Funny/Strange News Stories

[PeterJB]

Does it work on any animal?

 

[TankAss95]

Let's hope not.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Does it work on any animal?

No, apparently just ants. It is, after all, a fungus and incapable of intelligent thought. The fact that it can control an ant at all is extraordinary.

 

[PeterJB]

Ants are at the very limit of unintelligence, it would probably be lucky to grasp any other insects.

 

[Stiggy]

Student charged full bus fare for a cardboard cut-out Gears of War character.

 

[BobK]

He and his cardboard cutout occupied two seats. His pass was good for one seat. So the bus driver charged him for the second seat. And rightfully so.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future.

Best quote:

"The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

 

[daan]

From April 1st 2010?

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Nowhere does the opening post say that the stories have to be recent.

 

[daan]

Nowhere does the opening post say that the stories have to be recent.

The 2010 part is not the most important part of the date...

 

[Famine]

Or true... April 1st?

Man writes worst - and most honest - cv/resume ever written:

Duties included: Checking that the toilets were still there and that it was ok in them, still. Keeping a log of this information on an A4 that was taped to the back of the toilet door. Taking orders from people who are conspicuously younger than me.

Read the full cv (and covering letter) here (language advisory)

 

[raz_10]

Sweet Justice! Next time chose your victims carefully

 

[Vince_Fiero]

Sweet Justice! Next time chose your victims carefully

Reminds me of this one:

this blond got burgled when she was at home:

the 2 burglars scared the hell out of the man in the house, but this lady was 9 times world champion boxing and beat the hell out of them.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Daniel Craig speaks his mind about the Kardashians in an interview with GQ Magazine:

They have made millions from living their lives in the public eye thanks to their reality television shows.

But one person who is less than impressed by the Kardashian family is Daniel Craig, who launched an astonishing foul-mouthed rant at the brood, headed by Kim Kardashian, in a new interview with GQ magazine.

The James Bond star labelled the clan '****ing idiots' and criticised those who 'sell' themselves and then make demands about their private lives.

Craig, who managed to keep his marriage to Rachel Weisz under wraps in the summer, told the January edition of GQ magazine: 'I think there's a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel.

'It's not about being afraid to be public with your emotions or about who you are and what you stand for. But if you sell it off it's gone.

'You can't buy it back - you can't buy your privacy back. Ooh, I want to be alone. **** you. We've been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta and now you want some privacy?

Referring to the Kardashians, Craig said: 'Look at the Kardashians, they're worth millions. I don't think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them.

'You see that and you think "what, you mean all I have to do is behave like a ****ing idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions".

'I'm not judging it - well, I am obviously.'

This, of course, didn't go over well with Kris Jenner:

Kim Kardashian's mum Kris Jenner has taken time out from leading the family's campaign against Kris Humphries to have a pop at James Bond actor Daniel Craig instead.

The Kardashian family matriarch has decided to belatedly take exception to a disparaging comment that the star made in a recent interview - and has insinuated that he is not a "real man".

In case you missed Dan's original comment, he was asked in an interview about the media attention garnered by the news that Kim and Kris's 72-day marriage was in trouble and responded less than diplomatically.

He said: "You see that and you think, 'What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a ****ing idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?'

"I'm not judging it. Well, I am, obviously."

And now Kris has chosen an interview with Heat magazine to strike back, saying: "It's not made him look like the world's nicest guy. The right thing for a real man to do now would be to issue a public apology.

"The easy thing would be to criticize his career now, but our family won't stoop to that level."

Kris, you do realise that you and your family are some of the most-hated people on the planet right now, right? If anybody should be apologising, it should be you apologising to the world for subjecting us all to you and your family.

And at least Daniel Craig has a career based on merit - the Kardashians have a career based on a sex tape.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

There have been election protests in Russia. America must have done it.

 

[Barra333]

Ahh.. the irony. Australia's government minister for broadcasting standards dropped the F-bomb on daytime TV

 

[Schwartz]

Ahh.. the irony. Australia's government minister for broadcasting standards dropped the F-bomb on daytime TV

Is there a video of this? Or would it violate the AUP?

 

[Barra333]

Is there a video of this? Or would it violate the AUP?

I would link it to you if I could find it, but no luck. It only happened an hour ago

 

[livemusic]

Man publishes book of 200 blank pages: ‘Everything Obama Knows About The Economy’

http://dailycaller.com/2011/12/19/m...ges-everything-obama-knows-about-the-economy/

 

[TB]

Colorado homeless man given bus ticket to North Dakota

Baldwin has had several disagreements with the police in Aspen and was banned from the Aspen Homeless Shelter due to “a poor attitude and bad behavior,” the Aspen Daily News reported Wednesday.

Getting him out of town — and persuading court authorities to suspend legal proceedings — “may appear to the casual observer to be a sweet deal,” the Aspen Daily News reported Wednesday, but Savage responded that Baldwin hadn’t asked for airfare to Hawaii.

“He’s going to North Dakota,” he said, “in the winter.”

You've been bad. Your sentence is to survive a North Dakota winter.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Mark Plorude wins his fourth consecutive Champ Car World Series title! And he did it without winning a single race. You can see a full review of another thrilling season of racing at the Champ Car World Series website.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

The intense world of childrens' television.

 

[Famine]

The intense world of childrens' television.

Something in there interested me... ABC's version of Playschool had Big Ted, Little Ted, Humpty and Jemima... but no Hamble?

Hamble is one of the deepest, darkest recesses of children's television that there has ever been. Rumours abound about what the presenters did to her - and what Hamble herself did...

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Having grown up with "Play School" here in Australia, I can honestly say that there was never a doll named Hamble on it. Unless I've repressed memories of it.

 

[Touring Mars]

Epic failure on a scale not seen since 2011...

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/edmiliband-in-blackbusters-blunder-6286038.html

 

[Dapper]

US Navy rescues Iranians

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Professor Chaos (his driver's licence reads "Newt Gingrich") wants to put a permanent base on the moon by 2020.

 

[ilikewaffles11]

Professor Chaos (his driver's licence reads "Newt Gingrich") wants to put a permanent base on the moon by 2020.

Yea....

 

[prisonermonkeys]

He says he wants the moon base to be used for manufacturing. What, exactly, would we manufact on the moon that we cannot already make (and spend less time, effort and money doing so) on earth? Ground-up moon rocks? They're pure poison.

 

[bergauk]

He says he wants the moon base to be used for manufacturing. What, exactly, would we manufact on the moon that we cannot already make (and spend less time, effort and money doing so) on earth? Ground-up moon rocks? They're pure poison.

There are things that can benefit from lower gravity production. What they are, I have no clue, but I know that we do experiments on the ISS that only work in zero gravity.