F1 Caption Game 2018: VOTING - RD21 - Open to Mon 17th Dec 1000 GMTFormula 1

[LewyOs]

N - 2
AA - 1

Caps.

 

[FCB-Rizla-TML]

b - 2
f - 1

 

[tankuroded]

R2 and CC1.

 

[Touring Mars]

ROUND FOUR - Voting

• Please see the rules in Post #1 before casting your vote
  
• You have three votes which may be split two ways (2-1) or three ways (1-1-1)
  
• Remember your vote is final and cannot be edited or changed, otherwise it will be discounted
  
• Please read all entries before voting
  
• Deadline for voting is Tuesday 8th May 0900 BST
  
• Good luck!

Submitted Entries​

"I would like to thank the people of Bahrain for being able to give me and the stewards another chance to blame Hamilton for an incident"

*sings*

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along

"After meeting with King Hamad's daughter, I'm flattered to have been chosen as the inspiration for the new Pearl Monument." Bow Sheikha wow wow.

PA: And as the modern-day Jean Alesi, the one race wonder himself Nico Rosberg does a mic test, let's have a warm, tear gas-less welcome for the one, the only, the living legend himself... MICHAEL SCHUMACHER!!!

Interviewer, looking deeply into Nico's eyes: I love you Nico..
Nico: I have that effect on people

Interviewer: So, why is it they call you Britney?

Interviewer: "Nico, two bold moves on two title contenders, yet you received no penalty, how did you accomplish this?"

Nico: "Well, Michael has been kind enough to teach me 4 important lessons that greatly influenced my driving."

It took Nico Rosberg one hundred and eleven attempts before he won his first Grand Prix.

Ironically, he won a beatboxing competition on the first attempt.

Rosberg: Every time I tried to stop to pee Lewis and Fernando blocked me, after that it was no longer necessary to stop.

Nico: "So yeah there I was I see Lewis later on Alonso and I wasn't going to let this be any other Sunday especially after last week, you know I won last week, right? The boys back home had Micheal over me 20-1 but look who has the last laugh now."

Interviewer: "I just wanted your take on Bahrain being viable for races in the future"

"The win last week....it wasn't just good...it was toedalee gangster bro, the beeches can't take their eyes off my junk now"

Well, no-one was complaining when I drove like that on the way back to the hotel

Interviewer: "So Nico, how did it feel to come here as a grand prix winner?"
Nico: "It felt great, it's been a long time in the making, a massive weight lifted off..."
Kanye West (obviously not pictured): "Yo dawg, I'mma real happy fo' ya and I'mma let you finish, but Schumacher had one of the best dangerous defensive maneuvers of all time. OF ALL TIME!"

"And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALLWAYS LOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUOOUUOUUUUUOOOOOO......"

Nico: As you may have already noticed, I have enrolled in Micheal Schumacher classes. It works wonders.

Interviewer: Nico do you think you will get a penalty for the moves earlier in the race?
Rosberg: Here is a little song I wrote, You might want to sing it note for note.... Don't worry be happy.... In every race we have some trouble, When you worry you make it double... Don't worry, be happy... fiu, fiu, fiu (whistles)
Interviewer(seriously thinks to himself): I think he just lost it...

Nico: Wait for y'all my dogs, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my mind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white t-shirt
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Interviewer: Nico, we found you very good last race. What you expect this race?
Nico: [jossed information]

Hammy, brah... I'm tired of being the "Good Guy"... I'm calling you out! You, me, cage-match... last man standing...

Interviewer: Ok. Our next bachelor is called Nico! Nico what do you like to do in your spare time?
Nico: I like horseriding, cycling and driving dangerously.
Interviewer: Fascinating. Who'll start the bidding at $20?

Nico: What did the cow said to the other cow?
Interviewer: Hmm, I don't know. What?
Nico: Moo.

Reporter: So, what's your take on the Hamilton and Alonso incidents.
Nico: Yeah, I got a good run off the line and managed to break the DRS zone in the first couple of laps, after that it was about managing tyres and being able to take home my maiden win.
Reporter: NO, the blocks coming out of turn 3 today, what's your views on them.
Nico: Yeah my pole lap was one of my best yet, the car was dialed in and the temperatures suited for qualifying, as well as our very smart DRS system.
Reporter: Ah, forget it.

Interviewer: How proud are you to be the first female F1 Grand Prix winner?

Nico: Hahaha, funny guy.

Listen up F1 drivers! I'm tha boss now, no longer Hamilton's bitch on the track. From now on I'm gonna swerve and swerve till I can swerve no mo.

Hamilton: I overtook you driving completely on the dirt and sand.

Nico: Yeah, how did you do that?

Hamilton: You're still my bitch, Nico.

Nico: - "Would I consider "Hit Me Baby One More Time" to be my greatest achievement? I'm afraid I don't understand the question..."

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

"So Nico, I hear you've got a musical out - the Nico Rosberg Horror Show?"
"It's just a jump to the left! And then a swerve to the r-i-i-i-i-i-ight!
Let's do the sideswipe again! Let's do the sideswipe again!"

Interviewer: After your first win at China, what do you hope to achieve?
Nico: Well...I've finally decided to get that sex change operation.

This is your boy Nico, telling you to chickitty check yo' self before you wreck yo'self.

Interviewer - So Nico, tell me how it feels missing out on a podium spot this weekend after tasting victory for the first time last weekend?
Nico - Ah it's not too bad, they don't have champagne here for the champion anyways

Interviewer: Nico, you were nothing like you were in China today, what happened to you?
Nico: *Says default answer to previous question*
Interviewer: Huh? What, you've already said that.
Nico: *repeats*
Man in background: Sorry, we've tried to Tupac Nico while he is actually getting told off really bad in race control.

Interviewer: "Is there any reason you have your arms folded over your chest? Something to hide, perhaps?"

Nico whispers to his contact through a cleverly hidden phone: Have you got the package?

Nico does a mediocore rendition of Waiting 4 Tonight.

 

[dhandeh]

L
S
T

All in point each.

 

[Liquid]

L - 2
A - 1

My votes are cast.

And still valid following TM's update.

 

[Jimlaad43]

v2 i1

 

[gorsad]

T - 2
CC - 1

Funny, funny, funny.

 

[Touring Mars]

Please note that the poll has been updated - anyone who has already voted is allowed to change their vote if they want. 👍

 

[RACECAR]

C - 1

G - 1

I - 1


Cappuccino

 

[Azure Flare]

A-2
H-1

The reason why I haven't submitted any captions this season is due to the fact that the 107% rule and I don't get along terribly well. Maybe for Spain I'll finally get in.

 

[BlacqueJacques]

V-1
Z-1
CC-1

Caps eh!

 

[dhandeh]

Please note that the poll has been updated - anyone who has already voted is allowed to change their vote if they want. 👍

Noted, but no need to change my vote.👍

 

[Jimlaad43]

Please note that the poll has been updated - anyone who has already voted is allowed to change their vote if they want. 👍

No, I'm fine with my votes

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Y - 2
A - 1

Done.

 

[niky]

A2K

About time to pit my HRT... this is going to be a looooong season.

 

[Flex0r]

A - 1
b - 1
l - 1

 

[livemusic]

I - 2
M - 1

Bye.

 

[Pupik]

T -1
A - 1
Z - 1

Mania.

 

[tankuroded]

A1 and D2.

 

[Ferrari_458]

i-2
z-1

 

[tribolik]

L-1
T-1
Z-1

caps

 

[DK]

M - 2
K - 1

No dangerous mountains this time...

 

[zed300]

c - 1
t -1
w -1

 

[chromatic9]

V - 2
z - 1

Sent using my computer

 

[Lizard]

T-2
O-1

caps.

 

[LewyOs]

D - 2
L - 1

Caps.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

A
U
V

Caps

 

[Touring Mars]

ROUND FIVE - Voting

• Please see the rules in Post #1 before casting your vote
  
• You have three votes which may be split two ways (2-1) or three ways (1-1-1)
  
• Remember your vote is final and cannot be edited or changed, otherwise it will be discounted
  
• Please read all entries before voting
  
• Deadline for voting is Monday 28th May 0900 BST
  
• Good luck!

Submitted Entries​

Eng1: So its 3 liters for the outlap, 5 for the hotlap, 3 for the inlap and 1 for the stewards...
Eng2: Errm... 5, 3, 1... So that will make it about 9 liters...
Hamilton: that seems pretty accurate to me...

Frustrated with their recent bad luck in the pitlane, McLaren introduce Lewis Hamilton to new employee GLaDOS v3.0, who will oversee pit procedures.

The safe release is a lie!

"Wait... my chief mechanic is Wall-E?"

"Right, that's 2 of the things we're supposed to watch out for in pitlane....anyone remember the other.."

"Something about the gantry boom being .....arrrr....dangerously close to something.... I think."

Engineer: ...and to stop our horrific pit stops, the FIA have introduced this! The new "Stop & Go" light. It's here to make sure that once you're in the pits, you will not be able to go unless both lollipop man and the light say yes.

Lewis: Are you sure they didn't just name it that way due to the amount of Stop & Go Penalties I'm going to probably receive later on during the year?

Engineer: Due to our sponsors getting away from us, you'll have to struggle with only 2 men for your pitstops at this race.

Hamilton: They'll still be faster then in Bahrain though.

Engineer: Why do you say that?

Hamilton (thinking): Eyes the pitstop light and calculates the distance between it and the manbags of the engineer.

Engineer: We brought in this traffic school light; fancier than a lollypop don't you think Lewis?

Engineer #1: "We have to be innovative. I'll get the engineers on a fix right away."
SM: "We have the budget, so get everyone working on it as a priority. "
LH: "We've looked at the lights, but have you improved the wheel nuts yet?"
SM: "Improved? We are trying to find yet another way to mess up pitstops... What did you think we were doing?"
LH "Jeez, I tired of you guys blocking my chan..."
Eng #1: "I've got it! good input Lewis..."

Hamilton: OK, what happened to my fuel?
Engineer: Oh, we needed that to pour over the Williams pit garage.

This light will turn green when the team are able to perform as well as your average level 1 car maintenance student.

Engineer: Sorry about the fuel loss yesterday, its just that we filled up your car with milk we stole from Williams, and got the amounts mixed up.
Lewis: MILK, what are you mental?
Engineer: Well it worked, their top driver was to fast, he was Pastor-eyes(d).

Yeah that wheel gun was faulty, we gave it to Williams and it was "BANG" on...

"Lewis, as part of our innovative new sponsor initiative, all members of the McLaren pit crew will be
replaced by Vodafone's customer support staff so that you and Jenson might experience the
same level of customer service and satisfaction as the average Vodafone subscriber."

Right Lewis here's the plan: For the next race we are going to start from the pitlane. The starting grid has five lights, this piece of kit here only has two, so we'll be able to get a headstart.

Sam Michaels: The previous system was overly complex, which lead to some confusion.
This system only has two lights: red means go and orange means stop.
Lewis: Interesting...
Sam Michaels: In addition, the front jackman will do a triple foot stomp to confirm you're good to go.

Engineer: THIS is a red light. It means stop. When it's green it means GO! Understand now?

Engineer: As you can see Lewis, we've found the solution to that awkward left rear, this bubble-gum dispenser is fully aligned to it.

Sam Michaels: So, we just dispense the bubble-gum directly into the path of the high temperature unchanged left rear, on exiting the car from the pit stop?... means we don't have to touch that left rear, yeah, i like it! should work!

Lewis: What the hell ?!?!

"Lewis: So for the past five rounds, you mean to say you've been fine adjusting this? ...Have you figured out how to keep me on the pole next time around???"

"Team: Lewis, Lewis obviously you don't see the innovation of this light system, it is vastly more important than getting pit stops right. Even more important than keeping you on pole !"

Sam - Oooops. You've lost, Lewis. Imagine not being able to do level one of Bust a Move...

Don't worry Lewis, we found you another gal to hang out in the pits on race day, and her father's rich, powerful, and has...huge tracts of land.

Enginner: "so last place in the grid, Lewis...sorry.... but now to something really important...
.
.
.
I LOVE MEN....."

Lewis and other Engineer: "Er.........."

Lewis, mate, we've got good news and bad news...

Okay, give me the bad news first.

Turns out every qualified left-rear wheelman in the garage suffers from epileptic seizures when they see the pit lights.

So what's the good news?

We've solved the issue by swapping the tires around. Now the left-rear tire is on the other side.

The Truth-A-Tron says it was your fault, Lewis.

Engineer: The lights are about to go out...
Lewis: Where the heck is Murray when you need him?

Lewis: Hey, can I get a facepalm button installed on my wheel?

Engineer: No. We have to install a fuel-dumper button.

Lewis: I could have used a warning that you made plans to do that, pre-qually. That's why I need a facepalm button for every time you cost me pole, or a win, or a podium.

Engineer: There's no damn facepalm button.

Other Engineer: Did you tell him not to use the DRS button? That's where we put the fuel-dumper system.

Maldonado (in distance): Yay, I win the pole!

Engineer: Shut up, Pastor.

Lewis: He won't win.

A short time later, Pastor Maldonado won the race, effectively forcing the need for Lewis to install the facepalm button himself.

Your disqualification from qualifying wasn't all bad news... the locals were delighted!

Lewis: This is getting embarrassing now... Narain Karthikeyan, Andy Carroll, Barack Obama and Osama Bin Laden all have as many wins as me this season... Even Maldonado has the same amount if wins... Oh... Oh yeah...

Engineer: Ok Lewis let me introduce you to our new penalty light system.
When you do not have a penalty from the stewards, the light will remain green, and when you do have a penalty the light will turn red.

What colour is it now?

Lewis: Red.

Engineer: It works!

Engineer: So I woke up this morning and this thing was stuck in my face, no idea what it is.

Today in: "How to keep Lewis busy for a while"

Lewis: Yes pole position.
Engineer: Wrong answer Lewis.
Lewis: Second?
Engineer: Wrong again, keep trying till the light becomes green.
Other engineer: *whispers* How long untill we tell him the green light doesn't work?
Engineer: Let's think about that while we go grab a cup of coffee.

Oooh, look here... a red light in pitlane. Does this mean I have to run into Raikonnen or one of the Ferraris?

Engineer 1: What do you think of this?
Lewis: Looks great. What is it supposed to be?
Engineer 2: Its supposed to be our new instrument for when we play "Red Light, Green Light".
Lewis: Ok...and where did you get this from?
Enginner 1: Well..

Meanwhile at a nearby intersection

Spanish Motorist: 🤬!!!

Engineer: When it goes green, the tank is full.

Engineer - Here is the new part we developed over the break Lewis
Lewis - You spent the entire break developing a glorified traffic signal?
Engineer - Yes!

 

[gorsad]

FF - 2
W - 1

Funny funny