- 38,958
- Application hell
- MP-Omnis
Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
- 4,703 comments
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livemusic
Premium
- 10,239
- Blumenau, SC
- livemusic81
In an interview with George W. Bush and the last two former presidents one of the reporters ask them:
If you were single and you could marry someone, who would it be?
Clinton said - I would marry Gisele Bündchen because she's gorgeous!
A drunk man at the back of the room shouts: "Well done, married for looks, good for you!"
Bush the father says - I would marry Barbara because she's the love of my life.
The drunk guy replies: "Yeah, married for love! Woohoo!"
George W. Bush, being the patriot he is, says - I would marry the United States of America because I love my country!
Then the drunk man says "That's right, you ****** it now you marry it!"
If you were single and you could marry someone, who would it be?
Clinton said - I would marry Gisele Bündchen because she's gorgeous!
A drunk man at the back of the room shouts: "Well done, married for looks, good for you!"
Bush the father says - I would marry Barbara because she's the love of my life.
The drunk guy replies: "Yeah, married for love! Woohoo!"
George W. Bush, being the patriot he is, says - I would marry the United States of America because I love my country!
Then the drunk man says "That's right, you ****** it now you marry it!"
- 810
although research does show it would be 25% more effective if the man was wearing the belt and a further 15% if the woman were driving.....
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pi**ed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?". "Yes,"
the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"
Roo
Premium
- 7,446
- Hampshire, UK
- GTP_Roo
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
.......
Some I've heard before, but a few I haven't.
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
.......
Some I've heard before, but a few I haven't.
- 29,380
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
I love number 3 
- 810
I ran into the back of a car yesterday. A dwarf got out, put his hands on his hips, scowled at me and said "I'm not happy."
I said "which one are you then?"
Su Wong marries Lee Wong.The Wong's have a baby. The nurse brings in the new baby boy and it's white. "what will you name the baby?" the nurse asks. "Well," says Mr Wong. "Two Wongs don't make a right, so i think we'll call him Sun Ting Wong!"
I said "which one are you then?"
Su Wong marries Lee Wong.The Wong's have a baby. The nurse brings in the new baby boy and it's white. "what will you name the baby?" the nurse asks. "Well," says Mr Wong. "Two Wongs don't make a right, so i think we'll call him Sun Ting Wong!"
- 810
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs all in the bath feeling grumpy. So grumpy got out.
THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR SPEC...
A chicken and a donkey are having a chat while walking near there farm, suddenly the donkey falls down a hole, the chicken shouts down 'Oh my god what are we going to do', the donkey remembers seeing a BMW parked up the road so he tells the chicken to go and get the beamer and some rope, the chicken runs off, and shortly returns with said items, he throws the rope down to the donkey, gets into the car and pulls the donkey out the hole.
A few weeks later the chicken and the donkey are on there usual walk having a good old chat when the chicken falls down the same hole, he yells up 'quick, go get that BMW and pull me out'... No need' replies the donkey, as he stands over the hole and lowers his huge kn~b down, he tells the chicken to grab the end of it before he pulls the chicken out.
And the moral of this story, 'You don't need a flash car to pull a bird if you're hung like a donkey. 👍
THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR SPEC...
A chicken and a donkey are having a chat while walking near there farm, suddenly the donkey falls down a hole, the chicken shouts down 'Oh my god what are we going to do', the donkey remembers seeing a BMW parked up the road so he tells the chicken to go and get the beamer and some rope, the chicken runs off, and shortly returns with said items, he throws the rope down to the donkey, gets into the car and pulls the donkey out the hole.
A few weeks later the chicken and the donkey are on there usual walk having a good old chat when the chicken falls down the same hole, he yells up 'quick, go get that BMW and pull me out'... No need' replies the donkey, as he stands over the hole and lowers his huge kn~b down, he tells the chicken to grab the end of it before he pulls the chicken out.
And the moral of this story, 'You don't need a flash car to pull a bird if you're hung like a donkey. 👍
- 1,515
- BenSpecialized
My boss is listening to Classical FM in the office and they just came out with this little jem
"How did the glow worm feel after the operation to remove his tail?
He was delighted"
Spec....
"How did the glow worm feel after the operation to remove his tail?
He was delighted"
Spec....
- 36,701
- Scotland
- GTP_daan
My boss is listening to Classical FM in the office and they just came out with this little jem
"How did the glow worm feel after the operation to remove his tail?
He was delighted"
Spec....
With jokes like that it could easily be Classic TM.
- 2,604
- Banbaria.
- GTP_Venari
THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...
A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbour.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel
righteous.
A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You
join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
AN OLD RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A NEW RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one cow to a foreign investor and give some of the money to a government official. The government official arranges to sell you two hundred government-owned cows for the rest of your money. You rent the cows back to the government, divest your capital to Switzerland, buy all of the cows in Siberia and a British sportscar company.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You milk the cows effectively using one method for forty years, and market the milk on traditional values. You then realise that your cows are old and decrepit and need replacing, but you're broke. You whine to the government who bail you out in a deal with some public funds and borrowed capital from a German corporation, and invest in Japanese cows for your field. You market the milk on traditional values. You're still broke, but you're still working hard (and milking the two cows you originally had too to pay off the interest.) Eventually you sell out to four men in smart suits who milk everything to death, then declare bankrupcty and buy the field back off the receivers to sell it for property development.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You
take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing
them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares
bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbour.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel
righteous.
A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You
join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
AN OLD RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A NEW RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one cow to a foreign investor and give some of the money to a government official. The government official arranges to sell you two hundred government-owned cows for the rest of your money. You rent the cows back to the government, divest your capital to Switzerland, buy all of the cows in Siberia and a British sportscar company.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You milk the cows effectively using one method for forty years, and market the milk on traditional values. You then realise that your cows are old and decrepit and need replacing, but you're broke. You whine to the government who bail you out in a deal with some public funds and borrowed capital from a German corporation, and invest in Japanese cows for your field. You market the milk on traditional values. You're still broke, but you're still working hard (and milking the two cows you originally had too to pay off the interest.) Eventually you sell out to four men in smart suits who milk everything to death, then declare bankrupcty and buy the field back off the receivers to sell it for property development.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You
take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing
them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares
bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
- 810
A duck walks into a pub and orders a schooner of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer
and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get
many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The
Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to Him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just
brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey
Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good
money!"
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus", says the barman.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again.
"Yes" says the barman
"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.
"Yeah" the barman replies.
"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.
"Of Course" the barman replies.
"With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck looks confused.
"Why on earth would they want a plasterer?
)
- 33,155
- Hammerhead Garage
A psychiatrist, a surgeon, an immunologist and a general practitioner all go out duck hunting one day. The immunologist is the first to spot one and lines up his shot. " That looks like a duck," he sayd, "But it could also be a goose. I don't want to get arrested for killing the wrong animal." By the time he takes his shot, the duck has disappeared.
The psychiatrist is the next one to spot a duck and quickly takes aim. "How does the duck feel about being shot?" he asks. "I can't know how he feels about this, so I can't take the shot." Like the immunologist before him, the duck disappears.
The surgeon then spots a bird. Before it can get away he quickly pulls out his gun and BLAM!, he kills it before turning to the GP. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
(This joke also works with the characters of House in place of the doctors, with House of course being the surgeon.)
The psychiatrist is the next one to spot a duck and quickly takes aim. "How does the duck feel about being shot?" he asks. "I can't know how he feels about this, so I can't take the shot." Like the immunologist before him, the duck disappears.
The surgeon then spots a bird. Before it can get away he quickly pulls out his gun and BLAM!, he kills it before turning to the GP. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
(This joke also works with the characters of House in place of the doctors, with House of course being the surgeon.)
- 810
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"
"Quattro is just the name of the car" the Englishman retorts
disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
persons."
"You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You
have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
A blonde girl was involved in a serious car crash.........
there's Blood everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's Lying flat out on the road.
Medic says: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
Sharon replies : "Ok."
Medic says: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon exclaims !!....... "Oh my god.. I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me
LIFE SAVING CASIO STYLE!!
A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,and two locals, Kenzie and Brad sitting at the next table turned to look at her.
Kin ya swaller? asked Kenzie
The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.
Kin ya breathe?" asked Brad. The woman shook her head No!!!
With that, Brad walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her rse.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
Brad swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Kezie said in admiration "Ya know Brad, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it."
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"
"Quattro is just the name of the car" the Englishman retorts
disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
persons."
"You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You
have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
A blonde girl was involved in a serious car crash.........
there's Blood everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's Lying flat out on the road.
Medic says: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
Sharon replies : "Ok."
Medic says: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon exclaims !!....... "Oh my god.. I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me
LIFE SAVING CASIO STYLE!!
A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,and two locals, Kenzie and Brad sitting at the next table turned to look at her.
Kin ya swaller? asked Kenzie
The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.
Kin ya breathe?" asked Brad. The woman shook her head No!!!
With that, Brad walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her rse.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
Brad swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Kezie said in admiration "Ya know Brad, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it."
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