Funny/Strange News Stories

[Touring Mars]

Man charged with murder wants giant 'MURDER' tattoo removed before his trial...

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/w...o-removed-from-neck-before-trial-9278200.html

 

[Jump_Ace]

^ Wonders People never cease to amaze....


Jerome

 

[Danoff]

@Touring Mars

Ah tattoos... it's like people took Bill Engvall's "Here's your sign" bit seriously.

 

[TenEightyOne]

I really don't know what's real any more, thank you Internet.

 

[Slash]

I hope he knows the pain he's in for haha

 

[terminator363]

Some lulz from the annual Q&A with Vladimir Putin yesterday.
No English subs so I'm translating this.

Putin says:
"There's a curious question, regarding the economical situation in Crimea, and, particulary, the bank system, [...], it goes like: I leased a car for personal use, in PrivatBank [a Ukrainian bank], and there are two more years left to pay for it to the complete repayment. The car is registered on the AvtoPrivat group in Kiev. PrivatBank has left the peninsula. What should I do?
Well, feel free to drive! [laughs] Mr. Kolomoyski [the director of PrivatBank] doesn't want to receive money from you."

I got a really good laugh out of this . Also what does he say when speaks seriously?

 

[Touring Mars]

I hope he knows the pain he's in for haha

Yes, it will be a real pain in the neck.

 

[Rage Racer]

Also what does he say when speaks seriously?

About the deposits in the Ukrainian banks.

...but another question, it's more serious, is about citizens' deposits in those banks, and this is a serious thing. I want to say, we have a database on the depositors, in PrivatBank and in Oschadbank. And we will relate to the available data, but if the people lose any money, the decision has almost been made, we will pay out to people who lost their deposits up to 700,000 roubles under the Russian legislation.

Which means, Crimeans may not pay the debts to these Ukrainian banks, but you had a deposit there and couldn't get it back, the RF government will pay you up to $19,620.

Some lulz from Ukraine's conflict zone - Sloviansk (Slavyansk).
When the governmental army attacked the checkpoints of the DR (Donetsk Republic) militia, they thought the gov-t finally launched a full-scale assault, and retreated back to the city. But... the troops just looted the checkpoints and left! Why?
Turn the subs on (language warning!) and lol.


It was heard before, that Ukrainian soldiers defect to DR because they're not fed properly in the army.
The Russian soldiers in Crimea were referred to as "Polite troops", or "Gentlemen troops".
And the Ukrainian are "Hungry troops".

 

[Grayfox]

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/2014/04/26/13/28/robber-leaves-job-application-at-crime-scene

 

[Vic Reign93]

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/2014/04/26/13/28/robber-leaves-job-application-at-crime-scene

He might've wanted to apply for the 'Prisoner' job role, I heard that job market is booming these days.

 

[Grayfox]

If you are this stupid you should not drive.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2014/04/26/13/23/gps-leads-melbourne-driver-onto-train-tracks
www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/news/11163727.Londoners_rescued_after___39_driving_into_sea__39_/?ref=var_0

 

[TenEightyOne]

If you are this stupid you should not drive.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2014/04/26/13/23/gps-leads-melbourne-driver-onto-train-tracks
www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/news/11163727.Londoners_rescued_after___39_driving_into_sea__39_/?ref=var_0

True, but I've been caught out by GPS taking me down a road that wasn't open... in driving rain at 2am in an unfamiliar county it's easy for a local to navigate but not a foreigner.

That said, some of these stories beyond belief and I quite agree that many of the culprits are too stupid to be driving.

 

[Danoff]

This news headline is talking about an annular eclipse in Australia
"Web cams pointed into hot young star's 'Ring of Fire' down under"

 

[niky]

So someone web-cammed Jennifer Lawrence's nether regions while she was having her period? Cool... what link do I click?

 

[TenEightyOne]

This news headline is talking about an annular eclipse in Australia
"Web cams pointed into hot young star's 'Ring of Fire' down under"

Haha, excellent

In fairness the Register probably knew exactly what it was doing with that headline, they're a kind of cross between MSKB and Viz

I clicked it anyway, just in case. Ahem.

 

[TenEightyOne]

Knob throwing time in Dorset. This one pretty much tells itself.

EDIT: DP, sorry mods :\

 

[Wiegert]

Plymouth University student claimed Maths exam poster that was designed to discourage cheating actually helped them gain extra marks.

Plymouth Uni reacts by removing said posters from exam halls

 

[nk4e]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/...on-_n_5343145.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

A Manhattan man raised his pinky to his lips and sued New York City, a bakery, two local hospitals, Kmart and a "Latina" dog owner for two undecillion dollars -- more than all the money on planet Earth.

 

[Famine]

It's not only more than all the money on planet Earth, it's more than all the economic activity on planet Earth since time began by TWENTY-ONE orders of magnitude. It's more money that the dollar value of the entire planet converted into sellable minerals by TWELVE orders of magnitude.

If converted to hundred dollar bills, you'd need a stack of them big enough to stretch from one side of the visible universe to the other 250 times over.

 

[DK]

I'm impressed that he found a use for "undecillion".

 

[Wolfe]

And while one undecillion just isn't enough, I guess he thought three undecillion would be too greedy.

 

[TheBook]

Just how big is an undecillion?

 

[TenEightyOne]

I'm impressed that he found a use for "undecillion".

You get a lot of time to think when you sleep in a dumpster.

 

[Wiegert]

Russian Circus Croc Injured by Falling Accountant

 

[Vic Reign93]

Russian Circus Croc Injured by Falling Accountant

Seriously?!
You could give Hollywood script writers tons of money and they STILL wouldn't be able to make this kind of thing up.

I think the accountant was giving the crocodile the crushing news about his finances.

 

[TenEightyOne]

Russian Circus Croc Injured by Falling Accountant

Financial squeeze? Sudden depression? Or just a croc...?

 

[Grayfox]

In Australia, croc attacks you,
In Soviet Russia, human attacks croc

 

[Danoff]

In Australia, croc attacks you,
In Soviet Russia, human attacks croc

In Flordia Croc attacks you
In Soviet Russia, Human attacks croc.

In Australia:

 

[Grayfox]

That is one of irwins pet's
Flordia has gators not crocs.

 

[Danoff]

That is one of irwins pet's
Flordia has gators not crocs.

Doesn't everyone in Australia have a pet Croc? That's the impression my television has left me. In America when we see a croc we shove our FOOT in it and wear it as a shoe: