The Book of Turismo

[AlphaAndius]

Thou shalt sacrifice thine exploded parts to the God of Speed(Kaz) for forgiveness from willful and neglegent destruction of His Children.

Actually, those sacrifices will not due!

The only deemable sacrifice to atone for our driving sins as demanded by the Kaz, the firstborn parts of car and without blemish are the only acceptable parts!

 

[HP]

And yea, the lord your Kaz did part the Nurburg sea and he sayeth unto his flock:

"And thou shalt become familiar with thine book of reva-prologues, namely"

And there came one of the Six Turismo's which had the six sacred tunes, and talked with me, saying unto me, Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great Kaz that sitteth upon many circuits

And I saw the n00b drunken with the blood of the aids, and with the hot lap of the martyrs of Kaz: and when I saw Him, I wondered with zero admiration.

And the Forza was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in his hand full of abominations and filthiness of his fornication

And there are six Turismo's: Four are fallen, and one is, and the other is not yet come; and when he comes, he must continue a long space and all false Turismo's shalt fall in disgrace and burn thusly.

 

[leepangfu]

I posted this in the OP, but only one person has replied to it so far:

It seems like this thread is turning into sort of a GT5 bible, held sacred by the followers of the (insert funny/creative name for GT5 religion here). Seriously, someone come up with a name now.

Delayism

 

[W3H5]

Turismanity - The following of GT.

Turismist - a follower or Turismanity.

In the name of the Ferrari, the Ford and the Jag. The holy trinity.

 

[HP]

It seems like this thread is turning into sort of a GT5 bible, held sacred by the followers of the (insert funny/creative name for GT5 religion here). Seriously, someone come up with a name now.

Followers of the Holy Horsepower

 

[Schwartz]

Turismanity - The following of GT.

Turismist - a follower or Turismanity.

In the name of the Ferrari, the Ford and the Jag. The holy trinity.

Shem, you're awesome. From hereforth we shall be known as Turismists, Followers of Turismanity, Believers in the Almighty Kaz, creator of the Turismos who hails from the great house of Polyphonus Digitus. Apex.

 

[DaxCobra]

Shem, you're awesome. From hereforth we shall be known as Turismists, Followers of Turismanity, Believers in the Almighty Kaz, the creator of the Turismos who hails from the great house of Polyphonus Digitus. Apex.

Do you mind if I quote that for my signature?

 

[Schwartz]

Do you mind if I quote that for my signature?

Yea, thats fine, but use the one I wrote in the OP. I worded it better.

 

[DaxCobra]

Yea, thats fine, but use the one I wrote in the OP. I worded it better.

Brilliant, thanks.

Edit: Had to use the shorter one to make it fit

 

[Grayfox]

Actually, those sacrifices will not due!

The only deemable sacrifice to atone for our driving sins as demanded by the Kaz, the firstborn parts of car and without blemish are the only acceptable parts!

They were not sacrifices either.

Burt made Pistons for his Indian bike and those are the failures.

 

[W3H5]

Exert from The Apex. The Gospel of Shem.

1. GT is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2. It maketh me to drive in green pastures: it leadeth me beside the pit lane.

3. It restoreth my chassis: it driveth me in the slipstream of righteousness for his name's sake.

4. Yea, though I race through the valley of the shadow of Kallenhard, I will fear no understeer: for thou art with me; thy shock and thy springs they comfort me.

5. Thou preparest an opening before me in the presence of mine rivals: thou anointest my sump with oil; my fuel tank runneth over.

6. Surely race suits and paint chips shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of GT for ever.​

Shem.
Psarthe 24.​

 

[DaxCobra]

I can see a Rival church, called Forzism opening soon...

Then a Religious war breaking out.

 

[HP]

Thou shalt payeth homage daily to the lord your Kaz

Ye shalt preach the gospel of the turismites and minister the light of Kaz to all unenlightened ones.

Thou shalt be ever vigilant against the lies of the great horned Forza & his followers, the Forzites 👎

If ever thou doth see, in the great GTP, that most foulest of threads "Do you believe in Kaz" thou shalt answer thus:

"Yea, because race car "

And finally, thou shalt honour the son of Kaz, Jordan, for He hath died for our BoBs losses & he rose again so that we may raceth them relentlessly and fear eth not the wrath of Kaz when our BoBs arrows pointeth down...

 

[brainfade]

"Thou shalt not quote the AUP as means of extending thy false-manhood. Thus over compensating for thy 'short comings' Laugheth. Out. Loudeth.

Apex "​

 

[Knelly]

Doesn't it only take like a thousand names to form a legit religion? Jedism, for example

 

[DaxCobra]

Doesn't it only take like a thousand names to form a legit religion? Jedism, for example

So we only need like 900 people then.

 

[W3H5]

The Book of Heathenpride

It is written and it shall be so.

Apex.

"Thou shalt not quote the AUP as means of extending thy false-manhood. Thus over compensating for thy 'short comings' Laugheth. Out. Loudeth."

Classic. 👍

 

[HP]

It is written and it shall be so.

Apex.

Written by Heathenpride, fervent disciple of Kaz, follower and high priest of Jordanism & smiter of Forzites aka The Antiforza!

 

[isildur]

Turismists Prayer

Hail Kaz, king of speed
PD is with thee
God art thou amongst racers
And turbo is the fruit of thy thumbs, x2011
King Kaz, father of GT
Provide for us racers
Now and at the hour of our races

Apex.

 

[W3H5]

The Sermon on the Mount Eiger NordWand
​

And seeing the multitudes, he went up into Trail Mountain: and when he was set, his drivers came unto him:
And he opened his helmet, and taught them, saying,
Blessed are the poor in skill: for theirs is the kingdom of Gravel.
Blessed are they that crash: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the Red Bulls: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after tyres and fuel: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the corner cutters: for they shall obtain no penalty.
Blessed are the pure in carbon fiber: for they shall see Him.
Blessed are the pace cars: for they shall be called the children of Him.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for over use of racing softs: for theirs is the kingdom of grip.
Blessed are ye, when men shall cut you up, and out-brake you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in Nurburg: for so persecuted they the racers which were before you.

Shem.
Mine's 400.​

 

[JohnScoonsBeard]

Thou shalt not covet thy forza neighbours koenigsegg

 

[brainfade]

"Thou shalt not use thy coveted Matte Pink or Matte Brown to create eine scheißewagen von 100 jahre to add that extra troll/bronie whenever thy shalt be victorious. Laugheth. Out. Loudeth.

Apex "​

 

[noisiaturismo]

...and on one day, Translator San saw a burning Ford GT which didn't seem to have premium damage. He couldn't tell which version, the stripe was delayed. But it was Kaz, talking to him. Kaz said San needed to go from Tsukuba to the Holy Ring Of Nurburg. However, with San having a delay in good driving, he took his brother Miäta which needed to drive for San, according to Kaz.

Some time later the B-Spec drivers have driven their way around Tsukuba to meet the owner of Tsukuba, and ask him to stop the racing in A-Spec for a few days so they can bring online wins to Kaz in the course creator. The owner doesn't agrees and Kaz sends a delay of racing to Tsukuba. This is the only plague, as the others were delayed.

Noisia, 3:2

 

[ZohsixGT5]

And finally, thou shalt honour the son of Kaz, Jordan, for He hath died for our BoBs losses & he rose again so that we may raceth them relentlessly and fear eth not the wrath of Kaz when our BoBs arrows pointeth down...

I lold at this.

 

[AnPrionsaBeag]

Our Diver, which art in Asphalt,
Hallowed be thy V12.
Thy Turbo come.
Thy will be done in Sarthe,
As it is in Nürburg.
Give us this day our daily fuel.
And forgive us our tyre wear,
As we forgive them that trade paint against us.
And lead us not into blocking,
But deliver us from the Gravel.
For thine is the Piston,

The power, and the traction,

For ever and ever.

Apex.​

Very imaginative and funny. Loved it! Congratulations.

 

[Eric W]

 

[DaxCobra]

I... I don't understand this post.

Anyway.

Maybe we should make a hymn up, for children to sing in assemblies at school.

 

[ZohsixGT5]

Does that demon live under the bridge at Grand Valley?

 

[Schwartz]

My first guess was that he lived somewhere at Nurburgring, but I soon knew this to be impossible because nurburgring is the green hell, and this demon is red.

 

[DaxCobra]

My first guess was that he lived somewhere at Nurburgring, but I soon knew this to be impossible because nurburgring is the green hell, and this demon is red.

Or maybe he represents the God of Forzism?