Depression and Anxiety Thread

[yabiggoose]

Sounds like you're getting hit with side affects then. What are they, by the way?

Nausea.
Rapid heart rate.
Headaches.
Muscle and joint pain.
Increase in depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

Oh and complete lack of getting aroused at all.

None of which happened on prior meds. At least nothing this severe.

 

[Dan]

Nausea.
Rapid heart rate.
Headaches.
Muscle and joint pain.

Damn. That's got to be exhausting.

Increase in depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

Why does this happen? Why can they make symptoms worse when they're supposed to reduce them?

 

[yabiggoose]

Damn. That's got to be exhausting.



Why does this happen? Why can they make symptoms worse when they're supposed to reduce them?

That's just how some antidepressants work with some people.

Not everyone's mind (with a mental illness) has the same chemical imbalance or physical problem.

What works for some people can be horrific for others. It's a bloody minefield out there. Worst part is, because the mental illness itself isn't physically visible it's hard to understand. And even harder when people write it off as nonsense.

Sorry. Just wanted to get stuff off my chest. Don't think I'll visit the thread again though, just yeah, I know what the struggle can be like.

Anyone in this thread, stay strong.

 

[FoRiZon]

I heard that the main reason of stricter gun control in America isnt because of potential people shooting others, but rather themselves.
Suicides by gun far outweighs the killing spree by numbers and the fact that USA has relatively high number of it compared to other American-Europe nations has grabbed my attention.

 

[Michael88]

I heard that the main reason of stricter gun control in America isnt because of potential people shooting others, but rather themselves.
Suicides by gun far outweighs the killing spree by numbers and the fact that USA has relatively high number of it compared to other American-Europe nations has grabbed my attention.

Besides this being total BS taking away guns won't stop suicidal people from taking their own lives. Those who talk about that kind of stuff do not understand depressed people or depression itself.

Gun control is one more tool in the toolbox of the politicians used to fight for votes and popularity, nothing more.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

This sounds like the appropriate thread for how I'm feeling. Since I like to chat to my fellow GTP mates I guess I'll explain how I've been feeling as of late.

I just don't have hope for anything right now. Nothing is going right, does anything go right anyway? Life is one big mystery. At this moment, it feels like the people who claim that they, "care" about me couldn't give a damn about me. They're all off in happy relationships. I'm not. Why? Talking to the wrong girls who mess with my head. Then I'm left to dwell on why I'm such a mess up when I've done nothing wrong. It's not fair. The stuff I do for people, look where i end up. Just another reject.

College is stressing me out. Not getting my work done because there is very little time. I've been so stressed out, it's caused me to be ill & for me to stay off college. Doesn't help that I also got issues going on at home. I don't want to mess my time up in college. My anxiety makes it almost impossible to get better exam results, and one trigger of my anxiety (panic attacks - clautrasphobic) will cause me to relapse. I get better over time but 1 panic then I'm gone back over again.

Right now I've never felt so alone. Feels like nobody wants a part with me, that I annoy everyone & that everybody dislikes me. Not everybody will like you in life. But not everybody should dislike you in life neither. I say I'm not a very sociable guy, which is true. But my "friends" know that & know that I make effort. But all I get back is just blank. The nicest people get tret the worst eh?

I would get myself out in the open world. But the weather here is always cold & horrible. Adds to the way I feel. Never sees the sunshine.

I don't know what to do, or where I should go from here. My biggest problem is feeling alone. Or maybe it's the "Winter blues". Sick. Stressed & depressed. I would change things, if it were so easy.

I'm sorry if some of that doesn't make sense. Either blame autocorrect or Blame my head because it's a mess. Not only have I lost my mind, but few friends too. And there is a lot more than what I've said that's going on with me right now, too much to explain when my heads all over.

I also know that other people are in worse conditions than I am, & I'm lucky to have what I have I don't take the fact that I live in a nice house with good technology for granted. I usually give a lot away to charities. Just so everybody is aware. But the way I feel I can't help.

 

[Casey]

I've noticed some people everywhere seem to be getting depressed right now suddenly, few of my friends I now are also getting depressed. I wish I could help some people but I don't know how.

As for me I had a short period that I started to be a little happier and started being in better moods overall as I stopped worrying as much about finding a job so soon and enjoying myself but now I've suddenly lost intrest doing much anything.

 

[FoRiZon]

I've noticed some people everywhere seem to be getting depressed right now suddenly, few of my friends I now are also getting depressed. I wish I could help some people but I don't know how.

As for me I had a short period that I started to be a little happier and started being in better moods overall as I stopped worrying as much about finding a job so soon and enjoying myself but now I've suddenly lost intrest doing much anything.

Everyone has one also. I'm always convinced that the world has gone worse compared to several years back, atleast from 2015.

And you know what, I'm right. Im too late for the "happy" period. Hey, I'm also be called "rodents", "filth", etc who deserved to be killed by worldwide social media trends, atleast based on my religion and race at alarming rate compared to previous times.

Lets see if people gets happier with one filth goes down, starting with myself.

 

[Imari]

Why does this happen? Why can they make symptoms worse when they're supposed to reduce them?

I suspect it's because there are a lot of "diseases" that present with similar symptoms that are identified collectively as depression. But they're not caused by the same things, and so a treatment for one can make another horribly worse.

Unfortunately, the state of mental health treatment at the moment seems to involve a fair amount of "throw it at the wall and see what sticks". It's not great.

Besides this being total BS taking away guns won't stop suicidal people from taking their own lives. Those who talk about that kind of stuff do not understand depressed people or depression itself.

No, it won't. But it removes an easy opportunity. Most people aren't suicidal all the time, but they're on the edge and a bad moment can make them want to throw it in.

I don't think it's the big effect that some people claim it is, but it seems hard to argue that having one less easy method of suicide wouldn't lower the effective suicide rate. If nothing else you're trying to buy time until someone can notice the suicidal person's need and get them help, and that's a lot easier if they have to climb a bridge rather than shooting themselves in their bedroom.

You can argue that the reduction in freedoms isn't worth the reduction in suicides, but it's not total BS. Any easy lethal methods help suicidal people take their own lives, especially ones that are relatively foolproof.

 

[rono_thomas]

Unfortunately, the state of mental health treatment at the moment seems to involve a fair amount of "throw it at the wall and see what sticks". It's not great.

Its not great its awful, cant speak for any other countries, and myself not suffering, but I have two high functioning ASD children, one who suffers from language difficulties, as well as my wife only recently receiving an ASD diagnosis after being treated for the past 13 years, since the age of 15, for depression. Working the maths you can work out how long my wife has had difficulties and for how long she has been let down, being fed tablets that she need never have taken, the whole approach to mental health from children to adult is seriously amiss and needs addressing, the fact that these "invisible disabilities" (I include all mental health here)get to be neglected has me more than angry daily. It has been us fighting at tribunals against schools and medical assessments to get my son the help he needs which took him from the age of 3 to 8, much of this time he spent excluded from school.

Without further getting into it my point is it's easier and cheaper to treated for dpression. In fact as im thinking about it, "here take these tablets for four weeks and come back and see me" - this attitude is beyond a joke.

There is a slogan that is used by the NAS (National Autistic Society) Autism - Until Everyone Understands.

This is something that needs to be adopted for Mental Health.

 

[Imari]

Its not great its awful, cant speak for any other countries, and myself not suffering, but I have two high functioning ASD children, one who suffers from language difficulties, as well as my wife only recently receiving an ASD diagnosis after being treated for the past 13 years, since the age of 15, for depression. Working the maths you can work out how long my wife has had difficulties and for how long she has been let down, being fed tablets that she need never have taken, the whole approach to mental health from children to adult is seriously amiss and needs addressing, the fact that these "invisible disabilities" (I include all mental health here)get to be neglected has me more than angry daily. It has been us fighting at tribunals against schools and medical assessments to get my son the help he needs which took him from the age of 3 to 8, much of this time he spent excluded from school.

Without further getting into it my point is it's easier and cheaper to treated for dpression. In fact as im thinking about it, "here take these tablets for four weeks and come back and see me" - this attitude is beyond a joke.

There is a slogan that is used by the NAS (National Autistic Society) Autism - Until Everyone Understands.

This is something that needs to be adopted for Mental Health.

Oh, believe me, I'm with you. "It's not great" was a paragon of understatement. I've gone through several doctors and psychologists in the last year, and I've almost reached the conclusion that it's easier to teach myself the necessary psychiatry and neuroscience than it is to find a decent doctor.

The way mental health is "treated" currently is like the dark ages compared to most other ailments.

 

[CarBastard]

Oh and complete lack of getting aroused at all.

This one is an absolute 🤬, trust me. Many an embarassing beedrom anecdotes have been caused by antidepressants, even mild ones like fluoxetine.

Oh, believe me, I'm with you. "It's not great" was a paragon of understatement. I've gone through several doctors and psychologists in the last year, and I've almost reached the conclusion that it's easier to teach myself the necessary psychiatry and neuroscience than it is to find a decent doctor.

The way mental health is "treated" currently is like the dark ages compared to most other ailments.

I find it truly saddening that mental health is considered so unimportant by society at large. If you ask me, psychiatrists and psychologists are even more important than any other kind of health professional: a physician might save your life, but a mental health expert might help your life be worth living. People seem interested only in surviving, in getting by through whatever means necessary but they don't care about having a sense of purpose...and thus mental health is considered a second rate practice and even witchcraft by some of the most uneducated elements of society.

It's another sad consequence cultures being heavily influenced by christianity: being "crazy" equals to being far from God, a punishment for a sin or an evil deed. A crazy person, among which people often include depression patients, doesn't need medication, or treatment, or help in understanding his issues: he needs God, because he's broken, flawed, evil. Such attitudes towards mental health only make matters worse because people feel ashamed to admit they need treatment and only seek help until things really spiral out of control.

-------

I feel this overwhelming loneliness even in my dreams, it just gets worse by the day. It's been over a year she's been gone and I still haven't found someone else with whom I can share an emotional and physical intimacy. My creative work is suffering due to a lack of stimulation in this regard: I cannot sit with my own thoughts for long because I end up in sad conclusions. If anything, I remember her with more anger than sadness: I can't believe I got replaced as if I was a consumable item and not a human being, after all I did for her.

I'll return to the uni in a week or so, I'm on my last semesters and just set-up launch control on the Suzuki. Let's see how much more I can endure.

 

[Casey]

Everyone has one also. I'm always convinced that the world has gone worse compared to several years back, atleast from 2015.

Honestly I've not been much happy since 2013, a lot of 🤬 started happening with family and friends, so it made my high school time period mostly depressing for me.

And you know what, I'm right. Im too late for the "happy" period. Hey, I'm also be called "rodents", "filth", etc who deserved to be killed by worldwide social media trends, atleast based on my religion and race at alarming rate compared to previous times.

Honestly I've been better since I've stopped having a religion and at this point anything I like that isn't main stream I expect people to hate me for liking it.

Lets see if people gets happier with one filth goes down, starting with myself.

Don't say that please.

 

[Imari]

...just set-up launch control on the Suzuki.

Whatever else you're going through, this made me smile. Launch control. Suzuki. Usually these words do not go together.

Keep it up, you freaking legend.

 

[Dan]

And just like that, the feelings have crept back. If you need me, I'll be in bed, under the covers... trying to ride this out... and find my mask... so I can be somewhat productive.

 

[Imari]

And just like that, the feelings have crept back. If you need me, I'll be in bed, under the covers... trying to ride this out... and find my mask... so I can be somewhat productive.

I suggest that when you're able to be up and about, you hide some chocolate or other delicious snacks under or near your bed.

At least then when your brain tells you that you're not going anywhere today you can eat chocolate. It's not fun, because your brain is a bastard and it says so, but I figure that if I'm eating chocolate in bed I'm not at rock bottom yet. Also, later on you may find it funny that you tried to outsmart your own brain.

 

[Fat Tyre]

I suggest that when you're able to be up and about, you hide some chocolate or other delicious snacks under or near your bed.

At least then when your brain tells you that you're not going anywhere today you can eat chocolate. It's not fun, because your brain is a bastard and it says so, but I figure that if I'm eating chocolate in bed I'm not at rock bottom yet. Also, later on you may find it funny that you tried to outsmart your own brain.

That's a good one, those little things can make a great difference. I'd also like to add owning a pet, I had been without one for about seven years. About ten weeks ago we took in these cute little kittens that were left abandoned in our backdoor, since then I've had 🤬 days where I didn't want to get out of bed and was feeling horrible but having these two little suckers jumping onto the bed and purring like crazy and demanding to be patted has been great for me.

 

[VBR]

Deleted...

 

[Dan]

I suggest that when you're able to be up and about, you hide some chocolate or other delicious snacks under or near your bed.

At least then when your brain tells you that you're not going anywhere today you can eat chocolate. It's not fun, because your brain is a bastard and it says so, but I figure that if I'm eating chocolate in bed I'm not at rock bottom yet. Also, later on you may find it funny that you tried to outsmart your own brain.

Can't do that because I eat too much junk food on a regular basis, and now I'm technically overweight, according to the CDC's website. I'm so angry with myself right now.

 

[xyloscissor]

That's just how some antidepressants work with some people.

Not everyone's mind (with a mental illness) has the same chemical imbalance or physical problem.

What works for some people can be horrific for others. It's a bloody minefield out there. Worst part is, because the mental illness itself isn't physically visible it's hard to understand. And even harder when people write it off as nonsense.

Sorry. Just wanted to get stuff off my chest. Don't think I'll visit the thread again though, just yeah, I know what the struggle can be like.

Anyone in this thread, stay strong.

I just wanted to add that pristiq is an SNRI and that could be the problem, an SSRI might be better. As stated everyone is different and the hard part is you have to take these types of drugs for at least a month or two before you can see how it works, then you have to stop for a month before trying another.

It's not an easy thing.

 

[LeMansAid]

Can't do that because I eat too much junk food on a regular basis, and now I'm technically overweight, according to the CDC's website. I'm so angry with myself right now.

I will at times choose to really probe the generally indulgence-inspiring statement "Be good to yourself". I think that sometimes it's eating the chocolate despite it being "naughty", but sometimes it's absolutely not - however, "future you" knows whether or not you are truly being good to yourself. Sometimes it's letting go of the anger you have with yourself, because it's only suffocating future you, but sometimes it's embracing it, knuckling down, and converting it to positive actions for and/or by, future you. Sometimes it's getting things done early in the day because you know that otherwise you'll hate yourself more and more as the day goes on, and seize up, but sometimes it's giving yourself a free pass on a day and allowing guilt-free not-getting-stuff-done.

Sometimes "being good to yourself" is being indulgent, and sometimes it's being sacrificial. While present you might um and ah, future you will have a pretty damn good idea about the right choice in each situation.

My guess is that right now it's don't eat the chocolate but give yourself a break on the anger. Do it the other way around and I suspect that you'll just end up multiplying the anger you have toward yourself. So, be good to yourself, and look forward to future you being able thank past you for the choices made.

 

[Imari]

Can't do that because I eat too much junk food on a regular basis, and now I'm technically overweight, according to the CDC's website. I'm so angry with myself right now.

I'd be careful with that. CDC is using BMI. BMI is horse:censored:. It's idea of normal ranges from "pretty skinny" to "for God's sake, eat a sandwich".

That aside, I know that feeling. I'm getting chubbier at the moment too, and I'm technically overweight at 6'/210 pounds. But hell, I'm in no position to deal with that particular problem right now, I'm fit enough and I just have to not freak out that I'm getting a bit of a belly. And it sure is a lot easier if I eat what I need to. Not what I want to, what I need to. If I need an ice cream to get through the day, I'm gonna eat it. I'll deal with the weight later.

I think there's value in being able to say "I need this, even though it's not great for me". Especially when you're having a bad day. Don't make it harder on yourself than you need, just do what you have to in order to get through. If that has consequences like weight gain, you can deal with that when it becomes an issue, if it ever does.

P.S. It may help you to know that I have an entire drawer full of junk food at work to help me through tough days. Don't be angry at yourself for eating it. Think of it as self medicating. Good food or even just eating is a primal human instinct. Your brain and body can freak out when it's not being fed. Food is the medicine that fixes that problem.

 

[kikie]

It's been 4 months and I'm still depressed. I go through hell every day. I have to cope with two diffficult mental pains every day.

First: the depression with an anxiety disorder.
Second: withdrawal of Lorazepam. I went from 6mg a day to 4mg a day in only 16 days which is way too fast and now I have to deal with severe withdrawal stuff every day on top of my depression. It's literally unbearable and I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow. Every evening I go to sleep with fear because I know what will happen with me the next day.

I also found out that I have an adverse reaction from benzodiazepines. When the psychiatrist prescribed Lysanxia, in 5 days I became so depressed that it wasn't even real anymore. I also got 5 very severe anxiety attacks that week, which made me end up in the hospital two times.
A few weeks later, he precribed Xanax, with the same result as Lysanxia execpt the hospital part.

What the Lorazepam is doing with my brain, I don't know, but I can't be good. A few weeks ago, I felt so strange every day. Couldn't think straight, when I wrote something down I noticed that I started to write with my handwriting when I was not older than 10 years making the same mistakes and counting the legs of the letter M, just like when I was about 10 y.o..
Also, when I was watching an American serie on television, I couldn't understand Engliish anymore. That was a very strange feeling.

Not even to mention the crying every day. It's really unreal.

I'm literally in hell every day.

Last time I weight myself, less than 58kg. Lost a lot of fat tissue and muscle tissue (from the metal pain and exhaustion I guess).

Things have to change very, very quickly or I probably won't survive 2017.

I think, I'm not sure though, that the Lorazepam is messing up my brain so that my depression stays the same. I'm not sure that I'm correct though. Lorazepam is also a benzodiazepine, so ............ maybe ....... ?
Too bad that my doctor and psychiatrist don't believe me and say that it is nealy impossible to have an adverse effect of Lorazepam but not Lysanxia and Xanax.

 

[xyloscissor]

Azepams seem to be azepams to me, I don't take them because while they help anxiety, eat, and sleep, they don't help my underlying problem.

 

[Dan]

I will at times choose to really probe the generally indulgence-inspiring statement "Be good to yourself". I think that sometimes it's eating the chocolate despite it being "naughty", but sometimes it's absolutely not - however, "future you" knows whether or not you are truly being good to yourself. Sometimes it's letting go of the anger you have with yourself, because it's only suffocating future you, but sometimes it's embracing it, knuckling down, and converting it to positive actions for and/or by, future you. Sometimes it's getting things done early in the day because you know that otherwise you'll hate yourself more and more as the day goes on, and seize up, but sometimes it's giving yourself a free pass on a day and allowing guilt-free not-getting-stuff-done.

Sometimes "being good to yourself" is being indulgent, and sometimes it's being sacrificial. While present you might um and ah, future you will have a pretty damn good idea about the right choice in each situation.

My guess is that right now it's don't eat the chocolate but give yourself a break on the anger. Do it the other way around and I suspect that you'll just end up multiplying the anger you have toward yourself. So, be good to yourself, and look forward to future you being able thank past you for the choices made.

One of my biggest problems that I've struggled with my entire life is that it's so hard to let go of anything. I just can't. Every day feels like I add another set of chains. Also, I feel like I don't deserve to treat myself because I'm never in a good mood and end up pissing off everyone near me.

I'd be careful with that. CDC is using BMI. BMI is horse:censored:. It's idea of normal ranges from "pretty skinny" to "for God's sake, eat a sandwich".

That aside, I know that feeling. I'm getting chubbier at the moment too, and I'm technically overweight at 6'/210 pounds. But hell, I'm in no position to deal with that particular problem right now, I'm fit enough and I just have to not freak out that I'm getting a bit of a belly. And it sure is a lot easier if I eat what I need to. Not what I want to, what I need to. If I need an ice cream to get through the day, I'm gonna eat it. I'll deal with the weight later.

I think there's value in being able to say "I need this, even though it's not great for me". Especially when you're having a bad day. Don't make it harder on yourself than you need, just do what you have to in order to get through. If that has consequences like weight gain, you can deal with that when it becomes an issue, if it ever does.

P.S. It may help you to know that I have an entire drawer full of junk food at work to help me through tough days. Don't be angry at yourself for eating it. Think of it as self medicating. Good food or even just eating is a primal human instinct. Your brain and body can freak out when it's not being fed. Food is the medicine that fixes that problem.

Well, I don't want to become dependent on eating food to make me feel better, because I really can't handle a second eating disorder right now. I've never had a healthy diet, ever, and I don't have any motivation to improve my lifestyle or break my habits.

It's been 4 months and I'm still depressed. I go through hell every day. I have to cope with two diffficult mental pains every day.

First: the depression with an anxiety disorder.
Second: withdrawal of Lorazepam. I went from 6mg a day to 4mg a day in only 16 days which is way too fast and now I have to deal with severe withdrawal stuff every day on top of my depression. It's literally unbearable and I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow. Every evening I go to sleep with fear because I know what will happen with me the next day.

I also found out that I have an adverse reaction from benzodiazepines. When the psychiatrist prescribed Lysanxia, in 5 days I became so depressed that it wasn't even real anymore. I also got 5 very severe anxiety attacks that week, which made me end up in the hospital two times.
A few weeks later, he precribed Xanax, with the same result as Lysanxia execpt the hospital part.

What the Lorazepam is doing with my brain, I don't know, but I can't be good. A few weeks ago, I felt so strange every day. Couldn't think straight, when I wrote something down I noticed that I started to write with my handwriting when I was not older than 10 years making the same mistakes and counting the legs of the letter M, just like when I was about 10 y.o..
Also, when I was watching an American serie on television, I couldn't understand Engliish anymore. That was a very strange feeling.

Not even to mention the crying every day. It's really unreal.

I'm literally in hell every day.

Last I weight myself, less than 58kg. Lost a lot of fat tissue an muscle tissue (from the metal pain and exhaustion I guess).

Things have to change very, very quickly or I probably won't survive 2017.

I think, I'm not sure though, that the Lorazepam is messing up my brain so that my depression stays the same. I'm not sure that I'm correct though. Lorazepam is also a benzodiazepine, so ............ maybe ....... ?
Too bad that my doctor and psychiatrist don't believe me and say that it is nealy impossible to have an adverse effect of Lorazepam but not Lysanxia and Xanax.

This post right here is why I refuse to open up to my family about my problems because these side effects sound horrifying.

 

[RacingPanda]

Long post ahead and unfortunately doesn't really add to the discussion. You might as well want to skip this one, I was just happy to have finally found an outlet.

I feel this overwhelming loneliness even in my dreams, it just gets worse by the day.

Especially this one hits home. Well, not quite - I was never loved, perhaps never will, except for the type of love I'm lucky enough to experience from my family (even though I do feel out of place even with them). Aaaaaaaanyways: I often, especially these past days, find myself waking up in the middle of the night as a result of what can be boiled down to two types of dreams. The ones that are disturbing and scary, yet also real enough to leave me in bed with no way of falling asleep as my thoughts keep fuelling my fears (and being alone usually just confirms these concerns), and the realness adds to the bothersome feeling. What I experience are scenes of failure, public ridicule, judgement (even though the last two, for me, are practically synonyms) or just general scenes in public (where I often don't feel very comfortable at all).
The other type is a bit of an odd one and doesn't appear too often. They're just random scenes of something that might just happen during an usual day. One dream that I remember very vividly is me walking down a road with a bus driving past the end of it. This might not sound too bad, but in combination with the previous type and the fact that I had "déjà-vu"s featuring scenes from said dreams I am always left wondering if those two are mutually exclusive. So far, nothing bad has happened, but then, I was never somebody who dreamt often, yet this seems to have changed during the past few weeks. As things seem to be going more belly up as time progresses, I wouldn't be surprised if my fears were confirmed.
I also only now begin to realize that my competitive mindset (I might just blame gaming and especially racing games for that one) seems to destroy me as well. Something that is apparently very valuable is to love yourself. But how can I love myself if I'm average, often even lower than that? How can I accept myself for not the type that people of all kinds want to hang out with? I just can't see myself ever loving myself for who I am if there are people way better at, well everything. And since I can't love myself, why should others? Not only talking about the way couples love one another, but also about the platonic kind (usual friendship in this case, not a non-sexual relationship). I just feel that things can only get worse from here as I do sort-of depend on other people, but there's no reason why they should reach out to me when I'm in such a weak condition - and not to forget that social interactions give me quite a bit of anxiety (it's become better, there were times where this also affected the way I communicated online, behind my nickname).
Speaking of which ... I have a few ties to people from my old school. Strangely enough, they only reach out to me when they're in need of something. I guess it's quite an obvious sign that I am not needed as a person to have around anymore and am now only a helper monkey who needs to be in reach as soon as he's called. Unfortunately, I still let people do this to me, even though it started waaaaaaay back in the days and I should know better by now. But it's hard to say "no" when you depend even on these little bits of human interaction - also I'd always sit at home and worry what they might think of me (no I wouldn't, I'm dead set on knowing/thinking they hate me).


I know, it has been said multiple times here that everybody's problems matter ... but jeez, after reading through the last couple of pages, I do feel quite miserable for complaining about my life. Yes, I might be lonely, I might not yield the results I want at uni (well we'll see about that, but so far I'm not looking forward to my exams and I'm quite afraid of failing, to say the least) and everybody's better at everything that I've attempted to do (and even if I was better, people would just stop caring about it), but I have a family that is supportive of me (at least that's what they tell me, I wish they'd allow me to open up about my mental issues and understand them instead of blaming me and treating them like an I/O switch though) and I have food and shelter (it's bloody cold, but better than living on the streets). It really does not feel comfortable at all, opening up about one's problems when you know people are doing so much worse. But it does feel like taking some weight out of the overloaded backpack.
I'm also terribly sorry if some parts of this don't make sense at all. In between worrying about myself and worrying about my exams, procrastinating and actually learning, a lot of concentration is lost and obviously, I also don't want to share my whole life story - maybe after my exams, if I feel like I need doing that. I don't have much time (especially since I can barely get out of bed and therefore spend half the day asleep) but I feel that doing this might just help me - not only to unload a bit of that weight, as I said, but also because through typing it out, I am given a bit of time and space to reflect on my issues. This is also why I am happy to see a thread like this. 👍 Aren't many spaces around like this one (damn, even the shrink I went to belittled my feelings [and given that he's part of a group for this town's students, I didn't really expect that] - or maybe he didn't, but I felt rather misunderstood nevertheless.) and even a subreddit I frequently visit (sadly not an English one) has recently enforced some new rules that ban posts of suicidal thoughts or hints at those, which is quite restrictive - even though I am not sure if I ever could kill myself, but there's always that odd thought and there are times when that thought is so lively and vivid (oh the irony) and it feels like the option is really within my reach. Yet, even though I often think of it, but just knowing that I'd break my mum more than everything else that has happened to her, despite all she's done for me ... it doesn't feel right.

I'm sorry to have wasted your time with my ramblings. I just wanted to talk about how reading about those dreams has reminded me of my own experiences despite the differences and I just went on from there. And I didn't stop because I'm a stupid idiot like that.

On an unrelated note: Thanks for the field reports on the antidepressants. I thought "maybe you should go to a 'real' psychologist and try to get a prescription, they might fix your issues?" - apparently, this does not seem to be the case. This isn't the best thing to hear (I'd love to just turn off all the negative thoughts, or at least silence them a bit), but I feel like these side effects would just cause me more bother. That, and I don't really like relying on medicine as I'm really bad at regularly taking them.

 

[xyloscissor]

On an unrelated note: Thanks for the field reports on the antidepressants. I thought "maybe you should go to a 'real' psychologist and try to get a prescription, they might fix your issues?" - apparently, this does not seem to be the case. This isn't the best thing to hear (I'd love to just turn off all the negative thoughts, or at least silence them a bit), but I feel like these side effects would just cause me more bother. That, and I don't really like relying on medicine as I'm really bad at regularly taking them.

I admit to not reading your post, I usually read a few words starting each paragraph until I find something I can sink my teeth into

It bothers me a great deal that people will get scripts from anyone but a psychiatrist. You know, they study the stuff and all that. That being said there is no magic pill and some people have more success without them and going the talk it out route. I've done it, at a price of 100 bucks a week for 2 years. The differences are a few, for one thing there is a difference between short term relief and long term success.

What I do know is what is working for me and that is no more psychology for now, it takes so much effort to change behavior in that way. It's worth it for some and it did me much good but I'm too tired for that crap now. I have a good psychiatrist and a program that I find enough success in so that works.

Never give up, that is the key. Think about how long anyone has been this way and how long it takes to recover 👍

It might not be beatable but it is controllable, I know it's always there but after battling for 30 some years I'm pretty good.

 

[rono_thomas]

I will at times choose to really probe the generally indulgence-inspiring statement "Be good to yourself". I think that sometimes it's eating the chocolate despite it being "naughty", but sometimes it's absolutely not - however, "future you" knows whether or not you are truly being good to yourself. Sometimes it's letting go of the anger you have with yourself, because it's only suffocating future you, but sometimes it's embracing it, knuckling down, and converting it to positive actions for and/or by, future you. Sometimes it's getting things done early in the day because you know that otherwise you'll hate yourself more and more as the day goes on, and seize up, but sometimes it's giving yourself a free pass on a day and allowing guilt-free not-getting-stuff-done.

Sometimes "being good to yourself" is being indulgent, and sometimes it's being sacrificial. While present you might um and ah, future you will have a pretty damn good idea about the right choice in each situation.

My guess is that right now it's don't eat the chocolate but give yourself a break on the anger. Do it the other way around and I suspect that you'll just end up multiplying the anger you have toward yourself. So, be good to yourself, and look forward to future you being able thank past you for the choices made.

There is a lot of sense here.

For me I see the tablets being the crutch for my partner, the non existent physiotherapy for her brain/thought processes is what's missing. Coupled with not being able to imagine the future you compacts the issue of living in the difficult present and serving to exacerbate symptoms and the never ending cycle of pain repeats.

 

[Imari]

It bothers me a great deal that people will get scripts from anyone but a psychiatrist.

Some of us don't have the option. You need a referral to see a psychiatrist here. I've had two doctors and a psychologist turn me down when I asked, despite them admitting that it might be helpful.

Which is all sorts of :censored:ed. Psychiatrists are really the only doctors with the broad range of knowledge to be able to accurately diagnose and treat mental health problems, and yet to get to them you have to go through the gatekeepers of GPs who have at best limited knowledge.

Ultimately, some of us have to try and do the best we can with what's available, which may be whatever a GP is willing to sign a piece of paper for.

 

[RacingPanda]

I admit to not reading your post, I usually read a few words starting each paragraph until I find something I can sink my teeth into

Don't worry, a reply is more than I expected anyways.

It bothers me a great deal that people will get scripts from anyone but a psychiatrist. You know, they study the stuff and all that.

I think this is referring to me talking about a "'real' psychiatrist"? In that case, I do really mean a proper one. The word 'real' was more of a dig at the person I went to - while they've studied it all and everything, they aren't "licenced" as such and therefore cannot prescribe pills. Neither can they arrange anything in terms of long-time care for you (so no regular appointments, clinical treatment either). It's more of a one-shot deal, also partly due to the fact that over a thousand something people visit them every year.
What they can do is give you advice - in my case, I was told I should go visit a psychiatrist - which I didn't, because I either need a referral or to pay with my own money (mind you, money I don't have), at least from what I know.