How do you mend a broken heart?

  • Thread starter Golfman
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You probably all think that only a few days is wrong. Is it so strange to be start getting over a 5-year relationship so soon?
 
Golfman
You probably all think that only a few days is wrong. Is it so strange to be start getting over a 5-year relationship so soon?
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Maybe it means that the your relationship didn't go that well after all and now you're realizing it.
 
Golfman
You probably all think that only a few days is wrong. Is it so strange to be start getting over a 5-year relationship so soon?
Click to expand...

Be aware of this. You took your decision and are refreshing your life, it is fun, it is good, it is easy.... you are over it.

Now there will be periods that your boss is 🤬 down on you, that you family puts pressure, that your friends have other priorities ... see if you are over it at that moment.

At least your know, you will never be let down by :gtplanet:
but it is so difficult to cuddle!
 
Golfman
The nagging feeling that I may have caused all this is still there.
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Dude.. You sound like you deserve so much better then her.


It sounds like the girl you liked for 5 years doesn't appreciate you as much when compared to how much you care and love her. And seriously, "It's not you, it's me" line? After you both dated for five years? If she loved you and was honest enough, she would really tell you what's going on. I think you have a right to know what she had on her mind considering you were both together for 5 years.

She doesn't deserve you.

She didn't decide this out of the blue, it was probably awhile since that crossed her mind.

Don't try and find love.. and love will come to you. You seem like a genuinely kind person, it won't be that tough to find someone who likes you the same way as you do. It might be that all of this post doesn't even make any point at all, it might just be a result of me reading your first post and then being sub-consciously irritated for awhile, so I posted lol

I had a few questions though..

Why did you give up your social life and friends for her?
Why weren't you paying the big bills instead of her?

and lastly why does she want space?
There's plenty of space in the kitchen.. It's time she made you a sandwich.
 
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As long as you keep your life in order, keep your job, keep your flat (if you can afford it, or move somewhere else if it reminds you of her too much and/or can't afford it) and most importantly, keep in touch with friends, keep your social life as active as possible. If you're social life isn't too great because of the time you had to commit to your relationship, try to contact some of your old friends again or go out and make new friends (Can be difficult I know - But there are plenty of ways to meet new people aside from switching jobs).

To get over her you need to keep your life on track. This may sound a bit harsh but, 5 years is a long time, it leaves one big black hole in your life that you need to fill (Not necessarily by getting into another relationship, I'd give that a couple of months at least, but that's just my opinion). That's what she has done to you, and she didn't even have the courtesy to tell you why.

Hollowxeyes
and lastly why does she want space?
There's plenty of space in the kitchen.. It's time she made you a sandwich.
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:lol:
 
Golfman
Well folks, there has been a development. A few days ago she left me and stayed at a friend's, after saying all the things she did about 'wanting space' etc.
Just got a phone call from her today. She wants to move back in, as a flatmate.
She wants the money situation between us not to change, just to go on as it was before in that regard.
However, she says that she still loves me dearly - as a friend. She says it would be nice to move on, have separate lives and relationships, but at the same time be close enough to support each other and give comfort when needed.
I told her I would think about it.
What do you guys think? Does it really sound the best of both worlds? Getting my life back but still having her around as the best friend in the world?
I think it will take some time, but she says she is always gonna be there as a shoulder to cry on.
And you never know, still living together, those feelings may even come back.

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your words of wisdom, support, and advice.
I will keep you all posted as to how it goes.
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Don't let that whore move back in! Do what Famine said and 🤬 her sister, or any other girl. It'll make you realize that they all feel about the same, they all talk, etc. Easier said than done, sure, but when you're at the bar and you're drunk and the girl you're talking to is drunk also magical things happen.

EDIT: I see you're on your way already though. Good job.
 
This is all about self-respect... normally, you can go about your life without ever thinking about it, but sometimes it becomes absolutely vital to consider it, and occasionally you might find it is all you have. Foresake it at your peril, and maintain your self-respect at all costs... I'm glad to see that the majority of advice in this thread has been about precisely this, although I'd take the "screw her sister or anyone else" advice with a very large pinch of salt. Behave like a dick and you'll get treated like one - behave like you respect yourself and others and you will be treated accordingly. Good luck and more power to you for standing up for yourself.
 
Avoid her, avoid thinking about her. That includes revenge thoughts.

If you want revenge, you get over her, move on. Best revenge, ever.
 
just get in touch with the friends you lost... enjoy life as a single person... i know how you feel... like you wont find someone better... but life goes on, just keep your head up and before you know it you will be living life... as long as you MOVE ON.

its all about moving on and finding out about new experiences in life... as far as your flat goes... im not sure about ur age but, maybe move back with your folks?? or get a roommate to help you out???

life is not a one-way street... you can change the direction you are moving.
 
I know I haven't posted here in a while, so I thought I'd keep you all updated.
Feeling fairly good about myself just now. It is safe to say I am over her.

I don't think I'll simply jump into bed with the next one that comes along, I'd rather take my time, enjoy the single life for awhile, and when I do decide I want another relationship, I will make damn sure that it is the right one this time. I will learn from past experience.

That bit about her mother and sister was just me blowing off some steam. Wouldn't even consider it.

Financially, it's a struggle but I am managing to keep my head above water. Have started to socialise with friends and people I haven't seen in a while, so it's all looking positive.

The advice from all of you finally sunk in, so thanks for your help.
 
Golfman
I don't think I'll simply jump into bed with the next one that comes along...

enjoy the single life for awhile,
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Oxymoron!

The single life consists of jumping into bed with the next one that comes along!
 
Masturbation is a safe sex relationship:):lol:

Seriously, I am sure you will meet someone else (more than once); just continue to be 'you' ; and date when you are confortable doing so.

All the best 👍
 
You said earlier that you worshipped her, and do anything in the world for her.

That my friend, is the worst thing you can do. And i know what i am talking about.
 
Golfman
I know I haven't posted here in a while, so I thought I'd keep you all updated.
Feeling fairly good about myself just now. It is safe to say I am over her.
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Reading through your posts, I am glad you have taken on board some of the advice posted in this thread. It's easy to assume you know best, given you have lived, seen and felt the last 5 years of experience, you know the person better than anyone. How could anyone else possibly have a better idea of the situation than you?

In this situation, you are your own worst enemy, because this thinking deludes you from seeing the more the obvious truth. Everyone else who is detached from the situation can ironically, see the situation from a clearer perspective. They aren't quite as special and different as you perhaps believed over the last 5 years or so. You have thankfully taken note of this advise but I would like to bring similar point, relating to the quote.

I've noticed you mention you are 'over her'. I don't believe for a second this is the case. I don't believe you can get over a 5 year relationship in a matter of days. In my eyes, its more of a defence mechanism so that you don't have to currently deal with the situation. I believe I have experienced a similar situation.

If you have a few good days to put things to the back of your mind, its easy to trick yourself into believing that everything is fine. More likely, is you haven't got over her yet, you just haven't sat down long enough to think about it yet. The only reason I bring this up, is because I think at some point, whether it is a day, week or even months from now, you will wake up with a pit in your stomach and you might start to get cold feet about your decision. You will remember how much time money and effort you invested in those 5 years, perhaps you will miss the closeness that was there almost everyday. It's then you will really have to sit there and deal with it, thrash those thoughts around in your head for a while.

My aim is not to depress you or get you down, only to prepare you for what I think will inevitably happen over the coming weeks. As long as you accept it will at some point happen, I hope that you will be able to deal with it better when you have to face it. It's at that point, that you have to remind yourself that 'hey, perhaps I did have a role in it falling apart, but I bent over backwards to accommodate, and if that wasn't enough then, it never was going to be'.

Some people get over things quicker than others, and there's no point rushing it. Don't even bother dealing with it at the moment, do what others say, get back in with your friends, do things you enjoy and that broken heart will start to mend itself.

You might wonder what credentials a young 20 year old like myself could possibly input on this, perhaps its not my place to say. But I was in a relationship for just over a year and a half, and while I had invested substantially less time and money into things, when she broke up with me -sort of out of the blue - I was a bit devastated. I put it to the back of my mind and enjoyed myself for two weeks (foolishly believing I was over it). She started texting me saying she missed me yada yada yada. Being the fool I was, I dived head first into trying to restart the relationship, she said she would restart it, but things would have to change. Me, desperate sign the deal, accepted her new contract.

Things went well for another 3 months, I didn't mind trying even harder, just so I could be with her. Around that time, she decided that things weren't quite working and she needed some space (pedalling the old 'its not you, its me'). A month or so later, she started texting me again, talking about getting back together. Once again, being the desperate mug I was, jumped at the opportunity. She wasn't in any rush to get straight back with me, she started with more new terms and conditions. It was about that point I snapped to my senses and saw what was really going on.

She wasn't doing it intentionally, I am pretty sure of that, but she was stringing me along, to try and get into a position where she could be in a position to get other guys, and still have me as the fall guy if things didn't work out. Your situation doesn't appear that dissimilar. I hope you don't allow yourself to ever take up that position in future, not living together is a good start.

Shutting someone out your life completely is not easy, particularly if they keep trying to contact you saying they miss you, and that the break up was all a big mistake. Believing this is the worst mistake you could make, and can set you back another half a year or so. If it didn't work then, its not going to work now, a few months apart wont solve that, it may last another half a year or so, but it will inevitably fall apart again. No change you can make will be significant enough, you already self said you made some pretty major sacrifices such as your friends (a familiar sacrifice).

While you have currently taken the right route, don't allow yourself to fall back into the wrong route. Don't try and convince yourself that getting back together will work, (even if she gets in contact with you saying as such) don't even try the friends with benefits route, if you think its a happy compromise, you are lying to yourself. You can keep in contact, but I would completely avoid trying to stay remotely close, all will do, is allow you to get attached to her again and you will loose all rationality and spend all your time chasing someone you can no longer have. Ideally, take a year out and then start to look elsewhere, once you are well and truly completely over her, will you be able to look at this situation with full rationality and clarity. 👍

Apologies if this post seems a little frank.
 
Invisible plus rep for that one mate!!

Very good post and thanks for sharing your own circumstances.
 
Very, very good post Stevisiov! As what being said by Max Powers, it's absolutely true!

I've been through all this broken heart things but how do I mend it? Pray to God... Be positive, and think forward.
 
Well it has only been a couple of weeks since she dropped the bombshell. The first few days were torture, I will admit.

Lately, there is a girl at my work who has shown that she has an interest in me. From what I can gather, she has always been interested. I heard this from another person.
Thing is, I am not sure what to do about it. Do I take the chance again, so soon? Or do I give myself another few months to 'cool off'?
I still do think about my ex frequently, and the reason I am unsure about this new development is that part of me is still convinced she will want to get back with me, which, against all advice I probably take with open arms.
The other reason I am not sure about this new girl is that I don't want her to think I am treating her as a 'rebound' relationship. It would be so unfair to her.

I think I will give myself a few months to decide what I want to do.
 
Golfman
I know I have been a bit of a loony in some of the other threads in GTPlanet - it's because when I have a strong opinion on something, I don't hold back.

But I am a human being just like anybody else, with feelings and heart.

And my heart has just been broken.

My girlfriend of 5 years has just out of the blue decided she wants some 'space', a 'time-out', 'time to think things over'.............all that stuff.
I asked her if it is anything I have done. She says 'It' not you, it's me.'

I have done nothing to deserve this.
I gave up everything for her - my social life, reduced contact with friends who eventually drifted away. Every piece of money I had, I made sure she came first because I worshipped her.
1 year ago we moved into a flat together. It was decided that she would pay the big bills (rent, electric, water etc.) and I would pay the council tax, food shopping, furnishings, everyday things that we needed.
Every piece of furniture in the place belongs to me. And I will be paying for it for the next 4 years. You see, I splashed out big time because I thought we had a life and be together forever.
Now it looks like I will have to pick up the big bills as well as paying for everything else. I will be permanently skint for the next few years, an will ill-afford to basically have a life.

This may seem like a sad tale for these forums, but honestly, chatting to everybody on here has been like having a whole new set of pals.

So how does a person move on? Do I wait, hoping she will come back? Do I try to find love again? True love.............she was the only one who made me feel this way.

Ho do you mend a broken heart?
Click to expand...

Say F it and start to drink, but not recommended.

You never spend a lot of money to move out with a GF unless you marry to her or plan to.. You should just live with her at cheap costs, see if you can be together and makes your life happy.
When a girl says Its me and not you , means she lost interest about you, might find another guy, or anything similar, but she will ALWAYS remember you.

You and the girl should split everything 50 50 with money. meaning dinners one time you pay, one time she pays.

True love does not mean you have to give her apartment or all the money, it does not mean she should be supported by you with a job. True love means she is willing to do the same for you as you will do for her.

Having a GF for 5 years and never arrange marriage means something is wrong.

For now stay single, but have an eye out just a bit. Say F to her.. because relationship should not be like that. Once you meet another girl, go very very slowly, you might find another .. really make sure the girl is right for you and dont take first one that you see.


Pick up your balls, say F it, we have all ONE mind, but we need to split that mind into billions, so please cry few more days about it and then just stop. Try to change your life, and remember you should never spend money on true love! With all respects for you and I feel bad for you, but do not be an idiot.
 
You will probably all laugh at this.

I am 38 years old. Between the age of 18 and 32 I feel I wasted my life going out, getting drunk every weekend with my pals, etc. Then I met her.
This girl - my ex - was the first real relationship I ever had. Sure, before her I had a few dates, one night stands, the usual. But she was the one - or so I thought.
I guess what I'm feeling right now is that I am at the age where I feel I should settle down(like so many people my age), yet I feel so much younger and want to go on experiencing life like guys 15 years younger than me.
Is that so weird?
Is almost 40 over the hill and past it?
They say life begins at 40. If that's the case, what have I done, what have I wasted the past 20 years?
I'm sure there are guys out there - maybe even some of you here on GTP - who feel like me, so I would be interested in seeing your opinion on this.
Am I past it? Is it possible to find another relationship, settle down, have a family, yet still enjoy life at my age?
As I say, I am 38, but still only feel like 25.
And people have said I only look about 30. So that helps, believe me!

Saying that, are there any single female members on GTP who would like to say hellooooo.......?
 
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