Spanking children

[mr_VOLCANO]

Spanking is wrong in my mind. None of my friends was spanked when they was kids as far as i know, guess we have a different culture in norway. My father hit me with a stick ONE time when i was 8, i punched him on the nose in anger. He acted out of frustration and i am sure if he had stayed cool and talked to me i probably would have learned more of the situation. Hitting your kids is what you do when you dont know how to raise children, so barbarian. sorry for my english

 

[sumbrownkid]

^I think the freezing temperatures in Norway is enough punishment.

Now when you say hit, do mean a hit on the back that doesn't hurt the kid, or full out punch that can bruise?

That's when spanking becomes abuse.

 

[mr_VOLCANO]

^I think the freezing temperatures in Norway is enough punishment.

Now when you say hit, do mean a hit on the back that doesn't hurt the kid, or full out punch that can bruise?

That's when spanking becomes abuse.

He hit me on my leg with a 1inch thick stick, i had a scare on my leg for about 6 months. so im glad it only happen one time. To his defence i was a total ass when i was a child

 

[chepe371]

Speaking of discipline, did anyone watch that South Park episode when Cartman's mom hires the Dog Whisperer?

One of the best episodes ever.

Yes and it was very enlightening to see that at the end of the day Ms. Cartman was well aware and accepting of her sons behaviour because he filled a void in her life, wonder how many cases are like that...?

 

[sumbrownkid]

He hit me on my leg with a 1inch thick stick, i had a scare on my leg for about 6 months. so im glad it only happen one time. To his defence i was a total ass when i was a child

I guess so if your pops gave you a scar.

 

[Gil]

Here's my two cents.
When you, as a child touch a hot stove, you learn INSTANTLY to not repeat the behavior.

If, from the formative ages (understanding til about 7 years)punishment is swift, and unpleasant, for blatant defiance, deliberately dangerous and/or destructive acts, those behaviours cease because they become associated with bad outcomes.

Does that bad outcome have to be a spanking? It really depends on the kid. Some kids you can look at a certain way and they they realize that they've disappointed and upset you as a parent, and that is enough.
Some hard-headed kids require a more determined approach.

As Pako said in the early stages of this thread, discipline must be doled out with love.
I have a friend whose three boys probably got spanked as children. As they got older it turned in to push-ups. Lots of them.

I have six sons, and will tell you without reservation that if one child is allowed to get out of control, pretty soon they are all out of control.
It has been my experience that spanking one child often enlightens the others to the possibility that they might be subject to the same fate.
That knowledge STOPS the behavior.

Another pleasant outcome, is that now that my boys are grown or near grown, I can treat them like the men that they are.
As a parent, the idea that you are raising children is wrong. You have children that you are training to be productive adults.

As for the little girl that threatened her parents with a call to social services...
I've recieved that same threat, EXACTLY ONCE.
I explained to the child that made it, that I would make the call for them.
I further explained that when the social worker came to take them from my home, they would go to the home of someone who didn't know them, who might, or might not take care of them like their mom and I did. Oh, and all that stuff here that you enjoy? Like the Nintendo, the toys, the roller blades, the new bikes, etc would not be going with them.

(Here's where I jump up on the soapbox)
A great portion of why kids show little or no respect to others, and property, etc. is that parents have been cowed into using methods of discipline that are not effective. Or they have not disciplined at all.

If you grow up not being taught that there are consequences to your actions...(finish that thought in your own way and manner)

 

[niky]

+rep for that one. 👍

 

[Anghammarad]

*shakes head in disbelief*

Some of the views expressed here are simply nauseating.

 

[Famine]

Which ones? Why?

 

[homeforsummer]

I definitely remember the odd smack on the arse as a kid and that was always enough for me to learn my lesson, and it probably didn't happen beyond about six or seven years old as by then any normal child will usually have a pretty good idea of what's going to get them in trouble or not.

I can see how there's a grey area though - a quick smack on the arse is enough to be painful and stop you doing whatever you were doing, but not enough to inflict lasting damage like a bruise - I don't think I would have appreciated being at school when "the cane" was still in regular useage.

So broadly I'm on the "for" side of spanking. Some little brats definitely need a quick clip 'round the ear. You can see it in public - some kids just don't respond to being talked or shouted at but I bet any money any kid under about six or seven ish is going to respond to pain. At the very least it stops them acting up and once they've calmed down then comes the time to talk with them about why they were smacked.

At the same time, if a parent can't control their kid without smacking them then something's probably gone wrong with their parenting already. Discipline needs to be instilled at a fairly young age, before kids can even talk, really.

 

[Anghammarad]

Which ones? Why?

The ones that advocates physical abuse of children. Resorting to spanking is nothing else than a failure as a parent.

And yes, I have two of my own.

 

[Famine]

Is spanking "physical abuse"?

 

[Anghammarad]

Is spanking "physical abuse"?

Yes.

 

[Famine]

Yes.

The law - and many other people - might not agree, so expanding on why you think this would be a good start.

 

[Anghammarad]

The law - and many other people - might not agree, so expanding on why you think this would be a good start.

The law does in fact agree. Check out my location to the <-----

A parent should not have to resort to physical punishment since there are many other ways to teach your children what is right or wrong. Mind you, being against spanking does not equate being against discipline. My 4 year old considers it a severe punishment not to be allowed to watch Bob the Builder. The removal of the door to the room of a 13 year old girl is a very good punishment on several levels.

Edit: I was never ever beaten as a child, neither was my sister, and we are both very well adjusted to society. As are her adult children which received the same treatment.

 

[Famine]

The law does in fact agree. Check out my location to the <-----

Hence the "might". Yours apparently does. Ours doesn't,

A parent should not have to resort to physical punishment since there are many other ways to teach your children what is right or wrong.

Define "physical punishment".

Our law says that physically restraining an adult is the same offence - assault - as punching them. But I'm sure you wouldn't class physically restraining a child as "abuse". Would you?

 

[Anghammarad]

Define "physical punishment".

Our law says that physically restraining an adult is the same offence - assault - as punching them. But I'm sure you wouldn't class physically restraining a child as "abuse". Would you?

I would not.

Physical punishment is when you hit your child with your hand or cane or any other tool as a means of punishment for a committed act. Restraining an unruly child in order to prevent them from doing something or breaking something is not physical punishment. Hitting your child to prevent them from doing something wrong is obviously also wrong

 

[Famine]

I would not.

Physical punishment is when you hit your child with your hand or cane or any other tool as a means of punishment for a committed act. Restraining an unruly child in order to prevent them from doing something or breaking something is not physical punishment.

And yet both, to an adult, are assault.

 

[Anghammarad]

And yet both, to an adult, are assault.

Well, according to the letter of the law yes. I doubt, however, that restraining an adult from walking out in front of a bus or train or physically holding someone who is about to attack someone else or harm themselves would have me convicted in any court. This law when it comes to adults is clearly meant to address cases where someone who is not in an agitated state is restrained or held against their will. At least in Europe.

 

[Famine]

Well, according to the letter of the law yes. I doubt, however, that restraining an adult from walking out in front of a bus or train or physically holding someone who is about to attack someone else or harm themselves would have me convicted in any court. This law when it comes to adults is clearly meant to address cases where someone who is not in an agitated state is restrained or held against their will. At least in Europe.

I also live in Europe.

Thing is, you're advocating doing one thing which is classed as assault, but say that another thing which is classed as assault makes you nauseous and that anyone who does it is a failure. Do you see the conflict here?

 

[Darla Starch]

The only times I'll (hopefully) even consider hitting my (future) children is when I lose my cool. (Then I'll have major guilt trips afterwards.)

However, as long as it's not excessive, I certainly don't object to it. I've earned a few throughout my 18-year lifetime. On the other hand, a few may have been unnecessary...then again, my mom does appear to have anger issues...then again, she was a single parent for most of the time after her children started coming...then again, I do feel some anger from her particularly directed towards me, considering I came along when she was 19 and I probably delayed or destroyed her dreams and such with my birth...I could probably start a thread of my own about this...so, carry on.

 

[homeforsummer]

Edit: I was never ever beaten as a child, neither was my sister, and we are both very well adjusted to society. As are her adult children which received the same treatment.

I was never "beaten" as a child either but I was given a quick whack on the arse sometimes if I'd done something "naughty". I'm perfectly well adjusted to society too and I don't have any grudge against my parents for doing so, nor do I have any lasting damage of any sort.

I think you're assuming that any form of physical punishment is tantamount to beating a kid up, which isn't the case even slightly. And a quick smack now and then to take the steam out of an unruly child's antics certainly isn't bad parenting. It doesn't leave any lasting damage but does stop the kid acting up.

As long as the family environment is a good one in the first place the kid won't turn into some sort of emotional freak when they're older just because they were spanked a few times.

I'm certainly not advocating it as the only punishment but nor do I see it as heavy-handed.

 

[bin0]

I was never "beaten" as a child either but I was given a quick whack on the arse sometimes if I'd done something "naughty".

Same here, I was smacked across the FACE when I was bad though. Yes I think it is wrong, parents are there to take care of their children, if they do something wrong they don't have to spank them. Grounding and making them go up to their room is fine.

 

[Anghammarad]

I think you're assuming that any form of physical punishment is tantamount to beating a kid up, which isn't the case even slightly.

I do not, but I still fail to see why anyone would need to resort to physical punishment when it comes to bringing up your kids. There's simply no need, and the fact that so many defends it buy saying that their parents spanked them and it never hurt them is beside the point. You just shouldn't hit your children. Never.

 

[Wenders]

The only times I'll (hopefully) even consider hitting my (future) children is when I lose my cool. (Then I'll have major guilt trips afterwards.)

Hitting a child because you "lose your cool" I believe is when you cross that line and it becomes abuse. If you have lost it that isn't the childs fault even if their behaviour caused you to lose it. They shouldn't be punished because you have anger issues.haviour

 

[niky]

I do not, but I still fail to see why anyone would need to resort to physical punishment when it comes to bringing up your kids. There's simply no need, and the fact that so many defends it buy saying that their parents spanked them and it never hurt them is beside the point. You just shouldn't hit your children. Never.

v This v

Hitting a child because you "lose your cool" I believe is when you cross that line and it becomes abuse. If you have lost it that isn't the childs fault even if their behaviour caused you to lose it. They shouldn't be punished because you have anger issues.haviour

If you are using light physical punishment to dissuade negative behavior, then that's discipline. If you're beating the snot out of the kid because you're tired and grumpy, that's abuse.

When you say:

Resorting to spanking is nothing else than a failure as a parent.

I take issue with that. Because, personally, failure as a parent means that you bring up a socially maladjusted child who likes to strangle kittens.

Mind you, we hardly ever spank our child. We vowed not to, at first. But there are some things you can't explain to a hyperactive little child with no concept of right or wrong. Spanking is a very last resort for us, to dissuade her from doing things that might lead her to getting hurt even worse.

As such, we hardly ever spank her. And now that she's a little older, it's easier to apply non-physical methods of discipline. Of course, to her, it's all the same. Spanking doesn't bother her as much as physical restraint (hyperactive, remember), which is actually borderline traumatic for her. We tried time-out methods and they only made her outbursts worse. So we had to stop.

So... which is the more inhumane treatment? As Famine says, physical restraint is criminal...

-

And note: I think my parents spanked me too much, which is why I don't use it much on my kid. But this was at a time when the term ADHD was not widely known. Yes, I was a rotten little brat. But we know a lot more about kids nowadays, and we have better ways of dealing with misbehavior... but I don't think we should throw out the baby with the bathwater.

 

[Gil]

The ones that advocates physical abuse of children. Resorting to spanking is nothing else than a failure as a parent.

And yes, I have two of my own.

If your methods work, than great.
But as I said, spanking is not the only form of punishment.
As a last resort, after doing all else, it works.

Beating anyone is wrong.
And there is a difference between the two.

Right now, count yourself lucky that you have two kids that respond well to other forms of discipline.

 

[Terronium-12]

I don't know if it's been said already, but abusing your kid and disciplining your kid are two totally different things. To say that resorting to having to spank your kid means you've failed as a parent is, to me, quite naive. I was popped in the mouth, whacked on the ass, chased around the house and then whacked on the ass, I may have even gotten the belt when I was in my young age and it's done nothing but good for me. It taught me that nothing goes, or should go unpunished. I'm not a parent (Yet. I want a daughter....so somewhere down the road.) and I'm not implying or even suggesting how others should bring their kids up, but it's like someone said (and I'm paraphrasing) "don't grow up to be jackass parents, don't shield your kids from the way your grew up." Like I said, I'm paraphrasing but the logic being you don't have to not discipline your kids because you think it's abuse...there's a fine line between the two.

Most of us here (and you'd be lying if you said otherwise) grew up with parents who were old-school, none of that "go take a time out" bs worked with them, no, we were taught a lesson (or ten ). Kids today have it too easy and it's because of this that parents can't physically teach their kids right from wrong because of the fear that Child Services will pay a visit, and as a result in some situations the parents are being abused by their children both verbally and/or physically. I'm not calling anyone out, but I've always had a sore spot for this topic as it's just so ill-advised and misdirected, very much misdirected. People are just too damn frigid these days, everything has to be done using the internet, watching a television program, or reading a book - be a parent, you grew up just fine.

It sickens me when I see loudmouth, disrespectful kids walking all over their folks because they were never taught a lesson or threatened to get a plastic bat upside the head (with no intention of ever doing it).

That's my .02 cents.

 

[Speedy Samurai]

Kids should sort each other out, if there is disciplined to be doled out it should be between themselves or from older kids,

Why has no one pointed out that this is the worst point of view on the subject, ever?!

 

[Anghammarad]

I take issue with that. Because, personally, failure as a parent means that you bring up a socially maladjusted child who likes to strangle kittens.

Sorry, what I meant is that is that I as a parent should have been able to interpret the signs earlier so that the situation that lead to the necessity to punish the child never came about. It has nothing to with bringing up maladjusted kids.