Funny/Strange News Stories

[DesertPenguin]

That's the spirit.






Sorry.

Now you're just being old fashioned.

 

[TexRex]

Now you're just being old fashioned.

Keep it up and you'll end up in a sling.

 

[UKMikey]

Keep it up and you'll end up in a sling.

I think I'm cottoning on to what you're talking about-- wait wait, wrong kind of gin...

2nd attempt: I bet that lorry was a tanker, 'ey?

 

[TenEightyOne]

That's the spirit.

Sorry.

The junction was closed at Lymm, which is very nearly its own joke.

 

[UKMikey]

Woman with "2,500 different personalities" testifies at trial of rapist father. BBC News.

 

[Liquid]

Man spends £30,000 fighting a £100 speeding fine

Lasting two years and 10 months, 71-year old Richard Keedwell ultimately lost the case and lost the appeal.

The kicker?

Richard Keedwell, 71, said a "seriously flawed" legal system meant fighting the fine had taken nearly three years and used up his sons' inheritance money.

They must be fuming.

 

[Grayfox]

They must be fuming.

You're avatar captures they're respond when they find out.

 

[Danoff]

Not funny, but strange and kinda cool.

Family is saved by sending a message in a bottle down a river.

 

[TenEightyOne]

Strange, not funny... human remains found in submerged car that was spotted on Google Maps.

 

[TenEightyOne]

Airport worker so excited by the sight of Frau Merkel's plane that she stops to take a photo. Forgets to put handbrake on.

Now the Canadalanders are at it, media bus hits Trudeau's plane. BBC.

 

[TenEightyOne]

Golden crapper nicked from Blenheim. Police have nothing to go on.

 

[Rallywagon]

Golden crapper nicked from Blenheim.

Given the name and its insinuation, good on them for nicking the john. Serves the artist right for making a solid gold crapper in the first place.
Edit: and for the record, if your going to try and take a crack at America using a toilet, you should use chrome, not gold. We like cheap glint coatings, not expensive solid ores.

 

[TenEightyOne]

if your going to try and take a crack at America using a toilet, you should use chrome, not gold. We like cheap glint coatings, not expensive solid ores.

You may be right - the Guggenheim offered it to Trump as a loan but he declined.

take a crack at America

Ha ha, bum joke

 

[FoRiZon]

Okay, Pooh.


Xi Jinping’s Quotes Replace the Ten Commandments in Churches

 

[TenEightyOne]

Woman dreams she has to swallow engagement ring, swallows engagement ring.

 

[Rallywagon]

Woman dreams she has to swallow engagement ring, swallows engagement ring.

I've had similar experiences, however they ended in a wet bed....

 

[UKMikey]

Woman dreams she has to swallow engagement ring, swallows engagement ring.

I bet she wishes she'd had the giant marshmallow dream instead...

 

[Rallywagon]

I bet she wishes she'd had the giant marshmallow dream instead...

I'm thinking only if shes sleeping with a bag of marshmallows. Otherwise she may have ate her pillow!

 

[TexRex]

I've had similar experiences, however they ended in a wet bed....

Hand in a bowl of warm water?

 

[Northstar]

I've had similar experiences, however they ended in a wet bed....

Are your neighbors still mad about that?

 

[Rallywagon]

Are your neighbors still mad about that?

Freudian slip? Maybe, the neighbors on one side, I'd definitely relieve myself on their bed *fist shake*.... Nope, no, I meant that, not they...

Hand in a bowl of warm water?

I used to have very vivid dreams when I was younger. Dreamt I was peeing in one, woke up a moment later still peeing. I've also had those falling dreams, right in the middle of science class. threw my hands out shouting and everything. I've had a dream where I was fighting someone too and threw myself right out the bed.

 

[Spacegoat]

I bet she wishes she'd had the giant marshmallow dream instead...

I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me!

 

[TexRex]

I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me!

*cough* *cough* future vegan *cough* *cough*

 

[Spacegoat]

A Melbourne man armed with a jar of instant coffee fights off a would be carjacker.

 

[TenEightyOne]

Climate protest goes wrong.

 

[TexRex]

Climate protest goes wrong.

 

[Touring Mars]

Scientists in Japan have devised a novel technique that can reduce the number of fly bites on livestock by up to 50%...

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0223447

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

Biting flies? Sounds terrifying

 

[TenEightyOne]

Scientists in Japan have devised a novel technique that can reduce the number of fly bites on livestock by up to 50%...

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0223447

I thought I'd read a reference to this research (or similar) a couple of years ago. Maybe these were the first people to spend a grant on cow paint

 

[UKMikey]

I guess I should've posted this in the Space thread as, being an Express story, it barely qualifies as news but Asgardian politician, ex-Cheeky Boy and perpetual self-publicist Lembit Öpik has calculated (or otherwise determined) that the possibility of an extinction-level asteroid strike is 1 in 1 and says the human race should begin preparations for the evacuation of the planet. I won't be the one to say "You first"...

https://www.express.co.uk/news/scie...Earth-cataclysm-Lembit-Opik-asteroid-news/amp