Next week marks the beginning of the second term for me in college, and I'm still left in a state of discouragement from last term. I'm not sure if it's a lack of effort, increased difficulty, stricter marking or a mixture of all three, but needless to say the year isn't going so well so far.
First assessment of the year was a math internal, not achieved. I chalked it up to the lack of revision - went into the resubmission actually knowing what I was doing, and was confident with my answer, but failed again. The assessment was applying systems of equations - and apparently I used the wrong equation to answer the question, and was instead meant to rearrange a different equation given. The kicker is that the answer to the coordinates was round (-1, 4), which sort of made it more likely for it to be the answer, plus the parabola created from my math looked exactly the same as the one on the assessment. This was my first flat out failed assessment, which left me pretty disappointed in myself, and left me doubting if I'd even do well this year as I was looking for another merit endorsement. Eventually got over it after telling myself that it was only two credits, plus there's no need to be entirely perfect.
Next was another math assessment, but applying simulations. Mucked up some things, got an achieved. Resit it and got an excellence, this gave some confidence that I might actually do well this year, and that I just need to keep at it.
I didn't necessarily hold high hopes for math since it's always been a weak point. I've worked on it, but it's at the stage that my level of comprehension of it is too weak to rely on doing really well there. I'll try my hardest with it, as always, but I'm not going to expect high marks.
English, however, is my strongest point and something I'm hoping to get into a career with at some stage. This is where most of the disappointment stems from. Had a close viewing assessment where I needed to explain ten sequential shots of a movie and explain the deeper meaning of the production techniques utilised within them. Felt very confident with my work, with a high level of explanation and lots of really deep meaning brought up... or so I thought. Ended up with a resubmission which was only given to those who were on the cusp of a grade. Turns out I was sitting in-between an achieved and merit, and in the end was resulted with an achieved plus, despite my revisions. Apparently my teacher saw it as a merit, but seeked further help and was then put down. This left me pretty guttered as English is the one subject I have full faith in and consider my 'specialty' subject. While I don't expect perfect grades the entire time, I expected a higher grade than so. Especially after someone was boasting about achieving a merit with about eighty words per a shot - while quality before quantity is definitely a thing, I'm not sure how a deep and knowledgeable analysis of a shot can be established within eighty words, but whatever...
I've also received the marking to my reading log which ended up not achieving. Needless to say my academic self confidence has entirely fallen flat on itself, to the point where it's effecting my general mental well being. It feels like I've already written off my school year so early on, and that I have small chances of success, which really brings me down. I suppose the only way from here is to just keep at it, but until the results start coming in from increased effort, it's gonna be a long and strenuous year.
A few changes to the school year have been the revision to the resubmission system - with marking being abandoned, as well as the display of where you're sitting. Instead you'd be handed a slip, shown where you were sitting at and what you needed to do to improve to the grade. This was an efficient system as it showed me where I was going wrong quickly and easily. Now, however, you get a general mark to what you need to do, without any understanding as to where you are. This seems unnecessarily vague - while their points of not spoon feeding the answers to students and students not taking advantage of it by sending in something halfassed and fixing it later, the entire point of being shown the way to improving is gone. While it does make for students to take initiative to see what they had done wrong, it often does more harm than good as it can be fairly vague - and if not worked out, leaves the student with less than satisfactory results, as displayed.
The other is the abandonment of practice final exams. Over here at least, towards the middle of the year we had practice finals that were similar to the end of year exams - except marked by teachers instead of NZQA staff. This year, they've decided to introduce an 'active learning' system, where there is no correlation to learning or even credits. The program is meant to bring back the fun of learning so they say, making school seem more of something where people want to actively learn instead of pass for credits. We're set out to have a task and do something regarding a bigger meaning - basically a class project, but on a far larger level. All I can see is this just increasing a massive level of unneeded stress on something that will be halfassed by so many, as the main incentive for doing well in school for a large amount I know, credits, aren't available for the subject. I have no clue in what I'll be doing as I haven't really thought about it - I can't really get behind something that takes away time from my other subjects, and study, for no added benefit to my end of year result.
/rants