Depression and Anxiety Thread

[Imari]

Aaarrrgghhh, do I have "restless leg syndrome" or is it depression/medication related?

Depending on your meds, it can be. Depression medication is by nature designed to alter your brain chemistry, and so weird other "mental" problems can be side effects.

 

[FoRiZon]

Looking back at my posts here, im not sure. I'm mostly felt very confused and scared when things go down. Most time felt lonely even though its not in reality (if small groups count).

My parents are very conservative (mom pushing grades over everything and calling depression as pathetic, while dad is very hair trigger temper), while I can respect they born me and even taking care to some extent, they will blame me for almost all of petty problems, even when its not my fault at all. While my friends are either bit useful or just a fair weather aka only there to have fun, not to cope with problems.

My internship was over like 9 months ago and still not have a significant paycheck. Not sure if I can catch up with my more successful fellow or something. Future is unpredictable and very scary, yet some people I met are very lucky.

Maybe my attitude needs work or something. Like the parents I explains above made me really reactive when dealing with very undesirable outcomes since people will blame me angrily anyways. I should tone down, be positive even if its difficult.

What do you expect anyways, being born in wrong place, condition, whatever.

 

[kikie]

At the moment, I'm feeling normal (but what is normal in my case, hehe ), so I've decided to come and take a peek and post a little. No feeling of depression, no signs of withdrawel at the moment and ......... I'm hungry.

Tomorrow morning when I wake up, things will be much different. The suffering will be there again. Problem is that I have to get up around 8 am to take my father to an appointment.
This is going to be very interesting and very pleasant: shaking, shivering and feeling like I'm about to die and drive with my little Fiat 500 and my father downtown Mol.

I have been lowering my dosage gradually for the past month or so. I'm taking 1.25mg less than when I started around one month ago. I still have at least 2 to 3 months to go and it is already unbearable before noon and early afternoon. Half way the afternoon, things are getting better, slowly, most of the days. With better I mean, the unbearable withdrawel feeling is gone. I still shiver or is it shake a little bit. Feeling of depression goes away slowly and I can smile again and make jokes. But this doesn't last because I'm very unstable. It could be that I'm feeling like normal and suddenly, due to a negative thought, depression starts to kick in again. Sometimes it just happens, without having any negative thoughts though. Luckily this depression feeling goes away and I feel better again.

Can you believe it when I say that I go to bed every evening with fear? Because I'm 100% sure that I'll feel like crap again when I wake up and it lasts for hours and hours every day, without any relief. This has been going on for 6 months already and I start to loose my willpower to go on (still have to suffer for another 2 to 3 months). This thought is enough to wanting to give up. My will to live is also almost non existant anymore. I haven't mentioned this, but I have my father to take care of. Making lunch, go to the grocery store, the bank, make appointments, take care of the administration and so on.

I have been thinking to suddenly stop taking Lorazepam. But this is probably not the best idea. Almost dying for 2 to 3 weeks every day from withdrawal with a lot of side effects and the risk for medical problems like epilepsie, but this is very rare.

Strange but honestly, I still enjoy myself and my life when the suffering goes away, late afternoon, that's is when I do most of the work that needs to be done. 👍

 

[dylansan]

I went to Boston today for my yearly MRI and checkup after my brain tumor. I can't believe that was ten years ago!

Everything was fine as far as that goes. But I filled out a mental health questionairre and talked to a psychologist about it. She was "very concerned" about me. I scored very high, into the clinical/severe range for depression.

Even though a lot of my current angst is related to work and my current situation, she wants me to find a psychiatrist and think about trying some medication. Maybe SSRIs.

I need more info, of course, but I'm willing to try. I barely function at work and it bleeds into my home life. I bet the only reason I haven't bern fired or at least reprimanded is that my boss is very understanding, and worried about me.

Hopefully I'll tackle my student loan problem tomorrow--reduce my payments by taking a longer payment period. That's definitely been one of the reasons for my "hopeless" feelings, lately.

At least I can have some peace of mind for now. Everyone ought to have a prifessional to talk to about these things. Not knowing what's going on in your head or what you can do about it is very unnerving.

 

[Imari]

At the moment, I'm feeling normal (but what is normal in my case, hehe ), so I've decided to come and take a peek and post a little. No feeling of depression, no signs of withdrawel at the moment and ......... I'm hungry.

Tomorrow morning when I wake up, things will be much different. The suffering will be there again. Problem is that I have to get up around 8 am to take my father to an appointment.
This is going to be very interesting and very pleasant: shaking, shivering and feeling like I'm about to die and drive with my little Fiat 500 and my father downtown Mol.

I have been lowering my dosage gradually for the past month or so. I'm taking 1.25mg less than when I started around one month ago. I still have at least 2 to 3 months to go and it is already unbearable before noon and early afternoon. Half way the afternoon, things are getting better, slowly, most of the days. With better I mean, the unbearable withdrawel feeling is gone. I still shiver or is it shake a little bit. Feeling of depression goes away slowly and I can smile again and make jokes. But this doesn't last because I'm very unstable. It could be that I'm feeling like normal and suddenly, due to a negative thought, depression starts to kick in again. Sometimes it just happens, without having any negative thoughts though. Luckily this depression feeling goes away and I feel better again.

Can you believe it when I say that I go to bed every evening with fear? Because I'm 100% sure that I'll feel like crap again when I wake up and it lasts for hours and hours every day, without any relief. This has been going on for 6 months already and I start to loose my willpower to go on (still have to suffer for another 2 to 3 months). This thought is enough to wanting to give up. My will to live is also almost non existant anymore. I haven't mentioned this, but I have my father to take care of. Making lunch, go to the grocery store, the bank, make appointments, take care of the administration and so on.

I have been thinking to suddenly stop taking Lorazepam. But this is probably not the best idea. Almost dying for 2 to 3 weeks every day from withdrawal with a lot of side effects and the risk for medical problems like epilepsie, but this is very rare.

Strange but honestly, I still enjoy myself and my life when the suffering goes away, late afternoon, that's is when I do most of the work that needs to be done. 👍

Can they shift you onto something else instead of the Lorazepam that's then easier for you to come off when you want to? It sounds like you're getting your arse handed to you, and it's not really sustainable. You're just putting yourself through misery.

I've just moved on to a new doctor, and he's been very helpful. I've been self-medicating for the last few months because my previous doctor was a douche. New doc wasn't happy with what I was taking, so I went off them and he promptly picked up that what I had previously been prescribed was doing three fifths of stuff all and that my (illegal) self-medications were all that was barely holding me together.

On the other hand, I'd been medicating based on what I had access to, not what was ideal. So he's put me on a relatively new thing called Brintellix, which I'm finding to be quite good. The side effects of this one for me are pretty significant nausea for a fair bit after I take it, but otherwise I'm as near normal as I've been in some time.

I feel like a good doctor wouldn't let you go through what you are, as they know that putting someone with depression through that sort of misery is a quick way to drive them to extreme actions. I'd be looking for someone who will help you get off the drugs if that's what you want to do, but get off them in a way that isn't horribly unbearable.

I dunno what the medical system is like where you are and whether it's easy to seek second opinions, but if you can maybe just shop around a little. It's not betraying your current doctor, most good doctors will be happy to help you meet others for second opinions. But if you're dreading each day as it comes, that's pretty bad and a prime reason why many people do stay on the drugs.

I admire your strength to do what you're doing, I just wonder if you're not making it harder on yourself than it need be.

 

[VBR]

Anyone ever heard of Depersonalization Derealization Disorder?

Here's a concise yet comprehensive 1 minute explanation: https://psychcentral.com/disorders/depersonalization-derealization-disorder-symptoms/

 

[kikie]

This is my new psychiatrist

Can they shift you onto something else instead of the Lorazepam that's then easier for you to come off when you want to? It sounds like you're getting your arse handed to you, and it's not really sustainable. You're just putting yourself through misery.

Nope not possible. Asked this numerous times at different doctors; family doctor, psychiatrists, apothecary, my father's neurosurgeon. One GP though, said that replacing Lorazepam with diazepam (valium) could be better. But yesterday, I ask my family doctor and he said that it is not really a solution.

I feel like a good doctor wouldn't let you go through what you are, as they know that putting someone with depression through that sort of misery is a quick way to drive them to extreme actions. I'd be looking for someone who will help you get off the drugs if that's what you want to do, but get off them in a way that isn't horribly unbearable.

How I'm doing it is the only way, said by many doctors. Lowering the dosage with 0.25mg a week is not that bad. In the beginning I lowered 4mg in only 16 days. That was hell.

I admire your strength to do what you're doing, I just wonder if you're not making it harder on yourself than it need be.

Nope, absolutely not. It is what it is. Getting of Lorazepam is for some people a disaster (me) and for others less problematic. I'm hypersensitive when it comes to medication.


All went well this morning. Getting up and driving to the hospital, waiting for quite some time for my father wasn't that bad.

 

[Michael88]

Anyone ever heard of Depersonalization Derealization Disorder?

Here's a concise yet comprehensive 1 minute explanation: https://psychcentral.com/disorders/depersonalization-derealization-disorder-symptoms/

Alongside depression I've been suffering from depersonalization for many years, I feel like dreaming all the time and the strange thing is its not something I can get used to. Most of the time its very unnerving, but I have to admit, there are situations where the extreme feeling of being completely detached from everything around you and being completely unshaken by even the most extreme events feels.....relieving.

Its hard to describe the feeling, its like when you are at the border to falling asleep, but you are still fully awake nor tired. Most emotions are dulled down but a few are amplified.

 

[Dan]

I hate having anxiety when it comes to making phone calls. I have to rehearse out loud what I'm going to say almost 15 times before I even pick up the phone. Even after practicing so many times I still trip over my words and blurt out everything. The poor guy on the other end of the phone is getting hit by a gatling gun of jumbled words and sentences. This is horrible.

 

[dylansan]

I hate having anxiety when it comes to making phone calls. I have to rehearse out loud what I'm going to say almost 15 times before I even pick up the phone. Even after practicing so many times I still trip over my words and blurt out everything. The poor guy on the other end of the phone is getting hit by a gatling gun of jumbled words and sentences. This is horrible.

I've always had the same problem. Phone calls always give me anxiety.

Though it's counterintuitive, I think planning too much can make it worse, since you can't predict what the other person will say.

For me, I've had an easier time making calls when I just think of the first thing I want to say and trust that I'll be able to explain the rest as I go.

It also helps to remember that most people taking calls have to deal with confused callers on a regular basis. They'll usually know what to ask to get the info they need. Let them steer the conversation if possible.

It's not foolproof, but I've found that I hesitate much less when making calls now than I used to. I think the less time you give yourself to overthink before the call, the less you panic when it doesn't go exactly how you planned.

 

[VBR]

Alongside depression I've been suffering from depersonalization for many years, I feel like dreaming all the time and the strange thing is its not something I can get used to. Most of the time its very unnerving, but I have to admit, there are situations where the extreme feeling of being completely detached from everything around you and being completely unshaken by even the most extreme events feels.....relieving.

Its hard to describe the feeling, its like when you are at the border to falling asleep, but you are still fully awake nor tired. Most emotions are dulled down but a few are amplified.

 

[Dan]

I've always had the same problem. Phone calls always give me anxiety.

Though it's counterintuitive, I think planning too much can make it worse, since you can't predict what the other person will say.

For me, I've had an easier time making calls when I just think of the first thing I want to say and trust that I'll be able to explain the rest as I go.

It also helps to remember that most people taking calls have to deal with confused callers on a regular basis. They'll usually know what to ask to get the info they need. Let them steer the conversation if possible.

It's not foolproof, but I've found that I hesitate much less when making calls now than I used to. I think the less time you give yourself to overthink before the call, the less you panic when it doesn't go exactly how you planned.

This was at work, and I had to call a cab for a customer. I knew I had to do it several hours before, so the thought of doing it later made me worried leading up to it. If I just make a call only on the general idea, then I know I'll forget all of the necessary information that has to be provided. Like you said about the other person being unpredictable, they answered and said something which I couldn't understand. That completely threw me off-guard so I awkwardly said "Sorry, what?" to which they answered "Good morning." I felt pretty embarrassed after that so I went with the imaginary script and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible. 45 seconds of panic, not including the minutes of anxiety before and nervous tension afterwards.

Thankfully, I found a technique to quickly calm myself down recently, but it doesn't work in the middle of a conversation; only before and after.

 

[dylansan]

Delete

 

[dylansan]

This was at work, and I had to call a cab for a customer. I knew I had to do it several hours before, so the thought of doing it later made me worried leading up to it. If I just make a call only on the general idea, then I know I'll forget all of the necessary information that has to be provided. Like you said about the other person being unpredictable, they answered and said something which I couldn't understand. That completely threw me off-guard so I awkwardly said "Sorry, what?" to which they answered "Good morning." I felt pretty embarrassed after that so I went with the imaginary script and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible. 45 seconds of panic, not including the minutes of anxiety before and nervous tension afterwards.

Thankfully, I found a technique to quickly calm myself down recently, but it doesn't work in the middle of a conversation; only before and after.

Can you write down the information so you don't have to remember it all at once?

As far as not hearing something, there's a thousand reasons someonce could miss what someone else said, from outside distractions to a bad connection.

How well do you handle ordering food at a restaurant? I used to have trouble with that. If you're ordering a steak, sometimes you forget to say how you want it cooked, or that you need to pick two sides, or what kind of dressing you want on your salad. But it's ok. They'll ask anything you forget. You just have to remember things like "no cheese" or "allergic to nuts."

I don't know anything about ordering a cab, but I'd assume if you forgot to mention the time, or address or something, they'd ask. And in my experience no one finds asking very inconvenient. If anything, it might be harder for them if you give all the info up front, but maybe that's just me.

All I can say is these calls are probably less memorable for the other person than they are for you.

 

[Dan]

Can you write down the information so you don't have to remember it all at once?

Yeah, I had an outline written on my phone, but it barely helped.

How well do you handle ordering food at a restaurant? I used to have trouble with that. If you're ordering a steak, sometimes you forget to say how you want it cooked, or that you need to pick two sides, or what kind of dressing you want on your salad. But it's ok. They'll ask anything you forget. You just have to remember things like "no cheese" or "allergic to nuts."

Not well. I'm extremely nervous in that situation too, and I wish someone could do it for me, but rarely ask for it. I know that I can't rely on other people since there will be times when I'm not with anyone else.

All I can say is these calls are probably less memorable for the other person than they are for you.

And that's what makes me hate myself even more. I always hold on to all of the bad 🤬 that affects me and never let it go.

 

[dylansan]

@Dan

I don't know your situation, but at this point a professional could definitely help you more than I can. Are you seeing anyone at the moment? And does your doctor know about these things?

 

[Dan]

@Dan

I don't know your situation, but at this point a professional could definitely help you more than I can. Are you seeing anyone at the moment? And does your doctor know about these things?

No. Haven't been to a doctor in a while, and wouldn't talk to them about it since they'll probably think I'm going crazy, and possibly jeopardize my chances of working in my current field for the future.

 

[TJ13]

Well I feel really down.
Probably the uncertainty of what my relationship has done.
The mood swings and everything else.

Tonight would of been a good night for me to fall asleep and once I am in my deep sleep to never come out of it.

Just to get rid of the thoughts of everything I even took a bike ride to help clear my mind.
Kinda did but now I just feel worse for wear, to where I just want to cry and sleep.

Did so much in this relationship that I never thought I would be where I am.
Now it's on the rocks and maybe even over for all I know.

Now I am having one of these extremes where I just want to do nothing for the whole week and not even log on for that matter but I need to kinda keep up on other things with maybe work related if I get any emails and whatnot.

It's also been one of those days where I barely ate anything and I am going to wake up probably not even hungry so it just makes things worse and it just gets bad and everything.

I just ask myself why does every time something goes good it goes too good to fail and make everything miserable.

 

[Vinylshark]

Having a bit of a "panic attack" right now.
Told the work-finding-program and agency for employment that I was sick the last two weeks with mental health problems. Today I'm sure I will get a call if I'm alright again and if I can continue looking for work. Truth is I still feel like 🤬. The whole weekend I felt like starting to cry any second, for no reason at all. Still feel like it right now and I just hate this feeling. I have to tell them that it's not possible for me to drive a car. Maybe in the future, but not now. That pretty much will set me back to a "not possible to look for work" status, since I'd need a car to get there. Finally finding a job puts me under a lot of pressure, and I feel like I'm slowly collapsing under it. I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't know where my life will go and how my future will look.

All those years I always acted like "🤬 life. I hope mine ends soon" and now I'm sitting here, being scared and worried about my own future, which I always said I don't even want. Kinda funny.

 

[Casey]

These past few days I've been feeling the worst that I've been in a while, even though I do want to lose some weight I don't feel like eating much anymore and I'm constantly just doing nothing much but laying in bed most of the day, I've just lost all of my motivation to do anything.

 

[Dresden]

These past few days I've been feeling the worst that I've been in a while, even though I do want to lose some weight I don't feel like eating much anymore and I'm constantly just doing nothing much but laying in bed most of the day, I've just lost all of my motivation to do anything.

I can relate to that. Over the last ten years I have gotten worse with motivation as well. It is so easy to sit back on a high sugar diet of processed foods and no exercise. I have had anxiety attacks since 2011 and there is no doubt that it is all connected. Lying in bed or sitting down at work is something I do way too much.

Gaming is good and bad. Sometimes it is nice to escape into the gaming world and forget about things, but it also makes me very lazy when I sit for long periods.

Another problem is always wanting things to be perfect. I am sure much of my anxiety comes from always wanting perfection and control. Sugar then hypes it up to another level.

 

[Michael88]

Has anyone ever felt....completely rejected by everyone and everything?

I often feel like the world is not overly fond of my presence; wherever I go and whoever I meet I very clearly never fit anywhere, people treat me kindly and with a lot of respect but they make sure that I keep a distance and stay there, people very rarely agree with my opinions and ideas as they seem alien to them. Even the people I share hobbies or ideas with tend to shun me, in a polite way.

Also, even though its magical thinking I do have an above-average tendency for bad luck. When other people independently tell you this it makes you think for sure.

Its like the entire world is rejecting me, though in a kind and impersonal way, like its saying ''I'm sorry but you do not belong here, find your luck somewhere else please''. I constantly feel out of place.

I know several people who, frankly due to their ''special'' nature and behavior, had a hard time finding friends and an environment that fit them. All of them have eventually found their place, like a puzzle piece thrown in a bag of other pieces. Shake it long enough and even the weirdest piece will connect to something eventually. I'm the only one who hasn't, I'm like a 2D puzzle piece in a 3D puzzle, and thats exactly how I'm treated.

Please don't mistake that for wallowing in self-pity, I'm just wondering if someone else is in a similar situation.
And maybe I'm just rambling a bit too.

 

[TJ13]

I heard this on the news and I guess a recent study shows playing certain video games will help depression out.
Now exactly how does it help I didn't catch it but I guess that is something to maybe think about?

 

[Castrol96]

I heard this on the news and I guess a recent study shows playing certain video games will help depression out.
Now exactly how does it help I didn't catch it but I guess that is something to maybe think about?

For me it works by taking you mind off the stressful thoughts (Story Based game). I was depressed last year due to exams and a loss at the same time. It took me 2 months to recover by playing Uncharted 4 and starting a hobby (model kits).

 

[TJ13]

For me it works by taking you mind off the stressful thoughts (Story Based game). I was depressed last year due to exams and a loss at the same time. It took me 2 months to recover by playing Uncharted 4 and starting a hobby (model kits).

I know it works for me too.
Unless it's GT6 trying to platinum the game by getting all gold. Then it's frustrating awesome.

 

[Castrol96]

I know it works for me too.
Unless it's GT6 trying to platinum the game by getting all gold. Then it's frustrating awesome.

GT5 is worse....X1 challenge

 

[kikie]

Well, my psychiatrist said (monday) that diazepam was her solution if I had agreed to get admitted to the psychiatric ward.

She also said that and this I always knew but now it is official , being bullied, pestered for how I look from the age of 13 until 18 - 22 (every where I went, not only school), made me more sensitive than I should have been and it also explains my anxieties.

 

[Castrol96]

Well, my psychiatrist said (monday) that diazepam was her solution if I had agreed to get admitted to the psychiatric ward.

She also said that and this I always knew but now it is official , being bullied, pestered for how I look from the age of 13 until 18 - 22 (every where I went, not only school), made me more sensitive than I should have been and it also explains my anxieties.

Diazepam; I remember that from MGS1.

 

[Techy]

Anyone heard of maladaptive daydreaming? I'm not sure if it's a case of depression but I certainly have it, reading the various symptoms of the disorder
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maladaptive_daydreaming

While there are many specific symptoms of a maladaptive daydreamer, someone with this disorder will not necessarily have all of them.

Often maladaptive daydreams are prompted by 'triggers' (stimuli which produce an emotional response) which may include conversational topics, sensory stimuli, or physical experiences. Maladaptive daydreamers may also experience trouble completing routine tasks or going to sleep, due to their desire to continue daydreaming. Oftentimes while maladaptive daydreamers are daydreaming, they will whisper, talk, make facial expressions, or do some sort of repetitive movement, such as pacing.

Maladaptive daydreamers can spend hours simply daydreaming. They may have elaborate fantasies within their minds, often comparable to a complete novel or movie. Many have more than one fantasy in their mind, each with its own characters, setting, plots, etc. Maladaptive daydreamers may become emotionally attached to their characters as well, though they know the characters are not real

I think this applies to me quite greatly, as I often tend to daydream, especially if it's a particular dream of mines to achieve. But I don't ever try to make it a reality. I find it more satisfying to have it play out in my mind as a daydream rather than a reality. I daydreamed a lot when I was in high school, so that maybe attribute to how I am today. As a matter of fact, I daydream even if I try to focus on something, though it's not as "realized" as when I unconditionally daydream.

I heard this on the news and I guess a recent study shows playing certain video games will help depression out.
Now exactly how does it help I didn't catch it but I guess that is something to maybe think about?

I play games to relieve my depression, but sadly it comes back once I finish a gaming session. Most of the time I play single player games, rarely do any multiplayer. Perhaps that'll help, but I feel anxiety even if it's a simple MP session with a bunch of strangers.

 

[Casey]

Has anyone ever felt....completely rejected by everyone and everything?

I sometimes do feel rejected by many. I guess its mostly cause I don't ever fit in with that well with many people. When I was going to school not many people really paid attention to me, I wasn't trying to fit in though cause I don't like to.

I heard this on the news and I guess a recent study shows playing certain video games will help depression out.
Now exactly how does it help I didn't catch it but I guess that is something to maybe think about?

Video games do help me out sometimes, back in 2012 to about early 2014 I felt mostly depressed so I spent a lot of my time playing video games and they helped me by keeping me occupied and enjoying some of the stories some games had.