Spanking children

[blargonator]

When it was time for bed, they spent most of the time fighting with each other than getting ready for bed. So, when I found them fighting, screaming and crying while on top of each other, each got three good hand slaps to their butt. Sometimes, kids just need a good beating before bed. Then went straight to bed afterwards still crying and I gave them a warning, "Better not act like this tomorrow!" The were sawing logs in just ten minutes. And today, they're best buddies again.

heh brings back memories of me and my brother (me being the younger one by almost 2 years). honestly i can only think of maybe 2 or 3 times of being spanked. my parents are both pretty calm and laid back (not hippies) because my mom was the oldest and my dad was the oldest boy and they came from larger families and they know how sibblings act. they came from larger than the average 2 children familes. anyways, my parents used it as a last resort for excessively stupid things kids do, like the time i bit my brother (hey, i was like 5!) i don't know what possesed me to do it, but i paid the price and went to sleep thinking about it. i quickly got over it because my parents let me think about it.

oh yeah, back on topic....i think spanking is a good thing as a last resort or at random <8-P because you always have to let em' know who's boss (just messing around about the boss part)

 

[PS]

I have always been spanked and delivered spankings with the palm. Is one way supposed to be more cruel than the other?

Well no, but supposedly using your palm the child/spankee can claim sexual assult. If they use the back of your hand, the same way that security/cops/feds use the back side of their hand to search around the female's chest area if she's thought to be concealing drugs/weapons etc. . .or in any general sexual area of anyone for that matter, they're supposed to use the back or the "blade" of the hand.

 

[blargonator]

honestly, the only issues i would have with spanking my (i don't have any, but if i did) would be sanitary issues. pants up? pants down? either way they sit in some pretty gross stuff actually....i am getting some issues mentally thanks to my unsanitary friends, i have been pushed into constantly carrying a small bottle of purel just in case one of my friends touches me

 

[Kelly]

No, my point was that I do need force because a threat of a smack is there and is set in place in order for the child to know that there is a certain line that isn't to be crossed, if it is then they should expect a big surprise to come their way. The biggest problem for any parent using this method is that he/she has to be prepared to backup the threat if things go too far, but this is very rare in this household.

My wife doesn't believe in smacking and I've lost count of the amount times when she has lost her temper and raised her voice only to see the children ignoring her. However, if I raise my voice directly after hers they scatter like the four winds. It annoys the hell out of my wife when that happens.

Sounds a bit like our house We also make threats that we don't keep.
Kids don't listen to me no matter how loud I shout, but my shouting usually annoys the hell out of Ron so he sorts them out by shouting instead!
Sometimes a kid does deserve a smack or a clip round the ear, although ours very rarely ever get one, it usually does the trick. You need to have the patience of a saint these days with kids pushing you to your limits! It's no wonder I couldn't manage to give up smoking

 

[James2097]

Only give a kid a really carefully applied smack to the bum (least likely to get injured) when they have done something really bad that they WERE AWARE was wrong and they were being naughty on purpose!

Say if you're a kid and you already know the diff between right and wrong, its a massive guilt trip to know you're gonna recieve a smack. Its not even that the smack would hurt (it shouldn't, much) but its more that a 'smack' is reserved for when you have been really naughty. Its a good literal signifier of what is and isn't acceptable. I only got a smack maybe once or twice gowing up, but damn I deserved it, and it made me feel real guilty, and I never misbehaved again. The only problem is if a parent smacks a kid out of anger, or can't judge when its appropriate or how hard they should smack.

It should be reserved for VERY bad behaviour, and the kid should KNOW beforehand that if they do anything really bad that they know is wrong, they can expect a smack. If they have never had a smack before, just the uncertainty of not knowing whether a 'smack' would really hurt or not may be enough to make a kid think again before doing something really bad.

If the kid is old enough to really know everything about whats right and wrong, you should be able to make them feel really guilty just by how you discipline them verbally. If the kid is smart, they'll know a smack is a childish form of discipline.

I remember when I was about 4, my Mum gave me a gentle smack because I was being an idiot throwing woodchips around. I retorted with a smart-arse "its bad to smack kids, mum!" and I think she actually felt guilty because a few of her other female friends heard me!

The very rare odd smack is OK I think. Its more the 'threat' of a smack that is useful with disciplining kids than the actual smack hurting!

 

[Swift]

James, I pretty much agree with that.

There an episode of judging Amy once(daytime TV when I was out of work ) Where an 11 or 12 year old boy was reported as being abused. His father spanked him or used a belt depending on the severity of the infraction. And this was CONFESSED by the child. He wasn't mad, hateful or resentful of his father for spanking him. He said that "when I'm really bad, I get the belt." Amy later judge that the parents go to a parenting class to control their anger and use a different form of discipline.

Now, I know this is a TV show(and a rather liberal one at that) but it's a very realistic situation. And quite frankly makes me sick to my stomach. When the child said, "I get spanked when I'm bad" That should've been the end of story. Why put the parents through some class. They're not beating the child, they are following through with the discipline that they told the child would come from disobedience. This kind of stuff is just so weak.

I understand that spanking doesn't work on all children and I think it should stop by the age of 6-7. But dang, if parents can't parent their children, what are they supposed to do? Time out? Yeah, I'm sure that's what their boss will do when they keep messing up on the job. 👎

 

[JacktheHat]

parents can't parent their children

It may be out of context, but this is the most sensible statement I've seen you make.

There's a lot of talk in this thread about 'wild', 'out of control' children but not much discussion of one of the major causes of bad behaviour in children, bad parenting.

The reason there are so many charities and societies set up to protect children isn't to diminish the role of parents, it's to protect children. Swift, in your TV program the boy admitted he got the belt but didn't actually complain about it. Perhaps that was because, as a young child, he trusted his parents and wasn't aware that this kind of treatment was consistent with child abuse?

I'm not saying we should ban smacking but you have to be aware that child abuse is real and there are valid reasons for the laws protecting children.

 

[James2097]

Swift, maybe its that the strap, or belt, would potentially really hurt the kid pretty bad. I think the idea of needing to use a belt would've seemed a bit severe possibly?

Its fine as long as the kid doesn't actually get injured, or bruised etc.

 

[Swift]

It may be out of context, but this is the most sensible statement I've seen you make.

There's a lot of talk in this thread about 'wild', 'out of control' children but not much discussion of one of the major causes of bad behaviour in children, bad parenting.

I'm not saying we should ban smacking but you have to be aware that child abuse is real and there are valid reasons for the laws protecting children.

Thanks and I agree.

Swift, maybe its that the strap, or belt, would potentially really hurt the kid pretty bad. I think the idea of needing to use a belt would've seemed a bit severe possibly?

Well, the challenge is, and I know this is a bit off topic, but if a child goes to school and was playing the day before and fell and got a bumb on their head. The first thing people think is child abuse. Same with spanking. "You shouldn't hit a child! " I'm not hitting the child. I'm just administiring discipline.

I can't stand it when parents spank their children when they're mad. They need to cool off, come back then spank them. That's where unintentional child abuse can come in. That's as inexuseable as smacking a child in the face if you ask me.

 

[cardude2004]

^I don't think that people should spank at all, but I was just thinking about this. Wouldn't the child forget what he had done if the parent spanked them later?

Now, on to me, I was never spanked, but my sister was once. My father just yells. My mom doesn't yell, or spank or anything. Now, we pretty much ignore my father all of the time because all he does is yell at us, whether we are doing something wrong or not. (We aren't doing anything wrong most of the time.)

 

[Swift]

^I don't think that people should spank at all, but I was just thinking about this. Wouldn't the child forget what he had done if the parent spanked them later?

Now, on to me, I was never spanked, but my sister was once. My father just yells. My mom doesn't yell, or spank or anything. Now, we pretty much ignore my father all of the time because all he does is yell at us, whether we are doing something wrong or not. (We aren't doing anything wrong most of the time.)

And that is exactly why always yelling at children simply doesn't work.

 

[PS]

Does anyone else seem to think, though, that protective this and that and all these little programs to protect kids might be over-doing it?

It seems like every day in the news you hear about some parent being charged or warned or something about "beating" or "abusing" their children, spanking them, using a ruler or a belt, or something. But did you ever hear all this 50 years ago? Hell nah, it was just discipline, and people turned out quite a bit better because of it.

All the 18-25 year olds now are causing (or so it seems) much more trouble and doing much more (harmful) illegal activity than they did back in the 40's, 50's, 60's, and even 70's. All the older people I talk to now say they wouldn't dare do half the stuff these kids are doing today, because they know they'd get punished for it. And it works, eveidentally. If they're not going to do it again, then obviously the discipline is working.

These children/kids/adolscents aren't going to learn how to control themselves in the workplace or in public by getting slaps on the wrists all their lives, and it's going to be much worse when they wake up to the harsh reality that you'll be charged if you steal, lie, cheat, assault, etc.

IMO, it's getting completely ridiculous and parents are becomming too proud of their children; "oh I never hit my little Johnny he's just an angel, even when he lights the cat on fire and attacks other children"—it's just stupid.

And then it all changes around at hockey games, baseball games, etc. whenever another kid touches their child. They get super defensive and want to take the little SOB off the feild for a good ass-woopin'—well guess what, parents? Maybe you all put your own kids in their place, maybe they wouldn't touch other kids or harass people.

The only thing not doing it does, is create a race of super-sensitive whiny little cry-baby emo kids who can't fight or defend themselves, because they either rely on their parents (who never punish them, and thus give them no tolerance for pain) or just hope that the rest of the world will be super nice.

When looked at from a logical perspective, kids are, and have steadily been since the 70's, getting weaker/less inclined to be able to fight. It must have to do with a generation of hippie parents or something, I don't know. But from what I've noticed, people are in general becomming less inclined to have a good, clean, one-on-one scrap. What they're doing now is ganging up on kids, swarming them, and kicking the living hell out of them when they're down. But you know what? If parents properly disciplined them and they had people to teach them how to defend themselves/fight honourably, this would be much less of a problem.

Anyway, I have to leave soon so I'll finish this rant some time later. I look forward to some comments/afterthought/review of this .

 

[cardude2004]

And that is exactly why always yelling at children simply doesn't work.

Yeah, parents yell so much that you ignore it. If they didn't constantly yell, it might work better to yell.

 

[animateria]

Fight with honor? So you believe violence is the solution if its one on one? (j/k)

I don't think spanking works in the long run... Hell... I got hit with a hockey stick at school for not doing homework... First I hated it so I did my homework... After a while... I didn't give a $#it cause it wasn't worth points and I can get away with it by just getting a bruise on my ass... You know most of my classmates didn't do their homework either...

And if there is a teacher who would not disipline at all we wouldn't listen to em at all... (My classmates made a teacher cry and leave the class LoL)

Same with the guys who got beat up by their dads at home for screwing around in school... They just beat up freshmen because they 'looked' at them the wrong way... That really helped huh?

On a larger scale... Government violence mixed with violent protests... And the Senate or whatever they called it... Would get into fist fights all the freakin time...

God!! I'm glad I'm out of that hell hole...

I'm not saying that discipline is bad... Hitting em gets old fast... Kids get used to it and see it as a method of getting it their way... And when they grow up... The idea stays with em... Aren't there better ways to discipline em?

Edit : I'm not talking about California by the way...

 

[Swift]

Well, if a child doesn't know their parents LOVE them. All the discipline in the world won't make a difference.

 

[Jmac279]

They have to learn how to defend themselves sometime ... IMO, you should start spanking as soon as they get home from the hospital ...

 

[PS]

Well, if a child doesn't know their parents LOVE them. All the discipline in the world won't make a difference.

True. Kids need to relise that they're being punished for a reason, and not just becase "[my] parents suck", or something stupid like that. I, however, have had some moments where I had no idea why my mom got mad at something. It just eludes me sometimes.

But spanking also gets kids to get used to physical pain. I'm not saying it's a good thing to abuse someone just to make them tougher, but it certainly comes in handy if you ever get attacked or meet the LAPD.

 

[ZAGGIN]

hmmm... im a little dismayed by the posts in this thread. how many people who said that spanking is ok are actually parents? and how many live in the uk? over here any form of iolence towards a child is a big no-no. i cant believe not one person has spoken up and said that spanking is wrong, so i'll be the first. it is, its very wrong.
before i met my girlfriend, i was like the rest of you - its ok to spank, because it never harmed me. well, it might never of harmed me, but who can say what effect it will have on my daughter.
my grilfriend had three children by an ex partner, and she had never raised her hand to them once, but there was still discipline in her house. how? i could never understand how she managed to keep everything in check, then she let me in on the secret. she was fair, and that fairness shone through everything she did. the punishment always fitted the crime, and took the form of denials. she was calm and caring, firm but fair. if her eldest son was ever naughty, he would be banned from the ps2 for xx days.
i remember once sitting in the bedroom with him when he was banned from using it, and to be fair he never touched it, not once, even though his mother was downstairs and it was sitting right infront of him. he could quite easily of done so, but he never. i asked him why, and he said this - 'ive been naughty and its my punishment.'
he knew that other kids would get spanked, so i think he thought himself lucky he wasnt one of those. dont get me wrong, he was no angel, but whenever he was punished, he would obey his mother, and she never had to double check on him because she knew he wouldnt diobey her.
i hate to hear my daughter cry, id hate it even less if i caused her to cry. violence begets violence (or so they say). if your happy to see your son or daughter cower infront of you in fear, then keep on spanking, i on the otherhand will be fair.

 

[JacktheHat]

hmmm... im a little dismayed by the posts in this thread. how many people who said that spanking is ok are actually parents? and how many live in the uk? over here any form of iolence towards a child is a big no-no. i cant believe not one person has spoken up and said that spanking is wrong, so i'll be the first. it is, its very wrong.
before i met my girlfriend, i was like the rest of you - its ok to spank, because it never harmed me. well, it might never of harmed me, but who can say what effect it will have on my daughter.
my grilfriend had three children by an ex partner, and she had never raised her hand to them once, but there was still discipline in her house. how? i could never understand how she managed to keep everything in check, then she let me in on the secret. she was fair, and that fairness shone through everything she did. the punishment always fitted the crime, and took the form of denials. she was calm and caring, firm but fair. if her eldest son was ever naughty, he would be banned from the ps2 for xx days.
i remember once sitting in the bedroom with him when he was banned from using it, and to be fair he never touched it, not once, even though his mother was downstairs and it was sitting right infront of him. he could quite easily of done so, but he never. i asked him why, and he said this - 'ive been naughty and its my punishment.'
he knew that other kids would get spanked, so i think he thought himself lucky he wasnt one of those. dont get me wrong, he was no angel, but whenever he was punished, he would obey his mother, and she never had to double check on him because she knew he wouldnt diobey her.
i hate to hear my daughter cry, id hate it even less if i caused her to cry. violence begets violence (or so they say). if your happy to see your son or daughter cower infront of you in fear, then keep on spanking, i on the otherhand will be fair.

The most sensible thing in this thread, but you need to remember most of the posters here are not in the UK. It seems that in America they value the right to beat their children almost as much as the right to wander around carrying a gun.

Is it a coincidence that we now have all these programmes appearing on TV about American 'boot camps' where unruly children are sent to be rehabilitated?

 

[Duke]

The most sensible thing in this thread, but you need to remember most of the posters here are not in the UK. It seems that in America they value the right to beat their children almost as much as the right to wander around carrying a gun.

Is it a coincidence that we now have all these programmes appearing on TV about American 'boot camps' where unruly children are sent to be rehabilitated?

If you'll note, I said a looooong time ago that it was only acceptable after you've exhausted all other options, and that it was highly unlikely to be effective, anyway. So much for actually paying attention to anything besides your preconceived notions, Jack.

And the reason you have "all these programmes" is that it's fashionable to ridicule Americans in any possible way, and TV producers are also scraping the bottom of the reality TV barrel for anything that will make the watching public feel undeservedly self-satisfied.

I've spent time in England. Guess what? There were whiny brats and bad parents there, too.

Your brainless sniping at everything American is wearing mighty thin. If you had something reasonable to discuss, it would be worthwhile to read. But all you do is generalize and ridicule with very little apparent thought, and it's quite tiresome.

 

[Delirious]

Plus not all kids will realize that they have done wrong or realize you are trying to be fair and just. That is a good idea ZAGGIN, but that will not work with some kids.

 

[ZAGGIN]

If you'll note, I said a looooong time ago that it was only acceptable after you've exhausted all other options, and that it was highly unlikely to be effective, anyway. So much for actually paying attention to anything besides your preconceived notions, Jack.

i'll have to disagree with you on that point. how can an adult harming a child be acceptable? children by their very nature are immature and are sometimes unable to understand the concepts of right and wrong as we know it. if a child doesnt understand, then the fault lies with the parent, not the child. spanking only serves to confuse, intimidate and scare them. besides, there is plenty of evidence out there that proves violence towards childeren (however mild it may be), is totally counter-productive.

 

[Duke]

Thanks again for totally failing to read my posts.

I've got a 13-year-old and a 9-year-old of my own. I've tried every possible parenting trick in the book. I've been there and done that. I've clearly stated that spanking is highly unlikely to be effective in every one of my posts.

Is there part of this you don't yet understand?

 

[Swift]

i'll have to disagree with you on that point. how can an adult harming a child be acceptable? children by their very nature are immature and are sometimes unable to understand the concepts of right and wrong as we know it. if a child doesnt understand, then the fault lies with the parent, not the child. spanking only serves to confuse, intimidate and scare them. besides, there is plenty of evidence out there that proves violence towards childeren (however mild it may be), is totally counter-productive.

Well then the last few generations must be really really screwed up with all the corpral punishment that was given. Wait, that would include us....

I kinda agree with Duke here. Some children are very strong willed and simply don't respond to spanking. But to some it's quite effective. As Duke has done you have to figure out what works for each child.

I was spanked as a child. Probably a few times a month. Man, that put some serious respect into my heart. Didn't mess me up one bit.

 

[ZAGGIN]

ok, maybe i misunderstood/misread what you posted. it wasnt done intentionally. sorry

 

[Mr. horse]

i've seen it with my mates' child, the little brats are so clever nowadays that they are manipulators of the first hour haha, eather ignore them or what's also a good way is when they crie manipulative you laugh with them and do an immitation of them, the little brat will know that he's making an ass out of himself and stop crying... you should spank your kid if he has crossed the line big time but don't do it with your fist okay, otherwise don't be too harsh on them it's a long learning process life.

 

[Dave A]

I have to say, it never did me any harm. It did normally stop me doing whatever I was doing wrong, ie fighting with my brother, we'd get a smack each and we'd stop. Not for good like, but not much you can do will do that. Ultimately, when a child enters a state of rebelliousness there's not much that can stop them. The best thing you can do is try to tech them right and wrong as best as you can, before they get to that stage. Even then it's not guarenteing anything, a child is still a person with free will who will make thier own choices. One thing that has a huge influence on a childs behaviour is their assosiations at school and out of the house. If I was a parent I'd keep a tab on who my kids got friendly with, if they started mixing with kids that were doing things or encouraging things I didn't want my kid to do, I'd stop him from mixing with them, I think assosiation is the biggest influence on personality a child can experience. Ofcourse, theres only so far you can go to control who they mix with, as they get older you lose influence on what you can tell them to do and not to do, but you can make a difference that way.

 

[Rogue Ssv]

It doesnt work on me. I do what I want to do. Although it seem that my ban did fix my posting here. Anyway, I get it all the time when I piss my mom off, it was at least once a week, but now as I naturally realize my stupidity and correct it its not very common anymore. Anyway, since im Chinese its usually twisting of ears or pulling of hair. .
Didnt mess me up but didnt really help.

 

[Swift]

It doesnt work on me. I do what I want to do. Although it seem that my ban did fix my posting here. Anyway, I get it all the time when I piss my mom off, it was at least once a week, but now as I naturally realize my stupidity and correct it its not very common anymore. Anyway, since im Chinese its usually twisting of ears or pulling of hair. .
Didnt mess me up but didnt really help.

Are you talking about when you were younger or now?

 

[Rogue Ssv]

Now, Im only 12. Although not happen more than once a month now, usually less.