Boy isn't it strange that 86% of my jokes *counting the jokes I made on my status posts, maybe even a little bit more then 86%* have been negativiely received? Well I've tried my best on this one. Someone should train me for jokes.
Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
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- Waterford MI
- V0RT3X7373
Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda?
A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
Student: "Should I get in trouble for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "No."
Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
Student: "Should I get in trouble for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "No."
Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
The87Dodge
(Banned)
- 3,186
- Seattle, WA
- rizkeat
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
- 9,554
- Vermont
- catamount39
Q: Why is it called a light year?
A: Because it has less calories.
(someone wrote this joke on a stream )
A: Because it has less calories.
(someone wrote this joke on a stream
)
Last edited:
- 36,693
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- GTP_daan
Well, you don't. Welcome to 5 posts ago.
The87Dodge
(Banned)
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- rizkeat
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- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- ScorchingAngel01
I'm sorry but I prefer eating at Burger King more rather then McDonald's because I don't want to be a burger loving clown hippy.
- 30,023
- Thailand
I don't get any of your jokes. I'm sure I'm not alone either.
The87Dodge
(Banned)
- 3,186
- Seattle, WA
- rizkeat
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he had his seatbelt on.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the backseat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get very far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and another guy calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the backseat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get very far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and another guy calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
- 9,554
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- catamount39
Q: Need an ark?
A: I "Noah" guy.
A: I "Noah" guy.
- 29,355
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- GTP_Mars
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- skygrasper_550--
I hate vacuum cleaners.
Why?
... Because they suck.
Why?
... Because they suck.
- 35,407
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- Cy-Fi
And your feelings about leaf blowers or air compressors?
- 3,202
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- skygrasper_550--
GTP_Ingram
Premium
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- London
- GTP_Ingram
- NowtDaft
Since the general election, Ed Milliband, Nigel Farage and Nick Clegg have all resigned. The leaders are quitting left, right, and centre.
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