Spanking children

  • Thread starter Delirious
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XVII
well pako (to expand on this) when wouldnt it be fine "what ever method of discipline you choose should be fine" like where do you draw the line as far as physical discipline with a child?

If your discipline is a 'reaction' to your anger, then you should wait until you are rational. Does that make sence?
 
Spanking - spanking, not hitting - doesn't really qualify as 'child abuse', but as a parent I can't say it's particularly helpful, either. I can't say I haven't used it when I'm at my wits' end. After you've tried rewarding good behaviour, witholding rewards for bad behaviour, and punishing bad behaviour with loss of priveleges, what else is there? However, my elder daughter, at least, just considered a spanking (or whatever punishment we gave, yelling, taking things away) as the cost of doing business. She got to do what she wanted and she paid for it by taking whatever we dished out.

So while I have spanked or slapped my children I can't say I approve of it as a useful method of parenting. It doesn't really help them understand why what they're doing is wrong.
 
yes, thanks, pako :)

duke, care to expand on your position and also state how you would discipline your children if they do wrong?
 
Duke
Spanking - spanking, not hitting - doesn't really qualify as 'child abuse', but as a parent I can't say it's particularly helpful, either. I can't say I haven't used it when I'm at my wits' end. After you've tried rewarding good behaviour, witholding rewards for bad behaviour, and punishing bad behaviour with loss of priveleges, what else is there? However, my elder daughter, at least, just considered a spanking (or whatever punishment we gave, yelling, taking things away) as the cost of doing business. She got to do what she wanted and she paid for it by taking whatever we dished out.

So while I have spanked or slapped my children I can't say I approve of it as a useful method of parenting. It doesn't really help them understand why what they're doing is wrong.

That sounds like a strong willed child to me. So, what did you do?
 
Well, right now she has no door on her bedroom until she furnishes me with a 250-word essay on why she deserves a door and wants it back. This was after slamming it shut during an argument, and for having shut it with cats in her room (a known no-no) or to conceal other activity such as not doing homework.

She's almost 13. That's gotta hurt. It's been off for a week and no essay, but she doesn't get it back until I get my answer.

We also have taken her stereo, and internet priveleges, from time to time. We try to make the punishment relevant to whatever she's abusing at the moment.
 
LOL! Taking the DOOR away.... I'll have to remember that when my daughter hits puberty. :lol:

My 2 cents: I spank my child when she becomes physically unruly or completely out of control and this is the only time I use this form of punishment. I spank her bottom and nowhere else.

For everything else, it's "timeouts". Fortunately, the vast majority of the time, "timeouts" are sufficient.


M
 
XVII
wow...i thought a few people would say "dont you dare think about spanking your child, thats child abuse!"

if everything else fails to discipline a child...well, as the saying goes...no pain no gain for child development

Hey, here I am, I see you called for me..... :sly:

Beating a child is not an appropriate method for anything, and the younger they are, the more important it is not to use any kind of force ! I do not blame parents that lost control once or twice in their life, although it shouldn't happen.

The fact that many people say " I was beaten and it helped" has nothing to say, they should say " I have a good life now although I got slapped etc" ... To justify the behaviror of your own parents is just a normal psychological method : you define yourself over the way you grew up and that's why you justify bad things and say to your self : it all had a reason and was good so... basic psychology....
It is the same things with these idiots, who say, you shoulndn't go immediately to a crying baby at night, because you spoil it that way, pure stupidity.....
 
XVII
max dc...care to expand on that as to WHY spanking a child for discipline is not appropriate?

Because there is always a better solution for the same problem; When a parent beats
a child, it is always a shock, because you damage the biological & evolutional trust, every child has in its parents.... And this affects the personality of children to a certain degree, hard to generlize here, it always depends. If all parents knew how to raise their kids in proper way, this question wouldn't come up...
I'm no hippie, children also need to learn respect in order to function in society, but you can punish children in a different way, "no TV" "no contact to friends for 2 days"
or you turn the thing around and say, "If you change your behavior, you will get this and that or we go to the zoo", again depends on the age of child / teen ....
 
Duke
Well, right now she has no door on her bedroom until she furnishes me with a 250-word essay on why she deserves a door and wants it back. This was after slamming it shut during an argument, and for having shut it with cats in her room (a known no-no) or to conceal other activity such as not doing homework.

She's almost 13. That's gotta hurt. It's been off for a week and no essay, but she doesn't get it back until I get my answer.

We also have taken her stereo, and internet priveleges, from time to time. We try to make the punishment relevant to whatever she's abusing at the moment.

Now for a 13 year old. That sounds very good to me. For a 4 year old...they gettin a whupin! :dopey:
 
Max_DC
I'm no hippie, children also need to learn respect in order to function in society, but you can punish children in a different way, "no TV" "no contact to friends for 2 days"
or you turn the thing around and say, "If you change your behavior, you will get this and that or we go to the zoo", again depends on the age of child / teen ....

And what if that doesn't work after the 1000th attempt?

I've rarely ever had to smack my 4 children, only twice if memory serves. It's all about them knowing where that line is IMO, they know that stepping over that line MAY lead to something they won't like. They know when that line is getting near by my tone of voice and almost always back off and behave themselves.

LOL, it sounds so simple when it's written down. If only it was :yuck:
 
Sphinx
And what if that doesn't work after the 1000th attempt?

I've rarely ever had to smack my 4 children, only twice if memory serves. It's all about them knowing where that line is IMO, they know that stepping over that line MAY lead to something they won't like. They know when that line is getting near by my tone of voice and almost always back off and behave themselves.

LOL, it sounds so simple when it's written down. If only it was :yuck:

Yeah, well nobody said, that raising kids is easy, but you didn't need force so you know it works....
Also, there is no universal solution for every situation, but there is always one without force... if you want to find it, you sometimes need a lot of psychological knowledge and a good instinct....
 
Hmm, this has been a question hanging around people's minds for a while now, and the answer is still varied.
It's fine so long as it's just a tap or whatever, to say "hey!", but it often turns into near child abuse. So it's fine as long as it's not too hard
 
There are better ways to punish a child. A child getting spanked often might get callouses on his ass, then after a while he won't feel much of the punishment anymore.
 
smellysocks12
There are better ways to punish a child. A child getting spanked often might get callouses on his ass, then after a while he won't feel much of the punishment anymore.

True, never thought of that
 
Duke, you're cruel to your daughter taking all that away from her.




I know how much I used to hate it when my parents used to hide my NES controllers. :@ After a while I knew their plan though, so I'd already hide controller #2 for my parents, so if they'd take #1, I'd just plug in the one I hid myself. :D
 
smellysocks12
I know how much I used to hate it when my parents used to hide my NES controllers. :@ After a while I knew their plan though, so I'd already hide controller #2 for my parents, so if they'd take #1, I'd just plug in the one I hid myself. :D

One time when I was a lot younger, my mom smashed my lego truck it was a big model not the small one and after she did it she felt really sorry. a couple hours later I had it back together. I think she was kinda shocked. :lol:
 
VipFREAK
One time when I was a lot younger, my mom smashed my lego truck it was a big model not the small one and after she did it she felt really sorry. a couple hours later I had it back together. I think she was kinda shocked. :lol:

Ah, smashed lego things. I also have that somewhere in my history. I pissed off my dad once, and my beautiful shark-resembling submarine was right in front of him and he hurled it at me right through the living room and broke into 1000 pieces when it crashed into the wall. :yuck: Some parts were permanently broken too... that was an incredible sadistic thing to do. Back then I would have prefered a spanking over a smashed lego submarine any time. Now I'd probably give my dad a spanking if he'd throw my PS2 across the room like that.
 
Max_DC
Yeah, well nobody said, that raising kids is easy, but you didn't need force so you know it works....

No, my point was that I do need force because a threat of a smack is there and is set in place in order for the child to know that there is a certain line that isn't to be crossed, if it is then they should expect a big surprise to come their way. The biggest problem for any parent using this method is that he/she has to be prepared to backup the threat if things go too far, but this is very rare in this household.

My wife doesn't believe in smacking and I've lost count of the amount times when she has lost her temper and raised her voice only to see the children ignoring her. However, if I raise my voice directly after hers they scatter like the four winds. It annoys the hell out of my wife when that happens. :)
 
I spanked my kids just yesterday. They were fighting with each other the whole day. They'll fight over anything and everything when they're in the mood to fight. They fight over the same toy, the TV remote, the X-Box, etc. They'll do that from time to time.

When it was time for bed, they spent most of the time fighting with each other than getting ready for bed. So, when I found them fighting, screaming and crying while on top of each other, each got three good hand slaps to their butt. Sometimes, kids just need a good beating before bed. Then went straight to bed afterwards still crying and I gave them a warning, "Better not act like this tomorrow!" The were sawing logs in just ten minutes. And today, they're best buddies again.
 
Solid Lifters
I spanked my kids just yesterday. They were fighting with each other the whole day. They'll fight over anything and everything when they're in the mood to fight. They fight over the same toy, the TV remote, the X-Box, etc. They'll do that from time to time.

When it was time for bed, they spent most of the time fighting with each other than getting ready for bed. So, when I found them fighting, screaming and crying while on top of each other, each got three good hand slaps to their butt. Sometimes, kids just need a good beating before bed. Then went straight to bed afterwards still crying and I gave them a warning, "Better not act like this tomorrow!" The were sawing logs in just ten minutes. And today, they're best buddies again.

See, that's fine. All i'm saying is, sometimes, it unfortunately goes too far, and spanking turns into fists.


*EDIT Happy 500 posts to me!*
 
My parents used to spank me and my brothers. It wasn't often, but if we did deserve it, we got it. When I was really young(maybe 5yrs old), me and some friends stole candies from a grocery store. One of kids' parents found out what we did, and told my parents. When my dad came home, he "whipped" me with the belt. :scared: I cried like hell, but I never hated my dad for it. I knew it was my fault, because he's always a nice, cool person. :)
 
Too many kids nowadays (makes me sound old, and experienced :D ) take their punishment too seriously. They do something wrong, they face the consequences. 90% of the time they know what the consequences of being caught are, yet the proceed to do whatever it is they aren't allowed to do. But the bad thing is, is that they don't fully understand the legal system and suddenly cry "abuse, abuse!" or assault, and it tears families apart because of that. I find it sickening, it's happening to my friend right now and it's really screwed up her family and she can't stand her sister. She's not allowed to see her dad, her sister is in foster care, and it's only her and her mum living together. All because her sister had some stupid mood swing hissy fit and made a claim about her father that I'm not about to get into. Argh.

But on another note, when one of you spank you son/daughter, do you use your palm or the back of your hand?
 
PS
But on another note, when one of you spank you son/daughter, do you use your palm or the back of your hand?
I have always been spanked and delivered spankings with the palm. Is one way supposed to be more cruel than the other?
 
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