The General Relationship Thread

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MoLiEG
I really don't know why or how we managed to be together 2 years...
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It really took all of this for you to realize that? It seems you wanted a relationship just to have a relationship. It may seem far fetched, but people get into relationships just as a means to an end. Ex: loneliness, lack of self worth.
 
Team THRT Drift
Have you talked to her about this? Tell her it bothers you. Tell her that you want to focus on the present relationship. Not to compare you to the exes or anyone else for that matter.


In my case all my exes have been my best friends. We just transitioned from friends to dating but that never lasted long because of other responsibilities.

I don't bring any of them up unless my gf asks.
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I have not only once but twice.
I said that I didn't want to go down that road because of it doesn't involve us.
It's like she wants to know everything and if she kept bringing it up then I probably will start comparing her to them about how they just want the popularity of a relationship but not caring about the person their dating.
I know one thing of her past and I haven't even come close to even wanting to know anymore of those things because it could be bad for the relationship and or it could bring back very hurtful memories that shouldn't even be done.
So I told her that it's the past, shouldn't get involved and should move forward with what we have now instead of being curious. Since curiosity killed the relationship.

Edit: Here is where I forgot to add.
If what she is curious about would happen over time in life then let it happen naturally instead of wanting to know it before and then be all disappointed on how it wasn't how it was said or meant to be.
 
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So some good news.

The girl that I've been talking to, with the abusive boyfriend? She's dumping him tomorrow. I'll be spending the day tomorrow comforting her, so don't expect a post.
 
TJ13
I have not only once but twice.
I said that I didn't want to go down that road because of it doesn't involve us.
It's like she wants to know everything and if she kept bringing it up then I probably will start comparing her to them about how they just want the popularity of a relationship but not caring about the person their dating.
I know one thing of her past and I haven't even come close to even wanting to know anymore of those things because it could be bad for the relationship and or it could bring back very hurtful memories that shouldn't even be done.
So I told her that it's the past, shouldn't get involved and should move forward with what we have now instead of being curious. Since curiosity killed the relationship.

Edit: Here is where I forgot to add.
If what she is curious about would happen over time in life then let it happen naturally instead of wanting to know it before and then be all disappointed on how it wasn't how it was said or meant to be.
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I'll probably get dumped on in this SJW age for bringing this up:sly:, but the first thing that comes to mind when I read this post, and others of a similar vein, is , "man up". I don't understand why some of you guys put up with this kind of nonsense in your relationships. If you don't want to talk about your ex's, or hers, then don't, it's pretty simple. If she continues to insist, just say no, if it becomes heated or uncomfortable, go home.

I'm not saying to be a 🤬 about it, just to be gentle but firm and don't give in just to "make her happy". As in, "honey, here's why I don't want to and won't talk about it", repeat as necessary. Leave if the point doesn't get across. When you say something and then do the opposite, you come across as spineless and deep down they'll respect you a lot less because of it, even if they don't verbally express that sentiment. It seems to me that some of you have so little self confidence that you completely lose your own identity in these relationships and have very few personal boundaries because you fear denying your partner every little indulgence because he/she might dump you or get angry or not like your facebook posts.

It's hard to have a successful relationship if you don't know who you are or what you believe in, if you don't have standards and principles you live by that may clash with your significant other from time to time, which you will not sacrifice because they are an essential element of your character.
 
Obelisk
So some good news.

The girl that I've been talking to, with the abusive boyfriend? She's dumping him tomorrow. I'll be spending the day tomorrow comforting her, so don't expect a post.
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Turns out she already has another guy. That's a dead end for me.
 
Obelisk
Turns out she already has another guy. That's a dead end for me.
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Consider yourself lucky. She's likely in an "any port in a storm" phase and not really ready for a healthy relationship just yet.
 
Johnnypenso
Consider yourself lucky. She's likely in an "any port in a storm" phase and not really ready for a healthy relationship just yet.
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Not to mention that she couldn't bring herself to break up with the jerk yet.

Still, I haven't felt this crushed in years.
 
Just hit the 1 month mark with my girlfriend. Must say, this relationship so far has been a very good one. For once I am being tret right, and it feels like we've been together longer than we actually have been. Maybe it could be because I've known the girl so long. I don't know, but judging from how well our first month has went I think we're going to have a healthy long lasting relationship. Maybe I'm saying that too soon, but I'm genuinely really happy with this girl because no girl has ever been able to treat me as well as she has. As a friend, and from being a girlfriend so far. It feels special, very special. :)

Edit: I've just read some of the above. And it doesn't seem that good. I just hope everybody in here finds there happiness soon, or, and somthing good will happen to all of you. If anybody needs a talk about Relationship stuff or anything for that matter feel free to give me a message. :cheers:
 
Oh, didn't see this thread. I'll try

So. This november i broke up with my girl, we lived together for 3 years and now I'm back to my mom's house.
I took the quite easily. I'm not good, but this is how life works.

Now, after a 3 year story I had a leap into women, as many boys do.

I hung with many girls and one of these is overly attached and I really don't know how to get rid of her without being a complete asshole.

I don't want any kind of relationship with anybody, I'm just playing for a while.

Beside that, the only girl I'm (a little) interested to is my bro's old crush.

Duh.
 
So now things aren't going too well for us. Spoke too soon. It's funny how I can write such a nice thing about her last night now bad stuff has happened. :ill: And no we haven't broke up if anybody is wondring.
 
@Losco You just have to say exactly that.

I don't want any kind of relationship with anybody, I'm just playing for a while.
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and the "oh i'm so sorry that you thought otherwise" and whatnot. if she still is gung ho on keeping you super close, well, disconnect everything from her, i guess.
 
Losco
Oh, didn't see this thread. I'll try

So. This november i broke up with my girl, we lived together for 3 years and now I'm back to my mom's house.
I took the quite easily. I'm not good, but this is how life works.

Now, after a 3 year story I had a leap into women, as many boys do.

I hung with many girls and one of these is overly attached and I really don't know how to get rid of her without being a complete asshole.

I don't want any kind of relationship with anybody, I'm just playing for a while.

Beside that, the only girl I'm (a little) interested to is my bro's old crush.

Duh.
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How about just telling her, "I don't want any kind of relationship with anybody, I'm just playing for a while."?
 
So now I got this situation which I am guessing it's over.

My girl got moody and when that happens I step back until is better.

Then my mom told me there was a post said goodbye from her and only 3 people could see it. (All related to me)

So that just tells me that her mood swings from extreme love to not feeling it dictated on what all happens now.

If the extremes wouldn't happen then it would be much better.

So now I have no idea on anything and yet she said I was the one. Promised me so much and then nothing.

Guess she lied and it's done.
 
Lilium
@Losco You just have to say exactly that.



and the "oh i'm so sorry that you thought otherwise" and whatnot. if she still is gung ho on keeping you super close, well, disconnect everything from her, i guess.
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A month has passed, she said "ok ok, i don't want anything either" so we kept seeing each other for a while. She started back to be possessive, i just closed all bridges.
 
I'm posting this so I can help a buddy of mine out. Everyone else who I could ask is already asleep.

I know this might end up being pretty vague but after opening up to a crush for the first time, when's a good time to ask her to hang out? My friend was thinking about taking her along with he and his mom to the local dirt track on the 21st. Our schools spring break is from the 12th to the 18th and said friend is trying to decide if he should ask his crush about it tomorrow after breaking the ice with her or wait until after schools back in session. Would anyone happen to have anything I could give my friend to help him out?
 
Johnny1996
I'm posting this so I can help a buddy of mine out. Everyone else who I could ask is already asleep.

I know this might end up being pretty vague but after opening up to a crush for the first time, when's a good time to ask her to hang out? My friend was thinking about taking her along with he and his mom to the local dirt track on the 21st. Our schools spring break is from the 12th to the 18th and said friend is trying to decide if he should ask his crush about it tomorrow after breaking the ice with her or wait until after schools back in session. Would anyone happen to have anything I could give my friend to help him out?
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Ask her out. Personally I'd take her out instead of just sticking around the school most of the time like most high school relationships.
 
Since when did men start using the word "crush"? That's a term commonly used by teenage girls who talk about blokes they fancy, or at least it was when I was a teenager.
 
W3HS
Since when did men start using the word "crush"? That's a term commonly used by teenage girls who talk about blokes they fancy, or at least it was when I was a teenager.
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I started dating my wife almost 10 years ago and both sexes were using "crush" then. I can even recall men and women (or boys and girls, more accurately) saying it in middle school as well.
 
Team THRT Drift
Ask her out. Personally I'd take her out instead of just sticking around the school most of the time like most high school relationships.
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Thank you. I told my friend what you said but the girl wasn't at school today so he's just gonna aim for next week after we go back.
 
Parker
I started dating my wife almost 10 years ago and both sexes were using "crush" then. I can even recall men and women (or boys and girls, more accurately) saying it in middle school as well.
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Maybe it's an American thing then.
 
A little update on my friend here: on Sunday the girl randomly added him on Snapchat which gave the two a way to talk and now my friend is having her over for Easter dinner. Beyond this I most likely won't mention anything else about these two. With this post I just wanted to tie up a loose end I felt I left on the table from my previous one. :)👍
 
I really do not have a great relationship with my dad. Everything seems stupid negative when he talks about/to his family. It bothers me that it has changed me in the past. He has "old tradition" feel that everyone should be checking up on him but my brothers have their own family and I have a new path that demands my attention aside from finding my "social circle". Two days ago, he asked for a plane ticket to go to his "last reunion" with his high school classmates, then he goes on ranting about how he never made friends and etc. I oddly think about it days after and how I see it within my own life. I keep wondering if this "negativity" is a trend in the family or just an odd coincidence.
 
@nk4e that part of old tradition, might be normal in some people that were brought up that way. My wife's dad and grandmother are like that. always assume we have to check up on them, and everything has to be dealt carefully to not hurt them. Its hard to break out of that cicle, and if your's stubborn like my wife's, then complaining and talking about how it looks to us will ony make them angry and cut off each other for a while.

about the negativity, not sure what to say, but per eample, I can only negatively talk with my mom. sin'ce I deslike her. not saying your father doesn't like you, but he might not just be a family man of sorts.
 
Johnny1996
I'm posting this so I can help a buddy of mine out. Everyone else who I could ask is already asleep.

I know this might end up being pretty vague but after opening up to a crush for the first time, when's a good time to ask her to hang out? My friend was thinking about taking her along with he and his mom to the local dirt track on the 21st. Our schools spring break is from the 12th to the 18th and said friend is trying to decide if he should ask his crush about it tomorrow after breaking the ice with her or wait until after schools back in session. Would anyone happen to have anything I could give my friend to help him out?
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This is for you and all the blokes out there who might be listening. This is a giant pearl of wisdom I learned over the years, beginning with Gita (still love you babes:)), confirmed by all the women in my life that I remembered to ask over the years. The answer is always the same. Ask her right away. As a young man I made this mistake of thinking that women were somehow different from men in this regard. As a young fella I knew in seconds or minutes whether I'd want to date someone. Yes, there are always exceptions, but generally I knew right away. Women are, for the most part, no different. If they aren't taken already or don't already have a huge thing for someone else already, they know within minutes or even seconds, whether they want to date you or not, they are simply waiting for you to ask.

Of course they won't always say yes because sometimes they aren't interested. But you're fooling yourself if you think that spending weeks and months agonizing over one particular woman is going to work in your favour because it's not (caveat - there are always exceptions but they are not the norm). Not only are you delaying the answer that would have been identical weeks before, you're actually showing them that you're indecisive and can't make up your mind, not an attractive quality, and you're giving some other dude a chance to move in on your girl. How many times have you read in this and other relationship threads, words to the effect, "I waited and waited and waited, I thought she was available but when I asked her she was dating someone else? I thought we had a connection"...etc. You probably did have a connection you just waiting too long to do anything about it!!

Stop being afraid of failure and ask her out. If she says no, be prepared ahead of time to handle it with grace and humour if you want a second shot at a relationship with her. If you handle it well and your attitude towards her is still positive, she might give you a second chance. Get moody, unlike her from your social media or whatever it is the kids do these days, and forget it, your goose is cooked.

When in doubt, ask her out!
 
So, I'm here again :nervous:

And no, before you ask, haven't talked to her since my last post in here... that was the final nail in the coffin.

I've been quite good lately, just enjoying myself and focusing on my stuff, my job, paying my bills, my master's degree and so on.

Just wanted to ask... is it ok if I want to ask a girl out just a few months after breaking up?
 

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