The General Relationship Thread

[Lilium]

@Cobra_GT500 if you need some conversation unblockers, to avoid the awkward moments, did you know that Chalk is made of plankton fossils?
Did you knew that the most successful erotic novel of the XV century was written by a Pope?
you can use these, and stuff like it, and then joke around it a bit. its good to get some pace on the conversation.

@TJ13
You could say that you really liked the Idea and looked really forward to it.
I've been on that side of a distance relationship, but never had much troubles until things got awry, and we just distanced ourselves.
But from what you've told us so far, your girl kinda seems to switch moods pretty often. while that itself is pretty manageable depending on the person, by distance it can affect a person more than side by side. you can't read expressions, neither deal with it on the go. IT just kinda consumes you little be little.
What I'm trying to say is that you should put things in perspective. if this is quite recurring? if you're the one that normally makes compromises? A relationship should be kinda leveled on these things. make sure you're not on the short end of the stick and you play to her tune. As I said. both sides should compromise the best they can.

Don't take me wrongly. I'm not saying give up and break up. I'm just hoping that you're not being toyed with.
anyway. hope things go well on new year's eve with you

 

[phillgt2002]

Alright thanks guys for that. I did read some reviews earlier on dating sites and they weren't verry good. So I guess I'll have to be a bit more out there person then. I could start by joining a class or something? I'm a bit socially awkward so it's going to be hard for me. I already struggle with my friends lol but over time I have gotten a lot better and can hold a conversation and joke around. The annoying thing about where I live it seems to be about what job you have compared to more than what type of person you are. I have a stable job at the moment but might be unemployed this time next year since I'm on contract. Guess I should just bite the bullet and see where it takes me.

If you're looking for a date or people that will be interested in you, take a class that is around your favorite hobby.

I'm a ceramicist, so my dates tend to be very open and artistic women. I've joined a studio and I've taken classes at a studio.

Simply put, if you want someone's attention, you have to have a desire or passion. With a potential interest, nothing attracts a person more than a person who has a passion for what they do. That passion, in their minds, will ascend the job you have because they're likely to be happy because you are happy. Find a hobby and meet people within that hobby or, really, any activity you enjoy remotely. The reason why I say this is because you are more likely to be yourself when you are doing or around something familiar.

I know this post is reaching in length, so I'll leave you with this bit. I was generally an open person when younger. I talked to everyone. Highschool was strange. I shut down and stopped talking to many of my friends. I got depressed etc.

Afterwards in college, about a year in, I started to do more art related things. I started doing ceramics and got so good at it that I pretty much started teaching people because they saw my skills. I've had a few dates with those people.

My posts in here suggest that I'm not really one for dating, but things lead to another when you meet someone who is passionate about the things that you like and have a passion of their own. The social interaction alone (as mentioned, I've never been too anti social) helped me quite a bit.

Whoever it is, it doesn't matter, I'll help them, talk to them or whatever.

Move at a proper pace. Don't be afraid of different avenues when it comes to social interaction. Also, definitely consider the advice the others have given.

 

[TJ13]

@TJ13
You could say that you really liked the Idea and looked really forward to it.
I've been on that side of a distance relationship, but never had much troubles until things got awry, and we just distanced ourselves.
But from what you've told us so far, your girl kinda seems to switch moods pretty often. while that itself is pretty manageable depending on the person, by distance it can affect a person more than side by side. you can't read expressions, neither deal with it on the go. IT just kinda consumes you little be little.
What I'm trying to say is that you should put things in perspective. if this is quite recurring? if you're the one that normally makes compromises? A relationship should be kinda leveled on these things. make sure you're not on the short end of the stick and you play to her tune. As I said. both sides should compromise the best they can.

Don't take me wrongly. I'm not saying give up and break up. I'm just hoping that you're not being toyed with.
anyway. hope things go well on new year's eve with you

Edit:
Lot of blah that was originally was here changed.
We did finally managed to do a 3 minute video chat when I woke up this morning.
After that she was so happy and it was like a whole new person.
Then it was new years lots of celebrating and then it was time for me to do all my things.
Got home after having birthday cake. which was a bit later than what was planned (10 minutes)
I changed kinda wanted to wind down for the night and then we ended up doing a 37 minute chat.

Everything as gone a lot better. What really was kinda unusual is that she had other chats lined up last night/this morning but didn't do it because of me.

All is well and I guess I have to just wait for the gifts.

As more time went on and other things.
Last night after I posted this and then went to bed after talking a bit more, this was said as I asked an honest question on if we would never get back together or if we would at some point down the road. Her response was "I know we will be together. Even I am so stubborn...even before you said the flowers, I already wanted to say we're fine but I'm stubborn."

Then followed up by "Just don't give up on me..."

So it's all good now. Still thinking that by Thanksgiving (Which is 327 days away) we should be fully together living together.

 

[Touring Mars]

I don't wish to sound like an old cynic (but I probably will!), but I think there is something to be said about being too 'respectful' of some relationships and/or being put off by the fact that someone you really like happens to be dating, engaged or even married to someone else. I'm certainly not in favour of doing anything to break up a relationship, but at the same time I think I am perhaps too convinced by the idea that engagements/marriages are permanent arrangements when it often turns out that they aren't.

I went to a party a few years ago and instantly noticed this very attractive girl - it turned out to be the sister of the host of the party, and she was there with her fiancée. As it turned out, we got chatting and we hit it off really well - I certainly would have asked her out at some point if not for the fact that she was engaged. We met again at her sister's wedding, and once again she was there with her fiancée - once again we got chatting and once again I figured that there was no point in getting involved any further than our passing acquaintance through her sister, despite the fact that I really liked her.

Anyway, she is getting married in a few week's time.... to some other bloke that is definitely not the fiancée I've met twice. I can't help thinking that if I had been a bit more forward and a bit less 'respectful' of her status as being engaged, then I might have got to know her a bit better and hence been more in the loop about the fact that she had separated from her fiancée and was, at least for a while, a free agent again (or at least I assume that was the case, but you never know). I know several people who have been engaged and have not married their first fiancée, and all of them without exception appear to feel like they dodged a massive bullet and have ended up with the right person. But I reckon there is a fine line between encouraging people to make the right choice and actively sniffing around someone who is currently not available in the hope that they might dump them in favour of oneself. Like I said, I wouldn't like to think that I'd actively seek to break up a relationship, but being too standoffish doesn't seem to work either.

 

[Johnny1996]

I haven't opened up to my crush yet simply because of circumstances I can't control, such as no seats near her on the bus being open. However I'm gonna try again tomorrow and if I do in fact talk to her, at least I (maybe her too) will have the weekend to forget about anything stupid or awkward I may end up saying. There's a decent chance of that happening with the way I am everyday with everyone.

But in all seriousness, I'm feeling pretty good about this. As always if I have an update, I'll give one.

 

[TJ13]

@Touring Mars Engagements and marriages are kinda that thing where what half of them end in a divorce anyways? (Or so I have heard) For me taking that step when it's time is more of a can I see myself with this person in any way or form that is not into the while "fun in bed" situation. Then you have to look at what is common and different. Yes while everyone is different in their own way. For me I would want someone with a lot of common stuff and a few differences that isn't considered a deal breaker. Pros and cons of them. (Some people don't do that anymore) Just take it that the first one maybe good in some areas (At the height of the relationship) then end up finding they are worthless when they really need them the most at the worst part of the relationship. (Anyone who can tell the good and bad and still survive all that stuff and still wants to be with you I think is a keeper)

Anyways.
To my situation.
As the new year came and went just like that. Now I sit and think on if I made the right choice.
How does anyone feel about a semi-clingy girlfriend/boyfriend?
By that I mean that wants to be there with you but also if you need time and space their willing to give it? (Which is why semi-clingy I put)
I got one of those and by all means I like it but at times it can be a bit much. (Especially when I am on my "winter break" from school plus I don't even know if I can return as my appeal is still YTD)
We have a lot in common some not so much but again if I want all the things I want, Just date myself or stay single?
Just want to see if anyone has experience with a clingy or semi-clingy girl/boy.

 

[Stephan]

I suddenly got interested to a girl who happens to be attending the same cotillion which will be on January 27 as me. She was introduced to me by my HS friend and too bad I wasn't her partner though but she was kinda quiet when I first met her.

Then I decided to add her in FB, she was friendly as it can get. I chatted with her a lot (I even made her flatter by saying that she looks beautiful and blooming when she came from a good sleep) and to a point where we actually became friends. Though I haven't ask her to meet with me yet but it's been 3 days since I first met her so should I ask her to hang out with me or should I wait? And how do I flatter her even more?

 

[nk4e]

Work with her and be yourself.
------
Lately, I have been questioning why I am so "anti-social" to the norm and always be attracted to the same type of people. Granted that I only been in this state for a month and three weeks.

 

[Johnnypenso]

I suddenly got interested to a girl who happens to be attending the same cotillion which will be on January 27 as me. She was introduced to me by my HS friend and too bad I wasn't her partner though but she was kinda quiet when I first met her.

Then I decided to add her in FB, she was friendly as it can get. I chatted with her a lot (I even made her flatter by saying that she looks beautiful and blooming when she came from a good sleep) and to a point where we actually became friends. Though I haven't ask her to meet with me yet but it's been 3 days since I first met her so should I ask her to hang out with me or should I wait? And how do I flatter her even more?

It's never too early to ask someone out. Go for it you have nothing to lose.

When it comes to compliments, I find they are more flattering if you compliment her on things she can control or had a hand in. She was born with her face, so complimenting her on it, while it'll make her feel good for a little bit, doesn't have the same effect as complimenting her on the way she styles/cuts her hair, the type of clothes she wears, her earrings, the choices she makes etc. People like to have their choices/efforts validated, and the more work they put into something, the more they appreciate the compliment. Don't overdo it though. Overcomplimenting someone can be annoying and can make you appear as too eager to please and lacking in confidence yourself. Make sure as well, that your comment is genuine. If she isn't having a great hair day, don't tell her her hair looks great because she'll know you're full of 🤬 and it could work against you.

 

[Stephan]

It's never too early to ask someone out. Go for it you have nothing to lose.

When it comes to compliments, I find they are more flattering if you compliment her on things she can control or had a hand in. She was born with her face, so complimenting her on it, while it'll make her feel good for a little bit, doesn't have the same effect as complimenting her on the way she styles/cuts her hair, the type of clothes she wears, her earrings, the choices she makes etc. People like to have their choices/efforts validated, and the more work they put into something, the more they appreciate the compliment. Don't overdo it though. Overcomplimenting someone can be annoying and can make you appear as too eager to please and lacking in confidence yourself. Make sure as well, that your comment is genuine. If she isn't having a great hair day, don't tell her her hair looks great because she'll know you're full of 🤬 and it could work against you.

Thanks man. Appereciate it. I'm actually going out with her later.

 

[Stephan]

So here's my update:

Apparently it wasn't a date (sorry to dissappoint) but it was a practice for our cotillion and it just so happened that my partner was absent so she became my temporary partner and during one of our breaks, my old HS classmate trips her saying that I do have a crush on her but he keeps on tripping and tripping (I personally kept quiet because I might make a noise that I do like her) to the point where she became quiet but luckily I asked her if she's ticked off but she's cool with it and I'm glad about that. I was extremely shy to talk to her with my classmates around because they may misunderstood it.

So what do you think I should do to talk to her directly?

 

[BobK]

So what do you think I should do to talk to her directly?

Absolutely.

 

[V0RT3X]

I quit the job I had. Upper management was so horrible, but that's not important. There, just about everyone there was female but at my other job, nobody is. I don't have a clue on where I could possibly meet someone.

 

[MoLiEG]

Guys...




It's over...






I broke up with her...

 

[Eh Team]

Guys...




It's over...






I broke up with her...

You did the right thing, I am sorry about the time you probably feel you wasted on her, but you did the right thing.

 

[MoLiEG]

You did the right thing, I am sorry about the time you probably feel you wasted on her, but you did the right thing.

Then why I feel completely ruined? I feel destroyed... I feel angry, I feel awful

 

[BobK]

Then why I feel completely ruined? I feel destroyed... I feel angry, I feel awful

Perhaps reading over some of your posts in this thread might help.
Such as this one.
Or this one.
And don't forget her own words:

I'm only telling you what I want
And what I'm looking for
I someone who makes good money
And has a car
And that can buy me a house
That's the only thing that matters to me

Honestly, you're better off now.

 

[Eh Team]

Then why I feel completely ruined? I feel destroyed... I feel angry, I feel awful

It's because you have put years into this relationship thinking she loved you all along when really she was just faking her love and was in it for the money.

Think of a relationship like a pyramid cut corner to corner and each of you are building half and supplying materials on your own. You're building your half with stone because you want it to be strong and it has weight behind it. She's building her half with wood frames dressed up to look just like stone. Initally everything seems okay and the building is going well, then further into the build there are tremors that indicate structural problems on her side. She manages to pass them off and you keep building but the further you go the more tremors are felt cracking is heard up until now, when all the wood turns to toothpicks and the weight of your stones collapse the whole thing on itself.

The weight of what you were putting in finally crushed her façade and you made the right decision to not build anything with her again.

 

[V0RT3X]

It's because you have put years into this relationship thinking she loved you all along when really she was just faking her love and was in it for the money.

Think of a relationship like a pyramid cut corner to corner and each of you are building half and supplying materials on your own. You're building your half with stone because you want it to be strong and it has weight behind it. She's building her half with wood frames dressed up to look just like stone. Initally everything seems okay and the building is going well, then further into the build there are tremors that indicate structural problems on her side. She manages to pass them off and you keep building but the further you go the more tremors are felt cracking is heard up until now, when all the wood turns to toothpicks and the weight of your stones collapse the whole thing on itself.

The weight of what you were putting in finally crushed her façade and you made the right decision to not build anything with her again.

^This. You put a lot into that relationship, and obviously felt very strongly towards her if you got engaged to her... twice. So it's natural to feel bad about it because of the work you put in. She apparently did not want to put the work in, and I can honestly say you did the right thing. Trust us here.

 

[ASSCVCCS]

Oh hey, this thread. It's been a while...

It's in the spoiler, as per usual.

Spoiler

So... in my last post all the way back in August, I was talking about a girl who lived about 70 miles away from me and how I was very unsure about what was happening between us. I remember that I started getting really, uncontrollably sad right after sending that message and I messaged her that night mainly because I was so worried. When I said that I was kinda worried about her, she replied by saying that everything will be fine and I'll find somebody else just like her. I viewed that in loads of different ways and thought about it quite a lot, but for some reason, I never saw it as the blaring red flag that it was, so while she had definitely ended it in her head, I was still talking to her like I was before and getting kinda sad when she didn't respond too quickly (which I excused because she was at university now) or say that she was too busy whenever I wanted to call her. This hit a breaking point in October when we both had a week off, I was desperate to organise something where we could see each other again and I just never got round to it because whenever I tried to mention it, the conversation never felt right (if that even makes any sense). I said to her that this is probably never going to work and she responded with something along the lines of "I already told you this, how did you not know?", which kinda hurt. Mainly because I knew that I'd just been an idiot for about two months or so. Probably longer really, now I think about it...

That's not the end, though. We're still good friends and we still talk every day which is amazing, and while I sometimes think that she's being kinda flirty or caring about me when we talk... I guess that's just the way she is. I may need a little bit longer to finally accept that, but hey, it's fine. It's normal. I think...

But yeah, now that's out of the way, here's my current issue. I'll actually try to keep this one fairly simple.

I was talking to this girl who goes to my college for about three weeks and we were getting along pretty well, but then I suddenly started to lose interest and just stopped replying to her. It's five days since I stopped talking to her but now I'm kinda regretting it and I think I stopped talking to her because I'm pretty stressed out with college right now and I wasn't talking to anybody in particular during that time.

So... do you think it would be a mistake to try to talk to her again?

 

[Lilium]

^It would be no mistake. just mentions that "sorry, Colleged picked me up. So how's it going?"
it can never hurt.

 

[phillgt2002]

I broke up with her...

Congrats, you've stopped wasting your time.

It'll be easier next time.

 

[Johnny1996]

So this isn't an update or me asking for advice on anything. I'm just making a simple general comment here.

Is anyone else like me being that I always seem to come up with perfect ideas but after it's too late to do anything with those ideas? For example I was just thinking about one of the girls was I interested in in the past, in an in retrospect "what if" way, and I remembered that I really wanted to take her to prom but I was too shy to ask and didn't know how to ask. Then I remembered that she was really artistic and I suddenly realized that I could've used art in some way to ask her.

That was last year or so and not only is she no longer in school that I know of, I'm not interested in her. So getting that idea now doesn't help with anything let alone matter, but it's just kind of a kick in the gut to get the idea now instead of back when I was still interested in her. I think you guys have an idea of what I'm saying. At least I hope.

 

[TJ13]

Well I am probably doing what everyone hates some would do.
Ever since my girl/fiance got mad at everything yesterday around 1030 am, decided to just turn it off at 11 am.
Haven't logged on since, even though I got a few pictures last night/this morning I still haven't logged on.
My facebook notifications came back around 11 am today and with the way I feel today I don't really even want to log on yet.

 

[Parker]

Well I am probably doing what everyone hates some would do.
Ever since my girl/fiance got mad at everything yesterday around 1030 am, decided to just turn it off at 11 am.
Haven't logged on since, even though I got a few pictures last night/this morning I still haven't logged on.
My facebook notifications came back around 11 am today and with the way I feel today I don't really even want to log on yet.

Are you sure you want to marry this girl? You seem to be having a lot of issues, especially with communication, and if you can't communicate with your other half then you're both going to be miserable. Plus, you don't live near each other, right?

 

[phillgt2002]

It's a problem when no one else truly attracts you besides one person.

I've grown on her and she has grown on me. Although something with her would be great, it would only be disappointment. I absolutely hate when I let a girl get wrapped up like this, especially since I don't expect much from my relationships with women, but being me, they tend to drag on.

I feel especially bad because she opened up to me about how lonely she can get and how, besides immediate contact with me and others within our school, she doesn't go out much.

Before letting her go for the night, I could tell she wanted me to come with her for a drive, but I ignored it because I like to have so much space.

To be honest, I feel bad to the point where I'm wondering if something is wrong with me

Her beauty doesn't help the matters.

 

[V0RT3X]

Her beauty doesn't help the matters.

The girl I endlessly whined about during the spring was like that too. She was so insanely beautiful and had low self esteem, so she was interested in me, which distracted me from her lack of personality.

 

[TJ13]

Are you sure you want to marry this girl? You seem to be having a lot of issues, especially with communication, and if you can't communicate with your other half then you're both going to be miserable. Plus, you don't live near each other, right?

It's not so much of the communication.
She got mad at everything and had to turn "me" off and that's how I ended up not wanting to talk or anything.
Then with my one meeting I had set since Jan 6th got cancelled and moved to Feb 3rd yesterday just made me just lose it. Since it was supposed to give me an idea of a career route or something.

We are about 7800 miles away right now and we both have our stress on things we need to do. She needs to pass her medical exam and I need to find work so I can maybe pay for the place I am living in sooner than later.

She knows that and she understand that sometimes our own things that we need to do gets the better of us and we just need to walk away from each other instead of going at it and fighting.

 

[phillgt2002]

The girl I endlessly whined about during the spring was like that too. She was so insanely beautiful and had low self esteem, so she was interested in me, which distracted me from her lack of personality.

Self esteem is key for social interaction, especially romantically, but I don't think I have too much of a problem with it. I often feel like I have a quite high self esteem.

My only problem is that, while I get attracted to women, I tend to distance when things start to get closer and closer. My guess is that I'm naturally afraid of being hurt in relationships, but with the way things are going, I can't see why this would be my instinct.

When a person actively seeks another and looks to them often, there isn't usually a problem. ^ All of which she does.

 

[V0RT3X]

Self esteem is key for social interaction, especially romantically, but I don't think I have too much of a problem with it. I often feel like I have a quite high self esteem.

My only problem is that, while I get attracted to women, I tend to distance when things start to get closer and closer. My guess is that I'm naturally afraid of being hurt in relationships, but with the way things are going, I can't see why this would be my instinct.

When a person actively seeks another and looks to them often, there isn't usually a problem. ^ All of which she does.

My self esteem is pretty low, but whenever I talk to someone (girls especially) that's very friendly and confident I find it's easier for me to talk to them.