How do you mend a broken heart?

[Diego440]

Actually, if you had read my early posts, you would see that, after staying with me at my parents for a couple of years, we both moved into a place together. And that is when the problems started.
And it's not just a grocery shop we (both) work at. It is a long nightshift at a very successful supermarket chain.

Right, just ignore my main point and nitpick the little ones.

She's seeing you as a 38 year old who is content working the nightshift at a "supermarket", while I sincerely doubt she wants to be doing the same thing for the next 10 years.

Additionally, if problems started when you moved in together, I think there's little more to talk about. Make sense?

 

[Golfman]

Right, just ignore my main point and nitpick the little ones.

She's seeing you as a 38 year old who is content working the nightshift at a "supermarket", while I sincerely doubt she wants to be doing the same thing for the next 10 years.

Additionally, if problems started when you moved in together, I think there's little more to talk about. Make sense?

It is a very well paid secure job which we both enjoy. When we first started going out, she was working days. She wanted a change to nights so we could both spend more time together. There's no way we either of us want to give it up. She had been there two years before I even started at the place. That was 5 years ago. So she has been there 7 years.

 

[Akmuq]

Get some friends would be the first thing to do I would say. Don't ever let your social life go away from you because it can end just like that. Date some girls and try to get settled again.

 

[Golfman]

I just need to know - how many of you guys on GTPlanet have been in a situation similar to mine?
I feel so lost and alone. You all probably think I am a sad attention seeker or something but I am genuinely hurting. 5 years is a long time, and at the moment I am finding it hard to move on. I really do appreciate all the advice you all a given me. Wish I had all your phone numbers so I could talk to you all directly, because most of your comments have been comforting.
There was a time when I considered taking my life over this. Then I read what you all were saying. I regard most of you as pals. Thanks guys. xxx

 

[GT_Prologue5]

You can have my phone number.

Actually, I'm hardly kidding. I'm pretty good at helping people out, and I definitely understand the lonely feeling, even if I am young.

 

[Golfman]

Well, have started to do something in my spare time at home that I haven't done in a while - write music. I'm a pretty decent keyboard player so I decided to dig out the old Yamaha. Just trying to find some inspiration. Writing a tune about the breakup seems a bit 'poor me' and would probably make me feel worse, so that's a no-no.

 

[Touring Mars]

I just need to know - how many of you guys on GTPlanet have been in a situation similar to mine?
I feel so lost and alone. You all probably think I am a sad attention seeker or something but I am genuinely hurting. 5 years is a long time, and at the moment I am finding it hard to move on. I really do appreciate all the advice you all a given me. Wish I had all your phone numbers so I could talk to you all directly, because most of your comments have been comforting.
There was a time when I considered taking my life over this. Then I read what you all were saying. I regard most of you as pals. Thanks guys. xxx

I wouldn't say I've been in a very similar situation, but I have broken up with my fair share of girls, one of which I thought was a 'keeper' (a potential 'life partner', not a goalkeeper...)

Breaking up in your late 30's is going to be painful no matter how you slice it, but being single is not all that bad, and it will offer you the chance to take your life in a new direction... change is something that you can't avoid in life, and sometimes it can be deeply unsettling and upsetting, but in time you will adapt to your new circumstances, and hopefully you'll even begin to enjoy...

On a more serious note, while it is good that you have been able to draw some comfort from (some of) the posts here on GTP, I reckon it would probably be a good idea to speak to someone who is a bit better placed to deal with the full range of emotions that you have been experiencing, like a doctor or a counselor. I guess we have all been through times in our lives where we've found it difficult to cope, and either had to rely on friends or family to listen to our sob stories, and often that is more than enough... but, if it isn't, then you ought to seek the help you need and don't be ashamed or embarrassed about it.

Good luck 👍

 

[Max Powers]

I just need to know - how many of you guys on GTPlanet have been in a situation similar to mine?
I feel so lost and alone. You all probably think I am a sad attention seeker or something but I am genuinely hurting. 5 years is a long time, and at the moment I am finding it hard to move on. I really do appreciate all the advice you all a given me. Wish I had all your phone numbers so I could talk to you all directly, because most of your comments have been comforting.
There was a time when I considered taking my life over this. Then I read what you all were saying. I regard most of you as pals. Thanks guys. xxx

Yeah, we were engaged and together for 4 almost 5 years and she broke it off out of nowhere last year. It completely turned my life upside down at the time.

It hurts, more than anything else I've ever gone through in my life.

Time heals things, but not completely, you'll never forget her.

Thing is, all you can do is keep your chin up, make yourself a better person, and keep on moving.

 

[CodeRedR51]

Keep it up and in a few years you'll be the typical die-hard old chap who still dresses like a kid, goes every night to the same bar and hangs out with people half his age, still trying to 'rock it out'! And never really settling down on anything. I used to work in a pub and saw those guys all the time.

I see this in my future.

 

[Golfman]

Don't get this at all. Just got off the phone with her, after a conversation that lasted two hours.
Said she was bored at home by herself, so she bought some booze, got drunk and decided to ring me. The topic of conversation? The good times we had.
Is this girl playing mind games or is there something else going on here? I am confused as hell.

 

[CodeRedR51]

Considering she was drunk, I would have taken everything she said with a grain of salt.

 

[Golfman]

It never rains but it pours. My dad has just suffered a stroke. This is the year of hell.

 

[CodeRedR51]

Sorry to hear man, hope he gets better soon.

 

[Golfman]

Sorry to hear man, hope he gets better soon.

Luckily it was just a minor one that affected his left-side balance. He's ok but he just needs to use a stick to walk with. First thing he did was complain that he couldn't go out for his usual Saturday afternoon drink!

Sort of puts my problems into perspective. I still have my health, and I should be thankful for that.

 

[Rage0329]

I haven't followed this thread from the get go but I figured your problem from the original post.

"I gave up everything for her - my social life, reduced contact with friends who eventually drifted away. Every piece of money I had, I made sure she came first because I worshipped her."

There's your problem right there. You gave her complete control of the relationship, and you worshiped her, and possibly put her on a pedestal. So slowly but surely you gave her control of the relationship and things slip out of your grasp.

To reverse that kind of problem you need to be your own man, have your own hobbies, do your own things, be assertive and confident. You need to be able to have your own time where you enjoy doing things for yourself and not for her.

 

[Kneedragger]

There's your problem right there. You gave her complete control of the relationship, and you worshiped her..

Its amazingly easy to idealize women, isnt it?? Not so much once you live with one, but its really bizarre how instinctive the worshiping beauty bit is.
Even moreso when you ponder that half the attraction they possess was likely store-bought. But 'its a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart' ..thats from the movie Brother Where Art Thou, I think.

 

[Golfman]

I guess my problem was because it was my first real relationship and I did what I could to make sure I never lost her, sacrificing so much for myself in the process.
I promise you, it is a mistake I will never make again. If I ever start seeing someone else, the ground rules will be laid out on the table from the go. If she doesn't like it, then she can walk before I get too attached.
Ironically, I think I have become a better person because of all this. I now feel more independent, more sure of myself and what I want in life.