What happened to ceiling_fan?

[Speedster502]

I've just managed to finish reading your post Ceiling_Fan, seems to have been quite a emotional experience one which I hope you don't have to go through again. I'm lucky in the sense that I don't tend to feel depressed and it's always something I'm pleased not to experience. You've shown great courage to come and post that in the Forum, I know if I'd been in the same situation I probably would have kept it to myself. It's excellent to hear that your on the road to recovering though. I hope sometime I might be able to play CoD with you again at some point. Anyway, I hope your fully back to normal as soon as possible!

 

[Moglet]

Thankyou all for the information given. My problem is quite similar to Moglets except my anger is expressed in my thoughts, I've actually thought about beating one of my best friends down to the ground and leaving him there because he said a slightly controversial joke.

See, if I got into a fight and got the chance to pin someone down and go for it, I'd actually end up doing that. My anger gets that bad I know I'd just keep going until I was beating mush or my hands hurt too much. Back during that summer when I was depressed I got drunk and I very nearly glassed someone who I had previously been friends with since he got together with my flatmate's sister and kept rubbing it in that she didn't want me instead.

I've not done anything like that since, thank god, but I do fly off the hook VERY quickly. I once broke an entire bed by pulling it away from the wall and 'rocking' the end of it until it splintered into pieces simply because I was angry with someone. I should probably see a doctor at some point about my anger issues.

 

[boiltheocean]

If someone were to push my limit I would most likely do the same right now.

I even worked out how I would beat my buddy. First a boot in the family jewels, then a punch into the side. By then he should be on the floor at which point I would kick his head and torso for a while. It's a truly horrible though but I just couldn't help it, I've had others too. I really do fear for myself.

 

[Keef]

I've got a temper like you guys seem to, but I've never actually been in a fight. Like you guys said, if I ever actually got mad enough to get in a fight I'd rather not know what I might do. But when I get mad I just talk myself out of it. Usually it's something petty anyway. No sense in getting all riled up and wasting time and energy over nothing, because I've done that too many times in the past. I don't want to end up getting scary mad like my dad used to all the time. That's no way to be around kids who can't tell if you're serious or joking, and that's where I got my temper from.

I dislike very much when buddies joke about being mad. Getting angry is not something I think is funny, and I'll usually make that known to them when I don't like the way they're goofing off with some sort of intimidating comment. I don't have anything resembling and intimidating physique, but words get the point across well enough. At least I can say I've never gotten in a fight. Fighting is for high school trouble makers.

EDIT: I know even typing that stuff probably riles you guys up. It's nice to get it out of your system I suppose. I've had a hella frustrating past few days, and I can't wait til all this government and work-related crap is over with. I'd much rather have my calm, predictable schedule back.

 

[ceiling_fan]

David,

I'm glad to hear that you managed to make it through this rather terrifying period of your life relatively unscathed, and that things are much improved. On reading your account, the most encouraging thing is that you have the ability to recognize when thing are going downhill and take appropriate steps before they get dangerously bad. 👍

I enjoyed meeting you at the last SFGTP, and look forward to the next one!

Thanks Dan, going in at the time I did was crucial to my recovery.

Get your quoting sorted out!

There's a lot of megaquoting in the thread, gimme a break! Fixed.

What happened to you is quite intense though, I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. It's great that your getting better, hopefully you'll be back to normal in no time.

Thanks, I hope so too 👍

Glad to hear your ok, and well done on doing the right thing at the right time. Hope you are on the way to a full recovery now though. 👍

Thanks

Didn't read this until now. What a scary experience! It's great to hear you're okay though. Hopefully it's all over with and you're on your way to a good recovery!

Do they know what it was that caused this?

Generally speaking it was caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain. I'd been having an extremely low-stress couple months, so it wasn't caused by any certain event, nor many small events built up.

Did any doctors blame your episodes on tha vidya games? Lawl.

I don't think telling the doctors I have over 10000 headshots on CoD4 would've been the best way to go.

Wow C_F...thanks for sharing your tough times... My best wishes to you and hope that those bad episodes are behind you now.
I am glad you are home now and are feeling better!!!

Thanks Ricardo. 👍

Courageous post, and props for sharing.

This is the kind of stuff that not long ago would have you removed from society, ostracized by those around you, and/or accused of demonic possession and the exorcist would be called.

My wife drops out of reality about every three years, although the last episode was caught early enough to reduce its severity to "a bad day" by doubling up her medication for a couple of days. She's not suicidal in her episodes, but paranoid delusional, and in fear of her soul. She sees everything as a sign of the Apocalyspe, she knows she's in Hell, and everyone around her is not who they look like, but demons sent to trick her. Completely altered personality and a level of fear that I can only guess at. She's had to spend a couple of days at a time in the hospital, and didn't like it at all. (Unknown experiences on top of the paranoia can't help any, can it?)

Having paranoia and delusions in tandem is a very bad combo as I'm sure you know. I wish your family the best of luck trying to prevent more episodes.

Any other time, if you ran into her on the street or met her at a party you'd have no clue.

Sounds like me.

Down side is that she's almost unemployable because stress factors are a contributor to these episodes starting up, and also that it takes about a quarter of our income to keep the pills coming.

What pills are they?! (PM me if you don't feel comfortable posting in the thread.)

Please keep yourself under good care, CF, and don't fall into the classic "I feel better so I don't need the doctor/medicine/regimen anymore."

You need it until the doctor says you don't.

Absolutely. A classic mistake. Not only that but I could literally die from stopping one of my meds cold turkey.

Sounds like a rough experience, I hope it doesn't get that bad again for you. But I'm happy to see you're better now. 👍

Thanks

Holy smokes.

Im glad your back on the boards and making good progress.

Keeps us all up to date on everything.

My prayers are with you.

Thanks Sprite. 👍

And a special thanks to C_F. If you hadn't posted your story I would still be keeping all of my problems to myself. Telling people does help and I shall now be seeking some proper medical advice.

Wow, It's flattering to read something like that. Best of luck, man.

I've just managed to finish reading your post Ceiling_Fan, seems to have been quite a emotional experience one which I hope you don't have to go through again. I'm lucky in the sense that I don't tend to feel depressed and it's always something I'm pleased not to experience. You've shown great courage to come and post that in the Forum, I know if I'd been in the same situation I probably would have kept it to myself. It's excellent to hear that your on the road to recovering though. I hope sometime I might be able to play CoD with you again at some point. Anyway, I hope your fully back to normal as soon as possible!

Thanks Speedster502.

[...] I should probably see a doctor at some point about my anger issues.

I would agree. (don't take that as an insult)

 

[Casio]

On the admission to the psychiatric hospital you should have put on the admission form 'Ceiling Fan' in the name section.

That would have been epic.

 

[rpgcyco]

It was a weird feeling reading your post. Even though I don't know you very well, I still feel like I know you a little bit just from reading your posts here and I got the thought: "How could this happen to someone I know?"

Hard to describe what I mean clearly, but hopefully you understand. I was puzzled by your absence on the PSN and was beginning to wonder, just couldn't imagine it was anything like this.

Glad you're feeling better and I really hope it stays that way.

 

[ceiling_fan]

On the admission to the psychiatric hospital you should have put on the admission form 'Ceiling Fan' in the name section.

That would have been epic.

I did, and after that I spread my arms out and spun around real fast saying "WHIIIIRRRRRR" and accidentally hit a nurse in the face, she dropped her clipboard and it landed on an elderly man's toe. He died 3 days later. Of cancer.

It was a weird feeling reading your post. Even though I don't know you very well, I still feel like I know you a little bit just from reading your posts here and I got the thought: "How could this happen to someone I know?"

Hard to describe what I mean clearly, but hopefully you understand. I was puzzled by your absence on the PSN and was beginning to wonder, just couldn't imagine it was anything like this.

Glad you're feeling better and I really hope it stays that way.

Yeah, one thing people often say (not necessarily to me but to depressed people) is "The way you act, no one would know."

 

[Casio]

PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN.

I could imagine it now.

Name: Ceiling Fan
Age: lv55

 

[Azuremen]

PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN.

I could imagine it now.

Name: Ceiling Fan
Age: lv55

That would classic.

Occupation: Trophy collecting

 

[TsukubaTrueno]

I was getting suspicious on what happened to you. You hadn't been online on the PSN for like a week. That's rare.

I'm glad that your back. I hope you continue to get better, and I hope you won't have to make another hospital visit. It's good to have you back.

 

[ferrari_chris]

I don't understand it because I've never had any mental problems. I don't get how you can be "out of control".

But I guess I'm lucky that I never have to experience it.

Is 'get well' the right thing here?

Chin up mate. Good luck. 👍

 

[ceiling_fan]

I was getting suspicious on what happened to you. You hadn't been online on the PSN for like a week. That's rare.

I'm glad that your back. I hope you continue to get better, and I hope you won't have to make another hospital visit. It's good to have you back.

Thanks Rah be ahh. 👍

I don't understand it because I've never had any mental problems. I don't get how you can be "out of control".

I wish I could explain it better, but it... happens. It's stronger than any urge, but not completely involuntary. Did I want to cut my arm? Of course not. I guess it's time for another bad analogy :

Say you're riding a bike downhill without holding the handlebars. You're watching the ground and you see a large rock in the middle of your path. What do you do? You quickly grab the handlebars and swerve out of the way. Of course swerving away was the right thing to do, but it didn't require any actual thinking, you just did it, y'know? That moment of just doing it is the closest I can get to explaining the out of control feelings.

For godsakes, my analogies are worse than TVR&FF's grammar

Anywho, I'm very happy to see this thread break 100 replies. I was actually hesitant to make this thread because I didn't want to make a megapost and get 3 replies. So thanks again guys for all your support. 👍

 

[Azuremen]

For godsakes, my analogies are worse than TVR&FF's grammar

Anywho, I'm very happy to see this thread break 100 replies. I was actually hesitant to make this thread because I didn't want to make a megapost and get 3 replies. So thanks again guys for all your support. 👍

I think you could say it is a bit like when you freeze up in fear. You want to move your body, you know you should, but you can't. A bit like that. Your brain is like "do this" but your body tells it "no, I'm doing what I want to do."

And truth on the analogies bit there, but I'd rather read those than deal with wonky weird grammar.

 

[Sureboss]

I love your attempt at an analogy

 

[ceiling_fan]

I love your attempt at an analogy

Yeah well the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem

 

[Sureboss]

In making analogies?

 

[nk4e]

So like a small reflex? like the one in your knees ( Believes thats a bad example)

 

[Diego440]

Well... ummm... I read the whole thing, though I didn't read the replies... I started but then got to Mars' technical stuff and started dozing off.

Nice to see you're still around David... tbh, I wish there were such facilities around here... I'd join one quickly (long story).

So what's next? Follow-up after follow-up and stuff, or more drugs? Oh well, feel free to chat along msn/FB.

I now realise the dangers in having a pink chair.

 

[Tommi]

Woah. That was a really shocking and intense read, though I don't 'know' you as much as other people here on GTP I was certainly noticing your absence and had no idea it was something so serious as this.
I sort of can relate to some of your problems, for a period of 4-6 months I suffered from severe depression and experienced episodes where I was harming myself, thankfully it was not as serious as this and with help from friends I was able to control them and eventually they stopped.

Im glad to hear you are feeling better and I hope you fully recover soon!.👍

Welcome back to GTP

 

[ceiling_fan]

Well... ummm... I read the whole thing, though I didn't read the replies... I started but then got to Mars' technical stuff and started dozing off.

Nice to see you're still around David... tbh, I wish there were such facilities around here... I'd join one quickly (long story).

So what's next? Follow-up after follow-up and stuff, or more drugs? Oh well, feel free to chat along msn/FB.

I now realise the dangers in having a pink chair.

Definitely many follow-ups, more drugs are possible but at the moment taking them is nearly a light breakfast

In making analogies?

Yes, my analogies are almost as bad as my depressive episodes

So like a small reflex? like the one in your knees ( Believes thats a bad example)

Kind of, that's more of a physically induced response than mental though.

Woah. That was a really shocking and intense read, though I don't 'know' you as much as other people here on GTP I was certainly noticing your absence and had no idea it was something so serious as this.
I sort of can relate to some of your problems, for a period of 4-6 months I suffered from severe depression and experienced episodes where I was harming myself, thankfully it was not as serious as this and with help from friends I was able to control them and eventually they stopped.

Im glad to hear you are feeling better and I hope you fully recover soon!.👍

Welcome back to GTP

Thanks for your words Tommi2000, and I hope you continue to fell better too.

 

[FoolKiller]

Definitely many follow-ups, more drugs are possible but at the moment taking them is nearly a light breakfast

Breakfast of champions, my friend.

From one numerous legal drug user to another: Mail order pharmacy. Most insurance companies will have a deal with one and you can get 90 days for the co-pay of 30 days worth. My insurance uses Caremark, which is owned by CVS. Their site has this cool shopping cart system that notifies me when I am due/available to order a refill and I just order them with handy little "Add to Cart" buttons.

 

[Kylehnat]

Sorry, but the thought of an "Add to Cart" button for pills is amusing. Do they have the "other members who bought Paxil also purchased..." recommendations?

 

[Bram Turismo]

Wow, what can I say?

I can't really add anything up on the heap already posted in here since what I thought is already posted here, but I'd anyway like to say that I'm glad you didn't killed yourself. I really don't know what to write here since I've never met anyone with such difficulties, but reading your post gives me an insight of how it must be. Anyway, welcome back Ceiling Fan, I'm not going to say "Call me up anytime" because I'd have no idea what kind of advice to give you ...

 

[Sureboss]

Definitely many follow-ups, more drugs are possible but at the moment taking them is nearly a light breakfast

Cheer(up)ios?

 

[FoolKiller]

Sorry, but the thought of an "Add to Cart" button for pills is amusing. Do they have the "other members who bought Paxil also purchased..." recommendations?

It is set up to make it as painless as possible because it is cheaper for them than actual brick and mortar stores. Their goal is to make it so that even elderly can use the site without feeling overwhelmed.

Two years ago It took me a couple of clicks just to get to a login screen and then about three more and an Rx number to get to the refill page. Now I login in on the front page and it takes me straight to my current prescriptions page with the refill info and cart buttons (when applicable). From there it is one click to print off the form for a new prescription.

 

[Diego440]

I'm just waiting for online piracy to take on that website and get everyone free morphine

 

[Jack]

Wow only just read this thread and seems like youve had a crazy time! $1900 a day.... Thats nuts.

Anyway, was a great read (proberly sounds weird but you know what I mean), and glad your alright now 👍

 

[Prosthetic]

I'm just waiting for online piracy to take on that website and get everyone free morphine

I always thought you had to have a doctor give that to you? Whem my mom had cancer she was given morphine through a tube for a week. When she came home she was on vicodin.

 

[FoolKiller]

I'm just waiting for online piracy to take on that website and get everyone free morphine

All new prescriptions must be entered by hand by their pharmacists or techs and received by mail, or a call from a doctor. Actual pharmacists also must fill the refill order. If a physical prescription is not on file then the refill will not be made.

It is easier on the customer side but still convoluted on the back end. The only way I could see a hacker making that happen would be if they managed to fake Rx numbers and doctor info for every member of the site. Even then I imagine that two orders in the pharmacists or techs would notice something was fishy.