say, I'm only mentioning this team so I can
post this.
Yamauchi World Order (Fraga/Hizal/Kokubun)
And of course the regional champions are all on one team driving for Nissan. Those of you who think the YWO is just a conspiracy theory need only look at this as proof otherwise. Still, this won't be easy for the YWO. Short of a blatantly bad BoP change, no amount of... whatever illuminati type groups do is going to change the fact that the Nissan is a boat and will struggle in places around the green hell. There is hope for 15 other teams yet.
Renault (Dudulec/Lopez/Mikaye)
I have nothing against the other two drivers here and they didn't deserve this, but I wish no joy for Renault in this race. You see, Dudulec is
a dirty driver and must pay for his divebombing crimes. Sink into the bottomless pit of despair!
Volkswagen (Bica/Drha/Goto)
Jaroslav can only carry this team so far. You're boned.
Prediction/Jinxing
All things equal, I just think Porsche is too good right now. Their driver trio might not be the best out there, but the car in it's current BoP is, and the only thing I can see derailing them is the undulations being too severe and unsettling the mid-engine car more than front-engine counterparts. Or a bottle, that could easily happen too.