Same for me. I guess I could get the "best results" with doctors if they would offer some kind of online therapy or by trying to write everything down on paper and just hand it over to them. Thought later one would still require speaking with them face to face after they read it.
A good doctor will be fine with this. It's actually what I do, because my depression gives me serious memory problems and so I
have to write everything down or I can't remember it when I need to. If you want to use it because it's an easier way to communicate, I think do it.
I'd just start with something like "I'm sorry, but my depression makes it really difficult for me to talk clearly to people, so I've written this down for you", and then just write whatever you'd like to tell the doctor. At the end you can write that they're welcome to ask you any questions, but you may find it difficult to answer in person. If they'd like to write their questions down you can maybe go away and write your answers.
I don't think the doctor will be that surprised. Especially if you get one that specialises in mental illness (I recommend asking at the clinic or hospital that you go to if they have someone who specialises, often they have one or two). Difficulty communicating is a major part of depression, and I rather think that they'll be pleased and impressed that you've had the foresight to write things down beforehand. Saves you sitting there and stuttering through your story like I did the first time. I barely knew what I wanted, just that I needed help.
Medicine isn't really an option for me. I had side effects from switching anti-depressant once and since than I'm avoiding any kind of medicine. But I will have a look at the fish oil (even if it sounds a bit gross, imo).
The fish oil is less gross than you'd think. You can get it in capsules so you can just swallow them instead of having to drink a glass of oil, which would be awful. You may get the odd fishy burp, but most of them take the odour out of it as well. It's pretty cheap too. It's good for you in general, but it also has the added benefit of sometimes working on depression.
Anti-depressant medications are a mixed bag. They
all come with non-trivial side effects, although
St. John's Wort is by far the mildest (hence why it's not prescription only, the side effects), generally nausea, headaches and the like. But ultimately to go down that path I think you really need a doctor or psychiatrist who knows their stuff and is willing to work with you.
For example, I had a chat with my last doctor about how the side effects of the drug he was prescribing (Lexapro) were kicking my ass and ultimately were potentially worse than the actual depression. He basically said suck it up, that's what you get. So I stopped seeing him, because I don't need that sort of ****.
On the other hand, I explained my situation to my new doctor and he identified that the drug I was on was both doing hardly anything for my depression AND I was getting wrecked by the side effects. I'd been getting by self-medicating with some other stuff that I shan't mention here, but that's not a long term plan (or a particularly good short term plan). He put me on a newer drug (Brintellix, if you're curious) and it's been good. The main side effect is nausea for a bit after you take it, but I can deal with that.
He was very good as I was changing over; he didn't recommend the normal stop taking your current medication and let it flush out of your system for a few weeks then change over, because while that's the method by the book it's practically impossible. If I was off anti-depressants for a week I'd be dead. He simply said step down over a few days and make the switch quick, and beware of serotonin syndrome kicking in. In the end it went well.
I had some reservations at the time about this new drug being not suitable either, or it only working for a few months and what do we do then? He says he's got a list of drugs and other therapies that we'll try in order until we find something that works. If in a few years we find that nothing works, we'll deal with that when we get there. He does a great job of reassuring me that he has a plan, that he can keep me informed, and that together we can work to fight this.
I like my new doctor. He's Scottish. And awesome. He's also the third doctor I went to, and it took me a year to find him. It's never an easy road. But you'll get there.
I don't want to push the medication thing too hard, I know it's worked for me but I also know it's not for everyone. And at best it's symptom management, rather than a cure. But it's got me from sleeping 20 hours a day, hiding in bed and being absolutely unable to leave the house without panic attacks to being a functional human being. Now that I can be up and about I can work, which means I don't have money worries, and I can pursue fixing my mental health with more vigour. It's little steps that build upon themselves to get you to a place where you can make yourself better.
Whatever your solution ends up being, I hope you can keep making your way towards it. When you can, try different things and let us know how you go. I'm not a doctor and nor are most here, but some of us have made our way from where you are to a slightly better place, and can at least share anecdotal advice on what worked for us.
Never give up. There's always more to try. One never knows if raccoon milk is an incredible anti-depressant until someone tries it.
(and for the record, I made an appointment like a month ago, never cancelled it even though I was feeling better but damn, I could really use it now).
, I know what you mean, I'm just being an idiot reading it in the wrong context.
