Funny/Strange News Stories

[Joel]

A beaver walks into a hardware store
like many construction store shoppers — seemed to prefer to wander aimlessly through the store instead of asking for help.

I don't blame him, you can't find anything worth a dam in those stores.

 

[BobK]

Oh dear, I see a flood of puns coming over the spillway.

 

[Carbonox]

And with this, there's already tree puns on this page. Not good.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Our Treasurer has made a special trip to Darwin to announce an extension to a local swimming pool in order to bring it up to Olympic-regulation standards, even though the local council says that the pool is already longer than the Olympic standard:

http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2015-...sion-of-pool-council-says-is-too-long/6485210

 

[Barra333]

Whether it is too short or too long (I am happy to be flown in to verify it), does Darwin plan on hosting an major swim meet or Olympics in the next couple of years?

 

[JKgo]

...I had to ask, is that the place where they give out the Darwin Awards??

 

[polysmut]

...I had to ask, is that the place where they give out the Darwin Awards??

I don't think the winners would be able to attend the ceremony.

 

[JKgo]

I don't think the winners would be able to attend the ceremony.

...Then give it to...uhh, next of kin. Or something.

 

[TenEightyOne]

This from The Fail, they cleverly avoid explaining just how an illegal worker has a National Insurance number to claim benefits...

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Whether it is too short or too long (I am happy to be flown in to verify it), does Darwin plan on hosting an major swim meet or Olympics in the next couple of years?

No. Which is why Hockey's posturing buffoonery is so funny.

 

[Barra333]

I would love to have been in the meeting where lengthening a random local pool by 50cm landed at the top of the priority list. What on Earth did it beat out?

 

[prisonermonkeys]

What on Earth did it beat out?

Corporate tax avoidance, parliamentary inquiries into the price of iron ore, the growing humanitarian crisis in the Indian Ocean and their role in creating it, public distrust of the Liberal party, and probably a thousand other things that they couldn't be bothered addressing because The Conservatives Are Always Right (Even When They're Wrong).

 

[FoolKiller]

This from The Fail, they cleverly avoid explaining just how an illegal worker has a National Insurance number to claim benefits...

View attachment 370053

Isn't that about five years old now?

 

[AudiMan2011]

So.... yeah:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/p...ainsley-harriott-on-the-20-note-10263019.html

 

[Famine]

So.... yeah:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/p...ainsley-harriott-on-the-20-note-10263019.html

Not especially relevant to anything, given that the BofE wants a "visual artist" and Ainsley Harriott is still alive and not the monarch so can't appear on currency.

I nominated Jimmy Savile.

 

[Liquid]

£5: William Gladstone
£10: Emmeline Pankhurst
£20: Isambard Kingdom Brunel
£50: Bernard Montgomery

There's your new banknote figures.

 

[yabiggoose]

Nope. Channel 9 is one of our three major commercial networks.

I'd call them a joke for the most part.

 

[TenEightyOne]

So.... yeah:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/p...ainsley-harriott-on-the-20-note-10263019.html

Seen it all now. However, as noted by @Famine, pretty sure that wouldn't be do-able under the current rules.

I'd love to see a full Banksy-designed note, personally.

 

[JKgo]

...I ran into this piece of "news" while on BBC. For further hilarity, look under "More on this story" section below the actual piece.

Oh, and for future usage, I'm gonna leave this here. You are free to repost it as you please - I know I did!!

 

[Carbonox]

Well I for one am glad he makes it clear what kinda culture he comes from.

On a side note, think for a minute how old Obama's daughter was in 2008.

 

[Northstar]

Well I for one am glad he makes it clear what kinda culture he comes from.

On a side note, think for a minute how old Obama's daughter was in 2008.

Too be fair, the "lawyer" looks about the same age as her.

 

[JKgo]

Well I for one am glad he makes it clear what kinda culture he comes from.

On a side note, think for a minute how old Obama's daughter was in 2008.

...Reading the comments almost killed me. There are indeed many funny people out there in this world...

 

[FoolKiller]

I hope she meets him one day and actually likes him. Then we will know that it is

 

[TheCracker]

Alberta 'creationist' finds 60m-year-old fish fossils

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-32928979

 

[JKgo]

...Hmm. That link should go to either Creation Vs Evolution thread, or maybe "Do You Believe In God" one.

Just sayin'

Edit: Hmm.... even FBI aren't immune, I see.

 

[ProjectWHaT]

Media in a nutshell

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Q: What if GT6 players got their hands real racing cars?

A: You idiots.

 

[Grayfox]

Q: What if GT6 players got their hands real racing cars?

A: You idiots.

I was thinking more a long the lines of
Play from 1:05

 

[axletramp]

Well if Jesus is to appear giving out tickets to heaven, then the back of KFC is as good as anywhere.

 

[Chrunch Houston]

Well if Jesus is to appear giving out tickets to heaven, then the back of KFC is as good as anywhere.

I think they will walk. Selling something called 'golden' is not the same as selling something called 'gold'. And at a hundred dollars a pop, maybe I am in the wrong business.