How do you mend a broken heart?

[Adamgp]

You know what they say about women and trolley cars. There's plenty of 'em in the sea.

 

[Golfman]

Maybe, we'll just see how it goes. But I think if I got attracted to another girl I may go for it.
But a little word about my ex-soon-to-be-flatmate. She is 11 years younger than me(I am 38).
She isn't like other women. She is the most genuine, fun-loving, person I have ever met. Every guy that met her wanted to be with her. Her personality shines brighter than anybody else I have met. I guess that's what attracted me to her.

I couldn't ever be anything but nice to her, even after what she did. If you had met her, you would understand.

 

[Neal]

Seriously mate, she is taking the urine big time. The fact that she has said she wants the money situation to stay the same is 100% proof that she just sees you as a meal ticket. If you let her move back in it would make your life a nightmare and you'd be the biggest mug in history. It's fairly obvious this girl is only concerned about what's good for her and will no doubt use all the tricks in the book to get what she wants.

It's time to pull your head out your backside and wake up to the situation. If you can bring yourself accept what's happening and tell her to do one it will really help getting over her.

 

[Sureboss]

Agree 100% with Neal on this, don't let her take you for a ride (metaphorically).

 

[Flerbizky]

Maybe, we'll just see how it goes. But I think if I got attracted to another girl I may go for it.
But a little word about my ex-soon-to-be-flatmate. She is 11 years younger than me(I am 38).

And here I was thinking your hot-headedness was just an act of a young 'un..

Now I feel I can take a piss in your general direction without being accused of molesting those who don't know.. Anyway -

As Famine and others have already said - When she says she doesn't want the money situation to change - if you let her, you're about as screwed as one can get. All she wants from here-on is to bunk other guys, and I'm sure it'll be a plus for her if you have thin walls..

Sorry for being an ass, but "been there, done that", springs to mind. Evil b'tards them females.

My advice - Move on.. Let go - it won't be funny or easy - but worth it...

 

[boiltheocean]

Duct Tape!

It can fix huge cracks in fat blokes, I'm sure it could fix a heart.​

 

[Golfman]

Or I could look at it in an entirely different way.
I have got a flat of my own, I can do what I want, and I have got someone who sleeps in the spare room who's only use is to pay the big bills.
Sounds good to me.

 

[Aldo]

Duct Tape!

It can fix huge cracks in fat blokes, I'm sure it could fix a heart.​

Myself and the other two decided against something like that... But now it is in here... ROFL!
Seriously Golfman, that is a good way to look at it... Steal her money, let her sleep in your flat, just don't acknowledge her presence... It could get awkward that way... 👍

 

[Danoff]

Or I could look at it in an entirely different way.
I have got a flat of my own, I can do what I want, and I have got someone who sleeps in the spare room who's only use is to pay the big bills.
Sounds good to me.

...you're ignoring the whole point of this thread if you think of it that way.

 

[Dragonistic]

Or I could look at it in an entirely different way.
I have got a flat of my own, I can do what I want, and I have got someone who sleeps in the spare room who's only use is to pay the big bills.
Sounds good to me.

A flat of your own with someone who sleeps in the spare room? It doesn't take a genius to do the math there.

Now you've never been one to listen to many of us here on GTP very easily, certainly not myself, but the guys are right and you're being mugged here. Move on and find your own place (or if you have the right to, move her out of the current), keep your job of course if you're happy working there.

Look at it this way, you bring another girl around you like and she asks who's living with you? Oh just your ex-girlfriend who you were with for 5 years and has a good chance of being a younger model then the one you just brought home. That will go down a treat I'm sure!

You can still be friends with someone without living with them after all, she may well be helping pay bills but she's also consuming and increasing those bills so it'd be better for you to get a cheaper place if money is an issue should you truly have a place of your own.

As Danoff is getting at before, it appears you've already made a decision however and you're looking to justify that to us now with some sort of reasons or positives. If that's the case stop us all here so we don't waste our own effort chipping in our 2 cents.

 

[Loon]

As Danoff is getting at before, it appears you've already made a decision however and you're looking to justify that to us now with some sort of reasons or positives. If that's the case stop us all here so we don't waste our own effort chipping in our 2 cents.

Doesn't sound like a good deal to me. Sure, now you don't have to worry about the money side of it, but it seems keeping her just a close as before but not being together would just be torture.

 

[Bram Turismo]

You wussied out. Giving up everything and being a 'gent' (a doormat) shows you lack confidence/power. I had pretty much the same thing a few years ago. I gave her everything, changed plans to make her happy and always let her make the decisions. Eventually they get bored of taking advantage and look for someone they actually want.

This was my problem.

In the end I felt like her lackey that had to do everything just to make her happy, even though that was never what I wanted to do. Although in this case it was me who was fed up with the situation and ended the relationship. I miss her, yes, but I'm happy it's over.

Sure, it's a sign of wanting things to last. But when I don't have authority over my own life? To hell with her!

 

[PARAGON GT]

Well folks, there has been a development. A few days ago she left me and stayed at a friend's, after saying all the things she did about 'wanting space' etc.
Just got a phone call from her today. She wants to move back in, as a flatmate.
She wants the money situation between us not to change, just to go on as it was before in that regard.
However, she says that she still loves me dearly - as a friend. She says it would be nice to move on, have separate lives and relationships, but at the same time be close enough to support each other and give comfort when needed.
I told her I would think about it.
What do you guys think? Does it really sound the best of both worlds? Getting my life back but still having her around as the best friend in the world?
I think it will take some time, but she says she is always gonna be there as a shoulder to cry on.
And you never know, still living together, those feelings may even come back.

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your words of wisdom, support, and advice.
I will keep you all posted as to how it goes.

Ok, NOTHING about this sounds good. 👎

Not one bit.

For the feelings that you still have for her, how are you going to feel when you come home to find a "Coat hanger on the door"?

Personally, I couldn't deal with it. Not someone I had feelings for for 5 years. Don't set yourself up to be emotionally twisting in the wind.

If she wants the flat, let her have it, just find another place to live.

 

[Syntax error]

I've been reading through the thread and the responses and agree with the majority, it is a terrible idea to have her move back in. Don't do it. I'm sure you will really enjoy it when you wake up one morning to find a half naked man in your kitchen making coffee.

She isn't like other women.

Wrong! She is like a lot of other women. I won't say they are all the same as that's simply not true, however she does exhibit behaviors of a large portion of the female population. For example, how many times has the phrase "it's not you, it's me" and "we can still be friends" been thrown around.

Stay at your job, stay in your flat, she's made the decision that she no longer wants to be your partner. Take your mind off things, pick up old hobbies, head out to the gym, go out and catch up with old friends and live your life separate from her or you will find that she will be forever abusing your friendship and kindheartedness. There is nothing selfish or mean spirited by doing any of these things and you shouldn't feel like it is either.

It's also stupid to think that you might get back together again. Sorry to say but it sounds like it won’t happen, and if it actually does, it won’t last as the same unresolved issues still exist. I hope you take some of the advice dispensed in this thread by me and others as it is really for the best. Also remember we have all been there before. Maybe not this exact situation, but we have all suffered heart ache from relationships that have failed due to one reason or another.

 

[Danoff]

It's going to be impossible for Golfman to see this, but it's so painfully obvious to everyone else what's going on.

It's a patented female technique to have a guy around that you can fall back on as a crutch (for a short time, don't get your hopes up) if need be. She wants to keep someone in her pocket that she can use however she needs while she's out searching for Mr. Right. Basically she wants a safety net (no surprises there). Guys simply do not work this way.

There is no such thing as a girl that worships you, who hangs around in your apartment while you bring home other girls, but whom you could fall back on if you ever needed a safety net. The whole concept of this is completely foreign to guys. If we had a girl like that, we'd basically be with her.

This scenario ONLY works because SHE did the dumping and assumes you'll be willing to take her back with opened arms if she needs you to. If YOU'D done the dumping, she'd be out of there. Now what does that tell you about what needs to happen?

 

[HenGTX]

I hope your taking this advices cause they are right!!!! I have been in a very simillar situation. Best thing I did was sending her away. After I took her back. You must ask yourself the question if you want to life like this the rest of your life and if you see a REAL future for this flatmate concept. Realize that she's going on with her life and will bring other guys home with her eventually. Trust me......this will totally break you. So do the wise thing and think this situation over rationally and take your time for your decision. By the way: does she have to move out from her friends?

 

[Boffin]

Well folks, there has been a development. A few days ago she left me and stayed at a friend's, after saying all the things she did about 'wanting space' etc.
Just got a phone call from her today. She wants to move back in, as a flatmate.
She wants the money situation between us not to change, just to go on as it was before in that regard.
However, she says that she still loves me dearly - as a friend. She says it would be nice to move on, have separate lives and relationships, but at the same time be close enough to support each other and give comfort when needed.
I told her I would think about it.
What do you guys think? Does it really sound the best of both worlds? Getting my life back but still having her around as the best friend in the world?
I think it will take some time, but she says she is always gonna be there as a shoulder to cry on.
And you never know, still living together, those feelings may even come back.

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your words of wisdom, support, and advice.
I will keep you all posted as to how it goes.

Ummm I don't think I'd do it.

Sure I want to stay friends with my ex - really good friends, but really right now I can't really spend long periods of time without having the massive urge to put my arm around her - and it sucks cause I can't. I want to spend lots of time with her because I (and many around us) see a chance of us getting back together. We still hang - but it sure as hell isn't the same. It is a bit doormattish.

 

[Bram Turismo]

Sounds like I might slide in some Chris Rock to put it short and clear for Golfman




No language warning needed, it's all censored. Still ever so true though

 

[CTznOfTime]

I asked my GF about your situation, and she said that:

You should be glad she dumped you... because now you will have time to play GT5 as much as you want without anyone to bother you... 👍



I was trying to be serious with her and to help you go through this tough event... i didn't even think about GT5 a bit, but my GF, knowing that i spend my time everyday on GTP, told me so.

So much for that.

 

[TheCracker]

Every guy that met her wanted to be with her.

And if you let her move back in, as a friend, you'll get to see/hear this in action 👎

Think about how bad you felt the first time she told you she wanted a break. If she moves back in as a friend, every time you even hear her talking to some guy on the phone you'll feel exactly the same way.

Don't let it happen!

 

[Golfman]

After much consideration, I have decided to listen to you all. Just finished phoning her.
I have told her she is not welcome back here, to come and collect the rest of her belongings and live her life.
As for the money worries, well I will just have to tighten my belt, take as much overtime going, and watch what I'm doing.
I am willing to still be good friends with her, meet up for a coffee and a chat every now and again, and socialise but only as part of a group with other friends. She is still a lovely person and we both agree that our friendship should remain strong.
Every photo and piece of memory in the flat that reminds me of us is getting boxed up and stuck in the attic......but not thrown away yet. I think it will take a bit of time before I can do that.
The nagging feeling that I may have caused all this is still there. Guess it will take time.
So what i am going to do today? Go out, have a drink, and try to get into contact with people I have missed.

To you all, thanks again for your input.

 

[TheCracker]

Good man 👍

 

[Vince_Fiero]

After much consideration, I have decided to listen to you all.

Remember though, the people here tried to point out what might have trouble seeing, but it remains your decision.

I must say that your age pleads that you should be able to make the decision.

For myself:
* having the advantage to get the cost model working again
* having someone around that I need to let go, keeping hope going, where she does not give any indication there would be hope.

It clearly would not work, get the trouble (financial and relationship) sorted out as quickly as possible. Then move on.

This clearly does not mean you can not be friends, but really make the break clear from your side and do not take to much initiative.

Lily Allen "Smile"

Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

Be careful, contact from the other side is not a commitment, it might just be the only thing they can think of at that moment.

Not clear to me if a relationship can recover from this, really needs time and a careful approach from your side.
However still trust others, what happened here is between her and you only, all the other people out there are presumed innocent!

 

[HenGTX]

I find that a brave decision of you.

That nagging feeling will go away. Especially if you got some good friends where you can talk to.

In about a year or maybe sooner you will lose that feeling and you're going further with your life.

Greetz HenGTX

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Maybe, we'll just see how it goes. But I think if I got attracted to another girl I may go for it.
But a little word about my ex-soon-to-be-flatmate. She is 11 years younger than me(I am 38).
She isn't like other women. She is the most genuine, fun-loving, person I have ever met. Every guy that met her wanted to be with her. Her personality shines brighter than anybody else I have met. I guess that's what attracted me to her.

I couldn't ever be anything but nice to her, even after what she did. If you had met her, you would understand.

Dude, just look at what you've written! YOU pulled a girl 11 years younger than you, who sounds like one of those special girls you meet in life now and then. YOU pulled her by being YOURSELF and only lost her because you stopped being YOURSELF. You've done it once, go do it again! You have proof positive that you can, take power from that knowledge.

This was my problem.

In the end I felt like her lackey that had to do everything just to make her happy, even though that was never what I wanted to do. Although in this case it was me who was fed up with the situation and ended the relationship. I miss her, yes, but I'm happy it's over.

Sure, it's a sign of wanting things to last. But when I don't have authority over my own life? To hell with her!

Yeah, I was very close to ending it myself too, but still ended up agreeing to meet up shortly after we split. Of course, all she did was flirt, string me along and wound me as much as she could.

The sad part? that nasty side of her was brought out by ME letting her know I was vunerable! In all the years of being around her I had NEVER seen her being anything other than a near-perfect individual.

 

[Danoff]

After much consideration, I have decided to listen to you all. Just finished phoning her.
I have told her she is not welcome back here, to come and collect the rest of her belongings and live her life.
As for the money worries, well I will just have to tighten my belt, take as much overtime going, and watch what I'm doing.
I am willing to still be good friends with her, meet up for a coffee and a chat every now and again, and socialise but only as part of a group with other friends. She is still a lovely person and we both agree that our friendship should remain strong.
Every photo and piece of memory in the flat that reminds me of us is getting boxed up and stuck in the attic......but not thrown away yet. I think it will take a bit of time before I can do that.
The nagging feeling that I may have caused all this is still there. Guess it will take time.
So what i am going to do today? Go out, have a drink, and try to get into contact with people I have missed.

To you all, thanks again for your input.

👍 That's the right choice. I'd put the odds of you two getting back together (permanently) at slim to none. But on the extremely off chance that it does happen - I seriously doubt you will regret this decision. You've chosen to have some self-respect and stand up for yourself. She can't do anything but respect you for it in the long run - and the same goes for your next girlfriend.

Excellent work.

 

[PARAGON GT]

Good man 👍

x2

 

[CAMAROBOY69]

I went through something similar about 8-9 years ago. The only option is to move on with your life. It will NOT work out with her and you WILL find someone better and you fill find someone that truly loves you.

 

[SlipZtrEm]

Followed this thread and shook my head at the flat-mates post for rather obvious reasons. However, a lot of people have provided some excellent advice in here, and it's good to hear you made the right decision. It'll hurt for a bit, but every day it'll hurt less, until you wake up one day and are utterly shocked that you ever cared that much at all. At that point, you'll know you're over it 👍.

 

[Golfman]

Well, just got back from having a wee day out with buddies I havent seen in a while. told them everything.
I have decided that I don't need her, I am strong enough to stand on my own two feet and can move on with my life. Maybe after she sees how confident, happy, and content I feel about it all, she will probably see what she was missing, come crawling back to me hoping she can admit it was all a mistake, at which point I will tell her "We can still be friends, dear, but if you think you are going to get back into my bed and hurt me again, you can **** off."

And by the way CAMAROBOY69, I still love that picture of your car. Love the Camaro. Any chance you could send me some more?