- 1,291
- Croatia
The General Relationship Thread
- Thread starter Type S Tony
- 5,254 comments
- 232,194 views
It is what I read.
- 1,291
- Croatia
Ok bro, you told me that.. I just want to share with you what I'm seeing .. Nevermind..
I saw movements lately like incels or whatever stupid name they have, watched it to have a laugh.. Please don't read things like that because these losers have nothing to do with reality.. Let's face it, you can racionalize anything and someone will think it makes sense ..
Im just saying because it sounds something like that type of thing...
But genetics mosf definitely DO matter, very much..
It is what I read.
I have stupid genes, I'm still single. I have been for a long time. I blame it on my genes. I tried many times but my genes make me do stupid things, say stupid things.
I believe, in my case that what I read is correct.
I have stupid genes, I'm still single. I have been for a long time. I blame it on my genes. I tried many times but my genes make me do stupid things, say stupid things.
I believe, in my case that what I read is correct.
- 1,291
- Croatia
Ok mate..
May I ask you if you meet people to date online or in real world?
May I ask you if you meet people to date online or in real world?
- 1,291
- Croatia
Exactly.. But I didn't want to say it.
Also be dominant.. If you are not dominant, learn to act like you are.. And stop reading what crybabies write .. Unless you are like extremely ugly+short+badly build+poor+ add more random thinhs all in combo forget about genes and DO NOT show you are desperate to find someone to the other person..
No, my attitude is normal, I was only joking around. But you don't seem to get that.
It was what I read. About genes being the reason that some people can't find a girlfriend.
In all seriousness this time. I never look online to find a date. I don't go out, stay home a lot and where I go to are not the best places to meet girls. I spend a lot of time in the gym and that is not the place to meet someone, although it happened once.
I use to be very shy because of being bullied for the way that I look. It started when I was around 13 y.o. until I was around my early twenties. But this bad experience made me into the person that I am and makes it very difficult to attract girls. When I'm not interested, I'm myself and every contact with girls is normal. But when I'm interested, I can't be myself anymore. I use to be very desperate. Maybe I still am without knowing it. Thinking that I'm not desperate anymore doesn't make it true. I still have a inferiority complex, although it is much, much, much less than it uses to be.
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- 8,844
- Ottawa
- Automotive_Buff
- 1,291
- Croatia
This is like a Russ song come to life. It's not that dire, mate.
Didn't explain it very well when I posted this..
Btw Had to google what Russ is lol
But anyways, at the end it is pretty simple people just like to overthink and overanalyze things
- 365
- Michigan
- Ze_Elephant
I guess things have changed a lot since I was last active in this thread. (Post writing update: Apologies for how scattered this post is. I guess there's a lot on my mind and it all wants to come out. I'm not here to write a book, so I decided to just stop writing at a point.)
Just over six months ago my then-girlfriend broke up with me. We had been together for nearly four years, and I apparently hadn't seen the flags and signs that she had lost interest in me since around July of '18. She broke up with me on October 8th after bringing up her thoughts and concerns in late September. I was too scared and attached to look objectively at the situation. I didn't want to lose her because that relationship was all I had and knew from age 16-20. I changed a lot because of her, and I'm glad to be the person that I am now. But I'm also still immensely broken. I was totally and completely shattered for weeks after she broke up with me. Even to this point, I can count on one hand the times when I've felt genuinely happy since we had been dating, and I haven't felt like that for more than a couple of minutes.
I know I have a history of depression. It runs in my family, with my dad and both of my siblings all having struggled or are currently struggling with it. My girlfriend was my primary motivation and "stability" that helped me cope with my depression for years. She gave me a goal to work towards with marriage and eventual family life that gave me hope, and having somebody that close and in a truly loving relationship was all that I had wanted. I felt happier and felt that, with my very deepest desire of a meaningful relationship filled, I was enabled to truly apply myself and engage with the other things I care about. I was never 100% with depression, but I feel like I was coping much better than I am currently.
Ever since then, I've been mostly depressed and empty. I've tried doubling down on my faith, but no matter how much I continue to apply myself to it I just don't feel like my life "clicks". The most I do that feels like something is right is at work. I can typically apply myself, see results, and take some pride in what I do. My coworkers are a great group of guys, and they are most of the social interaction I get.
I asked a girl out a couple months ago and felt giddy for what I thought was going to be the start of something new, but very poor communication and a conversation that lead to me discovering her idea of a relaxing Sunday was staying at home and getting stoned put up all of the red flags I needed. Beyond that, I'm mostly introverted and tend to only do things at work, at church, and at home. I'm pretty lost on actually meeting new people and really unsure of my future.
Just over six months ago my then-girlfriend broke up with me. We had been together for nearly four years, and I apparently hadn't seen the flags and signs that she had lost interest in me since around July of '18. She broke up with me on October 8th after bringing up her thoughts and concerns in late September. I was too scared and attached to look objectively at the situation. I didn't want to lose her because that relationship was all I had and knew from age 16-20. I changed a lot because of her, and I'm glad to be the person that I am now. But I'm also still immensely broken. I was totally and completely shattered for weeks after she broke up with me. Even to this point, I can count on one hand the times when I've felt genuinely happy since we had been dating, and I haven't felt like that for more than a couple of minutes.
I know I have a history of depression. It runs in my family, with my dad and both of my siblings all having struggled or are currently struggling with it. My girlfriend was my primary motivation and "stability" that helped me cope with my depression for years. She gave me a goal to work towards with marriage and eventual family life that gave me hope, and having somebody that close and in a truly loving relationship was all that I had wanted. I felt happier and felt that, with my very deepest desire of a meaningful relationship filled, I was enabled to truly apply myself and engage with the other things I care about. I was never 100% with depression, but I feel like I was coping much better than I am currently.
Ever since then, I've been mostly depressed and empty. I've tried doubling down on my faith, but no matter how much I continue to apply myself to it I just don't feel like my life "clicks". The most I do that feels like something is right is at work. I can typically apply myself, see results, and take some pride in what I do. My coworkers are a great group of guys, and they are most of the social interaction I get.
I asked a girl out a couple months ago and felt giddy for what I thought was going to be the start of something new, but very poor communication and a conversation that lead to me discovering her idea of a relaxing Sunday was staying at home and getting stoned put up all of the red flags I needed. Beyond that, I'm mostly introverted and tend to only do things at work, at church, and at home. I'm pretty lost on actually meeting new people and really unsure of my future.
- 8,844
- Ottawa
- Automotive_Buff
@Ze Elephant
Don't take this the wrong way and definitely don't let this fester.
Both you and your first love (I can't use the word ex for fear of inciting negative connotation) are very young. You both have a long way to go. I'm not discouraging you for feeling this way, nor am I saying you don't understand what true love is, etc etc.
I've always hated the following saying as it was thrown at me from all directions during my break up but it has some truth in it.
"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."
Maybe you just grew apart after some time and will rekindle something down the road. Or maybe you'll find someone right for you. Don't worry about the future and forget the past (mean this in the best way possible).
I know you feel like she's your world and she's the only one in your life that made you feel a certain way. To some extent, I'll be honest with you, that is true.
However you cannot give up on your life goals. You may have developed them with your first love but that doesn't mean you cannot complete them.
Raise your chin, appreciate the moments you've had with her, and be proud of who you've become thus far. If you have some issues you need to work on, then get your head in the game, focus, and work on it.
Push through the days where it feels like you're in a thick sludge and can't get anywhere. Push through them with your goals in sight and clear mind on your next objectives.
Don't let it drag you down. Easier said than done, I know, but you're not alone in this, brother.
As an aside:
Don't do this until you have this question clear in your mind: do you miss her or do you miss the idea of a relationship?
Jumping into a relationship missing your first love will turn sour real quick.
Jumping into a relationship because you miss the idea of a relationship will end even worse.
Don't take this the wrong way and definitely don't let this fester.
Both you and your first love (I can't use the word ex for fear of inciting negative connotation) are very young. You both have a long way to go. I'm not discouraging you for feeling this way, nor am I saying you don't understand what true love is, etc etc.
I've always hated the following saying as it was thrown at me from all directions during my break up but it has some truth in it.
"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."
Maybe you just grew apart after some time and will rekindle something down the road. Or maybe you'll find someone right for you. Don't worry about the future and forget the past (mean this in the best way possible).
I know you feel like she's your world and she's the only one in your life that made you feel a certain way. To some extent, I'll be honest with you, that is true.
However you cannot give up on your life goals. You may have developed them with your first love but that doesn't mean you cannot complete them.
Raise your chin, appreciate the moments you've had with her, and be proud of who you've become thus far. If you have some issues you need to work on, then get your head in the game, focus, and work on it.
Push through the days where it feels like you're in a thick sludge and can't get anywhere. Push through them with your goals in sight and clear mind on your next objectives.
Don't let it drag you down. Easier said than done, I know, but you're not alone in this, brother.
As an aside:
Don't do this until you have this question clear in your mind: do you miss her or do you miss the idea of a relationship?
Jumping into a relationship missing your first love will turn sour real quick.
Jumping into a relationship because you miss the idea of a relationship will end even worse.
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- 365
- Michigan
- Ze_Elephant
Thinking about what I wrote, I really could have done a better job with being more accurate or using the right words.
Much closer to the break up I was more... well... broken up, but right now I'm in a much better head state than back then. Weekends are the toughest times for me since I don't have work to occupy my time, and this past weekend wasn't an exception. Some days depression hits really hard, some days not.
As for rekindling down the road, I'm confident in saying my primary goal is fully moving on and moving forward. Looking back at her actions and what our relationship was, I can tell that she wasn't the one. She wasn't always interested in a sharing the work of being in a relationship, and, on further though, was actually pretty selfish and could be quite manipulative. Nonetheless, I don't harbor any anger against her.
A better way to put this is that, at the time, I felt like she was the reason that I could be happy and pursue my hobbies better. Thinking about it more, I think the actual difference was that, since I had made her my primary coping mechanism for depression, I thought I needed her to be happy and want to pursue my other interests. Wow, that was definitely not a healthy thing to do.
This is a complicated one. I can say for certain that I do miss both her and the relationship we had, but sort of in the same way I could say I miss elementary school. Not a longing to have it back, but more of a look back at what it was and remembering the positives. Do I want to be in a relationship? Yes. Am I dependent on needing one to move forward in my life? I don't think so. I would say it's a goal that I have, but
Also my giddiness could probably be attributed equal parts 1) looking forward to the potential of what might be, and 2) not believing that I actually had the stones to ask this girl to dinner. As it was, with (let's just use her first initial) L., I never really even asked her out. Things worked out a bit differently and it was more of a formality that she insisted on that I ask in order for things to be "official". "Rules" I didn't understand in high school and sound really stupid now that I write it out. This half was definitely me proving myself wrong, and was a good self-esteem boost.
Much closer to the break up I was more... well... broken up, but right now I'm in a much better head state than back then. Weekends are the toughest times for me since I don't have work to occupy my time, and this past weekend wasn't an exception. Some days depression hits really hard, some days not.
As for rekindling down the road, I'm confident in saying my primary goal is fully moving on and moving forward. Looking back at her actions and what our relationship was, I can tell that she wasn't the one. She wasn't always interested in a sharing the work of being in a relationship, and, on further though, was actually pretty selfish and could be quite manipulative. Nonetheless, I don't harbor any anger against her.
A better way to put this is that, at the time, I felt like she was the reason that I could be happy and pursue my hobbies better. Thinking about it more, I think the actual difference was that, since I had made her my primary coping mechanism for depression, I thought I needed her to be happy and want to pursue my other interests. Wow, that was definitely not a healthy thing to do.
This is a complicated one. I can say for certain that I do miss both her and the relationship we had, but sort of in the same way I could say I miss elementary school. Not a longing to have it back, but more of a look back at what it was and remembering the positives. Do I want to be in a relationship? Yes. Am I dependent on needing one to move forward in my life? I don't think so. I would say it's a goal that I have, but
Also my giddiness could probably be attributed equal parts 1) looking forward to the potential of what might be, and 2) not believing that I actually had the stones to ask this girl to dinner. As it was, with (let's just use her first initial) L., I never really even asked her out. Things worked out a bit differently and it was more of a formality that she insisted on that I ask in order for things to be "official". "Rules" I didn't understand in high school and sound really stupid now that I write it out. This half was definitely me proving myself wrong, and was a good self-esteem boost.
- 2,227
- Bács-Kiskun
That's it. I lost my very last chance to get the love of that girl I loved for more than three years now. Just saw her with someone.
People can't seem to understand this. It's not a kid love which is maximum 6 months. It's not that type of love which lasts a night. I loved him since I started to like girls. And the funniest thing is, she loved me too, but I was too afraid to say her the truth. People even asked why aren't we a couple. I thought if I wait, I can tell her what I feel. And after we went to different schools, our relationship was getting more and more strange. I so loved her that I often said her name instead of 'Oh God!'. We haven't even talked since more than a year, and now all I see is that she doesn't care about me anymore, but I don't blame her. Who the actual **** would get on with an idiot who just waits for a girl to say: "Hey, I love you, do you want me to be your girlfriend?"
Another problem is that, I don't have any alternatives. I don't like my girl classmates that way, nor the girl school mates. Last time I tried with another girl, it turned out the girl already had a friend who is at least ten years older than the girl herself. Well. thank God I wasn't really into that girl.
Nowadays everyone has somebody, and if they broke up, they just shrug, they don't even cry, they are just "I'll delete you from my friends list and we'll never talk again!", and the next day they already have someone else. I'm not this kind of guy. I can't get over it like most generic people do. I want a relationship which lasts forever. I'm not somebody who just wants to have a funny night and then throw the girl away.
I don't even want to do anything. I'm braindead now and if I can't get over this, I'll always be. Can I forget her and this love somehow? Please somebody help me.
People can't seem to understand this. It's not a kid love which is maximum 6 months. It's not that type of love which lasts a night. I loved him since I started to like girls. And the funniest thing is, she loved me too, but I was too afraid to say her the truth. People even asked why aren't we a couple. I thought if I wait, I can tell her what I feel. And after we went to different schools, our relationship was getting more and more strange. I so loved her that I often said her name instead of 'Oh God!'. We haven't even talked since more than a year, and now all I see is that she doesn't care about me anymore, but I don't blame her. Who the actual **** would get on with an idiot who just waits for a girl to say: "Hey, I love you, do you want me to be your girlfriend?"
Another problem is that, I don't have any alternatives. I don't like my girl classmates that way, nor the girl school mates. Last time I tried with another girl, it turned out the girl already had a friend who is at least ten years older than the girl herself. Well. thank God I wasn't really into that girl.
Nowadays everyone has somebody, and if they broke up, they just shrug, they don't even cry, they are just "I'll delete you from my friends list and we'll never talk again!", and the next day they already have someone else. I'm not this kind of guy. I can't get over it like most generic people do. I want a relationship which lasts forever. I'm not somebody who just wants to have a funny night and then throw the girl away.
I don't even want to do anything. I'm braindead now and if I can't get over this, I'll always be. Can I forget her and this love somehow? Please somebody help me.
- 3,835
- Leiria
Alternatives don't work. Focus on yourself. Don't look for love, you'll get it eventually. If you and the girl grew apart (expected since you haven't talked to her in a long time) it just wasn't meant to be. Look, my first proper relationship happened when I was your age. Don't beat yourself too much about it, you're still pretty young.
That is not true, at all, not even close. If they broke up it was for a certain reason and probably there's nothing to be done, so why cry about it? Move foward, enjoy life the best you can. Ok, I agree, the next day being with someone else is wierd but I've witnessed it, better than most.
Like I say, it's heartbreaking, it takes a toll, but lean on your friends for support, then do what you like, learn something new, focus on a new goal. You'll get over it, after all you weren't in a relationship per se. Think about all the interesting people you haven't met yet, it'll be fine
- 365
- Michigan
- Ze_Elephant
I'm not really the best person to be a bringer of wisdom when it comes to relationships, but I just want to say that this is totally normal. As much as it sucks, just try your best to keep your chin up and move forward. It won't come overnight. In my case, it's taken 6-8 months to really feel "normal" again following my breakup. Even if you two weren't dating per se, it's still difficult to lose someone and see these things happen.
It's repeated to death, but time really is the best healer.
- 4,578
- SoCal
- GTP_MooCow
sorta went through something similar decades ago...
the best think you can do right now is to forget about it... pick up something healthy for you to do... run like Forest, or another healthy hobby to allow you to discover more in this earth... the world is a lot more beautiful than any love you can think of... get out there and enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer you...
Heal yourself first because no one can do that for you... you will be fine...
everything is meant to be... just accept it and move on... it may or may not come back... but first you gotta move on...
Cheers mate !
- 2,227
- Bács-Kiskun
Thank you so much for your help guys. Moments like this makes me think that the Internet isn't fallen at all.sorta went through something similar decades ago...
the best think you can do right now is to forget about it... pick up something healthy for you to do... run like Forest, or another healthy hobby to allow you to discover more in this earth... the world is a lot more beautiful than any love you can think of... get out there and enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer you...
Heal yourself first because no one can do that for you... you will be fine...
everything is meant to be... just accept it and move on... it may or may not come back... but first you gotta move on...
Cheers mate !
All I can do now is to forget about the girls and focus on my studies. I really have to because becoming an actor is surely a difficult job. During the Summer break (which is more than 60 days) I'll do some photos and continue to draw, and try to go out with my friends.
- 4,578
- SoCal
- GTP_MooCow
Also, make her regret her decision by succeeding in life....
Make her realize what she has lost...
- 1,291
- Croatia
I was with my ex for almost 6 years.. We lived together for 5 years. We broke up. She got engaged. I couldn't care less to be honest. Why are you guys "crying" over girls. 1) There is 0 girls in the world that deserve to be sad over 2) You are not helping yourself by being depressed or angry 3) Just get yourself another girl if you feel you need one
- 8,844
- Ottawa
- Automotive_Buff
Simply put, different people have different experiences and levels of attachment.
Also, make her regret her decision by succeeding in life....
Make her realize what she has lost...
I'll disagree with this statement. Motivation like that won't get you far in life.
Better yourself for your own benefit, not because of someone else.
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A guy at the gym (he wasn't working out, only visiting) told me yesterday he got a vasectomy the day before yesterday because he doesn't want children anymore.
He also describes in detail what he went through when he chose a local anaesthetic in his balls. To choose that kind of pain, you must be a sadist.
He also describes in detail what he went through when he chose a local anaesthetic in his balls. To choose that kind of pain, you must be a sadist.
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- 29,919
- Thailand
A guy at the gym (he wasn't working, only visiting) told me yesterday he got a vasectomy the day before yesterday because he doesn't want children anymore.
He also describes in detail what he went through when he chose a local anaesthetic in his balls. To choose that kind of pain, you must be a sadist.
I think it’s common nowadays for men to choose a vasectomy. I know many that have had the procedure, before having even a single child. I just wish somebody would inform Nigeria that this is a thing, because if the Earth is or is getting overpopulated, it isn’t coming from
Litchenstien.
It took months of sobriety to get my wife pregnant so I’m quite sure that I’m mostly infertile while I’m drinking. That said, I somehow pity men that don’t want children. I can’t explain why, but it just seems they’re going against the purpose of their being (in my opinion).
On the topic of relationships, well, after the birth my wife is adamant that she needs space and time to fall back in love with me, which probably means I’m back off to China for another dose of madness.
- 1,291
- Croatia
Nigeria / Lichtenstein was great bit.. Spot on!
I agree with you 100%..
Anyways, I was always sure that I'll have children, and wanted it.. I had fair amoubt of girls(relationships) in my life (Im 30) but I somehow didn't manage to find someone who would share my views on life.. All of them would "think the same" just as long as they are really into you. I think something is wrong or with me or with women.. I'm one of those guys who people think that I don't want have kids just because I want to mess around but the thruth is I'm actually kind of sad that I have no one.. Just saw to many bad things coming from women (not to me, but when I was idiot while ago many "normal" gfs and wifes would cheat on their partners with me.. no problem.. Would even call after.. And some stories non regarding me I know are making me sick).. Now I can't build trust for any girl for some reason but the truth is I would prefer to have 1 more girl for life than 500 different ones.. But I lost faith in that and kind of lost the whole point of my life with that too..
- 357
- ionstriker
Hey guys so I need some pointers on something. So I met this girl off tinder a weeks back and it went pretty good. We met up for brunch and hung out almost till evening. Which is a first considering how bad my tinder experiences have been. We have a lot of things in common and so we text pretty much every day. But the problem is , how do I keep her interested in me? I mean what do you text on a daily basis? I just feel so exhausted having to come up with stuff to talk about. I did ask her a few times if she's still interested in meeting up and she did say yes. So it's not yet a lost cause. She was busy for an entire month so I only met her again today. But I'm just running out of ideas on how to take this forward in a way which does not end up in me becoming friend zoned or lead to a platonic relationship. Any pointers on what to do? Like any good idea for dates?
- 8,844
- Ottawa
- Automotive_Buff
What have you guys done in terms of dates thus far?
Also I know it's a new relationship but I'd avoid talking on the phone too much, because it will lead to burn out. As you've said you've become exhausted coming up with topics etc.
- 357
- ionstriker
Well the first time we was for breakfast. Well it was more of a brunch really. And the second time we met was for breakfast once again. She works Monday through Saturday. And my work timings are such that by the time I get back home it becomes 11:30pm. So breakfast seems the best option. I feel like the texts are starting to burn out as well.
- 8,844
- Ottawa
- Automotive_Buff
You guys need to figure out to do something else, mix it up a little. Granted, it's the beginning of a relationship so sacrificing a work day might not be a viable option.
I don't really know what to suggest as most date night activities are done during the afternoon or night. However, maybe there's a museum nearby or an art gallery that could kill some time.
Also gives you a chance to know the other person's tastes instead of what their favourite colour is through a text chat. Or you'll both hate the selection and "critique" the pieces. Either way it could be fun.
👍
- 29,919
- Thailand
It’s usually just 6 year olds that have a favourite colour.
- 357
- ionstriker
I should think of something else to do I guess. Now I have another problem. So I got another match on tinder and this seems to be going better than the previous one. I have absolutely no idea what to do right now. It's not like I'm officially committed to either but I think I might have to tell one of them something down the line. I hate these kinda situations
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