- 874
- United Kingdom
This is actually fairly accurate to be fair, at least in the UK. Once you change your name via a legal process (deed poll or statuary decleration), then your original name given by your parents is legally "dead". While that old name may currently appear on your birth certificate, you can no longer leagally use it at all. You must also inform the DVLA, HMRC/Government, Bank (and anywhere else) that you originally used your old name to change the details over to the new name. Failure to do so is actually considered a case of fruad, as your old name is legally dead.If you must have a literalistic way of reading the word, then you can also look at it as a name that is dead - that old name is no longer living and descriptive. It describes the person that was, not the person who is now. Just because someone or something (in this case a name) is dead doesn't mean you have to forget them or necessarily wanted to kill them. Their passing may have been part of the natural order of things. This requires that you read the word as "deadname"-ing rather than dead-naming.
But that doesnt mean we dont acknowledge our past, its still part of our lives. Though each one of us have differing feelings on our past, and different emotions placed upon it. Some can get really distrought over their past before transistion, some, like myself. Are ok with it, within reason. Some just dont mind at all. So it is all really on the individual and how comfortable they are talking openly about their past and old name.
People who I have met since transistion do not know what my name was from birth, as they only need to know my name as it currently stands. This is how it usually is for most transgender people. So distress can come into it when old friends/acquaintances and new friends/acquaintances meet and the old drops the deadname.
It can be highly distressing to be dead named, as it can often occur in a public place. It feels like attention is being drawn to the fact that you was once one way and are now another way. Its an uncomfortable feeling, and is considered as a form of outing someone.I think it's always going to be somewhere from rude, to disgustingly malicious to deliberately use someone's old name. In addressing the word "deadnaming" (a word not invented by the perpetrators of the practice but rather by victims and allies of victims), I wanted to question whether or not it's a fair and healthy umbrella term. Do we even know that Elliot wants the Ellen-period history/name to be considered dead? I think it's an extreme and presumptuous tag to put on someone else's experience
Though as you said, it can happen purely as a mistake. Either a relitive having a slip of the tounge, or an old friend that you have not seen for a long time and has no idea of the situation.
Though in my experience, it does often usually occur more with malice attached from somone who disagres with it all.
What I find worse though, is people refusing to call you any name, or use any pronouns for you. Which my grandad did to me. Treated me like an "it", a "thing". Thats how it made me feel. Sufficed to say, I have zero contact with him.
People tell me all the time that "its just a generational thing", but thats just pure tripe. Its an individual thing. My parters nan, grandad and uncle. All very similar ages to my own grandad, all grew up in the same period. Accepted me without an issue at all. My partners nan was also a devout catholic.
I remember that discussion very well, it caused a lot of heated and discussion that grew rather unfriendly, as some (myself included), got way to personal over the discussion and arguemtents and nastiness ensued. As everyone in here is aware, its a highly sensitive and personal topic for myself with being transgender. And at the time, I let my emotions overule my ability to discuss. Its why I dissapeared for so long from this entire forum.The irrational fear of penises in women's restrooms has come up in this thread. This man doesn't even have one. (That he doesn't have one and the moral panic surrounding transgender restroom use is likely why he was instructed to use the restroom that most corresponds to his genitalia.)
I did point out back then that what happened to the trans man in that news report above, would most likely happen if trans men and trans women was forced to use the restroom of their biologial/physical sex.
The focus for this toilet discussion in this thread was predominantly aimed towards trans women like myself, so I pointed out that trans men exist also, and that they usually tend to look very male once on testosterone for a while. Which would most likely cause women a lot of distress if a trans man used a womans restroom/changing facility. People focus on that outer appearence to much, then allow themselves to be filled with fear, disgust, and anger. Its whats visible. Its why I get major disphoria over facial hair, which for me is taking an age to get fully removed perminantly.
Gender nuatral facilitates have helped a lot, but recently the UK government added new rules that will require any new offices, schools, hospitals, entertainment facilities (so on and so on), must have single sex only toilets from now on. So this debate is only going to grow and get worse.
What I dont know at the moment, is if they will require gender neutral facilities to similary be removed or banned from being used, only time will tell on that front.
UK ministers to make single-sex toilets compulsory in new public buildings
Government sources confirm move to curb the sole installation of gender-neutral facilities
www.theguardian.com
Last edited: