Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
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- Lost in thought.
- GTP_crimson
Whut's red & black & white all over?
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Nuns in a chainsaw fight.....
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Nuns in a chainsaw fight.....
- 2,760
The Nurse says to the Doctor, "The Invisible Man is here, he's in the waiting room."
The doctor replies, "Tell him I can't see him right now."
The doctor replies, "Tell him I can't see him right now."
- 2,760
*McLaren*Oh that's bad....
That's the point! There are two types of bad when it comes to jokes. There's good-bad, which this is an example of, and there's bad-bad.
- 1,620
Excuse my bad memory of this joke:
__________________________________________
A little zebra walks up to an old elephant and says, "You seem very wise Mr elephant. I have been worrying about something since I was born and I was wondering if I could ask you a question?"
The old elephant looked down and muttered "Sure, I know everything, little zebra!"
"Well I've always wanted to know... Am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?"
The elephant was aghast, maddened by a question to which he did not know the answer. He kicked the little zebra in the head and killed it, shook some mud off his back and went on his way...
The little zebra appears on a cloud, outside the pearly gates of heaven... Before letting the little zebra through, St. Peter asks of the zebra:
"Little Zebra, is there anything you would like to ask of me before entering the immortal and bountiful life that is heaven?"
The zebra thinks hard for a few minutes and responds,
"Well... I always wanted to know whether I'm white with black stripes, or black with white stripes... I have always been so confused about my self image. I would be confused forever if I didn't ask now."
St Peter is amazed at the little zebra for asking such a good quetion and replies, "Blow me! That's a good one, you'll have to ask the boss! I'll let you through into heaven now, but come back to the big temple at midday and I'll set up a meeting with the big guy... How does that sound?"
"Oh yes that's great... Really really, thank you so much! I've always wanted to know!" said the zebra, excitedly.
Midday rolled around and the little zebra stood outside the big gleaming temple... his poor little legs shaking like crazy...
With an enormous CLUNK! the giant gold double door opens ajar just enough for our little zebra to walk through shutting majestically behind him... Our little zebra is incredibly overwhelmed, his little hooves slipping all over the place on the shiny marble floor as he looks around an infinite and cavernous chamber... Blinding white light streams from the far end of the room, glistening off of the many columns... After a minute a great booming voice sounds from every direction echoing around the chamber;
"I hear you have a question?" said the voice, strongly.
"Um, err... yes. I have in fact. I've always wanted to know, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" asked the zebra nervously, not knowing where exactly to look while talking...
After a short moment, the great booming voice replied powerfully:
With that, the huge doors opened once more, signalling a very confused little zebra to leave...
A few days later, the little zebra bumped into St. Peter who asked, "so how did the meeting with the boss go? Did you find out what you wanted?"
The zebra empathically moped "I'm more confused than before! I was just told you are what you are. I'm so worried I asked such a silly question!"
"Oh that's an easy one! You're obviously white with black stripes."
said St Peter, patting the little zebra on the head.
"How in heaven do you get that?!" blurts the zebra, eyes wide.
St Peter kneels down to the little zebra, "Well, if you were black with white stripes he obviously would have said "You is what you is." "
__________________________________________
A little zebra walks up to an old elephant and says, "You seem very wise Mr elephant. I have been worrying about something since I was born and I was wondering if I could ask you a question?"
The old elephant looked down and muttered "Sure, I know everything, little zebra!"
"Well I've always wanted to know... Am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?"
The elephant was aghast, maddened by a question to which he did not know the answer. He kicked the little zebra in the head and killed it, shook some mud off his back and went on his way...
The little zebra appears on a cloud, outside the pearly gates of heaven... Before letting the little zebra through, St. Peter asks of the zebra:
"Little Zebra, is there anything you would like to ask of me before entering the immortal and bountiful life that is heaven?"
The zebra thinks hard for a few minutes and responds,
"Well... I always wanted to know whether I'm white with black stripes, or black with white stripes... I have always been so confused about my self image. I would be confused forever if I didn't ask now."
St Peter is amazed at the little zebra for asking such a good quetion and replies, "Blow me! That's a good one, you'll have to ask the boss! I'll let you through into heaven now, but come back to the big temple at midday and I'll set up a meeting with the big guy... How does that sound?"
"Oh yes that's great... Really really, thank you so much! I've always wanted to know!" said the zebra, excitedly.
Midday rolled around and the little zebra stood outside the big gleaming temple... his poor little legs shaking like crazy...
With an enormous CLUNK! the giant gold double door opens ajar just enough for our little zebra to walk through shutting majestically behind him... Our little zebra is incredibly overwhelmed, his little hooves slipping all over the place on the shiny marble floor as he looks around an infinite and cavernous chamber... Blinding white light streams from the far end of the room, glistening off of the many columns... After a minute a great booming voice sounds from every direction echoing around the chamber;
"I hear you have a question?" said the voice, strongly.
"Um, err... yes. I have in fact. I've always wanted to know, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" asked the zebra nervously, not knowing where exactly to look while talking...
After a short moment, the great booming voice replied powerfully:
"YOU ARE... WHAT YOU ARE."
With that, the huge doors opened once more, signalling a very confused little zebra to leave...
A few days later, the little zebra bumped into St. Peter who asked, "so how did the meeting with the boss go? Did you find out what you wanted?"
The zebra empathically moped "I'm more confused than before! I was just told you are what you are. I'm so worried I asked such a silly question!"
"Oh that's an easy one! You're obviously white with black stripes."
said St Peter, patting the little zebra on the head.
"How in heaven do you get that?!" blurts the zebra, eyes wide.
St Peter kneels down to the little zebra, "Well, if you were black with white stripes he obviously would have said "You is what you is." "
- 4,394
That's pretty good.
- 15,855
- QLD, Australia
- Small_Fryz
dont get it
- 4,035
- Gothenburg
- Agremont
Vonie
👍
MagpieRacer
Premium
- 17,456
- Wymondham, Norfolk
- Seagull_Racer
Bee
- 1,578
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the zipper area of his pants.
The tender says: "What's with the wheel, good sir?"
The pirate responds:
"Arrr, I don't know, but it's been driving 'me nuts!"
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Two ropes walk into a bar.
The bar tender says "Sorry, we don't serve ropes, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
The shorter rope chirps up, but the longer, wiser rope, says "don't worry, I have an idea."
The two ropes go outside and the longer rope says "OK, punch me in the face."
The short rope is a bit confused, but he's still mad about the bartender, so he socks him a good one.
"Keep going," says the logner rope, "beat the crap out of me." So the shorter rope does just that, he messes up his buddy real good, twists him up and everything.
"Okay that's enough," says the longer rope, as he gets up and goes into the bar.
The tender spots the rope immediately and shouts out "Get out of here! We don't serve ropes! Didn't you hear me the first time?!?!"
The rope says: "I'm afraid not."
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The tender says: "What's with the wheel, good sir?"
The pirate responds:
"Arrr, I don't know, but it's been driving 'me nuts!"
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Two ropes walk into a bar.
The bar tender says "Sorry, we don't serve ropes, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
The shorter rope chirps up, but the longer, wiser rope, says "don't worry, I have an idea."
The two ropes go outside and the longer rope says "OK, punch me in the face."
The short rope is a bit confused, but he's still mad about the bartender, so he socks him a good one.
"Keep going," says the logner rope, "beat the crap out of me." So the shorter rope does just that, he messes up his buddy real good, twists him up and everything.
"Okay that's enough," says the longer rope, as he gets up and goes into the bar.
The tender spots the rope immediately and shouts out "Get out of here! We don't serve ropes! Didn't you hear me the first time?!?!"
The rope says: "I'm afraid not."
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- 4,035
- Gothenburg
- Agremont
At the Pirate one! There were two peanuts walking down the street
and one of the was assaulted................peanut.
*badum tish*
CAMAROBOY69
Premium
- 18,567
- Michigan
- CAMAROBOY69
I just heard this one today. If its already been posted delted it.
Do I know you?
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him
and say's hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her
from, So he says "Do you know me?"
To which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his
wife and Says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my
a$$?"
She said "No, I'm your son's math Teacher."
Do I know you?
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him
and say's hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her
from, So he says "Do you know me?"
To which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his
wife and Says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my
a$$?"
She said "No, I'm your son's math Teacher."
- 5,753
Blonde walks into a library.
Just kidding.
Just kidding.
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- Gothenburg
- Agremont
^
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eliseracer
If no one understood this one, it's a play on words with "I'm a frayed knot."
I didn't hear any laughs...
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