The87Dodge
(Banned)
- 3,186
- Seattle, WA
- rizkeat
Dumb joke: What's two um plus two um?
Answer: Forum
Answer: Forum
Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
- 4,700 comments
- 724,002 views
- 2,308
- United States
- monkeylima
Why are wedding dresses white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the fridge and the oven.
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the fridge and the oven.
- 35,368
- Downtown North Dakota
- Cy-Fi
- 2,308
- United States
- monkeylima
I found this...
- 239
- United States
- TheRoadRunner36
- Bacon Bob 36
Hey SUBARo! Yo car is IMPREZzive!
The87Dodge
(Banned)
- 3,186
- Seattle, WA
- rizkeat
Dumb joke: What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look, I'm changing.
Don't look, I'm changing.
- 35,368
- Downtown North Dakota
- Cy-Fi
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son, Cameron. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
It probably wasn't the same elephant.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son, Cameron. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
It probably wasn't the same elephant.
- 35,368
- Downtown North Dakota
- Cy-Fi
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
- 1,472
- Florida, USA
- Formidable_LG
- Formidable77
Heres one:
Two seniors (in high school), a boy and a girl, we're about to go to prom in a few days.
The girl asks him if he could go pick up her dress, and he says yes. He drives over to the store to pick it up, but there was a really long line and had to wait about 30 minutes. He got the dress and gave it to her.
Next he had to go pick up her corsage, and the line for that was even longer, so he had to wait an hour in line.
Then she asked if he could rent themselves a limousine. So he went to the limousine company and the line was even longer and he had to wait 2 hours before he could rent one.
On the night of prom, they got there late so the line was insanely long and they had to wait 3 hours to get in.
Then the girl asks if he could get some punch for her from the punch bowl and he said he would.
There's no punchline.
Two seniors (in high school), a boy and a girl, we're about to go to prom in a few days.
The girl asks him if he could go pick up her dress, and he says yes. He drives over to the store to pick it up, but there was a really long line and had to wait about 30 minutes. He got the dress and gave it to her.
Next he had to go pick up her corsage, and the line for that was even longer, so he had to wait an hour in line.
Then she asked if he could rent themselves a limousine. So he went to the limousine company and the line was even longer and he had to wait 2 hours before he could rent one.
On the night of prom, they got there late so the line was insanely long and they had to wait 3 hours to get in.
Then the girl asks if he could get some punch for her from the punch bowl and he said he would.
There's no punchline.
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