What happened to ceiling_fan?

[Keef]

Did they ever test your brain to see what sort of chemicals were flowing through you while you're normal or during an attack? Did they offer any explanation for the "random" attacks? Surely there was something that caused it. The meds you have been on were meant to correct a chemical imbalance, but obviously these crazy episodes went beyond what the meds could take care of, or maybe had a different cause entirely.

I don't think I know what if feels to be truly depressed. Every now and then I get super unhappy, and it used to be really bad back during high school. That's one reason I never had a good time. When I get unhappy like that I feel really tired and disconnected from everybody, and I don't want to go do anything even if I'd normally enjoy it. I try not to talk at all. Weird. I've pondered what would come of a suicide, but I've never actually thought about trying it. I don't think that's dangerous though because it's and interesting topic.

My ex girlfriend takes something like Zoloft every day. In fact, her doctor increased the dose a few months ago because the old dose didn't cut it anymore. I was always tough on her; even when she was "depressed" she didn't act any worse than I do when I get unhappy. I always told her, basically, to stop acting like a pussy and straighten up. We'd get all mad at each other and one time she started crying cause she was so upset. But then she called me later laughing because getting upset like that was "ridiculous," she said. Maybe I should work on my sympathetic skills...

Anyway, it's nice to have you back here CF. I started to wonder where the heck all your jokes were. I'm also selfish, so I'm glad you're back to make me laugh.

 

[FoolKiller]

Did they ever test your brain to see what sort of chemicals were flowing through you while you're normal or during an attack? Did they offer any explanation for the "random" attacks? Surely there was something that caused it. The meds you have been on were meant to correct a chemical imbalance, but obviously these crazy episodes went beyond what the meds could take care of, or maybe had a different cause entirely.

Unfortunately, it is not often that easy. If he had physical brain trauma then likely, but many times something that can cause behavioral, mood altering, or social problems cannot be measured by a test.

That said, I would assume a specialized hospital would know what to look for and how to find it if it were that easy.

 

[Omnis]

January 18th, you say? Sure you weren't freaking out from the Obama-steria? Jeez, I thought I was upset.

Stay cool, man. It's great that you're not hiding behind embarrassment.

 

[Casio]

Remember David, no re-spawn irl.

I kid, I kid!

But in all seriousness, though I've never met you, you're one of the few people on GTP I'd like too, we could down some beers and do some fragging on COD4, except it would be better cause one of us wouldn't have hella lag . Kudos to a big post, I could tell it meant a lot to me because I actually read the whole thing. And you know if you want to send completely out-of-taste jokes or pictures, I'm your man.

 

[Sharky.]

Wow cf, that's pretty intense stuff.

I'm positive you'll overcome it all, just focus and it shouldn't be a problem. Remember, GTP is here to help

 

[ceiling_fan]

I wish you all the best.

Thanks Blake

I'm glad your are doing better. I wonder what triggers it?

I've broken a PS3 controller & a Xbox 360 controller with my temper out of control. I thought I had issues. Best of luck to you, my friend. I hope you get well soon...... for good.

I wish I knew what triggers them too... my best guess would be something in my brain reaching critical mass and then it snaps... nothing to do with actual stress. I broke a Game Boy on my head when I was little COD4 does nearly induce controller throwing sometimes for me, it hasn't happened but at least they're wireless

All the best 👍 Good to hear you're getting better.

Thanks

Great to hear that your situation is being treated. There is help, it WILL improve.👍

Thank you for your words, I was definitely admitted at a crucial time, I don't think I would've even survived episodes 4 and 5 if I was at home

Thanks for the PM, the intelligence and insightfulness on GTP is far and away the best on any message board. 👍

Sorry to hear, hope you don't feel like that again.

As I got older I started to experience a little depression (something I never had before I turned 21), it comes for a short time and passes but it is never all that severe. Not a nice feeling at all and I can't even imagine how bad it must be for you, good luck in the future 👍

One thing you may be interested in reading about is RBD, I'm not trying to diagnose you but from your post it seems your depression falls in this category. Keep in mind that reading articles on wiki (or any site) can make people "Self-Diagnose" themselves, it is important you do not do that.

It's great to see you back c_f, you had many people worried for you here. My wife suffers from anxiety induced panic attacks too so i know how little fun that can be. If you add in the severe depression to that i can imagine what a dark place that must have been for you. It's good to see you went and got some proper help though. I know there's no quick fix for anxiety and depression so just hang in there 👍

Panic Attacks are extremely distressing not only to the person having one but to loved ones (and even random strangers if in public.) Thankfully, your wife's attacks (judging from your post) can be a bit more predictable and controllable if they are situational. I will hang in there, that's what ceiling_fan's do

It's great to hear you're okay though. 👍

Thanks Radicool02 :tup:

I can only imagine how scary these episodes have been for you and your family. I'm very glad that you are feeling better now, and I'm sure that your treatment regime will help you deal with this illness.

Reading your post generated mixed emotions for me - shock and sadness, but also relief, and hope - the fact that you're able to tell us about it in such a manner is surely a very good sign...

Your insight is always appreciated and valuable here Chris I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to write some of the details but I'm happy I did. I don't want to hide it like I hid my last hospitalisation (age 14, two weeks after joining GTP 💡 (btw the last hospitalization was much less severe)

Good to have you back, c_f. Hang in there...the fact you can talk about it - even joke about it - means things are looking up, in my non-professional opinion.

Thanks pupik, non-professional opinions are of course very important too. 👍

It takes a lot of guts to describe your experiences like that, you do yourself proud.

Best wishes.

Thanks TwistedNav

Very interesting read, thanks for deciding to post it.

You're in my prayers, and I wish you the best.

From,
Chris.

Thanks WallJogger, I'm happy I decided to post it 👍

Wow, what a scary ordeal... Hang in there, dude--we need that multi-paddled spin-o-matron to keep air circulating throughout the room .

We especially need them if a garage full of guys gets... stuffy [/SFGTP3 in-joke]

CF, I am glad to hear you are OK. If I were you, even after you complete your out patient stuff I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist as often as your insurance would allow or you can afford. Just regularly discussing your day-to-day life with a professional may help to identify any triggers. If nothing else it is someone who can react properly to help you if you begin to have any of your anxiety attacks.

Absolutely. 👍 As far as insurance is concerned that'll be once a week. The costs for this without insurance would be astronomical.

If you are looking for some relaxing music I highly suggest this album:

It is quality calm and soothing music, including the ukulele version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Its a Wonderful World. I picked it up when I was in Hawaii and it has become one of the best albums for those days when I just need to chill out and realize things aren't so bad.


And you know many of us are here to help you anyway we can, just let us know, even if it is just something as simple as a PSN message.

I've heard of that, never actually listened. I would also recommend (to you) the work of Jake Shimabukuro, his dynamic playing and harmonies put whole bands to shame. Look up his cover of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" on YouTube, it's phenomenal. Thanks again.

We're definitely glad to have you back with us, and I'm sure that such a candid and reasoned post took some serious effort to write. I did read every word and it was well worth it. My thoughts are with you and your family - I'm relieved to hear no permanent physical harm occurred and I'm also glad to hear that the pressure, whatever it is, seems to have eased or passed on.

Good luck and stay in touch with us here. I'm sure I speak for everybody when I say we'll do whatever we can to help.

Thanks Duke, being complimented on a post of mine is a pretty unusual feeling, that means a lot coming from you. I'm blessed to have a very understanding and supportive family, I'll show them this thread, they'll be amazed at some f the posts here.

Another reader of each and every word checking in.

All too often we hear about the opposite side of events like this - the ones who don't get help and are successful in their life taking attempts. It's refreshing to hear that you weren't one of those statistics. I echo the thanks for sharing comments others have said. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do so and for that I commend you.

My only real words of advice are if you are on medication, stay on it. I've seen my brother-in-law when he stopped his meds and it wasn't pretty.

Like I said in my PM - I suck royally at compassion, but if you ever need to vent/talk, [Frasier]I'm listening[/Frasier].

Staying on medication is HUGELY important, it cannot be stressed enough. Stopping psychoactive medications cold turkey is very very bad, whether you are unable to get prescriptions filled or decide you don't need them anymore. Relapsing often (and for some meds physical damage) can occur from this. Don't worry about sucking at compassion, you're doing a great job

Good to see you around again c_f! It sounds like you really are getting your situation figured out, and all the more power to you. I know I have some personal issues with anxiety and depression, although its nowhere near what you have there, and I don't know if I'd be able to pull myself out of it as easily as it sounds you did there.

Stiff upper lip my boy! We're all pulling for you!

Thanks YSSMAN, it's strange how it lifted the way it did (not that I'm complaining.)

What an amazingly candid share C_F, and I'm so glad to hear your situation is already much improved. The simple fact that you are able to share your incredibly difficult experience and emotions suggests to me you are well on the road to recovery, and at the very least, I suspect talking about it so openly must be quite cathartic, and giving you plenty of clarity.

Stay strong and never lose sight of what is truly important to you. 👍


It's a little cheesy, but the following is one of my favorite sayings, and one I use occasionally for a toast, and something I'll sometimes try and tell myself when I am feeling stressed:

Dance like no one's watching
Sing like no one's listening
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt before.

Cheers mate!

That really means a lot Analog-Nitrate, I appreciate your insight. 👍

Thanks for coming back to us. I can understand you don't know its there until its too late sometimes but if you can recognize that feeling coming on then just jump on here and talk to one of us. You know that somebody is on here 24 hours a day 7 seven days a week. None of us are professionals but there are plenty of comedians to maybe put a smile on your face.

Indeed, it's great having you guys here.

Ceiling Fan, I'm really impressed that you have had the courage to post this, I wish you well.

Dan

Thanks Dan.

Did they ever test your brain to see what sort of chemicals were flowing through you while you're normal or during an attack? Did they offer any explanation for the "random" attacks? Surely there was something that caused it. The meds you have been on were meant to correct a chemical imbalance, but obviously these crazy episodes went beyond what the meds could take care of, or maybe had a different cause entirely.

I wasn't currently taking an antipsychotic, but the way they function will hopefully correct (or improve) the imbalance. Foolkiller below answered your question better [/quote]

Anyway, it's nice to have you back here CF. I started to wonder where the heck all your jokes were. I'm also selfish, so I'm glad you're back to make me laugh.

Good to be back

Unfortunately, it is not often that easy. If he had physical brain trauma then likely, but many times something that can cause behavioral, mood altering, or social problems cannot be measured by a test.

Like I said above, you answered better than I did. [/quote]

That said, I would assume a specialized hospital would know what to look for and how to find it if it were that easy.

You are right. The brain is so incredibly complex that the progress they have made is truly astounding.

January 18th, you say? Sure you weren't freaking out from the Obama-steria? Jeez, I thought I was upset.

Stay cool, man. It's great that you're not hiding behind embarrassment.

Yes, I'm proud of myself for being open (even if it's an internet forum...)

Remember David, no re-spawn irl.

I kid, I kid!

But in all seriousness, though I've never met you, you're one of the few people on GTP I'd like too, we could down some beers and do some fragging on COD4, except it would be better cause one of us wouldn't have hella lag . Kudos to a big post, I could tell it meant a lot to me because I actually read the whole thing. And you know if you want to send completely out-of-taste jokes or pictures, I'm your man.

👍 Thanks, you're welcome at my house, just bring your girlfriend if you visit


Well, that was some SERIOUS epiquoting, once again I immensely appreciate all of your comments. 👍

 

[nk4e]

Man, its good to hear that your safe. Welcome back 👍
My mom is working at a state Mental hospital and I always hear the stories how she got bruised or cut or spit on by her patients.But that was probably in the movies.

 

[Syntax error]

Thanks for sharing CF. I’ve never really understood how badly depression can affect people as I’ve never suffered it myself, but I commend you for your openness and honest and quite frankly, this is the time you need friends and support and the GTP community is here for you.

 

[Jondot]

A wholehearted well done and thanks for sharing, C_F! Quite an enlightening read too, actually - I had no idea what was like to go through such a state of mind. Glad you're OK 👍

 

[Sureboss]

Yes, I'm proud of myself for being open (even if it's an internet forum...)

Don't belittle the achievement, David (It is David, isn't it?). Being open and honest about depression and all it's many rivers is one of the most difficult things to do, yet it's vital to coming out of said depression. You will know how relieved it feels when you can actually get things of your chest, even though your brain has said for ages, "No, I mustn't." When people bottle up is when it grabs a hold of you by the throat and tears you a new one. Heck, if I hadn't been open about my depression to an internet forum (not here) I wouldn't have recovered. That may sound daft but honesty will play an important in a recovery.

I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to write some of the details but I'm happy I did. I don't want to hide it like I hid my last hospitalisation

Important step there:tup:

 

[itgirlxx]

I read the whole thing just now! Nick told me about it when he came to bed. Wow! You are an incredible person to be able to write all that so soon.
Hang in there!!

 

[ceiling_fan]

Man, its good to hear that your safe. Welcome back 👍
My mom is working at a state Mental hospital and I always hear the stories how she got bruised or cut or spit on by her patients.But that was probably in the movies.

If you don't mind me asking, which hospital? Also, most of the violent psychos are in institutions for the criminally insane, which are much much different than real life and games. Manhunt 2 and Indigo Prophecy are very inaccurate with their portrayal, but they're games and it's more exciting that way!

Thanks for sharing CF. I’ve never really understood how badly depression can affect people as I’ve never suffered it myself, but I commend you for your openness and honest and quite frankly, this is the time you need friends and support and the GTP community is here for you.

Thanks Syntax error. It's hard to describe depression because, say, a person with two broken legs can't walk. It's pretty easy to see and understand why they can't walk, the bones have snapped! Seeing someone being debilitated with depression is different, you can simply not have enough energy to get up and walk, even if the lack of energy is purely mental. [/terrible analogy]

A wholehearted well done and thanks for sharing, C_F! Quite an enlightening read too, actually - I had no idea what was like to go through such a state of mind. Glad you're OK 👍

Thanks for reading, and I'm happy you were able to learn something from it.

Don't belittle the achievement, David (It is David, isn't it?). Being open and honest about depression and all it's many rivers is one of the most difficult things to do, yet it's vital to coming out of said depression. You will know how relieved it feels when you can actually get things of your chest, even though your brain has said for ages, "No, I mustn't." When people bottle up is when it grabs a hold of you by the throat and tears you a new one. Heck, if I hadn't been open about my depression to an internet forum (not here) I wouldn't have recovered. That may sound daft but honesty will play an important in a recovery.

You are exactly right, I think in general people rely on meds more than psychotherapy, and for that reason they never learn coping methods and how to break (or even acknowledge) bad thinking habits. In my case, I'd say they play a more or less even amount of importance, but of course everybody is different. My sig does seem to favor medication though!

And yes, it is David.

I read the whole thing just now! Nick told me about it when he came to bed. Wow! You are an incredible person to be able to write all that so soon.
Hang in there!!

Thanks Rach 👍

 

[nk4e]

If you don't mind me asking, which hospital? Also, most of the violent psychos are in institutions for the criminally insane, which are much much different than real life and games. Manhunt 2 and Indigo Prophecy are very inaccurate with their portrayal, but they're games and it's more exciting that way!

Porterville Mental Hospital. To think that F.E.A.R 2 was creepy...I just play like acouple of seconds and decided to turn it off. but later I would go back to it and play it. I hate Alma...

 

[ceiling_fan]

Oh, not familiar with that one.

 

[nk4e]

Yeah, My mom use come home with bruises and cuts when she was taking care of her patients. I don't know how she does it.

 

[Nicksfix]

So sorry to hear of your situation , keep a strong positive mind and you will pull through this. GOOD LUCK BUDDY - WE ALL HERE AT ARE PULLING FOR YOU. 👍 KEEP THAT ON YOUR FACE !!!!!

 

[ceiling_fan]

Thanks guys I'm moving this to the Rumble Strip.

 

[Solid Lifters]

Thanks guys I'm moving this to the Rumble Strip.

Now I know why I missed this before... Premium only thread by the looks of the responses.


I read every word, buddy, and I'm hoping the best for you. It's not easy dealing with anxiety, since I know so much about it. I had a bit of it myself at your age but always medicated myself with booze. Didn't work. All it did was keep me sick, drunk and poor. So don't get any bright ideas, dude, because one day you'll have to deal with your feelings. Booze only hid my problem temporarily and only delayed the inevitable.

If you have doubts about your life, worth, future, etc. DON'T. From what I gathered about you in the past 5.5 years I've been here, you are a funny, charming, friendly, talented person. You have nothing to worry or be anxious about.

However, I think your situation is different. So, please take care of yourself and follow your doctor's orders. I hate to hear of anything harmful you've done to yourself.

I can honestly say the feelings of anxiety some of us have are actually physical/psychological phase, compounded by past traumas and fears, we must go through before becoming adults. Might sound like a load, but it's just a thought in my head trying to make some sense of it all.

Listen, anytime you need somebody to chat with via PM, or MSN, don't hesitate to call on me. Remember, you and I are brothers and very blessed people. We're guitarists.

Now, relax, have some fun and know we're here for you! 👍

 

[Jay]

Keep in mind that reading articles on wiki (or any site) can make people "Self-Diagnose" themselves, it is important you do not do that.

Thanks for the link and nah I wont Self-Diagnose (my sister does that all the time which never ends up good ), I havent felt that way for quite a while now and when I do although it feels bad I never get self harming tendancies what so ever and I just deal with it till it passes.

 

[Eric.]

Damn...what hasn't been said? Thanks for sharing, David...I echo everyone else in saying that I hope this was a one time experience...Please contact me if you ever need someone to talk to.

 

[ceiling_fan]

Thanks for your words, Solid Lifters. Edit: And Eric. 👍

I started journaling* while I was there and I might scan some of my GTP-related blabbering. (There's really not much to do there...)

*If you're a guy it's called a journal, if you're a girl it's called a diary.

 

[peeweegary]

Damn dude...thats intense...well its nice to have you back and that you didn't severly hurt yourself =)

I'm sure the worst has past

 

[Keef]

Bupropion + Sertraline + Lamotrigine + Clonazepam + Methylphenadate + Ziprasidone = Greatness

When's the last time you got *edit* attention from a female? It solved a lot of my emotional problems. And six months later I've still got the confidence that I can handle anything that comes my way----at least in that respect. It'll be easy for you cause you can impress them with your stories of struggling through and working to overcome these hard times. Money in the bank, baby.

 

[wrcsti]

Nice to still have you here. I actually wondered why it seemed quiet and relaxed here. JK.
When my first brother died I also had some wierd attacks like that. They went away in about a month and just like you write the only thing stopping me was simply looking at a picture of my familly. So i kept one with me at all times to hopefully remind me. Went to a shrink for a month or so and got over it. I understand how odd it feels to do unconsious things and noticing afterwards and the helpless feeling over yourself. I just never got beyond the having it all set up stage. No I never took any meds for it.

 

[ceiling_fan]

When's the last time you got *edit* attention from a female?

Lol, never. I did meet someone while there (I am aware a psychiatric institution isn't the best place to pick up chicks) who gave me her number. Shazam!

It'll be easy for you cause you can impress them with your stories of struggling through and working to overcome these hard times. Money in the bank, baby.

*devious gears in head start to turn*

 

[Keef]

Actually, my only ex girlfriend took Zoloft or something like that. I'd avoid it in a relationship. One night stand? Make sure you don't know any of her friends. But the emotionally distressed girls make for a lot of hassles. You're the guy--you gotta fool 'em. Where the heck is Doug at when we need girl theory?

 

[Omnis]

Keef, enlighten me: if she's bringing zoloft, you can keep the roofies at home?

Oh, and Dave, you should totally ring her up. But, please, paper bag it if she has an ugly face... don't use the pillowcase.

 

[Keef]

Keef, enlighten me: if she's bringing zoloft, you can keep the roofies at home?

Sounds like he should just wait until she goes into a psychotic rage and passes out...

Oh, and Dave, you should totally ring her up. But, please, paper bag it if she has an ugly face... don't use the pillowcase.

Green stockings. Impossible to strangle and always breathable. Anon's first choice for concealment.

 

[ceiling_fan]

Oh, and Dave, you should totally ring her up. But, please, paper bag it if she has an ugly face... don't use the pillowcase.

LOOOOOOL, that's horrible!

 

[Omnis]

LOOOOOOL, that's horrible!

I know, but I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor.