Jokes!!

[GTRacer22]

Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

 

[polysmut]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the imbecile's house.

Knock knock:
Who's there?
The chicken.

Last told: September 1973​

 

[LeMansAid]

One I came up with recently.....

I have a water gun with a hole in it.

It's a little oozy.

 

[W3H5]

For a made up joke that is pretty funny. 👍

 

[adamp93]

For a made up joke that is pretty funny. 👍

How do you think other jokes are made? Fortunate arrangements of alphabeti spaghetti?

 

[W3H5]

How do you think other jokes are made? Fortunate arrangements of alphabeti spaghetti?

Let me rephrase; it's refreshing to see an original joke from a GTP member that isn't complete bollocks.

I would have assumed that most members would understand what I meant by my comment but it seems some of us are immune to non-literal English.

 

[Obelisk]

Anyone else a big fan of the Chaparral 2J? It doesn't have a lot of fans.

 

[daan]

Me: Doctor, Doctor, does this James Bond joke work?
Doctor: No.

 

[TVR27]

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

 

[ildd]

Anyone else a big fan of the Chaparral 2J? It doesn't have a lot of fans.

I think it has two many

 

[Obelisk]

I think it has two many

Well, that sucks.

 

[adamp93]

Let me rephrase; it's refreshing to see an original joke from a GTP member that isn't complete bollocks.

I would have assumed that most members would understand what I meant by my comment but it seems some of us are immune to non-literal English.

Sorry dude, I've just reread my post and it doesn't come across as tongue in cheek as I hoped (although it is the joke thread).



I was on a coach passing through Manchester and there was a young boy taking pictures of everything. I'm guessing he's not from around there, since he was wearing a Man Utd shirt.

 

[LeMansAid]

Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

No, but that dyslexic occultist?....... Poor guy sold his soul to Santa.


* Apparently there's no out clause either.

 

[polysmut]

No, but that dyslexic occultist?....... Poor guy sold his soul to Santa.


* Apparently there's no out clause either.

I knew a dyslexic pimp.
He bought a warehouse.

 

[Roo]

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

 

[TDZdave]

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

True story here,

I asked a librarian if they had any books on haemorrhoids, they said they had piles....

 

[Obelisk]

True story here,

I asked a librarian if they had any books on haemorrhoids, they said they had piles....

That could be a pain in the butt, finding the right one.

 

[daan]

I asked a librarian if they had any books on committing suicide, but she said they never got brought back.

 

[LMSCorvetteGT2]

I see the joke thread is taking a dark turn.

And not because we're talking about anus and death.

 

[Leadfoot530]

Ever here of a movie called "Constipation"? No?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.




I'll see myself out.

 

[Obelisk]

I asked a librarian if they had any books on committing suicide, but she said they never got brought back.

I asked a librarian if they had books about rabbits. She said they multiplied like rabbits.

 

[W3H5]

I asked a librarian if she had a book on dealing with drug abuse, then Batman stole my turnip, a beaver playing a trumpet called me "fag" and Nic Cage asked for my autograph.

 

[TB]

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

 

[Touring Mars]

I met a Welsh mate of mine in the pub tonight and we got chatting about relationships - he started counting his previous sexual partners and fell asleep.

 

[Obelisk]

I met a Welsh mate of mine in the pub tonight and we got chatting about relationships - he started counting his previous sexual partners and fell asleep.

I missed the joke.

 

[Touring Mars]

I missed the joke.

Spoiler

Counting sheep...

Also, I apologize to my Welsh friends for that joke, although I reckon they will understand that the joke is also a bit rich coming from an unmarried Scotsman.

 

[Liquid]

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

Spoiler

A pilot.

 

[Flex0r]

I met a Welsh mate of mine in the pub tonight and we got chatting about relationships - he started counting his previous sexual partners and fell asheep.

ftfy

 

[CTR Driver]

Cal was out driving in the country, seeing how his new car handled the curvy roads at high speeds. As he rounded a corner, one of his tyres blew.

When he got out of the car to change the tyre, he noticed that he had stopped in front of the state mental asylum. There was also a man sitting on the brick wall in front of the facility.

The driver went about his business, not paying any attention to the guy on the fence. He first took his tyre iron and jack out of the car, and got the car jacked up. Then, he removed the hubcap. Next, he removed the six lug nuts, and placed them in the hubcap for safekeeping.

About this time, the guy on the fence decided to start a conversation. This startled the driver, and he reeled around quickly, knocking over the hubcap, and the lug nuts fell into the sewer drain.

The driver gets angry with the guy on the fence, shouting, "Now look what you made me do. Now I'm going to have to walk to town to buy some new lug nuts. Just go back inside and leave me be."

The guy on the fence says, "Why don't you just take one lug nut from each of your other three wheels, and use them on this one. That should hold it steady enough for you to drive the car to the auto parts store."

The driver asks, "That's a brilliant idea... then why are you here?"

The guy on the fence replies, "I'm just crazy, not stupid."

 

[Carbonox]

A trial is about to begin. The judge speaks up.
"Before we start, I have a little announcement. The lawyer of one side has given me $15,000 and the other has given $20,000. I will return $5,000 to the latter, so this will now be an unbiased trial."