Depression and Anxiety Thread

[Michael88]

This is one of the ways I've avoided the onset of depressive periods. Training myself to see the world through rose-tinted glasses has helped me massively.

Lying to ourselves doesn't work because deep down we all know the truth about our reality and denying it only further confuses the issue.

Being able to see a silver lining and have a 'whatever' mentality can be an invaluable asset to somebody who gets depressed.

I think you need a specific mentality to do that, the more I try to see things more positively the more I know its not true and the less I can accept that state of mind. Trying to see things more positively and being more carefree is one of the few things that eventually makes me even more depressed as it feels like a cheap and pathetic attempt for a way out - which makes me feel pathetic in return.

Its exactly the same with drugs that are supposed to heighten my mood.

 

[W3H5]

I think you need a specific mentality to do that

I will admit that from the first time that I was diagnosed manic depressive it took me 5-6 years before I had a firm grip over my own concious thoughts and was able to steer myself away from a dark path. It's been 2 years now since I last felt truly depressed and a lot of that I put down to positive mentality and not allowing myself to get stressed or feel unhappy for long periods of time.

I had bad days like anyone else and sometime my job caused me stress but I managed to put myself in a position where the stress was infrequent and mild and the unhappiness was easily remedied by a ride on my bike or a hike trough the mountains.

I would say living where I did (Thailand) made a world of difference. It's not possible for everyone to get out there and change their scenery and experience new things often but it does help with peoples attitude towards themselves.

I think the main thing for avoiding another depressive period for me was knowing what was likely to cause me to be depressed and avoiding those things, be it in work, where I chose to live or what I did in my free time. It's only now, in this post, that I think of it, but I can see a direct link between my reduced alcohol intake and the frequency of depression.

 

[FoRiZon]

I think you need a specific mentality to do that, the more I try to see things more positively the more I know its not true and the less I can accept that state of mind. Trying to see things more positively and being more carefree is one of the few things that eventually makes me even more depressed as it feels like a cheap and pathetic attempt for a way out - which makes me feel pathetic in return.

Its exactly the same with drugs that are supposed to heighten my mood.

You cant really think positively unless other people think about you positively.

Thats what i know. Too much cynic i am.

 

[kikie]

A depression is not a mental state (depression = a sickness). The mental state (feeling depressed) is caused by a depression. I'm pretty sure that depressions/anxiety are a result of a chemical imbalance in your brain, whatever the cause of this imbalance is.There are many different depressions (the physical sickness) and the cause of a certain depressions ( the physical sickness) will dictate if someone will react to certain antidepressants or not. It could be that one doesn't have enough p11 protein or overactive serotonin reuptake pumps located in the pre synaps or not enough serotonin receptors located int the post synaps, etc... .
SSRI medication will slow down the overactive serotonin reuptake pumps in the neurons. Result, less serotonin will be recycled by these pumps which will leave more serotoin left in the synaptic clefs, which means that more serotonin can bind to the serotonin receptors. The more serotonin will bind to the receptors, the better you will feel and this good feeling will better your mental state.

If not enough serotonin doesn"t "jump" across the synaptic clef from the pre synaps to the post synaps, where the serotonin receptors are and not enough serotonin can bind with these receptors, the neurons will misfire and you will feel depressed and anxious. This physical problem (depression) will affect your mental state seriously, in a negative way.

I believe that it is also possible that a mental state can cause depressions. The mental state that can cause depressions feels differently than a mental state caused by a depression (the physical sickness).

The mental state that can cause depressions could be; stress, worries, fear. If one can't get rid of these negative feelings and they will stay with you for a long time and you won't be able to relax, you will impair your serotonin levels in your brain, which will result in a depression (the physical sickness), which will result in feeling depressed/anxious, etc... .


I'm now ready to receive the nobel price.

 

[kikie]

Meditation (as @W3HS suggested), relaxation, breathing techniques also improves your metal state. I think that when meditation or relaxation (breathing techniques) you decrease lower stress levels, decrease lower the stress hormone cortisol, making your brain changes brain waves resulting in less or no depression/anxiety.

These two posts are how I see things about depression. Even the greatest minds (brain and other specialists don't even fully understand the workings of the brain, depressions etc...), so it is obvious that I, not being a brain or other specialist, could be completely wrong.

 

[FoRiZon]

Well, sometimes after i go to college, i somehow lost my interest in hobbies, feeling regretable for what i done in the past, and i felt like people just dont aknowledge me anymore. I try to be nice but thats it, people think more about negatives than positives anyway. It's just come and go. Im not rich, live in a well developed place, nor i am the best at anything. I felt like a failure everytime i climbed up.

Thank god im still living. Maybe i overthink too much. Im not perfect so if anyone had a problem, tell me and give me suggestions. Thanks.

 

[phillgt2002]

.

 

[W3H5]

Life is getting pretty miserable. My wife is on the other side of the world, I've spent 6 weeks job hunting with no success and my budget is so tight I can hardly afford a beer at the weekends.

The only thing keeping my sane right now is my bicycle. I just think to myself "just keep riding, just keep riding." Like Dory from Finding Nemo. lol

 

[kikie]

When I woke up this morning, I had, again a servere anxiety attack. Luckily I didn't make the same mistake I did in 2006, when I had my second (of four) severe clinical depressions, by going on the internet and try to find an answer for the worry that caused my anxiety. Instead I called my doctor and he gave me an answer. It took awhile to accept what he said. I'm still not 100% put at ease.

 

[GTracer125]

Well it's about that time I vent a little steam after the events of the Christmas Incident and basically this is Part 4 of that but it's about what happening to me right now in the Present time... So here it goes.

After being in the "Mental" part of the hospital for 2 weeks and 1/2 and having to deal with the extra drama of going back to the 21st floor school that I was attending which ironically was on the same floor as the mental ward, I really wasn't comfortable with myself and my mind barely had time to recover from that experience since I had to go back there and pretend like nothing happened...

Of course the bloody "Dr Henderson" and my so-called therapist up there "Ms. Macbeth" continued to taunt me and continued to give me extra pressure in order to get out of them, I began to start to feel hatred of everything and especially against them. I also noticed my mental stability was going all over the place and I was in a state of emptiness and I didn't know what the hell I was feeling and whatnot. I honestly don't know if my mind was disminishing because this hatred and anger only grew...

After a month of being on the 21st floor school, they basically just let me finally go and I was on my own even though I wasn't even properly treated or even asked anything about my emotions and whatnot... I pretty much lost my sense of trust towards anyone or anything after that, but anyways I digress...

My parents put me into this program apparently so I can get back into "normal" school again and it's in one of the more "prestigious" schools in NYC (I think?) and basically it's on the 2nd floor where apparently where all the kids who went through the same hospital I was in go to. Well yeah this is a great scenario right...

Since I had no high school to return to and I decided "Why the hell not?" I went for an interview and I got in (Not to the Main School it's self, only the 2nd floor school in the same building) Anyways, my parents believed that after the hospital incident, I be all better and be more accepting but no, he'll no like that was going to happen...

First off, It's been 5 years now ever since I started to have panic attacks and such and I haven't even gotten better at anything at all, of course they say "I chose not to get better" when beforehand I did a lot to try of get better but I always failed and now I tell them "How do you expect me to try anymore when I given up", All of this has worn me out and honestly seeing them frustrated just made me more frustrated, Anyone that knows about my "problems" just demands more and more out of me when I clearly already shown my limit and I pretty much want to be left alone, honestly I feel like isolation in the hospital just made me remember bad memories I forgotten, but being by myself anywhere else was fine. I hate seeing my belief being tossed aside only to satisfy others...

This "thing" or whatever I feel now, is like a virus, You start out with a panic attack or a nervous feeling after a certain event trauma's you or even being by yourself with no one around to be there with you, having no "friends", no one caring about your stress and problems, family avoiding you, you being bullied, All of these and other things caused me to have my first panic attack years ago, I just never realized it until now, this feeling of loneliness continues to be with me to this day because it's all I got...

This "Virus" just corrupts your mind and basically spreads around your entire body making it prone to many reactions and pains, that's why nowadays, I am tired and sleepy most of the time, because it's already worn out with dealing with this. But of course everyone believes it's an excuse or that it's something irrelevant when it clearly isn't. All my doctors and therpists I been through, they don't even know what's wrong with me nowadays, he'll Henderson made me lose trust in anyone so I honestly don't care anymore... My time had been limited and my mind is currently in disarray, How can anyone expect me to continue on like this if they barely gave me a chance to actually try getting better, honestly things at home don't help either, I am always rushed in the mornings and nights, I can't even sleep properly for god's sake, I was sleeping fine before but no, they had to mess everything up. I honestly just given up and hope that life passes by, I honestly don't have any will to keep on going and no this isn't those cliche "I want to die and blah blah blah" things, I mean I pretty much given up and don't care about anything anymore, I don't even go to school to learn anything nowadays, I just go for the heck of it, and what hurts me the most is being self-aware of it all... I hate this feeling so much but I know my feelings don't even matter to myself... Hell I can't even enjoy life anymore so what's the point? I honestly don't know what to do anymore...

Anyways this is Part 4 I guess of my never-ending sadness, I hope you enjoyed this section of my life in a black-hole. I pretty much hate everything nowadays and I lost my sense of isolation and "hope". I got nothing and before anyone says "Is this fake or not?" Umm, no it isn't, All of this is very real and I am the one who writes this down in hope of getting help and advice, because real-life doesn't help, then online is all I got, well then again, when you have no Internet Access from your Wi-Fi Provider and have to stick to 4G, it just makes life even more unbearable, This is Part 4-I am here and I will update later on if anything happens... This is the never-ending story of my life...






Part 5-???

 

[Michael88]

Life is getting pretty miserable. My wife is on the other side of the world, I've spent 6 weeks job hunting with no success and my budget is so tight I can hardly afford a beer at the weekends.

The only thing keeping my sane right now is my bicycle. I just think to myself "just keep riding, just keep riding." Like Dory from Finding Nemo. lol

I'm in a similar situation, with the difference being that I have no significant other, I'm self employed and weights is my ''bicycle.'' My budget is so tight I can't even buy new trousers which I dearly need since my old ones are either starting to develop holes or they're getting too tight since my legs grow from heavy squats and dead lifts.
Made a lot of profit last year but right now I'm doing not so well and taxes eat up all the money I made - and then some. The only personal things I can afford is food and lifting weights.

But you know what makes me feel really miserable? Knowing that this will continue like that until I die, and thats already the most optimistic version since there are numerous things that could go wrong and make my situation much, much worse.

Another thing bugs me - I have to work so hard all day long I have no time for anything, the daily grind eats up all my time. How am I supposed to make friends or maybe even meet a nice girl? Thats pretty impossible, I neither have the time nor the money or energy.
I haven't had a relationship in many, many years since I'm unattractive, poor, burned out plus I have no time anyway.

 

[Skython]

I get uneasy about doing the things I enjoy (like making liveries, or watching my TV shows) until she has gone to bed and don't think that is healthy.

I don't think that's healthy either. Your wife is someone you should feel comfortable to do your own thing around. Perhaps that feeling is just connected to the feeling when you said you don't think your friends would miss seeing you. Maybe you should talk to your wife about how you feel down about your current state of life, even though you're not sure what is wrong with it. As exposing the issue could be the start of sorting it out.

Work hasn't changed in that timeframe either, but it is just feeling worse now. Everything I attempt to do either frustrates me or angers me more than it used to, and again it seems like silly things we should have been getting right for sometime now. I was made a manager over a year ago, but all I have taken on is the extra roles and responsibilities (whatever they are - no job description still) and A LOT of pressure. Inside I feel like shouting at people and instead I prioritise the wrong things to try to settle my mood and do the bits of work I enjoy. Our in-competencies remain though and will need tackling at some stage...

Work could be it too. The average person goes to work from 9-5. That gives them 6 hours of home time before going to sleep (and that doesn't even consider doing what you need to do at home). Work is a long time considering that most people work only because they have to make a living somehow. And the added stress could be causing your mind to have other issues, much like if you put too much stress on a car, it has problems. And those problems cause more problems, and so on and so forth.

Can someone explain whether these kinds of things are normal? The desire to be alone, the "everything is rubbish" thoughts when actually they aren't? Your brain making things up, like friends forgetting about you or wife not loving you? I know they are not true really, but they sit at the top and won't go away... I just don't want to feel worse, but similarly I don't want to make any changes to what is actually a decent situation. I just can't seem to experience it in that way...

Though maybe it is normal. I mean, if a spoiled child from a rich family can feel the need to complain about things not being good enough, anyone can. It could just be because you've become adjusted to your current situation that you feel like everything is becoming rubbish. Because everything stopped climbing so much.

Though the feeling of people who matter forgetting about you, and your wife not loving you? I think those are the precursors to depression, so you should probably talk about those to someone. Maybe talk to your wife about your feelings of your friends not caring. If she loves you, she'll help you (but if she doesn't help you, that doesn't mean she doesn't love you).

I think you have some problems that can be sorted out, it's just figuring out what to do.

 

[Omnis]

I haven't had a relationship in many, many years since I'm unattractive, poor, burned out plus I have no time anyway.

Hey, man, give yourself some credit. You're not unattractive, most guys would envy your physique, and you're a hard worker.

Anyway, I've been sort of feeling down again lately. I'm beginning to think there's a cycle to this. Maybe some kind of slow creeping bipolar, or perhaps depression that just hasn't truly gone away. I'm think I'm gonna finally seek out some drug therapy. I'm hoping that will help me feel better. After monitoring myself for half a year, I have enough evidence now that I think it would be good for me.

 

[FoRiZon]

Is it okay that i have suicidal thoughts in quite a lot basis? Its just i dont fit in much easier than some people. I try my best but seem from them not good enough. I felt like my past mistakes is forever be known no matter what.

@GTracer125 Hope you feel okay.

 

[kikie]

I hope this won't come out wrong but reading about all the similar problems other people have makes me feel good. I mean, it seems that I'm not the only one and not a freak of some kind. I use to have this feeling that life was trying to screw me and that everybody else was perfect and had these perfect lifes. This feeling always made me feel set apart from everybody else. Since I found out what is wrong with me and this was a slow proces, I started to feel more normal and more like a, mmmm, human being, instead of this freak. I always felt like I never belonged, that I was the proverbial third wheel.
As I said before, I have found out that meditation is a very strong antidepressant for my kind of depression (what is physically wrong with me, not the feeling which is also called - a depression). Problem is to find the motivation to meditate every day.
Diet, jogging and meditation is a very good starting point for people with my kind of depression to get well and stay well.

It turns out that my life is not that bad at all, until now, that is. You never know what the future holds. As a matter of fact my life, being boring and all, has been good at times so far.

 

[The Bman]

I have to bring up the connection between material possessions and depression.

People are so concerned with money and the things that it can buy that when, say, a teenager gets spoiled by his parents and feels depressed, everybody is quick to lash out at the teen whenever he says he's not happy and think that his/her possessions should make them feel that way. Money does not buy happiness, no matter what way you put it.

Among the most satisfied people I know are those who don't have their own computer, or video games, or a smart phone, or any expensive stuff that would normally be considered "desirable" by society. They can reach the goals they want because little interferes with them. They have the motivation to get their homework done. They have the mental capability to handle stress and frustration and to solve problems. Those who are often spoiled, are often the most depressed. They can hardly focus on responsibilities and manners because they were taught so few lessons in life that they resort to wasting hours browsing Facebook, or playing their new Call of Duty game, or watching the next prime time show on CBS, because they were raised on money and not morality and responsibility.

And that's where part of my depression stems from. I can't blame my parents for not thinking that these things would not make me happy, because in their minds they thought it would. And I love the fact that they put me first, and took care of me. Just... looking at the way it turned out, makes me wish they taught me responsibility and morality rather than appeasement. If I went back in time and looked at myself when I was 7, I would have wished my parents didn't let me off the hook or appeased me so often. I would have gladly taken a grounding for doing something bad rather than get another video game just for begging so badly.

In the past two years, I've gone on two vacations, received a new game console, two guitars, baseball gear, just to name a few of the ridiculously priced things I've experienced or received. And the kicker is that my two families (my parents are divorced and both re-married) don't have much in the way of money. They went out of their way to do this for me and I have so much difficulty appreciating it, mainly because it's become the norm for me. At the same time, I cannot find it as an excuse for being happy when my cats are infected with parasites and aren't taken to the vet (the most recent example of what I'm about to say), or any other severe frustrations and irresponsibility that certain family members lay upon myself or themselves. It almost makes me want to puke that anybody considers money to be a catalyst for happiness.

No, it isn't.

I love my family so much for caring for me, for putting food on the table and keeping a roof over my head. But when it comes to spending money because of the belief that cash and satisfaction go two-and-two, it drives me to a breaking point when that is used as an excuse.

 

[Dan]

I hope this won't come out wrong but reading about all the similar problems other people have makes me feel good. I mean, it seems that I'm not the only one and not a freak of some kind. I use to have this feeling that life was trying to screw me and that everybody else was perfect and had these perfect lifes. This feeling always made me feel set apart from everybody else. Since I found out what is wrong with me and this was a slow proces, I started to feel more normal and more like a, mmmm, human being, instead of this freak. I always felt like I never belonged, that I was the proverbial third wheel.
As I said before, I have found out that meditation is a very strong antidepressant for my kind of depression (what is physically wrong with me, not the feeling which is also called - a depression). Problem is to find the motivation to meditate every day.
Diet, jogging and meditation is a very good starting point for people with my kind of depression to get well and stay well.

It turns out that my life is not that bad at all, until now, that is. You never know what the future holds. As a matter of fact my life, being boring and all, has been good at times so far.

I know exactly how you feel, especially about knowing other people's stories. Hearing them or reading them make me feel less alone, and I have someone to relate to.

I've tried meditation, and it's massively helped at calming me, but I can't sit on the floor with my legs crossed for a long period of time. My legs just cramp up and my back aches, which distracts me from relaxing and focusing.

 

[INEEDNAWZZZ]

Money does not buy happiness, no matter what way you put it.

Cannot agree with this more. The amount of money I have sitting in the bank, especially for someone my age, is unreal. And I'm just too unmotivated to spend it on literally anything. I thought having a disposable income would be great, but... it honestly kinda sucks.

 

[Omnis]

Is it okay that i have suicidal thoughts in quite a lot basis? Its just i dont fit in much easier than some people. I try my best but seem from them not good enough. I felt like my past mistakes is forever be known no matter what.

@GTracer125 Hope you feel okay.

No, man. That's not normal, nor is it ok. Why should you have to feel like that? If you have anyone that loves you, reach out to them for help first. Otherwise, there are other resources that you will have to pursue.

 

[FoRiZon]

No, man. That's not normal, nor is it ok. Why should you have to feel like that? If you have anyone that loves you, reach out to them for help first. Otherwise, there are other resources that you will have to pursue.

Thanks. Im actually not in mood like that currently. But since said thoughts are more and more commonplace as i got older, i might do a breakdown. Just hope i dont do one, though.

1. I just got *ahem* friendzoned. TBH Im not into relationship thing anyway. Still confused and still got a long path and quite a planning to do so. Im also not a fan of talking personal thing to public sooooo Its not my biggest factor of depression though. Hope i got better.

2. Also, Ive somewhat goes into some existential crisis. Im just scared that my passion and hobby (IRL i take interest in art, photography, cinematography, and programming) got wasted by probably the only jobs i can enter: A boring deskjobs ruled by a conservative, strict bosses. I felt that if i can do better, i have gone into better life, study, etc.

3. My hobbies felt falling apart. Its not like it used to be, not just GT mind you. When i tried to do something, i felt like i just used to do this and that. Im also felt like im not as good as i used to be. The community in it also counts as they mostly gone downhill for multiple reasons. The community is the large reason i contribute anything.

4. My budget. At the time when i was a preteen until high school ended, i could give anything by my parents even when i didnt really ask (PS3 and GT is the one. And thus my career here in GTP ). Mind you, im not a type of person who likes to beg. In fact, im more grateful if i give or do anything to people.

Nowadays, my budget are getting tighter and i am more pressured to do anything myself. I cant get a PS4, XBone, or anything expensive in particular in a short time without resorting to work. The only time when i do give a large money is when my stuff is broken. Well, time to do my hobby that arent rely on money. Like futsal, touring, strolling, F2P Steam Games, etc. No biggie. Not a biggest concern like point no.1.

5. As i got older, i got more cautious thinking. Good news is that i finally can tell whats really good and really bad. Bad news is that i tend to overthink anything. Worse when i addressing individual. Until the end of high school, i dont think much and just ran into whatever i felt like to do. Nowadays i just dont want to let down any people or having a disdain towards myself, especially when i realized "good deeds can go away, bad deeds stay forever". Im not perfect, but I just wanted to fit in and be more comfortable.

Guess i cant impress all people, eh. I tried to do my best but it seems i just felt i dont do good enough.

6. On the larger scale, i felt like some people are just, not good. I use to be more aloof, believing other said without thinking further, hating something without reason, participate in mob mentality, etc. When i got older, i got more critical and pragmatic. I'll do what i felt its good for people. I dont like hypocritical attitude and thats my principle of life. I see person as it is, a person. Not an embodiment of stereotypes they got into.

This is why i hate being into politics.

Sorry if on those long text, im not clear enough. I try my best explaining.

 

[Vegard]

Here's a good video from a very good Youtube channel:

 

[kikie]

Removed.

 

[FoRiZon]

-delete-

 

[Skython]

2. Also, Ive somewhat goes into some existential crisis. Im just scared that my passion and hobby (IRL i take interest in art, photography, cinematography, and programming) got wasted by probably the only jobs i can enter: A boring deskjobs ruled by a conservative, strict bosses. I felt that if i can do better, i have gone into better life, study, etc.

I don't like being bound by an ordered/strict environment either, but you've got to remember that work is what happens at work, and not what happens outside of it. When you go home, you are free to do anything, you can actually source the feeling of working into inspiration to what you create. My inspiration has always come from my life, I've even had sub meanings to my works that I didn't notice but were completely relevant to my life at the time. Work isn't something that entirely demeans you of purpose, it can give you reason to become something more. Life is only what you make of it.

4. My budget. At the time when i was a preteen until high school ended, i could give anything by my parents even when i didnt really ask (PS3 and GT is the one. And thus my career here in GTP ). Mind you, im not a type of person who likes to beg. In fact, im more grateful if i give or do anything to people.

You can't expect others to lose their time working to support you though. If your parents had someone who would pay for their living, they'd probably kick their feet up too. And if everyone in the world followed, all the work would be put onto a select few people.

6. On the larger scale, i felt like some people are just, not good. I use to be more aloof, believing other said without thinking further, hating something without reason, participate in mob mentality, etc. When i got older, i got more critical and pragmatic. I'll do what i felt its good for people. I dont like hypocritical attitude and thats my principle of life. I see person as it is, a person. Not an embodiment of stereotypes they got into.

This is why i hate being into politics.

Sorry if on those long text, im not clear enough. I try my best explaining.

👍 The world isn't full of good, it would appear at first glance to be the opposite. But that is because as you said:

"good deeds can go away, bad deeds stay forever"

All we see most of the times are the bad things. We see the fat man in a suit ordering the destruction of nature to make him more money. Which in the end is just a product of our own making. I'd offer uplifting words as a contrast, but I'm still stuck trying to find them. All I can say is that I agree, pack mentality, politics, and the like. A lot of it is based on a competition on who has the biggest. My word is just ignore it, focus on the good.

 

[FoRiZon]

@SkythonAdressing point 2: Well, thats why i said im not a type of begging people. The worst it will happen is that i cant catch up anymore with console gamers here (GTA, Racing Sims, etc) and felt nothing left to do here in GTP (judging by the state of the community nowadays). But like i said, no worries. There are many "cheaper" things to do anyways.

Thats why i shared many things recently here, man. I have hobbies

 

[Skython]

@Skython Well, thats why i said im not a type of begging people. The worst it will happen is that i cant catch up anymore with console gamers here (GTA, Racing Sims, etc) and felt nothing left to do here in GTP. But like i said, no worries. There are many "cheaper" things to do anyways.

Thats why i shared many things recently here, man. I have hobbies

But what I'm saying is that you can work to earn money and then be able to buy new things if you want to. And still keep up with your hobbies, I've been doing just that for the last two years. And because you'll mostly be busy, it could keep you from overthinking, which can be what makes you have suicidal thoughts. Maybe you could just look for part time work, because then you'll be earning, but won't be spending five days a week doing it.

 

[FoRiZon]

But what I'm saying is that you can work to earn money and then be able to buy new things if you want to. And still keep up with your hobbies, I've been doing just that for the last two years. And because you'll mostly be busy, it could keep you from overthinking, which can be what makes you have suicidal thoughts. Maybe you could just look for part time work, because then you'll be earning, but won't be spending five days a week doing it.

Im still searching for it though.

Money isnt my primary problems. What im more worried is when the community started to get cynical and bitter as time goes, making what i wanted to do felt waste. I need enthusiasm more than anything else, really.

 

[FoRiZon]

As for the "good deeds can go away, bad deeds stay forever", im sorry. But its true. I've been living for my lifetime facing this by most people. So much its now in our society system. Overall good grades but one bad? Don't get a job and flip a burger instead for the rest of your life.

The human nature in general (mostly) are basically this. It's always been killing each other. And now in the modern world its how much they screw over people until they eventually got down.

There are things that should be defended, once destroyed you'll never get it back because people will regard you as such.

 

[GTboyz]

Is it okay that i have suicidal thoughts in quite a lot basis? Its just i dont fit in much easier than some people. I try my best but seem from them not good enough. I felt like my past mistakes is forever be known no matter what.

I used to have those kind of thoughts back in high school when the depression starts to gnaw in. Thinking back about it makes me feel really bad. I hope you don't think about those stuff man.

Also to reply to your last post, it felt like this exact quote "rusak nila setitik, rusak susu sebelanga".

I guess i can say i'm in a similar situation as you. Things that i got to enjoy back then felt stale now. I started thinking about other things, mostly bad and overthinking it sometimes makes me want to smoke again (even though i was never an active smoker) and it makes me crazy sometimes.

 

[SuperVeloce]

See, I can't tell if its just how my brain is programmed, or if I actually have depression. I looked up the symptoms, and it fits exactly how I feel to a T. But I can't think of anything that would cause it.... also I feel if I go to the doctors I'll just feel like I'm wasting his time, as he must get loads of people who think they have depression, so I'm not sure what to do... or if it will ever pass... Sometimes I don't feel too bad, but 99% of the time I do. I'd like to give anti-depressants a go but I guess that'd mean going to the doctors.