Funny/Strange News Stories

[TexRex]

What the hell is a reverse vampire? Do they inject blood into their victims instead of sucking it out?

 

[Rallywagon]

I honestly thought he did it because of the mind control those gay frogs have....

 

[Veinz]

from the best subreddit, too bad it gets cut short

link

Tried to post it in this thread but it always plays automatically when you load up this page, which is annoying.

 

[EngieDiesel]

A nearly 60 year old physics theory has been proven to be correct... by accident... thanks to broken lab equipment messing up an experiment.

 

[Danoff]

This is a ‘once in a lifetime’ buying opportunity like ’87 and ’08, says Ariel’s John Rogers

How short does he think a lifetime is?

 

[UKMikey]

This is a ‘once in a lifetime’ buying opportunity like ’87 and ’08, says Ariel’s John Rogers

How short does he think a lifetime is?

To be fair, I don't think that's what he said. It looks he's saying he was wrong before and that this is the real lifetime opporunity if I'm reading this quote right. The headline writer is the one that needs subediting with a large stick depending on how seriously you take the phrase in inverted commas.

“We’ve been around 37 years at Ariel, and I know I said that ‘once in a lifetime’ chance to buy in ’87 and again in 2008, but I do really think this is an opportunity to take advantage of the volatility, and take advantage of the market,” Rogers said.

 

[Danoff]

To be fair, I don't think that's what he said. It looks he's saying he was wrong before and that this is the real lifetime opporunity if I'm reading this quote right. The headline writer is the one that needs subediting with a large stick depnding on how seriously you take the phrase in inverted commas.

I chuckled at the headline.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

4-5 times in a lifetime just isn't as catchy.

 

[TenEightyOne]

To be fair, I don't think that's what he said. It looks he's saying he was wrong before and that this is the real lifetime opporunity if I'm reading this quote right

If, heaven forbid, he dies of covid-19 before making his stock purchases... would he turn out to have been right about the last one after all? Lifetimes are such finicky scales.

 

[UKMikey]

Lifetimes are such finicky scales

Maybe he means a Talking Heads opportunity... same as it ever was.
([EDIT] If returns turn out to be sub-optimal then you may ask yourself, "My god! What have I done?")

 

[UKMikey]

 

[andrea]

 

[EngieDiesel]

Behold, the most important scientific research of the 21st century: determining the optimal altitude to create a Diet Coke and Mentos geyser!

Kuntzleman and his school teacher colleague Ryan Johnson teamed up to see if higher altitudes did indeed produce more powerful soda geysers. Johnson trekked up Pikes Peak, part of the Rocky Mountain range in Colorado 14,108 feet above sea level, and recorded his results.

Meanwhile, Kuntzleman drove across the Death Valley desert, 43 feet below sea level, and up Mount Mitchell, the highest peak in the Appalachian Mountains, 6,638 feet above sea level to perform more experiments.

"If you only count Diet Coke, Mentos, and materials associated with running the experiments it probably cost around $150," Kuntzleman said. "If you start factoring in travel, payment for entrance to national and state parks, cost of gas… I’d rather not think about it."

 

[EngieDiesel]

Last year, a retiring Frenchman ejected himself from a fighter jet during a joyride. The recently released investigation report is pretty much a checklist of how to get everything completely wrong...

As he was an employee of a defence contractor, the pensioner's bosses had no difficulties asking the French Air Force to let him into the back seat of one of its Dassault Rafale fighter jets as a surprise retirement gift. Nonetheless, the unfortunate Frenchman had "never expressed a desire to carry out this type of flight and in particular on Rafale", which didn't stop his colleagues luring him to Saint-Dizier air base anyway.

The flight itself was a routine military training sortie for three Rafales, carried out in perfect weather. Our pensioner, heart pounding at "between 136 and 142 beats per minute" (as recorded by his smartwatch), underwent a quick medical exam from a doctor four hours before being shown by the pilot how to put on his safety gear. Unfortunately, no one properly checked him as he clambered into the cockpit – meaning "his [helmet] visor was up, his anti-g pants were not worn properly, his helmet and oxygen mask were both unattached, and his seat straps were not tight enough."

Nonetheless, a mechanic gave them both a cursory check, strapped a Go-Pro to an approved bulkhead mounting point so the hapless passenger's gurning would be preserved for all time, and nodded to the pilot to close the transparent cockpit canopies.

Things got worse when the pilot took off from northeastern France's Saint-Dizier Robinson airbase. Rather than the gentle ascent at 10°-15° that airline passengers experience, the Frenchman at the Rafale's controls carried out a typical fighter jet departure and "climbed at 47°, generating a load factor of around +4G. Then, as he levelled off, he subjected his passenger to a negative load factor of about -0.6G".

Forces exerted by Britain's most G-force-intensive roller coaster, Alton Towers' Rita, max out at +4.7G – or four times the normal force of gravity.

Our pensioner, loose in his straps, not really wanting to be there and totally unused to being flung around like a rag doll, reached out to grab something and hang on for dear life. He picked the worst possible handhold: the trigger handle for the ejection seat. After the customary loud bang and whoosh he ceased to be part of the jet's payload, with the force of the ejection tearing his unsecured helmet and mask from his face.

The Rafale-B's command ejection system is meant to fire both seats if one of the crew pulls the handle. A very confused pilot, however, was still sitting in his newly canopy-free Rafale wondering what the hell had just happened. He returned to land, conscious all the time that the seat could fire at any moment without warning. Luckily, it didn't go off.

Both the pilot, his reluctant (and probably now aviation-phobic) passenger and the aircraft all landed safely.

 

[TenEightyOne]

For those who don't know "The Archers" it's a long-running, homely farm-based rural radio soap with many fans, particularly the elderly.

The producers decided to run a Zoom video chat for fans with a guest appearance by a famous Archers actor. What could possibly go wrong?

 

[Spacegoat]

Victorian man has his car defected.

Pretty poor effort, imo. He could have least cut out a window.

 

[UKMikey]

Victorian man has his car defected.

Pretty poor effort, imo. He could have least cut out a window.

That's kinda sad. Probably the only vehicle he had and there was no way to repair it in the current situation. I hope his sister has someone else to help her besides him as she's probably ****ed now if she's in desparate need.

 

[Grayfox]

That's kinda sad. Probably the only vehicle he had and there was no way to repair it in the current situation. I hope his sister has someone else to help her besides him as she's probably ****ed now if she's in desparate need.

Then you dont drive it till you can get it fixed.
If it is missing a door who knows what else is wrong.

Besides Victoria is the Nazi Police State.

 

[UKMikey]

Then you dont drive it till you can get it fixed.
If it is missing a door who knows what else is wrong.

Besides Victoria is the Nazi Police State.

I think you missed my point.

I'm not saying he was right to drive an unsafe vehicle. Just that if he was so desparate to visit his sister that he had to take a potential deathtrap on the road then it's a sad situation. If it was simply a social visit then fair enough, but we didn't get the full story.

I think the nazi police were right to pull him over, but how desparate would he have had to have been to make the trip knowing the danger he was putting himself and others into?

 

[Grayfox]

I think you missed my point.

I'm not saying he was right to drive an unsafe vehicle. Just that if he was so desparate to visit his sister that he had to take a potential deathtrap on the road then it's a sad situation. If it was simply a social visit then fair enough, but we didn't get the full story.

I think the nazi police were right to pull him over, but how desparate would he have had to have been to make the trip knowing the danger he was putting himself and others into?

Public Transport is still active.
It is deemed Essential

 

[UKMikey]

Public Transport is still active.
It is deemed Essential

You're all heart. Let's hope he didn't have a heavy load to transport.

 

[DQuaN]

Whoops...


https://news.sky.com/story/man-64-a...et-at-2-500ft-during-surprise-flight-11973070

 

[gnomefromnome]

https://www.ktuu.com/content/news/P...ck-eats-pizza-in-front-of-dogs-569694031.html

 

[TenEightyOne]

Whoops...


https://news.sky.com/story/man-64-a...et-at-2-500ft-during-surprise-flight-11973070

We had that a few posts ago, although it's such a great story I read it again

 

[TexRex]

https://www.ktuu.com/content/news/P...ck-eats-pizza-in-front-of-dogs-569694031.html

"Pizza Rat" ain't got nothin' on him.

 

[Veinz]

This little fight between Elon Musk and CNN is amusing.

CNN: talks **** about musk not delivering ventilators

Musk's response: "What I find most surprising is that CNN still exists" then later provides proof

https://www.newsweek.com/elon-musk-...alifornia-hospitals-list-gavin-newsom-1498491

The most trusted name in news.

 

[TenEightyOne]

This little fight between Elon Musk and CNN is amusing.

CNN: talks **** about musk not delivering ventilators

Musk's response: "What I find most surprising is that CNN still exists" then later provides proof

https://www.newsweek.com/elon-musk-...alifornia-hospitals-list-gavin-newsom-1498491

The most trusted name in news.

This is Elon Musk you're talking about, and the article seems clear that he's delivered non-invasive ventilators, not the type that's most needed by the hospitals. Musk seems to be employing mouth before brain, safe behind his expensive legal team once again

 

[MaxAttack]

This is Elon Musk you're talking about, and the article seems clear that he's delivered non-invasive ventilators, not the type that's most needed by the hospitals. Musk seems to be employing mouth before brain, safe behind his expensive legal team once again

Well, he does say the orders were specific to each institution which I'm pretty sure implies they asked for the stuff Elon delivered.

It's pretty petty point-scoring from both sides to be honest but Elon clearly has done at least something to help and it's pretty weak as a newspaper during a global pandemic to still be attacking Musk at every opportunity. No one was this much of a ventilator expert until someone told them "Elon sent the wrong things/didn't send anything".

 

[TenEightyOne]

No one was this much of a ventilator expert

I'm certainly not but given that the news of the last few weeks has focused pretty heavily on ventilator types and their relative availability I'd say the general public is now probably more expert than it would like to be

 

[MaxAttack]

I'm certainly not but given that the news of the last few weeks has focused pretty heavily on ventilator types and their relative availability I'd say the general public is now probably more expert than it would like to be

Oh for sure. "Strange times" doesn't even begin to cover it.

I certainly don't think this is the time for Musk-bashing, though. Admittedly I've always been a supporter of his but I can understand the criticism he's come under in the past, but I honestly think it's very counterproductive to be studying his actions looking for things to call him out on when as far as I can tell he's just one of many public/corporate figures trying to contribute to fighting the crisis/score good boy points (depending how you see it).

The guy is kind of a personality cult in both directions; I feel both his fans and detractors are often happy to ignore reality to fit their view of the man.