F1 Caption Game 2018: VOTING - RD21 - Open to Mon 17th Dec 1000 GMTFormula 1

[Touring Mars]

ROUND EIGHT - Voting

• Please see the rules in Post #1 before casting your vote
  
• You have three votes which may be split two ways (2-1) or three ways (1-1-1)
  
• Remember your vote is final and cannot be edited or changed, otherwise it will be discounted
  
• Please read all entries before voting
  
• Deadline for voting is Wed 11th July 1900 BST
  
• Good luck!

Submitted Entries​

Roberto Carlos: My free kicks move faster than you drive, and they swerve less too.

RC: "Yo Massa, Hamilton tells me you had a few "issues" last year..."

A short time later:

"Right, where is Maldonado?"

Massa: So, you Spanish?

Carlos: No, Mexican.

Massa: How'd you get over the border? Heh, heh, heh.

They never found him after the race.

Massa wins! (a staring competition)

You're right... It sort of does look like Maldonado's eyebrows eyebrow...

Roberto Carlos: No, I won't change my last name to "Massa".

"Oompa Massa, doompity doo,
I've got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Massa, doompity dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when you play for Anzhi?
Racist abuse and a silly goatee.
Now you've retired you are piling on fat,
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it!
Oompa Massa doompity doh,
Your curling free kick was 15 years ago.
Your abilities have dropped off markedly too,
Like the Oompa Massa doompity doo."

Massa checks out Roberto's own take on the Brazilian...

Massa: Speaking of Carlos, you haven't seen a Ferrari anywhere by any chance?

Ferrari's new tactical race advisor runs through some pre-race drills with Massa:

Carlos: "Atencão Felipe!.., let us practice some flying projectile avoidance skills."

Massa: "Okay."

Carlos: "HHHRRRRKKKKKKKK........SPPT" (right from the back of the nostril, footballer style)

A Brazilian right back (down the grid) meets a Brazilian left back.

Carlos is not impressed by Massa's explanation of how to "swerve" in F1...

Massa: What cha talk'in bout Willis?

RC: Want me to kick your car at the start?

Carlos: We are top athletes that are on a very strict diet.
Massa: Hey Carlos been to McDonald's recently?
Carlos: No I haven't.
Massa: Your goatee tells otherwise Carlos.
Carlos: .....

Roberto Carlos: "My eyes are up here."

Massa; "Look, nice Dwayne Johnson impersonation, but history says, footballers don't make great actors."

"Can we swap shirts?"

"No."

Massa: Talk to me, do you think I could win again?

Carlo Rae Slapson:

"Hey, My name's Roberto
And this is crazy
Luca just told me
To get in your car"

After enduring Roberto Carlos's intimidating stare, Massa's top wasn't the only piece of clothing on his body which was wet..

The world is treated to the longest staring contest in history

RC: Myself and the team don't aprove of your finishing places and will unfortunately have to take care of you. Ferrari ordered it.

Masa:

 

[gorsad]

B - 1
T - 1
V - 1

First one to vote 2 races in a row (I think), yay.

 

[zed300]

H-2
p-1

 

[Flex0r]

E - 1
h - 1
p - 1

 

[niky]

G2H1.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for doggerel verse.

 

[GTP_Ingram]

G -1
k - 1
n - 1

 

[Pezzarinho17]

A
H
T
A point to each.

 

[Ferrari_458]

G2
A1

Caps

 

[Jimlaad43]

D 1
j 1
q 1

 

[Touring Mars]

R - 2
K - 1

Done.

 

[BlacqueJacques]

D-2
K-1

Caps eh!

No votes

I should have included this visual aid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k

I suppose I am dating myself with my caption

 

[dhandeh]

G
R
V

A single point to each.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

S - 2
R - 1

Done.

 

[Famine]

Alpha, Delta, Papa.

 

[livemusic]

D
H
K

Ok.

 

[DK]

2 for G and 1 for H.

 

[LewyOs]

E - 2
B- 1

Caps.

 

[Nessy]

A-1
k-2

 

[Touring Mars]

ROUND NINE - Voting

• Please see the rules in Post #1 before casting your vote
  
• You have three votes which may be split two ways (2-1) or three ways (1-1-1)
  
• Remember your vote is final and cannot be edited or changed, otherwise it will be discounted
  
• Please read all entries before voting
  
• Deadline for voting is Tue 24th July 1900 BST
  
• Good luck!

Submitted Entries​

Mister Bond, you're... early... Now where did I put my cat...

Alonso: It was bigger, I swear to god.

'nando: So I'm about to call Mark a ******* ***** for beating me, when a Scot breaks onto the podium and does it for me!

Fernando Alonso QC - CAIRO!, mumble mumble, Chicken, mumble mumble, Wolly mammoth, mumble mumble, I opened my eyes and - by jingo! I realised I'd married three of 'em, mumble mumble but I'm afraid I was very, very drunk.

Fernando explains to Felipe the rules of rock, paper, scissors.

"Now in the event you win, or we both choose paper...
...I still win and get the updates."

...And then your team mate crashes into the wall, and that, children, is how you win races.

Stop taking pictures of me and kill this damn spider on the floor!

"Okay, imagine this is a DS3... So, Famine drives my car sitting like this?"

Alonzo: Ahh... grasshopper Phillipe; what question do you wish to ask the wise Master now?

"Lord Montezemolo, this is an unexpected pleasure. We are honored by your presence..."
"You may dispense with the pleasantries, Fernando. I'm here to put your team mate back on schedule."
"I assure you, Lord Montezemolo. My men are working as fast as they can."
"Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them..."

For those not in the know... Original quote.

And now Felipe... would you like to play a little game?

Massa: ....Please explain it to me again.

Alonso: *sigh*... it's like office ball.. but you have to push me from the back.

Massa: So.. i push you whilst staying behind, while you score up front and get all the glory?

Alonso: Yeah!, for sure..

Alonso & Massa discuss the rules and philosophies of Ferrari's new Team order building activity exercise/game.

For the last time, I look nothing like him! Stop trying to make me say 'when's-a your Dolmio day?'

"Hi, I'm Fernando Alonso, race driver for Scuderia Ferrari.

"You might not know this, but one of the biggest dangers to racing drivers today is Venezuelans. Sub-standard conditions and a lack of government support in Venezuela has lead to a situation where driving standards are at an all-time low. The government denies this, but statistically, Venezuelan drivers are the leading cause of retirements in Formula 1. And because of this, racing drivers are living in fear of an epidemic of 'El Passo Recklesso', an incurable disease that impairs a driver's spatial awareness, judgement and ability to admit he was wrong, and which is impervious to grid penalties, fines, reprimands and time penalties.

"But there is hope. For just a dollar a day, you can sponsor a Venezuelan driving instructor, and make sure he gets proper training and will raise driving standards to ensure that future generations of racing drivers have nothing to fear from Venezuelans. So please, give generously."

Alonso: Why doesn't this chair spin around.

"Ah, Jean Todt, I have been waiting for you"

"Oh, hello, I was just explaining to my ex-team mate Felipe how I hold my trophies when I celebrate on the podium. See, this was as close as he could get to holding a trophy all season."

Alonso was unimpressed with the new decor in his lounge after the Ferrari special of Sixty Minute Makover.

Call *phone number* and YOU can speak to guru Fernando.

The floor.....it's lava

I wonder if they'd fire me I told them I can't stand red...

When I came to England and I saw people queueing
I told to myself: What the 🤬!?
All day, all night
All day, all night
So I called my friend Felipe
And I said to him: Felipe,
La gente esta muy loca,
What the 🤬!?

Source (Language Warning)

I'm not suggesting anything, I'm merely pointing out that 'Maldonado' means 'terrible accident' in Spanish

"....and last but not least, to be a successful F1 driver, you must dominate teammate in all aspects."

"Ok Felippe put the camera down, and upload that to my blog then go and get me a cappuccino"

Fernando coaching young aspiring drivers (In a Gandhi voice):
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. "

"Look... I am faster than you.
now listen... I am faster than you.
but wait... I am faster than you.
and yeah... I am faster than you."

FA: "So...let me get this straight...Felipe was faster than me?"
Random mechanic: "Please forgive me!"
FA: *laughs* "You're funny!"
The random mechanic retreats and finds new pants.

 

[livemusic]

I - 1
X - 2

Ok.

 

[GTP_Ingram]

N - 2
R - 1

TM - I don't think [/center] is part of the quote for M

 

[Nessy]

X = 2
F = 1


Oops, "Capital violation/Capital filter", i guess you guys were referring to me... it wasn't intentional.
Fixed.

 

[gorsad]

A - 2
N - 1

Funny.

 

[BlacqueJacques]

A-2
X-1
Eh!

 

[niky]

W2N1.

I hear it's going to replace AH1N1 as the traveler's disease of choice this year.

 

[dhandeh]

FMO

Capital Violation.

 

[homeforsummer]

N2, M1

Darn that capital filter

 

[paulmac2k9]

N2 W1

Love all of them though .

 

[Pupik]

N = 1
F = 1
W = 1

If Not Safe 4 Work, solve for S.

 

[zed300]

m-1
n-1
w-1

capitally depraved