Funny/Strange News Stories

[TB]

I'm hungry now...thanks.

Sounds to me like someone is late for Elevenses.

 

[Pupik]

Danish Swat team?

So that's what the Somali Pirates are looking at.

 

[Touring Mars]

So this is why grandad keeps a bottle of whisky handy?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/7853328.stm

 

[TB]

So I have about 30 years to develop a taste for whiskey, eh? Best get started or I might die!

 

[FoolKiller]

News story video in the link.

http://www.joystiq.com/2009/01/29/austin-construction-signs-warn-of-zombie-attack/

Austin construction signs warn of zombie attack
by Alexander Sliwinski { Jan 29th 2009 at 1:00PM }

For a few hours on Monday morning in Austin, Texas, it seemed as if the world was coming to an end, as two road signs warned of "Nazi zombies!" KXAN has a full report, but apparently doesn't have any gamers on staff, as it completely missed the Call of Duty: World at War reference. Come on mainstream media, y'all missed a great opportunity to blame games for something.

The "hackers" who changed the signs committed a class C misdemeanor, which in the state of Texas automatically carries the death penalty ... no, that's not true, but we're sure branding is involved. Check out the full news report after the break.

[Thanks, Rick]

By the way, I blame D-N.

 

[Omnis]

I was going to post this. Hacking, in this case, is walking up to a sign and punching in the buttons. The dummies who own these signs use default passwords (aka no passwords) and leave the keypad boxes wide open. D'oh!

 

[FoolKiller]

The more I think about it the less I think it is funny. When zombies really do attack everyone will just think it's another joke.

Generations later children will be put to sleep to the tale of The Boys Who Cried Zombie.

 

[Famine]

I was going to post this. Hacking, in this case, is walking up to a sign and punching in the buttons. The dummies who own these signs use default passwords (aka no passwords) and leave the keypad boxes wide open. D'oh!

Coincidence or not...

Two B3ta newsletters ago, someone posted up how to "hack" these signs.

 

[Touring Mars]

The more I think about it the less I think it is funny. When zombies really do attack everyone will just think it's another joke.

 

[Pupik]

"Where's the...Lemonade?"

Welcome to South Florida. Everyone's a complainer:

FEBRUARY 9--"You cannot dial 911 'cause you're unhappy with your burger." That's what a police operator told a Florida man early Saturday morning when he called 911 to complain about his order at a Burger King in Boynton Beach. As can be heard on the below police recording, Jean Fortune, 66, called 911 when a Burger King employee told him that they did not have lemonade. Fortune told cops that he had placed an order for a #7 combo meal (chicken fries, French fries, and a soda for $4.49) while in the drive-thru line. But when he got to the window, Fortune was told the fast food outlet did not have lemonade. He was offered Coke, but Fortune decided instead to call police.

"Sir, come on. I know you don't seriously think that the police need to make Burger King give you food faster. I cannot believe that," said an exasperated 911 operator. She also noted, "Customer service is not a reason to call 911. 911 is if you're dying. Do you understand that?" Fortune was charged with abuse of 911 communications, according the below Boynton Beach Police Department report.

 

[FoolKiller]

I love when immature company execs get in a fight.

http://www.joystiq.com/2009/02/15/ea-says-something-brutal-about-activision/

Backstory: Activision merged with Blizzard and dropped a few developers and IPs. One of those was Double Fine and their game Brutal Legend, which much of the game community wanted to see. So, EA partnered up with Double Fine to get Brutal Legend on the market.

Just when we thought things had finally settled down for Brütal Legend developer Double Fine and all the company's publisher worries were over, Activision has up and started some mess with the developer's new publisher, Electronic Arts. Variety's Cut Scene blog has word from "two sources familiar with ActiBlizzard's [Activision Blizzard's] position" that a letter was sent to EA from Activision stating their belief that a deal between Activision and Double Fine was "still in negotiations", thus rendering any deal made between EA and Double Fine null and void.

EA has responded to the letter with guns fully drawn, saying, "We doubt that Activision would try to sue. That would be like a husband abandoning his family and then suing after his wife meets a better looking guy." We've got two words for you EA: Oh (and) Snap!

 

[Famine]

Victim of burglary foils crime by stealing getaway vehicle...

 

[C-ZETA]

Hostage released for pizza...
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1389697.html

 

[TB]

Hostage released for pizza...
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1389697.html

I can hear it now.

Phone conversation between Bad Guy (BG #1) and negotiator:

BG #1 - We want 1 million dollars and a plane.
Negotiator - We'll give you 15 pizzas.
BG #1 - *whispers to other BG's* He'll give us 15 pizzas. That's not a bad deal. I think we should take it.
BG #2 - I'm thirsty. I want some Coke, too.
BG #3 - And garlic bread. I don't eat pizza without garlic bread.
BG #1 - *back on phone* We'll do it for 15 pizzas, some Coke and garlic bread.
Negotiator - Done. It'll be there in 30 minutes or less.

 

[livemusic]

Victim of burglary foils crime by stealing getaway vehicle...

Awesome.

 

[DaddyVDUB]

Did you guys see the Japanese Finance PM at the economic summit while under the effects of "cold medicine" really really under the effects. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWLeWqPOFpU

 

[Philly]

Victim of burglary foils crime by stealing getaway vehicle...

Is this proof that Famine knows everything? This is pretty local stuff coming from a not too big looking Portland news service.

Funny stuff though. I wonder why they were robbing in Bellevue. That's one of those towns where you have to watch your speed carefully because of the cop presence...

 

[Famine]

Ireland's worst and most evasive driver - a Polish man called "Prawo Jazdy" - who racked up 50 offences but escaped justice by giving a different address at each offence, is revealed to not actually be a person after all...

I actually ed at this. Hard!

 

[Sureboss]

Visited this thread to post the same. Very, very funny story.

 

[Prosthetic]

Chicken Nuggest Emergency!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0303091mcnugget1.html

 

[TB]

All sales are final? No refunds? Not an incredibly smart business practice when you've run out of a product that you are selling.

 

[Prosthetic]

All sales are final? No refunds? Not an incredibly smart business practice when you've run out of a product that you are selling.

Yeah... they should of just given her back her money.

 

[daan]

Australian fights off Roo in his undies after animal hops into house

An Australian dressed only in his underpants fought off a kangaroo after it hopped through a bedroom window and bounded from room to room, jumping on beds and knocking over furniture.

Beat Ettlin and his young family cowered under the bedclothes as the 6ft (1.8 metre) animal rampaged through their home in Canberra.

"My initial thought, when I was half awake, was it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window," Beat Ettlin told local media. "It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in."

The injured kangaroo gouged holes in the furniture and left a blood trail smeared all over the walls. Then Ettlin heard his 10-year-old son, Leighton, screaming from his bed: "There's a 'roo in my room!'" and the 42-year-old chef decided he had to do something.

"I thought, 'This can be really dangerous for the whole family now.'"

Dressed only in his underwear, Ettlin wrestled the bleeding kangaroo, getting it into a headlock and dragging it out of the front door where it disappeared into the bushes.

"I had just my Bonds undies on. I felt vulnerable," said Ettlin, referring to a popular Australian underwear brand.

Greg Baxter, a Queensland University lecturer on Australian native animals, said kangaroos rarely invade homes but have done so in the past when panicked.

"It is very unusual, but when kangaroos become panicked, they lose all sense of caution and just fly for where they think they can get away," Baxter said.

Ettlin, who had scratch marks on his leg and buttocks and was left wearing only his shredded underpants, described himself as "lucky".

His wife, Verity Beman, 39, said: "I think he's a hero: a hero in Bonds undies."

Nathan! What were you thinking?

What kind of person do you have to be that your first thought is of a "lunatic ninja"?

 

[Roo]

He felt vunerable? I didn't have anything on at all! All I wanted was a pair of shorts or something to cover my modesty, but noooo, the git gets me in a headlock and throws me out the door!

It's not my fault I'm naturally bouncy.

You should've seen the commotion when I went to the Bathurst 1000kms:

 

[TB]

to both!

 

[Lucas]

Here's a very very old story. It's very funny, but since it's in spanish, I will try to translate it for you.

(Attention: contains blood, but not violence, nor bad language.)




Woman - What is your name?
Man - My name is Ricardo Esteban, Ricardo, uhhh... Ruben.
Woman - Do you feel okay, Ricardo? What happened, in few words?
Man - Uhh, what happened, well, okay. I was racing like a champion, and well, and it came across me, I don't know what came across me, and I was left like a Schumacher in, in Formula One.
Woman - It's not so bad, I believe. You are going to recover surely. How are you feeling?
Man - I feel very good, and well, and, now I recover and I feel like a Formula One. I'm a champion.
Woman - Which injuries are the ones that hurt you the most?
Man - Well, the mouth, which I have it broken, all. And well... Let's go Schumacher! There! For you, dear.
Woman - Where you driving alone?
Man - I was driving alone, yeaah. And you, "Cronica", where did you came from?
Woman - I'm always where I have to be.
Man - And well... Cronica, firmly, with the people!



Note that the guy was very happy, and he ended okay.

 

[ExigeEvan]

Now, I'm not against homosexuality by any means, but these guys took it a little too far.

Keepers at a bird sanctuary in West Sussex hoped that the last remaining female Blue Duck in the country - called Cherry - might mate with either of the drakes, Ben or Jerry.

But neither male duck appeared interested and are now inseparable at the Arundel Wetland Centre, leaving Cherry to her own devices.

Centre warden Paul Stevens said he was disappointed that efforts to produce new Blue Duck offspring had failed but said the two male birds made "a lovely couple".

"They stay together all the time, parading up and down their enclosure and whistling to each other as a male might do with a female he wants to mate with," he said.

"People who visit the centre think they're a fantastic couple, without really coming around to the idea that they are two males.

"They both have very big personalities and people come from all over the country to come and see them.

Cherry doesn't seem bothered by it, she's just happy to keep herself to herself."

Blue ducks originate from New Zealand but there were thought to be just three birds in the UK.

Keepers initially introduced Ben to Cherry, but neither seemed keen. They then brought Jerry down from a sanctuary in London.

Mr Stevens said: "Cherry showed some interest in him. She displayed typical mating behaviour - she approached him and called to him, she even looked like she was nesting.

"We thought it was great and it was all going to happen but nothing ever did."

Mr Stevens said the male ducks were then placed in the same enclosure: "To our surprise the two males really took to each other and it was obvious that they really liked each other.

"It would have been nice to get a last clutch of eggs from Cherry but Ben and Jerry do make a lovely couple."

 

[Lucas]

Lol, wut?

 

[Touring Mars]

Someone having fun with Google Earth?

 

[daan]

Saw that in today's paper and was going to post it here.