Depression and Anxiety Thread

[LeMansAid]

I'm having a rough time, lately. I have a counselor now, but I'm all over the place.

I had a great weekend playing games with my little cousin. Now that it's time to catch up, and Monday's around the corner, I feel like garbage.

I'm tired of trying. I've put so much effort in lately and I feel like I've gotten nothing out of it. My life will never be as good as I was told it could be.

It's taking all my strength not to blow up and let all of my insecurities out. Even on GTP I feel like I have no value. I have nothing to contribute. I just want to feel like part of a community but I don't. I'm struggling to find any source of self esteem anymore.

I'm going to gift a one up for my number one dissenter (prisonermonkeys), and be decidedly contrary on this point (I'm often accused of doing it wantonly).

Your kind is all too rare, in the world at large, and on here. Anyone that prioritises thought process over end thought has a massive upside in my book - and that's one thing I see in you. That you haven't bought your ideals "off the rack", only to find yourself a slave to the stereotypes evident in the package bought. That you don't decide your position first, looking over your shoulder at what the "cool kids" are all doing, then tunnel vision your way through the would-be evidence. Nope, you're up for the convincing, and that's the way it should be. Just make sure that you are willing to be convinced by the most important search for truth of them all......... the question of your worthiness. We don't have to be perfect. In fact, perfect is boring. We just have to be worth it. Worth the time and effort of others.

Are you?....

Spoiler

You are.

 

[dylansan]

I had some sort of breakdown yesterday. It was early at work and I made some minor mistake because my coworker didn't really explain something very well. I knew, I KNEW it would be an easy fix, and no big deal, but I just shut down. I had already been in a bad mood and I just didn't want to deal with anyone or anything.

So I hid in the bathroom for a little while and then I came out and told my boss I had to go home. Fortunately, he's very understanding and seems to be concerned about me, but it didn't make me feel better at the time. I left, avoiding eye contact with everyone and ignoring any greetings or anything. Then I cried in my car on the way home.

I took today and tomorrow off and I have an appointment with my therapist for tomorrow.

I woke up to my boss accepting my time off and hoping I feel better, and your post, @LeMansAid. I cried a little again.


I think it's very possible I have some kind of personality disorder. I feel like I fit AvPD to a T, and fit BPD well enough that it's also possible. I've been reminded of so many outbursts in my past and times I've had such strong emotional reactions to completely minor things. Obviously if I'm missing work then it's disrupting my life. I'm not going to self diagnose but I don't want my therapist to hold anything back. If I have something, I want to know. An explanation would help me deal with it because right now I'm feeling overwhelmed and confused.

I appreciate the kind words.

I wonder how many people have noticed the attention-seeking, whiny status updates I sometimes post only to delete five minutes later.

Time to play Car Mechanic Simulator and relax for the day. 💡

 

[Vinylshark]

(This post is mostly to let out my thoughts stuck in my head. Feel free to ignore it)
The last 1 1/2 - 2 weeks were pretty ok for me I'd say. Got my driver license (which I still don't really want) and finally got rid of the stress and worries that involved it (like driving lessons and the driving test itself). But know it's time to try and get a job and that puts me under a lot of stress. On Tuesday I got a call from the people who help me try to find internships (a program supported by our employment agency), in the hope of getting hired afterwards. They gave me the name and number from a workshop to call. I did and they wanted to end the phone call right away. At the end we agreed that I sent them some informations related to my apprenticeship and that they would look at it and call me back. They didn't. So know I don't know what to do. Should I just call them again, despite them obviously not being interested? Should I call the people from the internship program and possibly answer questions like "Why didn't you call them again?" or getting told to call them again right away. Should I just try to find a internship myself and give their name and number to the people from the internship program, so that they can explain it in detail to the workshop?
I'm really lost and that takes a huge hit on my mood and depressions. Every morning I have to force myself to even get out of bed. How am I supposed to find a job when I can barely get motivated to even get up in the morning? The fact that I learned a job that I don't even like doesn't help either.

I'm wondering if I should maybe go into therapy again, but I just don't know what for. It's not like there would be any therapy or drug in the world that could change my view on life and make me enjoy it again.
(God, my english becomes worse and worse...)

 

[Dan]

(This post is mostly to let out my thoughts stuck in my head. Feel free to ignore it)
The last 1 1/2 - 2 weeks were pretty ok for me I'd say. Got my driver license (which I still don't really want) and finally got rid of the stress and worries that involved it (like driving lessons and the driving test itself). But know it's time to try and get a job and that puts me under a lot of stress. On Tuesday I got a call from the people who help me try to find internships (a program supported by our employment agency), in the hope of getting hired afterwards. They gave me the name and number from a workshop to call. I did and they wanted to end the phone call right away. At the end we agreed that I sent them some informations related to my apprenticeship and that they would look at it and call me back. They didn't. So know I don't know what to do. Should I just call them again, despite them obviously not being interested? Should I call the people from the internship program and possibly answer questions like "Why didn't you call them again?" or getting told to call them again right away. Should I just try to find a internship myself and give their name and number to the people from the internship program, so that they can explain it in detail to the workshop?
I'm really lost and that takes a huge hit on my mood and depressions. Every morning I have to force myself to even get out of bed. How am I supposed to find a job when I can barely get motivated to even get up in the morning? The fact that I learned a job that I don't even like doesn't help either.

I'm wondering if I should maybe go into therapy again, but I just don't know what for. It's not like there would be any therapy or drug in the world that could change my view on life and make me enjoy it again.
(God, my english becomes worse and worse...)

I know that people who suffer from depression find it difficult to enjoy things they once loved to do, but try to focus on something that truly makes you happy. I spent a year in college before dropping out due to my grades, but I was majoring in theatre studies because acting and working behind the scenes filled me with joy. In the future, I might pursue a career in that industry, but my other interests led me elsewhere. In my free time, I enjoy watching aviation videos and reading about military aircraft. Since the military definitely isn't my thing, and my previous retail job was draining the life out of me, I had to get a new job. My family knew about my interests and encouraged me to look into the aviation industry and now I'm as happy as can be. My position is far from glamorous, but it's more fulfilling and I'm making more money than I did at the last place. Of course, not everyone is able to get the job they want, but try and find one that's as close as possible.

Last few things: I have never been diagnosed for depression/anxiety, but I am certain that if your doctor determined medication would work for you, then you should give it an opportunity. If you aren't getting positive results, then your doctor can change your dosage or type of medicine. Medication doesn't work for everyone though, so be open to other therapies. Finally, your English skills are better than some people who speak it naturally.

 

[Vinylshark]

I know that people who suffer from depression find it difficult to enjoy things they once loved to do, but try to focus on something that truly makes you happy.

I don't really know what makes me happy anymore. I'd used to really enjoy playing videogames, but even they only annoy and bore me nowadays. My head is just full of thoughts and worries. Even at night it takes me nearly two hours before I can finally fall asleep. When it comes to jobs, I'd guess the one that could make me happy the most would be car mechanic. But that would mean I'd have to do a new apprenticeship for 3 years. Not really something I want to do with 26.

Last few things: I have never been diagnosed for depression/anxiety, but I am certain that if your doctor determined medication would work for you, then you should give it an opportunity. If you aren't getting positive results, then your doctor can change your dosage or type of medicine.

For more than a year doctors were trying all kind of dosages and nothing worked. When they finally gave me other drugs I immediately spent two weeks laying in bed and constantly having to puke. I also spent one night in the hospital before releasing myself the next evening after having a break down when my dad visited. That's also the reason why I haven't been using drugs for years now.

Finally, your English skills are better than some people who speak it naturally.

I spent quite some time using a dictionary to translate words or just to check if I spelled them right. Ironically dictionary was one of those words.

 

[FoRiZon]

I just thought what if the suicide failed and you live long with prolonged agony.

I'm scared right now. But on the other hand its not like people cared much anyways. The world come off worse recently also. They'll also far better off without me.

I made my decision. Less burden to people the better.

 

[Dan]

I just thought what if the suicide failed and you live long with prolonged agony.

I'm scared right now. But on the other hand its not like people cared much anyways. The world come off worse recently also. They'll also far better off without me.

I made my decision. Less burden to people the better.

PLEASE DONT DO IT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT. If you're still here PLEASE message me. It's not worth losing you.

 

[ULTRAVIOLENZZ]

@FrzGT The 🤬 are you talking about???

 

[VBR]

I just thought what if the suicide failed and you live long with prolonged agony.

I did some research on this a while back, & the stats are shocking! For every 33 suicide attempts in the USA, only 1 person succeeds. The rest mess it up, & many of them are left with more health problems related to the method they used, they end up worse off than they were before. It's a very similar story for the rest of the world.

I also heard that out of survivors who hurled themselves off a huge building or bridge etc, more than 90% of them changed their mind on the way down.

The truth is that you don't really want to die, you just want the suffering & pain you're going through to end. Suicide has been called a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think about it.

Why not hang on in there for a little while longer & see if you feel less crappy sometime soon?

Don't do it mate.

 

[kikie]

Even me whom is tormented with morbide thoughts every day, going to bed every evening hoping not to wake up anymore, looking up information how to commit suïcide without pain says;

Don't do it!

The truth is that you don't really want to die, you just want the suffering & pain you're going through to end. Suicide has been called a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think about it.

This!

Well said and spot on!

 

[MatskiMonk]

I just thought what if the suicide failed and you live long with prolonged agony.

I'm scared right now. But on the other hand its not like people cared much anyways. The world come off worse recently also. They'll also far better off without me.

I made my decision. Less burden to people the better.

Hope you're still with us. Change your life, don't end it.

 

[FoRiZon]

PLEASE DONT DO IT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT. If you're still here PLEASE message me. It's not worth losing you.

@FrzGT The 🤬 are you talking about???

Even me whom is tormented with morbide thoughts every day, going to bed every evening hoping not to wake up anymore, looking up information how to commit suïcide without pain says;

Don't do it!



This!

Well said and spot on!

I did some research on this a while back, & the stats are shocking! For every 33 suicide attempts in the USA, only 1 person succeeds. The rest mess it up, & many of them are left with more health problems related to the method they used, they end up worse off than they were before. It's a very similar story for the rest of the world.

I also heard that out of survivors who hurled themselves off a huge building or bridge etc, more than 90% of them changed their mind on the way down.

The truth is that you don't really want to die, you just want the suffering & pain you're going through to end. Suicide has been called a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think about it.

Why not hang on in there for a little while longer & see if you feel less crappy sometime soon?

Don't do it mate.

Hope you're still with us. Change your life, don't end it.

Im not sure. The thoughts keep coming whenever troubles were coming on pileups. This is few of it.

I'm very sure that at this point my future wont be good and I felt im not that popular to basically majority of people, including in GTPlanet. Tried my best to do something positive but alas, cant change the perception of other people regardless. Once branded negative and it will always be.

As for "the world coming to be worse place", im kinda sure. There's more hate crime coming, either on US, my place, basically most of places gone crazy. Most of times I opened my Social Medias and I was littered with mostly political things, even on sections that not political. Its rather skewed my perception negatively. Either way, its never good. Tried to ignore it, but you cant change reality.

Seems that I did very expressed so much in here, including this rather disturbing things. I always thought that this is the place where I can share my thoughts considerably freely since discussing "controversial" things with IRL fellows can cause rather jarring results. Consequently this is also my main place to vent. So sorry if I'm sometimes seems to disturb or very controversial here. Despite everything, you guys are the best.

I sounded like an old record now. I probably take a rest for a while for now.

 

[MatskiMonk]

Im not sure. The thoughts keep coming whenever troubles were coming on pileups. This is few of it.

I'm very sure that at this point my future wont be good and I felt im not that popular to basically majority of people, including in GTPlanet. Tried my best to do something positive but alas, cant change the perception of other people regardless. Once branded negative and it will always be.

As for "the world coming to be worse place", im kinda sure. There's more hate crime coming, either on US, my place, basically most of places gone crazy. Most of times I opened my Social Medias and I was littered with mostly political things, even on sections that not political. Its rather skewed my perception negatively. Either way, its never good. Tried to ignore it, but you cant change reality.

Seems that I did very expressed so much in here, including this rather disturbing things. I always thought that this is the place where I can share my thoughts considerably freely since discussing "controversial" things with IRL fellows can cause rather jarring results. Consequently this is also my main place to vent. So sorry if I'm sometimes seems to disturb or very controversial here. Despite everything, you guys are the best.

I sounded like an old record now. I probably take a rest for a while for now.

Glad to see you post.

GTP is not everything, and neither is what you see on social media. Your place in the world is what you make it, not what others think, and given how ****ed up the world can seem these days who gives a **** what the world thinks. Find yourself, find what you want, live life for you, not for GTP, not for your family, but for you.

 

[kikie]

I just thought what if the suicide failed and you live long with prolonged agony.

I'm scared right now. But on the other hand its not like people cared much anyways. The world come off worse recently also. They'll also far better off without me.

I made my decision. Less burden to people the better.

I see. Didn't read this post carefully enough the last time. What decision would that be? It could be anything but it seems that you are hinting towards suïcide.

 

[kikie]

I don't know what to do. Getting of the drugs (Benzos) at home under supervision of my doctor or go to a clinic, stay there for several weeks and go through withdrawal clinically?


EDIT: strange, this evening my doctor said that I'm not addicted to Lorazepam and he's not the only one who said this. It was thinking the samen thing.

 

[Imari]

An interesting podcast that I listened to recently about anti-depressants. It starts off quite scary, but by the end you'll probably have gone back and forth on your opinion a few times and be quite well informed.

https://gimletmedia.com/episode/11-antidepressants/

I'm wondering if I should maybe go into therapy again, but I just don't know what for. It's not like there would be any therapy or drug in the world that could change my view on life and make me enjoy it again.

You'd be surprised. This is what depression does to you, it very sneakily influences your thinking. It just makes you a little more negative than normal, and that combined with the fact that you already feel like crap is enough to make you spiral out of control at the slightest thing.

But whether your problem is psychological or chemical, there are solutions that will at least give you some quick relief and allow you to get back some control over your life. Think of it like chronic pain. Maybe many painkillers don't work, but there will be one out there that allows at least some control over the pain. It doesn't treat whatever the problem is that's causing the pain (or maybe it does), but it lets you function enough to get your life back together and start working on a solution.

And let's you see past the BS that your brain is trying to feed you. It is possible for you to enjoy life again. But it shure and shugar ain't an easy road.

You seem to have had a bad run with doctors. My experience is that even doctors don't understand a lot of mental illness particularly well, and so they have the attitude of throwing drugs at you and seeing what sticks. All you can do is bounce from doctor to doctor and hope that you get one that knows more than most. It sucks, but that seems to be how it is for most people.

I've had limited but noticeable effects from the following: St. Johns Wort (about as good as any SSRI and with less side effects), high doses of fish oil (12+ grams daily, ~2-3 grams EPA/DHA), and modafinil (prescription, but fairly freely available online at low prices). Do some research and reading beforehand to see if you think these might be right for you, but give them a go if you haven't already. If you have, sorry that's all I got apart from this:

Hang in there buddy. Don't let your brain push you around with it's bull:censored:.

EDIT: strange, this evening my doctor said that I'm not addicted to Lorazepam and he's not the only one who said this. It was thinking the samen thing.

I've found that there's a lot of "therapeutic" drugs that doctors don't like to call addictive. In one way I suppose they're not, you don't really feel like you want to take them. But in another way, you get your ass stomped into the ground by withdrawal the moment you try and come off. So in a sense you do want to take them because they stop you feeling like hell.

I tend to refer to it as addiction, because while it may not be strictly accurate I think it's indicative of what you're getting yourself into. But if you have major depression or other mental problems, then addicting yourself to anything is a small price to pay for some relief.

 

[Losco]

In the last couple of months I turned 30, I broke up with my girl after 3 years, left the house where we both lived, got back to my mom, and I'm still sick (flu) since the end of january.

Not a nice moment, but hey.. I bought FH2

 

[kikie]

I've found that there's a lot of "therapeutic" drugs that doctors don't like to call addictive. In one way I suppose they're not, you don't really feel like you want to take them. But in another way, you get your ass stomped into the ground by withdrawal the moment you try and come off. So in a sense you do want to take them because they stop you feeling like hell.

I tend to refer to it as addiction, because while it may not be strictly accurate I think it's indicative of what you're getting yourself into. But if you have major depression or other mental problems, then addicting yourself to anything is a small price to pay for some relief.

Exactly

Exactly

So, if you don't want to feel like you're in hell and feel like you're going to die, get off these Benzos very, very slowly (0.25mg a week). I already managed to cut my doses in half.

 

[Vinylshark]

Having a really bad mood lately again.
Thursday was the first time since my driver license test (2-3 weeks ago) that I drove a car again. First time all by myself, too. And just after like 5 minutes I already was really close to having a mental breakdown and just stop the car on the side of the road and get out. I never felt comfortable while driving lessons to begin with, but I always managed to get through them knowing that someones sitting right next to me who tells me what to do and in the worst case can take control over the car, but that's gone now and I'm left on my own. Not being able to drive without it always taking a big hit on my mental health is a huge problem, since there's pretty much just one single workshop here where I would never need to drive a car, but getting a job there is nearly impossible. I'm supposed to contact a workshop on monday for an internship, but that would mean driving a car for 20-25 minutes twice each day, and I don't know if I will be able to do that

 

[Dan]

Having a really bad mood lately again.
Thursday was the first time since my driver license test (2-3 weeks ago) that I drove a car again. First time all by myself, too. And just after like 5 minutes I already was really close to having a mental breakdown and just stop the car on the side of the road and get out. I never felt comfortable while driving lessons to begin with, but I always managed to get through them knowing that someones sitting right next to me who tells me what to do and in the worst case can take control over the car, but that's gone now and I'm left on my own. Not being able to drive without it always taking a big hit on my mental health is a huge problem, since there's pretty much just one single workshop here where I would never need to drive a car, but getting a job there is nearly impossible. I'm supposed to contact a workshop on monday for an internship, but that would mean driving a car for 20-25 minutes twice each day, and I don't know if I will be able to do that

Sounds like you've got an anxiety problem. Since you mentioned you just took your license test, I assume you're probably still in high school/on the way out. My advice would be to seek counseling from your school's guidance department (or whatever they call it in your district). The workers there are used to students your age with anxiety issues and will offer ways to help you deal with them. If you think it's more serious than the counsellors can help with, maybe you should talk with your family about going to see a private therapist.

 

[Vinylshark]

Sounds like you've got an anxiety problem. Since you mentioned you just took your license test, I assume you're probably still in high school/on the way out. My advice would be to seek counseling from your school's guidance department (or whatever they call it in your district). The workers there are used to students your age with anxiety issues and will offer ways to help you deal with them. If you think it's more serious than the counsellors can help with, maybe you should talk with your family about going to see a private therapist.

I'm out of school for some years now. I just never cared about owning a driver license, actually still don't really do. This was the third time that I started with getting my driver license. First time was with 17 1/2 years, but I stopped continuing after I was done with the theory lessons. Second time was with 20 years or so, but stopped again continuing after a few theory lessons. So far it never really was a problem that I didn't own a driver license, but now with my apprenticeship being done it became a huge problem. That's why I even started it a third time.

 

[Dan]

I'm out of school for some years now. I just never cared about owning a driver license, actually still don't really do. This was the third time that I started with getting my driver license. First time was with 17 1/2 years, but I stopped continuing after I was done with the theory lessons. Second time was with 20 years or so, but stopped again continuing after a few theory lessons. So far it never really was a problem that I didn't own a driver license, but now with my apprenticeship being done it became a huge problem. That's why I even started it a third time.

Oh. My mistake.

If your anxiety is affecting you to the point where you have to pull over, therapy will help you. If therapy isn't your thing, you can try teaching yourself other techniques to be calm.

 

[Vinylshark]

Oh. My mistake.

Don't worry. There was no way how you could've known that

If your anxiety is affecting you to the point where you have to pull over, therapy will help you. If therapy isn't your thing, you can try teaching yourself other techniques to be calm.

I doubt that I really have the time to find the right therapy and the right therapist. I'm without work since August. My parents are getting impatient and the employment agency is getting impatient, too. Everyone already agreed to leave me alone till I have my driver license.

 

[Dan]

Don't worry. There was no way how you could've known that


I doubt that I really have the time to find the right therapy and the right therapist. I'm without work since August. My parents are getting impatient and the employment agency is getting impatient, too. Everyone already agreed to leave me alone till I have my driver license.

Alright, so if therapy isn't possible at the moment, try and find the best way to keep yourself calm. Meditation is free and simple. All you need is a quiet space and some free time. There's thousands of beginner guides and free music online that will help you relax. If you need more advice shoot a PM directly at my face.

 

[kikie]

Aaarrrgghhh, do I have "restless leg syndrome" or is it depression/medication related?

 

[Dan]

Aaarrrgghhh, do I have "restless leg syndrome" or is it depression/medication related?

Is it a side effect of any of the meds you're taking?

 

[kikie]

Is it a side effect of any of the meds you're taking?

Maybe, that is what I'm wondering. I can keep my leg still without a problem and without even thinking about keeping it still. At this moment, my leg is completely still.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

Right now it just feels like I'm losing everybody.
One of my closest friends have pratically left my college. I've fallen out with two of my "best mates". Yeah backstabbed. Nothing new in my life, the ultimate betrayal.

I sorted out some issues with my girlfriend & my "best friend". My "best friend" had issues with my girl friend so now they've gotten closer because of me & now my so called "best mate" doesn't give a f:censored: about me. So she goes & kicks me while I was down. Brings bad stuff up from my past. And also, she has manipulated her boyfriend who was meant to be like a "brother" to me. Now he's also stabbed me in the back.

Now, I've been having anger issues lately & they said they would of helped me. But tbh, they've made them much worse. I snapped yesterday because I was getting angry at the both of them so I punched somet in college & now I could get suspended. Because of them starting me off. So right now I'm in a very depressed state. I don't know what to do, this is why I don't get close to people. Betrayal after betrayal. Only people I have is my True best mate whose been true with me for years now, and my girlfriend. Everybody else is lost.

 

[Com Fox]

I feel sorry for you mate. I'm sure it hurts to have a friend leave you behind.

I'd say still get close with people and enjoy every moment with them BUT don't get too close and think it'll last forever, most people we meet a mainly stepping stones in our journey of life, while we might have that 1 or 2 friend who'll be with us for a long time, don't expect to maintain them all, especially if they have their own motives. Once you accept that friends can come and go, it doesn't hurt as much when people leave you (at least for me), I've broken ties with a friend twice, first time was in primary school and I was distraught and a wreck about it thinking we were close enough to be forever friends, we eventually did make up after I noticed I was the problem and not him and we slowly brought back our ties until 5 years later where we again broke ties however, this time was a lot easier to cope because I didn't think it would last forever especially with how he changed compared to me. We eventually brought back the ties but we moved on from our lives to the point where we barely ever see each other anymore.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

I feel sorry for you mate. I'm sure it hurts to have a friend leave you behind.

I'd say still get close with people and enjoy every moment with them BUT don't get too close and think it'll last forever, most people we meet a mainly stepping stones in our journey of life, while we might have that 1 or 2 friend who'll be with us for a long time, don't expect to maintain them all, especially if they have their own motives. Once you accept that friends can come and go, it doesn't hurt as much when people leave you (at least for me), I've broken ties with a friend twice, first time was in primary school and I was distraught and a wreck about it thinking we were close enough to be forever friends, we eventually did make up after I noticed I was the problem and not him and we slowly brought back our ties until 5 years later where we again broke ties however, this time was a lot easier to cope because I didn't think it would last forever especially with how he changed compared to me. We eventually brought back the ties but we moved on from our lives to the point where we barely ever see each other anymore.

I talked to one of them today, the boy. We're good now but I'm certinly not becoming best friends or close with them again. The only person I'm really close to is one of my other best mates (had trust in him for years, never broke it once) & my girlfriend. They're the only people I'm going to stay close to.

Also, I can accept that friends come & go but what I can't stand is when so called "best friends" betray you. But you make very valid points.

Just want to say aswell, Thank you so much for the advice. I'll take it, & I appreciate it a lot. Things are already starting to get better.