Depression and Anxiety Thread

[MatskiMonk]

Wanting to go to a GP and talk about having "thoughts", but it feels awkward just imagining being in the office and saying you have problems with your mind.

I had a similar issue to be honest. It wasn't the first time I'd spoken to my doctor about how I felt - the first time I only spoke about the consequences, the second time, I tried to talk about why... I felt so stupid I knew that I'd clam up and not be honest once I was sat there in his office, so I basically wrote it down. Kept it, to a few paragraphs, and just gave it to him to read. That way you can think about how you say things, and it means you don't forget to say stuff.

I’ve been steadily depressed, although, functioning for a while now. Not sure how long I can continue until alcoholism turns me into a non functioning person.

Sunday I spent the whole day considering the best way to end it. I’m not particularly sad, melancholic or distraught, I’m just numb. It’s only really after a drink that I feel anything and that just causes more depression once withdrawal sets in. A vicious cycle.

I haven’t spoken to anyone yet, not sure if my medication has stopped working or if this is just something I can get through like it has been before, but the end of a rope has never looked so tempting.

Just an observation, but I don't see why suicide would be the next step from feeling numb. I guess it depends what you mean by numb, if you mean inescapable despair then I guess I understand, but just not feeling anything... I don't understand why that leads you to thoughts of suicide?

 

[Michael88]

Sunday I spent the whole day considering the best way to end it. I’m not particularly sad, melancholic or distraught, I’m just numb. It’s only really after a drink that I feel anything and that just causes more depression once withdrawal sets in. A vicious cycle.

If you feel numb and you are not in mental or physical pain there is no reason to end it, as you are not ending suffering.
Feeling numb might be the first indication of things getting better, you don't go from super depressed to super happy - unless you are severely bipolar.

Also, if you are sitting around considering ways to make dumb things you should stop sitting around and do something, move your butt for once. Just a walk would be better, go to the gym, start a new hobby, something crazy and totally new. Just do it. Idleness is the devils playground is a saying which is oh so true. Idleness and boredom destroys the most vital spirit.

 

[W3H5]

but I don't see why suicide would be the next step from feeling numb

There’s no step from one to the other for me, suicidal thoughts have been an issue for me even when I’ve been in a “well” state of mind.

I don't understand why that leads you to thoughts of suicide?

Neither do I, but I know that alcohol withdrawal plays a major role in leading me down that mental path, but I don’t have the energy to go into that problem in itself because I feel like a broken record. And I’m sure you are aware of how rough withdrawal is.

What really crosses my mind more that anything is that it only takes one thought to prevail for long enough to go through with it and then it’s done. No comebacks, no second chances, just that mood takes over and if I can’t talk myself down, as I’ve been able to do so far, it’s game over.

For years I’ve idolised rock stars who’s music I’ve enjoyed and it got me on this chain of thought. Chris Cornell, for example, was doing ok, battling depression, yeah, but working, being a family man and all that. Then one day that desire to end it became so over powering he goes and tops himself and then that’s it. That one moment of weakness when the will to live ebbs away and the only option is death. A frequent, fleeting compulsion throughout life for some of us that always manage to shake it off... except it only takes one time...

Also, if you are sitting around considering ways to make dumb things you should stop sitting around and do something, move your butt for once.

I’m far from inactive. My work keeps me busy and I get (relative) satisfaction from it, home life is kinda dull but no worse than your average Joe, I exercise daily, maintain hobbies and travel at weekends. The only real illness I have is alcoholism (other than manic depression) which leads me to conclude that I’m not afflicted with life problems like some folk; unmanageable debt, abusive relationships, dead end job, etc. I got things pretty sweet other than the fact that I have a taste for poison and and brain chemistry is out of whack.

I must say, I feel pretty good today (manic almost), despite getting a pretty crap review at work yesterday and being burnt out from overworking myself, but tomorrow could be entirely different and I could lean towards a bottle of sleeping pills and a hip of the hard stuff.

 

[Dotini]

I do not suffer from depression, headaches or colds. (this is true) But sometimes I think I might cause them. (joke, good or bad?)

Anyway, I post this 9 min vid of a celebrated but controversial clinical therapist making a few remarks on depression. What do you think? I think he's at least entertaining, but then again I know nothing of depression.

 

[kikie]

Dr. Joe Dispenza.




Gregg Braden.

 

[JohnBM01]

Psst... I don't know if you realize it or not, but it's a new year! Even if the previous year was a totally lost cause, be positive in that the new year can provide happiness and hope. It's tough to maintain a positive mindset. However, you have to at least try. Maybe you need to have someone along your side to help you if you are suffering from some sort of depression or know someone who is battling depression. So I just wanted to pop in here and hope for the best for all of you with whatever depression adventures you or someone else may be experiencing.

I wish you all the best for 2020. Don't let depression win.

 

[the_greeze]

*deleted*

 

[phillgt2002]

I've just been working and playing Xbox for the past weeks.

I'm trying to save up for school, but I keep having a doubt that I won't make it back in the time I chose. I'm not stressed, but annoyed that its taken so long to find proper work.

Regardless, I'll be back there soon. I applied for another job in SF that will help me cover my rent.

What is really hurting me is that I have no one to talk to. The only people I talk to are my customers from time to time, and there's only so much I can say to them.

None of the people I had in my life in 2017-2019 are here. I had to move on for myself. This has left me with a feeling that most friendships are relationships are pointless, as they will always come to an end. I also feel like I ****ed everything up despite these individuals not being the best to me.

I’m in a funk. I plan to start going to the gym in the next two weeks, so hopefully cutting weight will give me more energy and get my body feeling stronger.

I need out of this rut.

Psst...

You're been on this thread since you made it... Kind of insane.

 

[phillgt2002]

Hmm, I just erased the majority of my Facebook "friends" and messenger chats, to the point that it's twenty people, primarily family. I tried justifying by saying that I have no business knowing what's in their life, and they don't have any business knowing what's going on in mine.

It was hard doing this because it confirmed that the idea in my head that most of the people I knew, relationships, etc, were all for nothing.

I understand that we all grow up and move on, but I even had these feelings while knowing the majority of these people.

Right now, I'm so ****ing depressed at my current position in life, as well as condition, that I just want to get on a plane and disappear for a month. No phone calls, no reception, just being by myself in a foreign place.

It's not loneliness that I inherently feel, it's that I feel like I can't hold onto anything, not even family. Can't even bring myself to send my brother a letter or give my sister a call hello, or even send close friends a message asking how they are doing.

They even commented on how they were trying to contact me and I told them that I would be around when I need to be around, or that they knew where to find me.

Some would suggest rediscovery of one's self, but I know what I want to do, it's just difficult for me to do the job with all this **** and static floating around.

I'm going to research more flights, I think it's something I need to do.

 

[JohnBM01]

Even sometimes, I tend to forget I started this thread, not to mention starting it so early in my time on GTPlanet. Anyhow, I can very much understand what you are going through. A lot of us tend to fall into a situation where "addition by subtraction" is a good method for helping us feel better about ourselves and life. However you plan on trying to get yourself back to a happier state, good luck to you, phillkillv2.

 

[JohnBM01]

Back on January 15, I celebrated my birthday. Some people around the time of their birthday have what we call the "birthday blues." It is where some people tend to get depressed around the time their birthday comes. Normally one would think birthdays are supposed to be fun and festive. You know- celebrate another year of existence. To some, though, people tend to get anxious or depressed about celebrating another year of one's life. Some reasons for the "birthday blues" is because of looking back on one's life and being disappointed in some senses, and even just feeling like one has lived long enough and unsure how much longer one will live. I didn't feel this way about my most recent birthday, but some do feel depressed for whatever reason on or near one's birthday. If this is you, enjoy your new age and don't feel bad in the least sense while your birthday is ongoing.

I hope you all stay strong! Don't let depression win.

 

[W3H5]

Back on January 15, I celebrated my birthday.

Happy belated birthday. Coincidentally, that was also the birthday of current depart emend director (and former lover), who, since this is the depression thread, royally ****ed up my life about this time 2 years ago.

Anyhow, despite the meds and booze working against each other and more serious blackout psychotic episodes after a certain intoxication level, I’m still drinking just to feel.

On Christmas Day my wife and I went for dinner and I got completely bladdered. I was on a real downer so I tied a rope around my neck and jumped of the balcony (10ft or so). Being so drunk I’d forget to tied the rope to anything and just landed in a heap in the vegetable patch below. I didn’t find this out until a while after when my wife told me.

I’m kind of ok being chronically depressed now. At least I know what I’m up against. Thankfully I still experience the manic periods when I’m on fire and life is a sweet as cake, but these low times, of which there are more, are slowly eating away at me.

 

[HenrySwanson]

Happy belated birthday. Coincidentally, that was also the birthday of current depart emend director (and former lover), who, since this is the depression thread, royally ****ed up my life about this time 2 years ago.

Anyhow, despite the meds and booze working against each other and more serious blackout psychotic episodes after a certain intoxication level, I’m still drinking just to feel.

On Christmas Day my wife and I went for dinner and I got completely bladdered. I was on a real downer so I tied a rope around my neck and jumped of the balcony (10ft or so). Being so drunk I’d forget to tied the rope to anything and just landed in a heap in the vegetable patch below. I didn’t find this out until a while after when my wife told me.

I’m kind of ok being chronically depressed now. At least I know what I’m up against. Thankfully I still experience the manic periods when I’m on fire and life is a sweet as cake, but these low times, of which there are more, are slowly eating away at me.

Maybe the meds need to be changed? Any attempt at suicide is serious and you should see someone ASAP

 

[JohnBM01]

Absolutely, HenrySwanson. Suicide is serious. I still find it incredibly fascinating just how much clinical depression can really tear apart people. I always say we are all in the same fight against depression, so we should all look to try help each other out as much as we can, rather than compound others' issues. Deal with depression any way you can.

 

[kikie]

Everyone serious about his/her mental health and physical health as well should take a look at youtube clips from:

• HeartMath
• Gregg Braden
• Joe Dispenza
• Bruce Lipton

Most important message HeartMath, Gregg and Joe have is heat/brain coherence. Also look up all the information you can find (Gregg Braden and HeartMath tell all about it) about our second brain which is located in the heart. Last Monday my psychiatrist confirmed that it is all true and she sends patients to therapists to learn the "Heart - brain coherence". She was very pleased that I found this information on my own and that I practice this kind of meditation.

 

[W3H5]

I’d like to see your therapist deal with a chronic depressive alcoholic and put one in a box.

 

[JohnBM01]

When it comes to being depressed, does it seem more like ineptitude of trying to love yourself or loving other people? You know, not many people can find the proper amount of loving support to deal with something like clinical depression. It sometimes is also the fact we can live in such an uncaring world. Not having any kind of support (or at least individuals we can trust) can also hinder trying to recover from being depressed. Also, some people tend to refuse help when some people clearly can use some assistance of some kind.

I guess my issues of depression stem from having to look after myself instead of trying to get help from others. I was mostly taught to try to take care of problems myself instead of seek assistance. That's why I relied on friends of mine as well as counselors back in High School and college when I was down. It did not help for me to have to rely on myself mostly in these times, but that's the way I was raised. I would basically feel like I am a failure because I allow myself to be so weak at times. Simply put... if you can help yourself with your own issues, try to get over your depression as best as you can. If you can find people who can help you deal with depression, take full advantage. All of us are dealing with depression in one way or another. That's why I always say we're in the same fight and have to support each other to overcome depression. So let's use our collective energy to combat depression and move closer towards living the happier and healthier lives we all strive for in our lives.


Don't let depression win.

 

[HenrySwanson]

Today during class I found out The Samaritans can block a number.

Must suck to be one of those individuals - my sympathies.

 

[kikie]

People seriously, kinesiology!

I did three sessions and the anxiety is gone. I told my psychiatrist about this and she said that it could be part due to the meds and part due to the kinesiology. I have never felt this mental freedom since these kinesiology sessions.

Nope, wrong.

 

[Warruz]

Exercise and meditation have absolutely saved me. It's really tough to make yourself do either of these things as it is, much less when you don't want to do anything but lay in bed all day, but once you break the inertia and gain momentum it becomes something to look forward to. The meditation helps me let go of negative thinking and the exercise seems to balance my brain chemically, not to mention increases my energy levels. I would recommend high intensity interval training as the most fast acting form of exercise when it comes to feeling better.
I have spent about half of my life depressed, but now I feel like my happiness is something I can choose. I also know people who marijuana works like magic for. Prevents flashbacks, dulls anxiety, helps with depression, etc. I`m hoping to obtain 420 evaluations bakersfield for what feels like depression/anxiety.

 

[phillgt2002]

Honestly, I'm laying here thinking about how blowing my brains out and living equally don't sound fun.

Hmm, it's like a "what do I do now?" situation.

 

[HenrySwanson]

If it's active thoughts then I'd call a suicide hotline

 

[W3H5]

Honestly, I'm laying here thinking about how blowing my brains out and living equally don't sound fun.

Hmm, it's like a "what do I do now?" situation.

I completely understand that feeling and all I can say is that it should pass. I have thoughts like that quite often but they don’t last more than a short period and then it’s back to grinding through.

 

[phillgt2002]

If it's active thoughts then I'd call a suicide hotline

Honestly, I'm not sure what they could turn into. I'm seeking a therapist, though.

I completely understand that feeling and all I can say is that it should pass. I have thoughts like that quite often but they don’t last more than a short period and then it’s back to grinding through.

That's what I'm experiencing. I still don't feel 'good', but I'm feeling better. I made a nice thing of money, so I decided to treat myself and bought a nice, rare Patagonia BMW motorsports cap and a coffee grinder.

I also reached out to an old friend and sent her a message, she's one of the nicest people I've known and we've helped each other get through rough times.

 

[Iceman220]

Having a rough time finding a job being a Mechanical Engineer since past 4 months. Can’t turn on the PS4. Is there any careers thread on this website?

 

[V0RT3X]

I've had anxiety and depression for almost 10 years now. It was usually pretty light with the occasional anxiety attack especially when school work was involved. I would have the occasional breakdown, i where I freak out because I feel life hasn't gone my way, or that my anxiety hasn't let me take chances that I should have, especially in the dating realm. But lately, it's gotten really bad. I had a massive anxiety attack at work and finally stopped toying with the idea of seeking professional help, and actually doing it. I've had 2 sessions so far, where I learned to control my anxiety but another thing I learned about is called Cognitive Distortions. Which for me have been impossible to control and have caused massive depressive episodes.

I feel so hopeless right now.

 

[evldave333]

I've had anxiety and depression for almost 10 years now. It was usually pretty light with the occasional anxiety attack especially when school work was involved. I would have the occasional breakdown, i where I freak out because I feel life hasn't gone my way, or that my anxiety hasn't let me take chances that I should have, especially in the dating realm. But lately, it's gotten really bad. I had a massive anxiety attack at work and finally stopped toying with the idea of seeking professional help, and actually doing it. I've had 2 sessions so far, where I learned to control my anxiety but another thing I learned about is called Cognitive Distortions. Which for me have been impossible to control and have caused massive depressive episodes.

I feel so hopeless right now.

I have regular bouts of depression I find the best way to manage it is to be in nature and to grow plants in my garden. Apparently when you go into a natural environment the brain responds to it in a variety of ways, you go into observer mode and thoughts stop churning over and over. I find a walk in the countryside really therapeutic after a few minutes im listening to the birds and wind through the leaves the green hues of the vegetation are calming. Apparently plants release a lot of hormones into the air and some of these work on us as as well, bringing down blood pressure and raising mood. Gardening is particularly good as it helps you deal with triumphs and disasters and encourages nurturing, it fills me up with anticipation and helps push aside the things that cant be erased. All moods fluctuate and are never permanent good or bad, get close to nature my friend it restores you. I take pictures when I walk in the countryside and of my garden here's a couple that are uplifting.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

RIP Caroline Flack.

She may have done wrong, but tried to help herself but the media (mainly The Sun newspaper) run her straight to the ground.

Make sure to check up on all your friends, make sure they aren’t suffering from depression without any help.

If anybody GTP ever needs a chat, talk, vent, whatever you wish, you’re all free to give me a message and I’ll listen. I’ll do my best to help, everyone take care of yourselves and be nice to one another.

 

[The Bman]

Does anyone find that nostalgic music is a very good healer - if not temporary?

I listen to a lot of older music (most notably Eminem circa 2002 and Matchbox Twenty) for relief and it's almost like they're speaking through my my mind. It drains all of my sorrow away so long as I listen to them.

 

[HenrySwanson]

I wonder, can this thread double for anxiety issues?