The General Relationship Thread

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MoLiEG
So, I'm here again :nervous:

And no, before you ask, haven't talked to her since my last post in here... that was the final nail in the coffin.

I've been quite good lately, just enjoying myself and focusing on my stuff, my job, paying my bills, my master's degree and so on.

Just wanted to ask... is it ok if I want to ask a girl out just a few months after breaking up?
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That really depends on whether you still feel like you need your ex for something or not. Once you feel like you can do everything on your own again and don't want/need her there then start having a look around. Getting into a relationship because you feel like you need to fill a space that was previously full generally leads to bad things.
 
Lilium
@nk4e that part of old tradition, might be normal in some people that were brought up that way. My wife's dad and grandmother are like that. always assume we have to check up on them, and everything has to be dealt carefully to not hurt them. Its hard to break out of that cicle, and if your's stubborn like my wife's, then complaining and talking about how it looks to us will ony make them angry and cut off each other for a while.

about the negativity, not sure what to say, but per eample, I can only negatively talk with my mom. sin'ce I deslike her. not saying your father doesn't like you, but he might not just be a family man of sorts.
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It just frustrates me that he only thinks of himself alot.
 
Obelisk
Your call. Just don't be doing it when you're still trying to get over the other one.
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Eh Team
That really depends on whether you still feel like you need your ex for something or not. Once you feel like you can do everything on your own again and don't want/need her there then start having a look around. Getting into a relationship because you feel like you need to fill a space that was previously full generally leads to bad things.
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In the end, I think I miss more the things we used to do than her (the person).

I'm still debating with myself if that is a valid reason to search for someone new. My friends say that I should try it, a part of me wants to try it, but yeah, I'm not 100% ready.
 
In advance, I would like to apologise for the length of this post, because frankly, I've never been so open about this topic to anyone before, and I didn't want to post this on somewhere like Reddit, where the community is far more caustic and less accepting than a forum like GTP.

As a 23-year-old straight male, I openly admit to have never got it right with the opposite gender due to reluctance to try. I've always been introverted, but able to converse and have always come off as a friendly and diplomatic personality to everyone I meet. I've also always been attracted to a certain type.

My parents have never had an in depth discussion with me about relationships, because of their extremely religious ideologies. I can remember being rebuked at the age of eight for sharing my wonderful discovery of sexual reproduction from my brother's high-school Biology textbook. (My brothers are 10+ years older than me, and still single, also never had relationships).

In high school, I always thought of myself as too unattractive (overweight, bad skin) to have any serious luck with girls. Therefore it was an afterthought for much of my school life. College came a year after that, and even though my self-esteem was getting restored due to my appearance improving, due to the college being a technical one, nobody interested me enough.

I became aware of my qualities as a pleasant companion when I got my first job. My female co-workers would always greet me with a hug, I didn't even ask them for their numbers, they gave it to me later on. The problem is that, living in South Africa, we have a history of racial segregation. I tentatively bucked the trend by attending a school in what is a 'white' neighbourhood. (This is the type I'm talking about.) Due to the ludicrous employment laws based on race, it was highly unlikely that I was going to come across one, therefore I wasn't satisfied with forming a relationship with a girl who I would deem incompatible. For a year and a half, I felt helpless.

It all changed this year though. With my new job, this time there's no co-workers who catch my eye. However, the way I commute to work has also changed (now railway). Amazingly, I got to know two beautiful girls who travel every morning with me, who I actually had the courage to approach. I managed to use the poor service delivery as an icebreaker (it is a massive problem though).

One of them has subtly hinted that she's taken, while the other one has turned me down when I asked for her number. This was after just three days since I met them, and afterwards I knew I made a mistake. One month down the line, and both girls are now expressing glimpses of interest (taking their seats next to me, initiating conversation with me instead of vice versa, and asking how I am in the morning,etc.) It's got to the point where I want my interactions to be like what I had with the girls at my first job (e.g. greeting with an embrace). That's really all I want for the time being, but I'm still too nervous about it.
 
Just be yourself. Its "fine " to figure out yourself before you get with someone but eventually you will figure out what will work with you.

====
Lately, I have been doing that. Yes, after a few years it sucks but I just noticed that I need to be more " social"
 
nk4e
Just be yourself. Its "fine " to figure out yourself before you get with someone but eventually you will figure out what will work with you.
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So far this is what has brought me the most success. Honesty. The reason why I was rejected earlier on in the year was because I was acting way out of character.

I have been talking to them long enough to understand basic attributes of their personality. The girl who rejected me is a solid introvert, I know this because she even said to me "Don't worry about me not talking, I'm not very talkative" when we first met. She will read, close her eyes, or just stare at the scenery during the journey, and conversation between her and her friend are quite minimal. In my mind, I thought (and still think) she's a perfect fit for my lifestyle, not having to adjust it too much to accommodate her, but at the same time, I'm worried that, over time, I'm going to be frozen out, because I haven't been able to talk to her enough to find something else we have in common.

Her friend, who has mentioned once that she has a boyfriend, is more keen to talk to me. I've made further progress on this quest, ironically. We've talked about our jobs, music interests, and our views on the government. She's always the happier of the two to see me, and more approachable, although I chalk this down to her visible extroversion. But enough backstory, I'll post a report of tomorrow morning's interaction.
 
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Okay, so today wasn't anything special. I only travelled with one of them this morning. The introverted one. Normally she would wait for her friend to arrive at the station, but she told me that she's getting into trouble for her tardiness at college, and in a hurry. I have a deadline to meet at work so I decided not to wait for her friend either, with who the conversation flows a lot more freely. I felt like I was stuck because of the mood that she was in. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
 
My girlfriends jealous ex boyfriend is going round my college telling people that apparently, my girlfriend said that I abuse her to her sister. Which is a lie because I saw my girlfriends sister two days ago in town and she didn't mention anything to me & also my girlfriend has not said anything to her sister about the way I treat her.

I am so angry because now people are just trying to ruin what we have. I would never abuse/bully anybody, I've had it done to myself I've never done it & I never will. But I guess that's some jealous ex's for you. Makes me sick to think people would go so low. I would go up to his face & tell him but I'm waiting to hear it from other people first not just my best mates. Absolutely shocking, can never just be happy people think they know everything when they don't know anything about us.

Everybody who knows me know I'm nothing like abusive. Why would I go out my way to just make someone feel so low? I love my girlfriend, she's my world & I will always protect her. If somebody were to destroy what we got there would be hell on & I would go into a massive pit of depression. No joke.
 
GTPVenomZombie
My girlfriends jealous ex boyfriend is going round my college telling people that apparently, my girlfriend said that I abuse her to her sister. Which is a lie because I saw my girlfriends sister two days ago in town and she didn't mention anything to me & also my girlfriend has not said anything to her sister about the way I treat her.

I am so angry because now people are just trying to ruin what we have. I would never abuse/bully anybody, I've had it done to myself I've never done it & I never will. But I guess that's some jealous ex's for you. Makes me sick to think people would go so low. I would go up to his face & tell him but I'm waiting to hear it from other people first not just my best mates. Absolutely shocking, can never just be happy people think they know everything when they don't know anything about us.

Everybody who knows me know I'm nothing like abusive. Why would I go out my way to just make someone feel so low? I love my girlfriend, she's my world & I will always protect her. If somebody were to destroy what we got there would be hell on & I would go into a massive pit of depression. No joke.
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If you didn't do it, you don't have to explain. If you over explain, you tend to look guilty.
 
Interesting story: On the bus today some girl who I've never seen before randomly gets up from her seat and picks up my bookbag which is on the seat beside me and throws it across the aisle. Then she sits down and says I'm "freaking hot" and that I should go out with her. Well I questionably tell her "um... thanks" and say that I already have someone, so something between this girl and I wouldn't work out. Then she says "nah bro it's okay" and asks me out again, to which I say the same thing I already did and add in "you're not really my type anyway." Well that didn't work because she then says "I'm better than your girl" and I reply with "if you were truly better than her then you'd leave me alone" as respectfully as I can. She gives me a rather ambitious "okay" and finally does leave.

So as the whole time this is happening I'm wondering what the 🤬 is going on and why. Then as the bus gets closer to my house I did the usual social media checks and saw a post by a girl who turned out to be her, saying that she was hopped up on drugs (and something else that I probably can't say here on GTP). Then it all made sense and since this random girl had long since gotten off the bus, I had a decent laugh over it. And her being high explained the strange smell I started to smell right after she got on the bus.

Talk about awkward. Anyone else ever have something like this happen before (probably not)? :lol::lol:

EDIT: This might be in the wrong thread, apologies if so.
 
Team THRT Drift
@MoLiEG I say take time off. Don't go looking for someone. Get yourself together, and set your priorities straight.
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Pay my bills, get a better job, finish my master's degree, get me a nice ride in 2 years time. Yeah, I don't have much time for love now...

It's not like she abandoned me with a child, but the debts I acquired are quite important. You see, a cancelled weeding and an engagement ring are expensive...
 
It's been awhile since I posted in here.

I still talk to the girl at my old high school that I used to post about. She's my only Snapchat streak actually lol. We usually just Snap each other so we know what's like going on in each others lives but we don't talk that much. We probably text like once a month. Lately, our texts have become kinda deep. Like we talk about life and the future and stress. She's really opened up about how she feels about life. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, they ended on good terms (according to her). I still like her. But since I moved, I feel like there's been a disconnect. I think we're still good friends since we discuss life.

Meanwhile, I've finally made friends at my new school. They're mostly girls actually. The guys here all act kinda immaturely and the girls sort of started talking to me first so I kinda just went with the flow. They're really nice. They're like the LGBT, band, AP classes, etc group (not the bad kids). There's one girl that vents about school and her boyfriend. There's one girl that I really enjoy being with. But from her Twitter feed and how she acts, I kinda think she might be a lesbian. But I really like being with her. The other day at lunch, the friend group who usually sat with us weren't there (not sure why), so it was just me and her. We talked and we walked back to class together. That was a nice day. We talk a bit more now. Since AP testing's over, all of our classes are pretty much done so I've been going to her class during my study since the teacher gave us a couple of free days because of AP testing. We played Uno with a bunch of the kids in our friend group. Whenever something happens we sort of look at each other and hold each other gaze. I'm not sure if that's just her reacting to me glancing at her or she's actually looking at me (I try to notice people's body language a lot) (I should probably stop doing that).

Ignoring that fact that she might not be interested in guys and it's probably not likely that I'll get into a relationship with her, she's planning to go to a college that's basically on the other side of the country of where I want to go, so even if something happens, in the long term, it'll probably not work out. So I'm just going with the flow and seeing what might happen.
 
It's been about two days since I've seen either of the girls, and two weeks since I've seen the introverted girl who rejected me the first time. Which brings me to the reason of only posting this now. Regarding our last two encounters, we hit it off very well, I genuinely thought that she was finally warming up to me, because she would do minor things like say 'see you tomorrow', or when the carriage was especially congested that day, and she got off first, actually look back and wait for me to get off so I could walk the remaining distance with her.

I'm starting to lose interest in just talking to her friend all the time, because; besides the fact that she all but confirmed that she has a boyfriend, refuses to kick her smoking habit, and seems very lazy; her level of intelligence is not the same as mine (although her being a few years younger than me might contribute to that). I speak in nearly the same manner in which I post on GTPlanet, and most of the time I'm just met with responses of 'yeah'. She hasn't shown any signs of dissent based on me just being around her, so I'm assuming that that's the only issue she finds with me.

I also learned that they don't even have each other's number. This is what makes the entire situation that much harder to comprehend, as it means that their friendship looks like nothing more than a surface-level acquaintance. On one hand, there's a possibility that I might never see the other girl again due to conflicting travelling times and methods (She told me why she didn't travel with me one day because her mom had a meeting nearby and decided to give her a ride). On the other hand, if we do meet again, it will probably have been so long that we're going to have to start at square one again with regards to the type of person she sees me as.
 
2clicks
It's been about two days since I've seen either of the girls, and two weeks since I've seen the introverted girl who rejected me the first time. Which brings me to the reason of only posting this now. Regarding our last two encounters, we hit it off very well, I genuinely thought that she was finally warming up to me, because she would do minor things like say 'see you tomorrow', or when the carriage was especially congested that day, and she got off first, actually look back and wait for me to get off so I could walk the remaining distance with her.

I'm starting to lose interest in just talking to her friend all the time, because; besides the fact that she all but confirmed that she has a boyfriend, refuses to kick her smoking habit, and seems very lazy; her level of intelligence is not the same as mine (although her being a few years younger than me might contribute to that). I speak in nearly the same manner in which I post on GTPlanet, and most of the time I'm just met with responses of 'yeah'. She hasn't shown any signs of dissent based on me just being around her, so I'm assuming that that's the only issue she finds with me.

I also learned that they don't even have each other's number. This is what makes the entire situation that much harder to comprehend, as it means that their friendship looks like nothing more than a surface-level acquaintance. On one hand, there's a possibility that I might never see the other girl again due to conflicting travelling times and methods (She told me why she didn't travel with me one day because her mom had a meeting nearby and decided to give her a ride). On the other hand, if we do meet again, it will probably have been so long that we're going to have to start at square one again with regards to the type of person she sees me as.
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I've posted this before but the advice bears repeating. You're over thinking this. There are only two possible outcomes here. Ask her out and she says either yes, or no, and anything other than yes is no. Maybe, later, try again next week, I have to wash my hair all = no. No matter how much you think about it, how much you roll the possibilities around in your head, no matter how much you think about what type of person she sees you as, there are still only two possibilities, yes and no.

I think a lot of you guys are deathly afraid of rejection, as if it's the end of the world. It's not believe me. You're going to get rejected much more than accepted in life, that's just how it works, especially when it comes to dating. I was the same in my teen years but I bit the bullet and did what I had to do. My best weapon in this fight was humour. I would often be prepared for rejection with humour to cover up my disappointment, but also to make them think they may have made a mistake by not going out with me. Even my approach was humourous most of the time. "Hey, I was just curious, I'm in a period of self reflection and I asked my best buddy to give me three reasons why he wouldn't go out with me if he was a girl and his answers threw me for a loop. Can I ask you for three reasons why you wouldn't go out with me?" More often that not, she's immediately going to say, "I'd go out with you for sure". If she doesn't you'll learn a lot more about yourself, and her, than you ever will beating around the bush. Be creative, think outside the box. The worst thing that can happen is you are in the exact same position you are in now. The best is she says yes and off you go.
 
Johnnypenso
I've posted this before but the advice bears repeating. You're over thinking this. There are only two possible outcomes here. Ask her out and she says either yes, or no, and anything other than yes is no. Maybe, later, try again next week, I have to wash my hair all = no. No matter how much you think about it, how much you roll the possibilities around in your head, no matter how much you think about what type of person she sees you as, there are still only two possibilities, yes and no.

I think a lot of you guys are deathly afraid of rejection, as if it's the end of the world. It's not believe me. You're going to get rejected much more than accepted in life, that's just how it works, especially when it comes to dating. I was the same in my teen years but I bit the bullet and did what I had to do. My best weapon in this fight was humour. I would often be prepared for rejection with humour to cover up my disappointment, but also to make them think they may have made a mistake by not going out with me. Even my approach was humourous most of the time. "Hey, I was just curious, I'm in a period of self reflection and I asked my best buddy to give me three reasons why he wouldn't go out with me if he was a girl and his answers threw me for a loop. Can I ask you for three reasons why you wouldn't go out with me?" More often that not, she's immediately going to say, "I'd go out with you for sure". If she doesn't you'll learn a lot more about yourself, and her, than you ever will beating around the bush. Be creative, think outside the box. The worst thing that can happen is you are in the exact same position you are in now. The best is she says yes and off you go.
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Have you read my story from the beginning? She's disappeared and been M.I.A. for almost three weeks now, with the only explanation being that she's found another method of transport. Yes, I do tend to overthink things, but so what? The biggest mistakes I've made have come from not thinking things through.

@nk4e summed it up the best. Everybody's got different ways of how they want a relationship to form. I've got mine and you've got yours. The best advice I've received is to be myself, and that has brought me the most success.
 
@2clicks
But keep in mind that in the end, Johnny has it right.
I too, think on every step and interaction that's happening and what they might mean, but this might also make that you take too long to make a move, often to just be disappointed. we're not saying that it all sums up to seeing a girl and asking her out. there has to be a middle ground.
but don't wait for a perfect chance. just for a slightly good. Since she's been missing, next time you see her, take that opportunity to ask her out to catch up. then there you go, you can try to make business.
 
Lilium
@2clicks
But keep in mind that in the end, Johnny has it right.
I too, think on every step and interaction that's happening and what they might mean, but this might also make that you take too long to make a move, often to just be disappointed. we're not saying that it all sums up to seeing a girl and asking her out. there has to be a middle ground.
but don't wait for a perfect chance. just for a slightly good. Since she's been missing, next time you see her, take that opportunity to ask her out to catch up. then there you go, you can try to make business.
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Yes exactly. While we're over thinking and twisting all the possibilities around in our mind, she's already made up her mind whether she'd go out with you or not. All the thinking in the world isn't going to change that.
 
Is this a divorce thread as well? Mrs Fat Tyre and I are splitting up for good. I don't feel like dating or anything yet but I've checked what's "on offer" on OkCupid and it just brought me down. Starting over will suck no doubt.
 
Fat Tyre
Is this a divorce thread as well? Mrs Fat Tyre and I are splitting up for good. I don't feel like dating or anything yet but I've checked what's "on offer" on OkCupid and it just brought me down. Starting over will suck no doubt.
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Without meaning to sound rude, I thought you'd gone travelling together?

...Or is that what caused the split?
 
Katiegan
Without meaning to sound rude, I thought you'd gone travelling together?

...Or is that what caused the split?
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You didn't sound rude, don't worry I guess it got confusing with all the traveling we covered lately.

We are living together in India due to work and stuff while squeezing some traveling, I went to Europe by myself to travel with my mum and brother for a month who I hadn't seen in over a year and returned about a week ago and the following day she broke the news.

Fun thing is that we had a two week trip on northern India planned so the day after I received the news we had to go catch a flight to Delhi, so now we have a full week of traveling and after that I'll start seeing about returning to Melbourne.

There's no third person or anything, she had brought it up before that she just wasn't happy and wanted to be on her own.
 
Fat Tyre
You didn't sound rude, don't worry I guess it got confusing with all the traveling we covered lately.

We are living together in India due to work and stuff while squeezing some traveling, I went to Europe by myself to travel with my mum and brother for a month who I hadn't seen in over a year and returned about a week ago and the following day she broke the news.

Fun thing is that we had a two week trip on northern India planned so the day after I received the news we had to go catch a flight to Delhi, so now we have a full week of traveling and after that I'll start seeing about returning to Melbourne.

There's no third person or anything, she had brought it up before that she just wasn't happy and wanted to be on her own.
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Damn, sorry to hear about that. Please tell me you get to keep the kittens!
 
So, guys... long story short...

She. Came. Back.

After she abondoned me like a sick dog, she returned. She texted me, saying: "Why you didn't search for me? I thought you didn't care about me when I left..."

And you see, she was the one that blocked me from whatsapp, facebook, did not answered calls and pretty much abandoned me...

Any advice? She said she missed me and that she still loves me... (However, I do not see in her any signs of regret about what she did or any signs of change in her attitude. In fact, I think she got worse.)
 
MoLiEG
So, guys... long story short...

She. Came. Back.

After she abondoned me like a sick dog, she returned. She texted me, saying: "Why you didn't search for me? I thought you didn't care about me when I left..."

And you see, she was the one that blocked me from whatsapp, facebook, did not answered calls and pretty much abandoned me...

Any advice? She said she missed me and that she still loves me... (However, I do not see in her any signs of regret about what she did or any signs of change in her attitude. In fact, I think she got worse.)
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STAY AWAY
 
MoLiEG
Any advice? She said she missed me and that she still loves me... (However, I do not see in her any signs of regret about what she did or any signs of change in her attitude. In fact, I think she got worse.)
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Stay the hell away from her. Do not approach her in any way.
 

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