Jokes!!
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UKMikey
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You have to wonder what happens if the Daily Planet staff have a mixer at a house with a swimming pool or hot tub. Presumably Lois has to distract everyone while he pulls on a pair of goggles and a full body swimming costume super-quick. Or has to fake being allergic to chlorine.
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UKMikey
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There was this joke that I saw comedian Jerry Sadowitz tell once, but whenever I put it on YouTube he gets it taken down. I'll do my best to recall it from memory and hope he isn't a GTPlanet member...
See, Angus, he's a shepherd, right, and he's showing a bunch of tourists around the Scots village where he lives. As they're crossing the field, they approach a series of enclosures surrounded by a large number of well-built fences.
"You see all those fences there?", he gestures to the tourists. "Well, I built every one of those fences. Hammered in every last post from scratch but do the locals call me 'Angus the Fencebuilder'? No, they don't."
As the tourists exchange puzzled glances the shepherd leads them to a large junction, where several immaculately constructed roads intersect.
"You see all these roads?" he asks, sadly. "I laid every inch of tarmac and set every kerbstone by hand. I painted every one of those road markings! But does anyone call me 'Angus the Roadbuilder'? Not a one..."
He's getting pretty agitated now as the party reaches the village centre which comprises several impressively constructed dwellings.
"And all these houses!" he exclaims. "I was the one who designed them from scratch and carried all the bricks up the hill and painstakingly laid them all, one by bloody one. But does every last one of those bastard villagers refer to me as 'Angus the Housebuilder'? NO! They don't."
With tears in his eyes he turns to face the tourists and holds up a solitary index finger.
"I **** ONE sheep..."
See, Angus, he's a shepherd, right, and he's showing a bunch of tourists around the Scots village where he lives. As they're crossing the field, they approach a series of enclosures surrounded by a large number of well-built fences.
"You see all those fences there?", he gestures to the tourists. "Well, I built every one of those fences. Hammered in every last post from scratch but do the locals call me 'Angus the Fencebuilder'? No, they don't."
As the tourists exchange puzzled glances the shepherd leads them to a large junction, where several immaculately constructed roads intersect.
"You see all these roads?" he asks, sadly. "I laid every inch of tarmac and set every kerbstone by hand. I painted every one of those road markings! But does anyone call me 'Angus the Roadbuilder'? Not a one..."
He's getting pretty agitated now as the party reaches the village centre which comprises several impressively constructed dwellings.
"And all these houses!" he exclaims. "I was the one who designed them from scratch and carried all the bricks up the hill and painstakingly laid them all, one by bloody one. But does every last one of those bastard villagers refer to me as 'Angus the Housebuilder'? NO! They don't."
With tears in his eyes he turns to face the tourists and holds up a solitary index finger.
"I **** ONE sheep..."
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Pete05
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A guy walks out of the pub straight into a waiting cab. The cab driver says - Wow! That was perfectly timed. You are just like Brian!
Brian? Who the hell is Brian?
The cab driver replies - Brian. Brian Sullivan. You must have heard of him? Athlete. Mechanic. Gardener.
I have never heard of him says our guy.
The cab driver continues - You must have. He was a legend! He could fix anything. The best gardener in the district. What an athlete!!! Such an all around perfect guy. Remembered everyone's birthday. Just a legend!!!
Well how do you know him? says our guy.
Ohhh I never met him. He died around 7 years ago. I married his &^%% widow!!!!!
Brian? Who the hell is Brian?
The cab driver replies - Brian. Brian Sullivan. You must have heard of him? Athlete. Mechanic. Gardener.
I have never heard of him says our guy.
The cab driver continues - You must have. He was a legend! He could fix anything. The best gardener in the district. What an athlete!!! Such an all around perfect guy. Remembered everyone's birthday. Just a legend!!!
Well how do you know him? says our guy.
Ohhh I never met him. He died around 7 years ago. I married his &^%% widow!!!!!
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