Go on, I'll fall for it.
What happened?
OK, so stictly speaking only eight of them were murders... but we'll get to that later.
So I was taking my llama for it's weekly walk, and I thought I should take him to somewhere smoggy and 'orrible. Y'know for a change...
Well, we were walking along minding our own business when a Toyota came at me... it must of been going 100+ miles-per-hour!... anyway, long story short, I died. Women drivers, eh...?
ANYWAY, I got up, looked around and noticed a sign above a hospital... it read 'a place where dreams become real'. 'Wow', I told myself. 'That's where I ought to be'. I walked steadily towards it... then suddenly... bang!
My llama exploded. I knew I shouldn't have given him all those bananas... I knew about the potassium content... I KNEW about the effects of potassium... oh, I was sad...
That was until I finally walked through the doors (automatic, by the way) and saw the sterile white walls of the hospital. A cleaner (who was cleaning) looked at me a smiled showing her well-cleaned teeth. They sparkled. Anyway, she asked me 'would you like a room?' 'Yes, YES, I would like a room.'
So I got a room. That was where I was euthanized. 'I'm not ill!' I pleaded. Again, they euthanized me. And again. And again. I ran out of the hospital before they could do it a forth time. I ran down the stairs into the main entrance and out through the (automatic) doors.
I ran through the courtyard and bang! A Toyota struck me. Thankfully, he was found guilty in court. (Although for some reason, they've let him out recently. I'll be cautious next time a see a goofy-toothed Asian man driving a Toyota... although that's quite hard to avoid around my neighbourhood.

)
I ran further. I looked behind me, and saw two ****** chasing me with knives. I screamed, but it was no use. Their metallic weapons sunk into my skin like scissors through sponge. I love cutting up sponge with scissors.
They saw the cops coming, and yelled '****, *****. Dats da po po!'
I hadn't got a good look at the policeman yet... that was until he turned to face me. His wrinkled face looked like a melted wellington boot. His facial features were all in the wrong places. He looked as if he'd had a partial face transplant with a pug - only a pug that had had its face cut to pieces and stuck together with pritt-stick... then stood on six (not five) times.
Yes... it was truly terrifying.

I looked at his name tag - it read 'Adrian Chiles'.
He reached into his pocket... and pulled out a hammer. A big one. He whacked my head and in one fell swoop, I was dead on the floor.
I got up (by this time he'd left, thank God) and imagined his face. For this reason, I killed myself four times.