The General Relationship Thread

[phillgt2002]

My self esteem is pretty low, but whenever I talk to someone (girls especially) that's very friendly and confident I find it's easier for me to talk to them.

This situation came up for me today. I just met this woman. I walked into the artist's studio and made a comment "That's actually a relatively easy project compared to the other one." to her. She's a new student. Another woman that is an acquaintance of mine pops up from behind and says "He's really good!".

Now, I'm relatively cool headed and relaxed almost all of the time (besides being drunk), but this woman I met that was doing the sculpture was so, so energetic that it kind of knocked me back to a point where I went from relaxed to lost for words.

Still lost for words, she immediately asks me for my schedule and times I'm available so that I can help her. It seems she's pretty well off with her sculpture, so I don't know why she wants or needs my help besides the obvious.

Anyways, she was so outgoing, friendly and energetic that it kind of scared me. I rolled with it. Got her name, found out that she's a dancer (could explain the energy.) and she's trying to become a dentist.

She's cute, but holy ****, she's a bit much for me. Besides, someone else has my attention

As for self esteem, you have to take more time out to understand yourself. Believe it or not, a person who understands themself and what they want generally come off as more attractive.

People, and women particularly, can pick up on if you do or if you don't. In addition, it easily ties into self esteem.

 

[V0RT3X]

This situation came up for me today. I just met this woman. I walked into the artist's studio and made a comment "That's actually a relatively easy project compared to the other one." to her. She's a new student. Another woman that is an acquaintance of mine pops up from behind and says "He's really good!".

Now, I'm relatively cool headed and relaxed almost all of the time (besides being drunk), but this woman I met that was doing the sculpture was so, so energetic that it kind of knocked me back to a point where I went from relaxed to lost for words.

Still lost for words, she immediately asks me for my schedule and times I'm available so that I can help her. It seems she's pretty well off with her sculpture, so I don't know why she wants or needs my help besides the obvious.

Anyways, she was so outgoing, friendly and energetic that it kind of scared me. I rolled with it. Got her name, found out that she's a dancer (could explain the energy.) and she's trying to become a dentist.

She's cute, but holy ****, she's a bit much for me. Besides, someone else has my attention

As for self esteem, you have to take more time out to understand yourself. Believe it or not, a person who understands themself and what they want generally come off as more attractive.

People, and women particularly, can pick up on if you do or if you don't. In addition, it easily ties into self esteem.

I'll take her off your hands then, haha.

I understand myself very well actually. It's the reason why I have low self esteem.

 

[MoLiEG]

So, Hello...

It's been a few days since I... well... you know...

My mind has been dancing from one mood to another... anger, rage, sadness, happiness, peace, fear, and so on...

Also, I can't help feeling sorry for her... because she took every oportunity she had to make a revolution and make me feel bad and make me feel miserable... I feel sorry for this person who worships material things and cash and loves to flaunt her lifestyle and cares so little about people and herself...

Yeah, I was going to marry all that...

I've been more or less ok but, it still hurts a lot...

 

[Obelisk]

So, Hello...

It's been a few days since I... well... you know...

My mind has been dancing from one mood to another... anger, rage, sadness, happiness, peace, fear, and so on...

Also, I can't help feeling sorry for her... because she took every oportunity she had to make a revolution and make me feel bad and make me feel miserable... I feel sorry for this person who worships material things and cash and loves to flaunt her lifestyle and cares so little about people and herself...

Yeah, I was going to marry all that...

I've been more or less ok but, it still hurts a lot...

Hey, we've got your back. Should I start flooding your PMs with cute animal pictures?


==

Personal thing:

I may or may not be having conflicted feelings about a girl. So long story short, online friend introduced me to his ex, who I barely knew when they were together. Chat with her a bit, and within 30 minutes she completely opens to me.

She straight-up spilled everything about the relationship she's in right now, but I won't go into details. Best I'll put it is her boyfriend could very easily go to jail for two different types of sex offense and labelled a pedophile.

Yeah. That bad. I've been keeping in touch with her every day to keep her in a decent mood so she doesn't break down or anything.

I'm not sure how to feel about her, but she's sorta cute - appearance AND personality.

Problems:
She turns 18 in August IIRC, and I'm 21. That's issue one.
Issue two: She lives 6 hours away from me. I could theoretically put aside weekends to go visit her.
Issue 3: See issue one; parents could have issues with it.
Issue 4: Her boyfriend is a piece of (fecal matter) and might explode when she finally breaks off with him

I want some serious advice on how to approach this...

 

[MoLiEG]

@Obelisk

Thanks man, yesterday was the 1st hard day I've had after breaking up. Like I said, I've been somewhat ok, but yesterday her father called me to ask how I was doing, and many memories came to me... Cried for an hour in my room after I returned from the office her dad is a gentlemen, I still can't believe his daughter is the way she is...

I blame her friends and ther social circle to the honest, but I don't want to talk much about her anymore...

Now, your case:

I would recommend caution. Best thing you could do IMHO is to wait for her to dump this other guy completely and then wait for him to be out of the radar a few weeks, as he might be dangerous. Anyone who could be convicted for sexual crimes is someone you want to keep very, very far away from you. He might do drugs, he might be packed, he might have fellas that fall in the same category or even worse, and the list goes on...

Be patient, try to be close to her, keep in touch if she needs anything , and like I said, have a lot of caution and take care of yourself. 👍 You'll be fine and we'll be here for you

 

[Obelisk]

@Obelisk

Thanks man, yesterday was the 1st hard day I've had after breaking up. Like I said, I've been somewhat ok, but yesterday her father called me to ask how I was doing, and many memories came to me... Cried for an hour in my room after I returned from the office her dad is a gentlemen, I still can't believe his daughter is the way she is...

I blame her friends and ther social circle to the honest, but I don't want to talk much about her anymore...

Now, you case:

I would recomend caution. Best thing you could do IMHO is to wait for her to dump this other guy completely and then wait for him to be out of the radar a few weeks, as he might be dangerous. Anyone who could be convicted for sexual crimes is someone you want to keep very, very far away from you. He might do drugs, he might be packed, he might have fellas that fall in the same category or even worse, and the list goes on...

Be patient, try to be close to her, keep in touch if she needs anything , and like I said, have a lot of caution and take care of yourself. 👍 You'll be fine and we'll be here for you

Let me PM you some details.

 

[Lilium]

@Obelisk
From where I come from, if you have at max 4 years of distance between a minor, its not a crime. So 17+4 =21 só its linda legal. You should check your law though

But i would advise you to seek other girls. At 18, she'll hardly know what she wants, and for a 6h drive for something that wont last long, hardly worth it. Take it as you want, but this is my honesti advice.
Also a relationship becomes easier if you can have time with each other any day you ser fit. It only helps to deepen it

The fact that she opens herself pretty quick to her situation, just Hints that she just might be looking for an excuse to jump ship. So either you or someone will help her to finally brake off with the todler fondler, or she just might like being white knighted.

Anyway. If you really want to go at her, support her. Voice your concerns about her situation and her well being. And if possible, hang out with her once in a while.

 

[AlvaroF]

@Obelisk
From where I come from, if you have at max 4 years of distance between a minor, its not a crime. So 17+4 =21 só its linda legal. You should check your law though

Isn't it 5 years apart from a minor?

Anyway @Obelisk:
My girlfriend is 2 years younger than me (I'm 20 next week and she will be 18 in 2,5 weeks) and it's totally fine. If you and her are 3 years apart it will be ok. My issue though, are protective parents, specially her father, who I haven't met yet. She's been holding back that and pisses me off to be honest. So, this would go 2 ways: If they accept the other pos, they should be OK with you.
Now, I know this is about scaling, but, to me a 6h drive is about the same as going to Madrid, yes, really. For something so fresh and let's be honest, she is desperate for actual affection, 400 miles apart isn't worth it for a reletionship that might not work. But keep supporting her, it will be very important for both.

 

[Obelisk]

Anyway. If you really want to go at her, support her. Voice your concerns about her situation and her well being. And if possible, hang out with her once in a while.

I've not held back about this. I've been in her shoes before with an ex of mine, so...

It's a matter of when she breaks up, not if.

I'm actually gonna ask her if I can swing by one of these weekends.

For something so fresh and let's be honest, she is desperate for actual affection, 400 miles apart isn't worth it for a reletionship that might not work.

I make the drive yearly anyways - my family's vacation spot isn't far from where she lives.

 

[AlvaroF]

I make the drive yearly anyways - my family's vacation spot isn't far from where she lives.

Not, but driving 6h every other weekend would get super tiring. Once a month just to hang out, to me, is the best for you (and her). But again, this is my opinion, we all know the heart plays tricks sometimes. A long distance relationship (OK, Not that long, but this applies) as this it needs some very serious commitement.

 

[Lilium]

@AlvaroF last time I saw it, it was 4 years, and on the fifth year of age disparity, you would become a toddler fondler, unless she had 17, with aproval of the parents. don't know if the law changed.

@Obelisk never said you've been helding back, but go get her.
As me and Alvaro put it, its best that you take this as a friendship interest though. I have several friends that are 1h-2h drive and ended relationships due to distance and lack of time together. you can drive, cool. but can She? in this situation its optimal that both have some sort of autonomy to make ends meet. I know you're not even dating her or so. But if it escalates to such, you have to ponder these, and college too, if she goes to another place due to that.

 

[Obelisk]

you can drive, cool. but can She?

Not to raise a red flag here...

She's petrified of cars. Apparently she was involved in a very nasty accident a while ago as a passenger.

 

[Lilium]

Say goodbye to your dreams of snuggling and playing racers on the sofa together
joking aside. that tolls the trip issue all over you.

 

[Obelisk]

Say goodbye to your dreams of snuggling and playing racers on the sofa together
joking aside. that tolls the trip issue all over you.

I'm gonna have to commit to long road trips anyways, as I'm picking up my airsoft hobby more frequently - closest field is an hour's drive if I'm lucky.

 

[Johnnypenso]

Hey, we've got your back. Should I start flooding your PMs with cute animal pictures?


==

Personal thing:

I may or may not be having conflicted feelings about a girl. So long story short, online friend introduced me to his ex, who I barely knew when they were together. Chat with her a bit, and within 30 minutes she completely opens to me.

She straight-up spilled everything about the relationship she's in right now, but I won't go into details. Best I'll put it is her boyfriend could very easily go to jail for two different types of sex offense and labelled a pedophile.

Yeah. That bad. I've been keeping in touch with her every day to keep her in a decent mood so she doesn't break down or anything.

I'm not sure how to feel about her, but she's sorta cute - appearance AND personality.

Problems:
She turns 18 in August IIRC, and I'm 21. That's issue one.
Issue two: She lives 6 hours away from me. I could theoretically put aside weekends to go visit her.
Issue 3: See issue one; parents could have issues with it.
Issue 4: Her boyfriend is a piece of (fecal matter) and might explode when she finally breaks off with him

I want some serious advice on how to approach this...

Be her supportive friend, don't drive 6 hours to meet her, if you intend to date her at some point, let her break off her relationship on her own and let her take at least a couple of months to sort out her own feelings so you're not just a convenient, port in a storm, rebound. Also, talk to your friend and get his take on her current situation and why they broke up to begin with.

 

[Obelisk]

Be her supportive friend, don't drive 6 hours to meet her, if you intend to date her at some point, let her break off her relationship on her own and let her take at least a couple of months to sort out her own feelings so you're not just a convenient, port in a storm, rebound. Also, talk to your friend and get his take on her current situation and why they broke up to begin with.

I've been supporting her where I've been able to.

I'm not going to jump into anything with her anyways. I want her to deal with things on her own.

Also, the friend and her were together six years ago.

 

[Johnnypenso]

I've been supporting her where I've been able to.

I'm not going to jump into anything with her anyways. I want her to deal with things on her own.

Also, the friend and her were together six years ago.

So then you won't be driving 6 hours I take it?

 

[Obelisk]

So then you won't be driving 6 hours I take it?

I cannot answer that question one way or another because I legitimately don't know right now.

 

[Johnnypenso]

I cannot answer that question one way or another because I legitimately don't know right now.

In manspeak, which I know very well, that usually means yes I will.

 

[Obelisk]

In manspeak, which I know very well, that usually means yes I will.

What makes you think I speak "manspeak"? I mean, I need to weigh benefits and cons - I work a lot of weekends, the trip will chew through my gas, etc.

 

[Johnnypenso]

What makes you think I speak "manspeak"? I mean, I need to weigh benefits and cons - I work a lot of weekends, the trip will chew through my gas, etc.

Because, if the decision is made on principle or values, there are no benefits and cons and it wouldn't be about gas money or work. She's in a relationship with another man so she should be off limits. If she's in an abusive relationship as she says she is, prudence should tell you it's not the best thing for her to jump from an abusive relationship directly into another relationship, especially with a guy that lives 6 hours away and isn't going to be available most of the time.

 

[Obelisk]

prudence should tell you it's not the best thing for her to jump from an abusive relationship directly into another relationship, especially with a guy that lives 6 hours away and isn't going to be available most of the time.

Don't mean to come off as a rude egg, but I already know this. I made that mistake before. Never again.

 

[SlipZtrEm]

What makes you think I speak "manspeak"? I mean, I need to weigh benefits and cons - I work a lot of weekends, the trip will chew through my gas, etc.

Don't do it. There are more red flags in this scenario than at a Republican party motor race in a hail storm.

 

[Obelisk]

Don't do it. There are more red flags in this scenario than at a Republican party motor race in a hail storm.

I'm aware of that, sir. Johnny just made a good point about it as well.

If anything, my weekends are too packed, anyways.

Edit: I found that analogy to be a lot funnier than it should have been.

So my thought process right now re: road trips is to leave that off the table entirely for the time being.

Also, someone up there, I think Johnny, made a passing comment in a post about the abusive relationship. I don't want to reveal any more than I already have, but I've seen proof of the abuse. @MoLiEG has the additional details, but I would prefer to keep that locked up.

Edit 2: I've just sent off a few questions for her to verify a few things and set another thing straight.
So I've:
A. Asked her to promise not to try anything right after the inevitable break-up.
B. Requested that we find a meeting point at the midway point between our houses should she ask me to come visit her
C. Carefully asked for possible proof of abuse.

Any other concerns I should cover?

 

[Johnnypenso]

If anything, my weekends are too packed, anyways.

Just for the record, this is manspeak. If you're deciding not to go because it's the right thing to do, your availability is irrelevant. This is mancode for, "I'm interested, I know I shouldn't go, but I'm still thinking about it and I'm probably going to go as soon as I'm not busy". I'm not trying to beat you up. If a man has been around long enough, he's most likely been there, done that. We all love to be the knight in shining armour rescuing the damsel in distress. I believe it's in our DNA. You can still be a sort of knight in this situation but it doesn't mean you have to get involved with a woman coming straight out of an abusive relationship, who lives hundreds of miles away. And for sure, it doesn't mean you should get into the middle of her relationship as the other man. Help her, guide her, be a virtual shoulder to cry on as she gets herself out of this relationship, if that's what she wants. Think about it this way. If you were just a friend, and she was thinking about having an affair and leaving this dude and going straight into another relationship with someone who wasn't you, what advice would you be giving her?

 

[Obelisk]

Just for the record, this is manspeak. If you're deciding not to go because it's the right thing to do, your availability is irrelevant. This is mancode for, "I'm interested, I know I shouldn't go, but I'm still thinking about it and I'm probably going to go as soon as I'm not busy". I'm not trying to beat you up. If a man has been around long enough, he's most likely been there, done that. We all love to be the knight in shining armour rescuing the damsel in distress. I believe it's in our DNA. You can still be a sort of knight in this situation but it doesn't mean you have to get involved with a woman coming straight out of an abusive relationship, who lives hundreds of miles away. And for sure, it doesn't mean you should get into the middle of her relationship as the other man. Help her, guide her, be a virtual shoulder to cry on as she gets herself out of this relationship, if that's what she wants. Think about it this way. If you were just a friend, and she was thinking about having an affair and leaving this dude and going straight into another relationship with someone who wasn't you, what advice would you be giving her?

I'm trying to digest this info carefully...

I've been going about this the wrong way, haven't I? I haven't talked to her about her boyfriend since the day after we started talking, and I've mostly been trying to talk about random stuff with her to keep her mind off the abuse and stuff. That's about the extent of what I've actually done.

Edit: At the very least, I can't do diddly squat until August when she turns 18. Better safe than sorry.
Edit 2: Am I manspeaking again? It's 1:22 AM and I'm tired as heck. I'll pop back in here in the morning when I'm awake.

 

[phillgt2002]

I want some serious advice on how to approach this...

...
No. Don't even think about doing it.

To me, it just sounds desperate.

She's four years younger than you, six hours away and not really stable. You even mention that you'd have to wait until August, which means you've given this enough thought to likely go through with it.

You're the same age as me. I don't know about you, but the last thing I would want is to be tied up with an 18 year old with little to no life experience. I can barely tolerate women my age, so I generally gravitate towards women a couple years older than me.

I know you can ignore the advice that we give easily, but just for reverb.. Don't even think about doing it.
-------
Me and this woman flirt so much around others that it has gotten ridiculous. Wherever we talk, we're laughing about each other to others. Wherever I'm with her, she's constantly telling others about me and what I do.

We line up so well. We have the same outlook and aspirations in life, similar social attitudes, etc. It just seems so right.

I'm sure I will have a hard time letting her go when she leaves. She's like a dream for me. Her leaving will be like me waking up from one.

 

[Kitten]

So. Its been almost a month since i have moved to Montreal, QC for University. I decided to use Bumble, and Tinder. Maybe i can make friends this way?

Well. Tinder was useless, but the first match on Bumble! *woohoo* This was on "1/29/17" I looked on her profile, and it said "I like cars" or something like that. We started talking, and we connected really well. She goes to the same University as i do. And actually, shes in my sisters Macro economy Class, and she does a Study group for Micro Economy, which she told me to go to and i did! But anyway! Bit fast tracking here! Tuesday comes *1/31/17* I finished my lab around 5:30 or so, took me an hour extra, but anyway, she got out around the same time, and i asked her, if she wanted to go out for dinner! She accepted! We find this place to eat, she orders a salad, i get a burger. We instantly connected, usually i'm shy, takes a bit to open up. But not with her, like the first meet-up wasnt like awkward or anything, i fully felt myself. We laughed and giggled, and shared plenty of stories, talked about cars, technology and stuff. Then we went home. The next day, i went to the study group which helped a lot, but nothing really happened, i had back to back classes.

Then she told me, the next day or so that she wants to hang out with me more, and i felt the same!

Anyway!

Friday comes, and we setup plans to hang out, but then she ended up helping me with Micro-Economy Lab, then we played a bit of Forza Horizon 3, and then we watched a bit of "The Grand Tour" since she wanted to watch it so badly. Then we ended up cuddling, and it was about 3am, or so. I looked into her eyes for like couple mins or so. My insides completely melted. It was a feeling i have never felt before. It was so strange, but such an amazing feeling. Anyway around 4am or so we fall asleep, and i wake up to her on facebook watching videos.

Saturday comes, and she set up this Sober Party at her house, where we played games, 8 people were there if i recall? I met plenty of new people and it was great, ton of fun. Around 11-12 we end up cuddling on the couch, i met her parents, and sister who are quite awesome tbh. But anyway! We end up, going to bed around 2, and we were talking. She tells me this "I have never been scared before, until you came. You are so different then anybody else", and i felt the exact same way. And then we fell asleep. I wake up in the sunday morning with "Goooood Morning!" She looks at me "Im not a morning person, then puts her head on my chest"



Like her touch makes my insides melt. Which is something that has never happened before.


Shes a complete car girl, who literally shares the same interest of cars that i like, and complete Intel & Nvidia brand loyal.

Ugh..

She inspired me to get my homework all super organized and stuff too..


Idk if its a coincidence, but she drive a Red Mazda Miata ND, and i have a Hoodie with a Red ND Miata...

 

[BobK]

Dude, she's a keeper!

 

[Kitten]

Dude, she's a keeper!

Honestly she is. She fits my personality so well. She works hard in school, she loves cars, technology. Shes so dorky, and clumsy, just ugh. We laugh so much, its just so.. perfect.