The General Relationship Thread

[MoLiEG]

Hahaha she sounds delightful. She's just being playful, you're good. Try not to read too much into conversations.

However one thing you should keep in mind is that you're interested in her as a person. You're not interested in her because you like the idea of having a girlfriend. Or because you like the idea of being in a relationship.

Actually, I said just that after I answered "Both", because I got very confused. I said I like her, and well, that's not a lie. Really did my best to say until last how pretty she is xD

 

[Team THRT Drift]

Actually, I said just that after I answered "Both", because I got very confused. I said I like her, and well, that's not a lie. Really did my best to say until last how pretty she is xD

Even though she is being playful, don't let the two distinctions mix. If you let them become one idea, you'll not only hurt her but yourself as well.

She just wants to know how serious are you.

 

[Dexter249]

Even though I may still only be in High School, the closest I came to a relationship was this year, and as usual I screwed up, scared a lot of people and will never be able to make contact again. It has been almost two months since my life changed forever and I'm still just stuck here. In school with no way to fix my broken past and stuck mind. Normally, I'd end up going into a rant on how overprotective and how stupid people are. But no. Not this time. I feel like I deserve something like this and it's not fun. The only friends I have say I'm "Unstable" but that's not a bad thing. Instability and stress has been a thing for my whole life. Everything feels like a punishment, even if it's not, I screwed up and I deserve what I was given. But there's not much I can do. I'm laying my pain to rest one step at a time, I feel happy for once, but it doesn't feel like I wanted this. These wounds sadly, may never heal. I can't say sorry, and it will have to stay that way.

 

[noshog]

I am going to put some words below that got me out of a lonely depressed downward spiral. I wrote them on my bathroom mirror so I could read it everyday. Keep your thoughts positive and believe....

Your mind has the power to change the future !!​

 

[MoLiEG]

Well... this girl's interest just vanished.

We agreed on seeing each other last Saturday. She told me that she would tell me the hour of our meeting early that day... and when I texted her Saturday morning she simply ignored me. No response...

:/

On Monday I expected her to tell me what happened. She didn't.




I reaaaaaally need to learn how to have 0 expectations from a girl.

 

[W3H5]

Well... this girl's interest just vanished.

We agreed on seeing each other last Saturday. She told me that she would tell me the hour of our meeting early that day... and when I texted her Saturday morning she simply ignored me. No response...

:/

On Monday I expected her to tell me what happened. She didn't.




I reaaaaaally need to learn how to have 0 expectations from a girl.

Any chance she could have lost her phone?

 

[Johnny1996]

At what point do you know that you're too damaged for a relationship? Because I think I'm there now.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

At what point do you know that you're too damaged for a relationship? Because I think I'm there now.

When the thought of dating someone else doesn't cross your mind.

General disinterest, feeling of hopelessness, sometimes feeling worthless, self doubt, lack of trust, depression, etc.



I'm in the same boat if you're feeling damaged.

I personally can't stop blaming myself and am constantly loathing my own existence due to my past actions/behavior. Leading me to avoid attempting to date someone else for fear of hurting them the way I hurt my ex.

I'm working on bettering myself but the feelings mentioned above are constantly looming over me.

 

[Johnny1996]

When the thought of dating someone else doesn't cross your mind.

General disinterest, feeling of hopelessness, sometimes feeling worthless, self doubt, lack of trust, depression, etc.



I'm in the same boat if you're feeling damaged.

I personally can't stop blaming myself and am constantly loathing my own existence due to my past actions/behavior. Leading me to avoid attempting to date someone else for fear of hurting them the way I hurt my ex.

I'm working on bettering myself but the feelings mentioned above are constantly looming over me.

That's how I'm feeling now. Seems like nothing even the slightest bit positive ever lasts for any real length of time. I have some pretty bad trust issues. You can't really be in a relationship or date someone if you can't trust them after all.

I've also been hurt a lot in the past, a few times worse than others. Everytime I think about opening up to someone I'm interested in, I just can't do it because I'm scared of a repeat of the past. And I too am trying to change that but I haven't had too much luck with it.

 

[MoLiEG]

Any chance she could have lost her phone?

I'm 100% sure she did not lose it. On Monday I expected some kind of explanation, but when she wrote me (because well, she did wrote me once the day started and even before I asked her anything) she did not mention any problems with herself or her phone and instead she started talking about some office stuff...

After a few minutes I realized she was NOT going to mention anything about Saturday...

So.. back to normal I guess?

BTW... I've been trying to avoid direct contact and being close to her in general. Think that's ok?

 

[Turbotwin01]

I'm 100% sure she did not lose it. On Monday I expected some kind of explanation, but when she wrote me (because well, she did wrote me once the day started and even before I asked her anything) she did not mention any problems with herself or her phone and instead she started talking about some office stuff...

After a few minutes I realized she was NOT going to mention anything about Saturday...

So.. back to normal I guess?

BTW... I've been trying to avoid direct contact and being close to her in general. Think that's ok?

I am definetly not the guy who should be giving advice but I would just ask and see what happened. At this point there isnt much to loose so the reasonable human being in me would do that (mind you it doesnt always come out for myself so I understand either way)

Also anyone else find you feel love sick around christmas and new years? I sure do.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

BTW... I've been trying to avoid direct contact and being close to her in general. Think that's ok?

What? Why?

^^^^Also you can't hold a grudge on a person because of that. Sure she didn't explain it but she's not obliged to. Maybe it was personal matters she does not wish to share with you at this moment, etc.


Just be yourself and be sociable don't ghost her at work.

 

[W3H5]

After an agonising year of will it won’t it with a very good friend and colleague I’m relieved to say that tonight we discussed it in depth and concluded that friendship was the limit and that me being married is an unavoidable obstacle for both of us.

I couldn’t help my feelings for her and it was bitterly sweet that she was attracted to me because otherwise I could have brushed it off as a no-hope situation.

Out of respect for my wife we both decided that it’s best that we forget anything that went on in the past and we can both get over it in the near future.

I will reiterate that this affair mostly wasn’t physical (she did kiss me once but I won’t take the blame for that) and was just an emotional entanglement that got carried away.

Now we both have clarity, we know where we stand, I can now focus my full attention on my wife (as I should have done before this distraction) and she can take solace in knowing she did the right thing morally.

I feel like a weight has been lifted and aside from some residual lust I think my troubles are over. For now.

 

[GTvsForza]

I have a friend from church that I like. We both go to bible groups and like talking about Disney movies and other Disney-related things.

She recently got accepted to the Disney College Program in Florida and will be gone from the last week of January to the end of the Spring semester.

I want to try to hang out with her before she leaves but we're both busy with work and school. And I don't want her to think that I am being too forward. We're good friends, and would like to keep it strong until she decides if she wants to go out.

Advice and/or suggestions?

 

[W3H5]

Advice and/or suggestions?

Woman love confidence in a man. Don’t worry about being too forward, just be very causal about it but not soft.

 

[Obelisk]

Don’t worry about being too forward,

I disagree. There are limits to what you can and can't do and if you try to be too forward you'll walk into a wall.

@GTvsForza if you're trying to hang out with her, try planning ahead a few weeks to have a day or two set aside where the two of you can go out and do something.
I say a few weeks because you'd preferrably want to have the day off work and other commitments.

 

[W3H5]

I disagree. There are limits to what you can and can't do and if you try to be too forward you'll walk into a wall.

Maybe forward was the wrong choice of word. Assertive perhaps would be better. I didn’t mean he should be heavy handed or overly flirtatious bordering on harassment but certainly assertive and not act like a doormat or indecisive person.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

Assertive perhaps would be better.

I would use "confident".

 

[Johnny1996]

This could possibly be a dumb question given my post above, but I'm thinking about getting to know a girl better and maybe becoming friends with her. It would be nothing romantic, just simply friends. With that post above in mind, is this something that's a good idea? I'm on the fence about it and was hoping for a second opinion.

Her and I know each other a bit from past time in high school when we sat at the same lunch table, so I don't think we would be completely new people to one another. I also mentioned having trust issues in my post. Its hit and miss; some people I'm fine with and others not so much. I don't ever really know until after I start talking to someone.

I know this isn't anything relationship wise, but to the best of my knowledge theres nowhere else I could ask this. Although if there is I will gladly take a link.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

I know this isn't anything relationship wise,

It's the General Relationship thread so anything goes, really. 👍



I say if you're comfortable, go for it. You don't have much to lose, only a friend to gain

I've personally been making more friends and reconnecting with some older ones that I had lost touch with. It's better to surround yourself with good, genuine people; they don't need to share the same interests only reciprocate the kindness and love you show.

Put yourself out there a little bit and lower your draw bridge. If you're not comfortable or put into an uncomfortable situation you can raise that bridge back up and regroup.

Take it slow, keep your wits about you, and be yourself.

 

[Johnny1996]

I can honestly say the only bit of uncomfortableness (is that even a word?) that I'm feeling is the normal not knowing how it'll go and shyness on my part. I think I might just be okay here.

 

[Johnnypenso]

Well... this girl's interest just vanished.

We agreed on seeing each other last Saturday. She told me that she would tell me the hour of our meeting early that day... and when I texted her Saturday morning she simply ignored me. No response...

:/
On Monday I expected her to tell me what happened. She didn't.

I reaaaaaally need to learn how to have 0 expectations from a girl.

Humour, it works in almost every situation. When you texted her in the morning and she didn't answer, you could have responded humorously. If nothing else, she would have been entertained and that's always a good thing in relationships. It also establishes that you are a lighthearted guy and that's a good thing as well. It might also get her to respond so you know what's actually going on.

 

[MoLiEG]

I am definetly not the guy who should be giving advice but I would just ask and see what happened. At this point there isnt much to loose so the reasonable human being in me would do that (mind you it doesnt always come out for myself so I understand either way)

Also anyone else find you feel love sick around christmas and new years? I sure do.

I know, I wasn't reasonable at that time. I have to admit I was angry at her because of the expectations I created in my mind. I haven't asked what happened that day btw... I think we both know it's meaningless now.

What? Why?

^^^^Also you can't hold a grudge on a person because of that. Sure she didn't explain it but she's not obliged to. Maybe it was personal matters she does not wish to share with you at this moment, etc.

Just be yourself and be sociable don't ghost her at work.

Winter hollidays helped me to cool down. Actually we are back to talking normally again. I even went as far as telling her she looked "very pretty" last week.

Some days I think she is way out of my reach because of all the guys that are also after her. She already has a house and a car and those guys have more money, more experiencies to share, more material things to offer her or a combination of those 3. And I only have some good feelings, a few pesos in my pocket and don't even have a ride.

And other days, I think I can do it because I am not what those guys are: Jerks. Guys whose level of unfaithfullness is legendary. Guys that want her and married already of have a couple more ladys on their agenda. Some days, I think it can happen. I think "we" can happen.

Anyway, I'd like to fix at least the car thing before asking her out again. I know it may sound like I have confidence issues, but that is my top priority for this year. I really want to start my 30's with a car.




And then... there is something more...

Some monster crawled "her" way out of the abyss... saying she is very ill and that "everybody has abandoned her" because of it...

I don't believe a thing but well, there's that... to be honest I think she just destroyed the relationship he had with the guy she used to replace me almost 2 years ago (100% true, for some reason I learned about it back in August) and she just wants to see if there is something to salvage from her previous wreckage...

 

[Lilium]

@MoLiEG Just steer away my dude. Leave shipwrecks by the sea.

And on the matter of current girl, and how every other guy has more to offer than you, I'll tell you that some people care more about the good feelings and being true to yourself.

My wife ex-boyfriends were both wealthy, and with a good job, a veterinarian and a doctor. all the life already laid out and pretty much a safe bet. my wife also comes from good families, so its like they're from the same "world"

Then enter me. the super-man that worked at a call-center for a ISP with a cra**y schedules, lived with his mom, was also paying all bills at home, and comes from a really poor background. all I had was good will, good feelings, and a sense of humour.
Yet 3 years forward and we're married.

Just go for it as you are. there's nothing wrong on not having a car so far. I didn't. Just be what you are. if she doesn't want what you offer, well though luck.

 

[MoLiEG]

@MoLiEG Just steer away my dude. Leave shipwrecks by the sea.

And on the matter of current girl, and how every other guy has more to offer than you, I'll tell you that some people care more about the good feelings and being true to yourself.

My wife ex-boyfriends were both wealthy, and with a good job, a veterinarian and a doctor. all the life already laid out and pretty much a safe bet. my wife also comes from good families, so its like they're from the same "world"

Then enter me. the super-man that worked at a call-center for a ISP with a cra**y schedules, lived with his mom, was also paying all bills at home, and comes from a really poor background. all I had was good will, good feelings, and a sense of humour.
Yet 3 years forward and we're married.

Just go for it as you are. there's nothing wrong on not having a car so far. I didn't. Just be what you are. if she doesn't want what you offer, well though luck.

I followed your advice... and my feelings... and still no response...

You see, there is something that doesn't click. She says she likes me, she says that I'm a good guy, that it would be nice to go out with me... but I don't see any kind of emotion from her, and she hasn't accepted to go on a date with me just yet. You see, I just don't see her happy or excited to do things. Maybe it's just her being serious and professional (because, well, we are in an office and we work together and I understand we must keep a low profile if we are talking about having a date), but outside the office she transforms into a parrot and talks and laughs about many things with everybody... except ME... And even when we talk and we are alone, I just don't see that "spark".

I asked if it had anything to do with what I did after she cancelled what could have been our 1st date, but we talked about it and cleared that out. So I honestly don't know what is going on.

I'm starting to believe she is not into me that much... and that I'm just another name in her list...

 

[MoLiEG]

Sorry for repost.

It's done. It's not happening. This girl was never serious about going out with me. I've been fooled all these months.

Honestly, it hurts a lot, and coming from the girl that said some of the nicest things I've heard in a long time it almost feels like a mini-break up. But well, I guess it was my fault because of the expectations I created in my mind...

Anyway, back to saving for a car and then a house, I guess...

 

[nostradavor2]

I can see in the world that mostly guys are getting hurt by girls... It's probably because all of them have like waiting list for her.. It's so stupid.. Girls who are like 4 or 5 / 10 are acting like they are jackpot and that's just because as I said all of them have someone who is crying over them and army of people who follow their ugly selves on social network things.. I actually feel sorry for guys in this times.. Romantic things exists onlu in art... You can have nice relationship and marriage but don't ever trust anyone, do nice things (buy flowers, make dinner) but don't be nice and don't be honest.. And never let your gf be bored... She'll mess with you as soon as she's bored or if she doesn't get enough attention (flowers and stuff., not clingy pathetic stuff)

 

[kikie]

Staying single or not: it is all in your genes.

 

[nostradavor2]

Staying single or not: it is all in your genes.

Care to explain?

Look around you .. People with horrible genes are having kids and are married..

People with good genes are most likely to pursue other things and are trying to find better partner which they often fail..

Also I think after some age women tend to pick guys with not that great genes since they see them as safer option.

 

[kikie]

Care to explain?

Look around you .. People with horrible genes are having kids and are married..

People with good genes are most likely to pursue other things and are trying to find better partner which they often fail..

Also I think after some age women tend to pick guys with not that great genes since they see them as safer option.

It is something what I read. Due to the genes some people are more attractive, sociable, more open, less afraid to make contact and all that stuff. Even the amount of serotonin produced by your brain is important.