The Wolverine (6/10)
Where do I begin?
Ok, you know when someone is trying to tell you a story, but they keep confusing it with two other stories at the same time, and then they get confused and make up a bunch of senseless BS to make it all fit? Yeah, I didn't either, until I watched this.
This literally takes the 1982 Wolverine Limited Edition Mini-Series by Claremont/Miller (Yes, Frank Miller), the 1988 Wolverine #1-4 story, and some largely confusing Avengers side story stuff and attempts to cram it all in here. Let me explain that to non-comic book fans: It took two of Wolverine's greatest stories and tried to make them one story by filling in the gaps with a side-character storyline that I am shocked isn't part of The Avengers license. It just got very confusing.
But it did, kind of, sort of get the points across of those stories, except the purpose to those stories was to show that Logan is not the psychotic, raging beast he appears to be. That comes through here, but it also was well established in four X-Men films and the first Wolverine movie. See, he needed to be shown as a monstrous, raging killer for this film to really be relevant. He spends tons of time talking about how he isn't "that" person anymore. What person? He is the same here as always, the reluctant hero.
Now, let's get to some plot holes. So, he is seeing a guy he knew from WWII, in a flashback scene that makes Indiana Jones surviving a nuke inside a fridge seem plausible, and he sees the guy now and they recognize each other and the guy calls him Logan. WAIT! In the first movie he knew his name was James Howlett right up until he had his memory wiped by a magic bullet to the head. So, crazy old Japanese guy has kept tabs on Wolverine's current identity for over 70 years? I bet that could have come in handy immediately following the first movie.
Also, didn't the last movie establish that Wolverine and Sabretooth were in the European theater, together?
Apparently genetic mutations are like livers, you can pass them on to others with the help of medical science.
Japan has their own version of Hawkeye? Cool.
Wolverine can use his claws in his sleep, but not against cables holding him back.
Now for some spoiler complaints (highlight to read):
What did the claws have to do with anything? Why was that the only way to steal his healing power? Why not just cut off his arm? Clearly we weren't worried about killing him.
They cut off his claws, and he only regrows bone claws. And we establish it is all connected to X-Men: The Last Stand and Days of Future Past. In DoFP he has adamantium claws again.
Oh hey, look; Professor X is alive! He did get that new body at the end of The Last Stand! But he still needs a wheelchair? That body sucks.
And finally, The Silver Samurai. Apparently Fox thinks that completely destroying some of Wolverine's biggest villains is fun. I thought they learned after the Deadpool debacle. Imagine if Joker were running around in a circus clown outfit, or Mandarin was really just a...oh wait. Here is the biggest issue with how they changed Silver Samurai: All the characters for his back story and alter ego were right there, along with all of their motivations. Jesus, there was even two different special swords that could have been the ultimate goal of his actions. They were in the film, but the writers were too busy getting off on "tricking" the audience with the most transparent surprise villain ever that they didn't use him. They just turned the whole thing into a convoluted mess.
Here is the thing: I didn't mind the changes and combining of stories. That was fine and could have worked. But the writers got busy hoping to fool comic fans. So, they completely made one character laughable and added in a red herring in the form of a literal throw-away side-villain. It made the story a mess. There were moments when I was sitting there confused as hell at what they were doing. Physics got tossed out the window, again literally in one scene, and no writer seemed to be keeping track of the story timeline.
It was better than Origins, but this was far from a good movie.
Also, reluctant to commit seppuku random Japanese army officer becomes wealthy tycoon? Who'd knew?!!
William Fichtner was there and movies are always better with him in it. The leader of the ghetto clan, what's his name, Spider? He looks and sounds too goofy to be a leader. When I see him, I just can't. He'd be better as a comedian or something. And then we have Kruger. Man, that guy is the most entertaining part of the movie! His sarcasm and the way he speaks, he's such an entertaining character.
" in his little hilarious evil voice
