The General Relationship Thread

[Mih]

Happens. Facebook is there for those situations. See her when you can if she moves out. Not a big deal, if she gets out of your life, not a big deal either. True friends you can count with the fingers of one hand... yes, less than 5. Unless... you don't have a normal hand with 5 fingers...

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

All you need to do to get really close to her is always be on her side, listen to her and do thoughtful things for her. In short - act like a girl.

 

[locoman88]

Happens. Facebook is there for those situations. See her when you can if she moves out. Not a big deal, if she gets out of your life, not a big deal either. True friends you can count with the fingers of one hand... yes, less than 5. Unless... you don't have a normal hand with 5 fingers...

Oh, okay, I understand. I do talk to her a lot on facebook anyways.

All you need to do to get really close to her is always be on her side, listen to her and do thoughtful things for her. In short - act like a girl.

I see. What would be considered thoughtful? I know I ask a lot of questions...

 

[Mih]

All you need to do to get really close to her is always be on her side, listen to her and do thoughtful things for her. In short - act like a girl.

Not necessarily, just be yourself, see her as a sister.

Edit: If you act like a girl she will only think you're gay. Be yourself, she knows how men behave.

 

[locoman88]

Not necessarily, just be yourself, see her as a sister.

Edit: If you act like a girl she will only think you're gay. Be yourself, she knows how men behave.

I should see her as a sister. You know, my friend who knows her better than I do said sometimes she thinks of me as a brother because I'm always there for her. But I haven't heard it from the source yet, so...

 

[Mih]

Yes, but something is telling me that you want more. That is why you feel nervous. If all you wanted were friendship, you wouldn't be here asking for advices on friendzone yourself, because that is like ask how to breathe.

Edit: (In the actual case, biased on the facts told)

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

I'd say you treat girls you want to date more like a sister - poking fun and being 'mean', play fighting, not listening when they tell you to stop annoying them, joking around, etc.

I don't see the above much between girls who are friends - lots of gossiping and telling each other what they want to hear, but that's about it.

 

[locoman88]

Yes, but something is telling me that you want more. That is why you feel nervous. If all you wanted were friendship, you wouldn't be here asking for advices on friendzone yourself, because that is like ask how to breathe.

Yes, it's really weird. See, I kind of like her and kind of don't... And then I want her to feel a certain way but I don't know what. I want to be in a relationship, but I feel I'm not ready for one yet. I don't know. My friend has a girlfriend, but that's got nothing to do with this. And no I'm not jealous.

Edit: @Marina, yeah, that's what I think will work best.

 

[Mih]

I'd say you treat girls you want to date more like a sister - poking fun and being 'mean', play fighting, not listening when they tell you to stop annoying them, joking around, etc.

I don't see the above much between girls who are friends - lots of gossiping and telling each other what they want to hear, but that's about it.

That if you want them to keep just as friends. But you can be a really close friend to a girl by treating her as your sister. And you don't necessarily have to date them or anything like that.

Sure, if you want date them, that way works too, but it is not a rule. Like i said before, be yourself and everything will be fine.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

That if you want them to keep just as friends. But you can be a really close friend to a girl by treating her as your sister. And you don't necessarily have to date them or anything like that.

Sure, if you want date them, that way works too, but it is not a rule. Like i said before, be yourself and everything will be fine.

Eh? I don't quite follow what you mean.

If you treat a girl as I just described how you'd (or i'd) treat a sister, you'd be en route to dating them, not being friends.

Most guys who post in here have the problem that being themself makes them fail with girls. 'Be yourself' is the kind of advice that a mother would give!

As for 'being yourself' as a guy wanting to become good friends with a girl, in this situation i'd say that's wrong as well.

 

[Mih]

Eh? I don't quite follow what you mean.

If you treat a girl as I just described how you'd (or i'd) treat a sister, you'd be en route to dating them, not being friends.

Most guys who post in here have the problem that being themself makes them fail with girls. 'Be yourself' is the kind of advice that a mother would give!

As for 'being yourself' as a guy wanting to become good friends with a girl, in this situation i'd say that's wrong as well.

Right, be someone else to be with a girl, then, when you finally get her, you be yourself, then she won't like you and you will get dumped. 👍 Really good advice too!

Do you have a sister? When you threat and see a girl like a sister, you literally will have no intention to be with her, you won't be turned on or anything like that. If you'd be "en route" to dating them doesn't mean you have to! Or she have to either. Get it?

Just because you add a spoiler to your car doesn't mean you will change it's bumpers! See what i mean now?

If being themselves is not helping them to be with an specific girl, well, i am sorry, but it won't worth it, because if you pretend to be someone who you are not, that will only make you feel miserable and the relationship will end. If you are shallow and just want to get in her pants, then go for it, otherwise, i recommend you to find someone who actually likes the way you are, without needing you to pretend being something you are not.

 

[locoman88]

Right, be someone else to be with a girl, then, when you finally get her, you be yourself, then she won't like you and you will get dumped. 👍 Really good advice too!

Do you have a sister? When you threat and see a girl like a sister, you literally will have no intention to be with her, you won't be turned on or anything like that. If you'd be "en route" to dating them doesn't mean you have to! Or she have to either. Get it?

Just because you add a spoiler to your car doesn't mean you will change it's bumpers! See what i mean now?

If being themselves is not helping them to be with an specific girl, well, i am sorry, but it won't worth it, because if you pretend to be someone who you are not, that will only make you feel miserable and the relationship will end. If you are shallow and just want to get in her pants, then go for it, otherwise, i recommend you to find someone who actually likes the way you are, without needing you to pretend being something you are not.

Thank you. That is what I need to hear. Just one problem: I still kind of like her. So will my thoughts toward her change if I end up thinking of her as a sister? By the way, when I told her I didn't like her that much, she has been really different lately as in talking to me about more personal stuff, talking to me more, actually talking to me first, giving me friendly hugs, and dancing with me. Sometimes I have to ask her, but sometimes she asks me.

 

[Saf1]

Eh? I don't quite follow what you mean.

If you treat a girl as I just described how you'd (or i'd) treat a sister, you'd be en route to dating them, not being friends.

Most guys who post in here have the problem that being themself makes them fail with girls. 'Be yourself' is the kind of advice that a mother would give!

As for 'being yourself' as a guy wanting to become good friends with a girl, in this situation i'd say that's wrong as well.

Why would you not be yourself if looking for friendship?! And you can be yourself and get girls as long as you show that yea these are my good and bad points and I'm proud of it. And it's easy to show both the good and bad of yourself in an attractive way if you've been that way all your life, guess it doesn't work for others since they change and are not constantly "them". If being yourself doesn't work at first go on PUA forums (specifically, natural game) and it teaches similar things. Not for you though Loco, though it sounds like you need to make some decisions, being "what if" with a female friend is not something that should linger. In all seriousness bro the first thing I said is you are on the right path just be patient with closeness. You are making yourself anxious with all this I bet (I'd be worried at this point! SO MUCH TO TAKE INthere isn't. As Mih said let it roll!)

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Right, be someone else to be with a girl, then, when you finally get her, you be yourself, then she won't like you and you will get dumped. 👍 Really good advice too!

I said nothing about changing who you are to get a girl. Nice try, though.

Do you have a sister? When you threat and see a girl like a sister, you literally will have no intention to be with her, you won't be turned on or anything like that. If you'd be "en route" to dating them doesn't mean you have to! Or she have to either. Get it?

Not really, I think there may be language barrier problems here.

I have a few sisters, none of which i'm 'turned on' by, thankfully. How I treat my sisters is similar to how I treat my girlfriend - I like to be playful, tease them about things, play little tricks, etc. That is a great way to flirt with a girl you like, although obviously things will turn sexual with a girl who isn't your sister!

Just because you add a spoiler to your car doesn't mean you will change it's bumpers! See what i mean now?

I was less confused before reading this bit, to be honest. That is quite possibly the worst analogy that i've ever seen... ever! I take it that English isn't your first language?

If being themselves is not helping them to be with an specific girl, well, i am sorry, but it won't worth it, because if you pretend to be someone who you are not, that will only make you feel miserable and the relationship will end. If you are shallow and just want to get in her pants, then go for it, otherwise, i recommend you to find someone who actually likes the way you are, without needing you to pretend being something you are not.

Being yourself doesn't mean that you can't change yourself to be better. For example - A shy guy struggling to date girls because he isn't great at talking to them could improve his social skills by working as a cashier in a shop(constant exposure to new people who you have to talk to).

Just because he now has more confidence in his ability to have an engaging conversation doesn't mean that he is pretending to be someone he is not, he has simply improved a skill that was lacking before, and it has become part of him.

It works exactly the same if a guy is struggling because he is too nice to girls. He can 'teach' himself to be a little more cocky and playful and it will become part of him. He doesn't turn it on and off depending on whether he is around a cute girl, it's just how he is.

EDIT:

"Why would you not be yourself if looking for friendship?!"

Some guys will struggle to be good friends with girls in the same way some guys struggle to date girls. Telling a guy who isn't naturally good at being friendly with girls to be himself is a waste of time. I presume because loco is asking how to be good friends with a girl that it is something he is struggling with.

"And you can be yourself and get girls as long as you show that yea these are my good and bad points and I'm proud of it. And it's easy to show both the good and bad of yourself in an attractive way if you've been that way all your life, guess it doesn't work for others since they change and are not constantly "them"."

Some guys can, yes. Others can't. Ultimately it is self confidence that will decide whether these things will work out for you. If 'being yourself' is being a quiet, socially awkward guy who gets sweaty palms being in the same room as a cute girl, then you're gonna have a bad time.

"If being yourself doesn't work at first go on PUA forums (specifically, natural game) and it teaches similar things."

As somebody who used to absolutely suck with women (to the point that after coming out of a long-term relationship I spent almost 2 years going out 4-5 days/nights a week specifically to hit on girls and improve that area of my life) i'd rather be fed chomp-by-chomp to a half-starved pride of lions before going to a Pick Up Artist forum. Canned lines and faked behaviours are as transparent as the 'PUAs' themselves. Good for the placebo effect, not much else.

The real answer is simple - develop confidence. I did that by taking better care of myself, and talking to literally thousands of women in all kinds of situations, you might do it slightly differently.

 

[Mih]

^ To me all that still "being yourself". It is all about self-esteem and confidence, how you see the other person.

Yes, english is not my first language.

Thank you. That is what I need to hear. Just one problem: I still kind of like her. So will my thoughts toward her change if I end up thinking of her as a sister? By the way, when I told her I didn't like her that much, she has been really different lately as in talking to me about more personal stuff, talking to me more, actually talking to me first, giving me friendly hugs, and dancing with me. Sometimes I have to ask her, but sometimes she asks me.

She is acting this way because she don't think you will have a crush on her anymore. If your feelings will change? That depends if you really trully see her as a sister or not.

Like i said before, be yourself and let it roll. Don't be affraid.

 

[locoman88]

^ To me all that still "being yourself". It is all about self-esteem and confidence, how you see the other person.

Yes, english is not my first language.

She is acting this way because she don't think you will have a crush on her anymore. If your feelings will change? That depends if you really trully see her as a sister or not.

Like i said before, be yourself and let it roll. Don't be affraid.

Okay, thanks to both of you. However, you guys didn't answer my first question: how should I get her to hang out with me more? And who should I invite? Just me an her or a couple of friends? I was thinking like going to see a school soccer game or something.

 

[Mih]

Why not? Worst can happen is she say no.

" - Who is affraid to have a poo, don't eat. "

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Okay, thanks to both of you. However, you guys didn't answer my first question: how should I get her to hang out with me more? And who should I invite? Just me an her or a couple of friends? I was thinking like going to see a school soccer game or something.

Well, first up you need to decide (and by decide I don't mean pretend you don't want to date her but really do) whether you want to be good friends with her or if yu want to date her in the future.

If you want to date her, becoming best friends then revealing that you like he as more than a friend is asking for trouble. It's best to assume that it will blow up in your face in the worst possible way.

If you genuinely want to become good friends for the right reasons, then I need more info - but only once you've figured out what you truely want.

 

[locoman88]

Why not? Worst can happen is she say no.

" - Who is affraid to have a poo, don't eat. "

Okay, I like that quote!

Well, first up you need to decide (and by decide I don't mean pretend you don't want to date her but really do) whether you want to be good friends with her or if yu want to date her in the future.

If you want to date her, becoming best friends then revealing that you like her as more than a friend is asking for trouble. It's best to assume that it will blow up in your face in the worst possible way.

If you genuinely want to become good friends for the right reasons, then I need more info - but only once you've figured out what you truely want.

Hmmm, well then I guess I do have to wait a while to get back to you on that then. Because I am not sure, but for now, I think I should at least become friends and just friends with her and not someone she just sees and says hi to, you know what I am saying? More as friends than just a classmate.

 

[cnd01]

Also remember, don't strike out looking. At least swing the bat. If she says no then bummer. Go get another. I've talked to more awesome women (mostly unsuccesfully) than I can remember. My gf and I are having fun which is ideal.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Hmmm, well then I guess I do have to wait a while to get back to you on that then. Because I am not sure, but for now, I think I should at least become friends and just friends with her and not someone she just sees and says hi to, you know what I am saying? More as friends than just a classmate.

Good man for waiting it out to make a clear decision. Taking blind action will do you no favours!

I'd actually say that talking to her less would be better, as odd as it sounds.

If you do end up wanting to date her, she will already be wondering why you've been a little distant recently (being a little mysterious is good). It also gives you a blank canvas to start from (which you'll need with all of this activity going on between you and her) so you'll have more freedom to choose how you will go about it without coming across as strange or wishy-washy.

If you end up wanting to be her friend, it's quite simple to slowly begin talking to her again. If she asks why you've been distant you could just say that you've had a few personal issues recently (it's true, right?) - which, as friends, she will probably want to know about and give you a little support. That is a good place to build from.

 

[locoman88]

Good man for waiting it out to make a clear decision. Taking blind action will do you no favours!

I'd actually say that talking to her less would be better, as odd as it sounds.

If you do end up wanting to date her, she will already be wondering why you've been a little distant recently (being a little mysterious is good). It also gives you a blank canvas to start from (which you'll need with all of this activity going on between you and her) so you'll have more freedom to choose how you will go about it without coming across as strange or wishy-washy.

If you end up wanting to be her friend, it's quite simple to slowly begin talking to her again. If she asks why you've been distant you could just say that you've had a few personal issues recently (it's true, right?) - which, as friends, she will probably want to know about and give you a little support. That is a good place to build from.

Okay, I see where you're going. Do you think it'd be a good idea to ask her if she wants to watch a soccer game with me? It would be kind of like a date I guess... Oh and thank you, I tend to think before I speak, most of the time!

 

[Saf1]

I said nothing about changing who you are to get a girl. Nice try, though.

Then what did you mean by being yourself is not a good idea?!

I was less confused before reading this bit, to be honest. That is quite possibly the worst analogy that i've ever seen... ever! I take it that English isn't your first language?

Seriously? He's making more sense than you atm!!

I presume because loco is asking how to be good friends with a girl that it is something he is struggling with.

Read his first post, he is already good friends with this girl. That is why Mih and I are saying not to fret so much!

Some guys can, yes. Others can't. Ultimately it is self confidence that will decide whether these things will work out for you. If 'being yourself' is being a quiet, socially awkward guy who gets sweaty palms being in the same room as a cute girl, then you're gonna have a bad time.

Loco is having some anxiety but nothing to that level

i'd rather be fed chomp-by-chomp to a half-starved pride of lions before going to a Pick Up Artist forum. Canned lines and faked behaviours are as transparent as the 'PUAs' themselves. Good for the placebo effect, not much else.

It's funny because I'm gonna sound like a PUA advocate now but, I used to think the same way, and I always resisted when my friends tried to teach me game. But even a relationshippy guy like me with half the shags my friends have found useful tips in the Natural Game section which is (from the little I've read) about working on who you are as opposed to changing it. No lines, because PUA only teach what is tried and tested to work. It's not foolproof but it's the most effective thing I've seen.

The real answer is simple - develop confidence. I did that by taking better care of myself, and talking to literally thousands of women in all kinds of situations, you might do it slightly differently.

Always comes down to that yea!

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Do you think it'd be a good idea to ask her if she wants to watch a soccer game with me? It would be kind of like a date I guess... Oh and thank you, I tend to think before I speak, most of the time!

I'd say get your head straight first, if you are going on what are, as you say, dates with her, it might mess with your judgement a little. Plenty of time for hanging out with her after you make your decision, so there's no need to panic.

Oh, and no problem.

EDIT:

"Then what did you mean by being yourself is not a good idea?!"

For some, being themselves is beneficial. To others, it is harmful. If you're having trouble with certain things (getting a girl, for example) then you might need to change aspects of who you are slightly to improve in those areas (see my example of the shy guy a few posts ago). With time these positive changes will become part of who you are, which is perfectly healthy. Improving a few things about yourself isn't changing who you are, just striving to be your best self.

"Seriously? He's making more sense than you atm!!"

I'm glad that you're having an easier time of it than I am.

"Read his first post, he is already good friends with this girl. That is why Mih and I are saying not to fret so much!"

From what I am reading i'm not so sure. Personally, i'd rather strip this right back to basics before handing out advice to him directly.

"Loco is having some anxiety but nothing to that level"

I was speaking in general there. Sometimes things have to change for you to progress - in many cases simply saying "just be yourself" is as useful as saying "just swim" to a toddler caught in a riptide.

"It's funny because I'm gonna sound like a PUA advocate now but, I used to think the same way, and I always resisted when my friends tried to teach me game. But even a relationshippy guy like me with half the shags my friends have found useful tips in the Natural Game section which is (from the little I've read) about working on who you are as opposed to changing it. No lines, because PUA only teach what is tried and tested to work. It's not foolproof but it's the most effective thing I've seen."

Don't get me wrong, i've read everything I can get my hands on (for free) from every PUA that's worth knowing about, but the 'game' part of that community is faker than a fake faux rug. The guys that are worth listening to are the ones who are more lifestyle coach than PUA. Even with these guys the useful information is more about the structure of your life, having a good routine, setting goals, and other problem areas that often go hand-in-hand with bad progress with women, rather than sharking on them. You could read every book and PDF under the sun, but it all still comes down to real life experience and getting out there amongst it all, just like when learning a new language.

"Always comes down to that yea!"

Glad we can agree on something!

 

[locoman88]

I'd say get your head straight first, if you are going on what are, as you say, dates with her, it might mess with your judgement a little. Plenty of time for hanging out with her after you make your decision, so there's no need to panic.

Okay, does that make it my judgment? I am assuming that means a no.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Okay, does that make it my judgment? I am assuming that means a no.

Everything here is your judgement, i'm just suggesting what I might do if I was in your position. You don't have to take my advice, feel free to listen to others or go it alone.

Personally I would, as I said previously, give myself some time to decide what kind of relationship I want with this girl - every other decision would stem from there.

 

[locoman88]

Everything here is your judgement, i'm just suggesting what I might do if I was in your position. You don't have to take my advice, feel free to listen to others or go it alone.

Personally I would, as I said previously, give myself some time to decide what kind of relationship I want with this girl - every other decision would stem from there.

Alright, thanks so much. I will get back to you when my head is straight. But for now, I'll just stay as friends who don't talk much. Thanks.

 

[XS]

Getting ignored, don't know why. Female friend and I "went there" a few months ago, but nothing ever came of it and we remained friends. We've chatted a bunch since then, but I got the feeling about a month ago she needed space, so I gave her space. Called her three weeks ago and we ended up hanging out for a few hours. I haven't called her since, especially since she admitted she's been really depressed and has been isolating herself from the world, which she definitely seemed like she was. Well, I thought a few weeks was a good break so I called her but it rang twice and went to voicemail, so I left her a message saying what's up, hope she's feeling better, etc, and haven't heard back since. Pretty sure that's a classic ignore button move. She does live in the country and gets terrible service, but I've never experienced a dropped call mid-ring before. Obviously I care, as if this was any other friend I'd be like, whatever bro call me when you feel like it. But now I'm wondering why the change of heart? She's in a relationship, so it's not like she's hiding from me because of that and we were hunky-dory just a couple weeks ago. I made it pretty clear that I'm perfectly fine with our friendship and nothing has been creepy or awkward between us, so I'm just wondering what's up? We had a really deep talk last time about depression and she started crying, like she had been holding it in until that point, but admitted she was really sad and she's one who definitely clams up when they're sad, so I'm worried about her well-being too, because last time she said some pretty scary things. Or things are going good and she doesn't feel good talking to me in front of her partner and hit ignore. Whatever, I could wrack my brain all day trying to figure it out.

 

[Dean]

Hm... I know from myself that, I would decline calls, when I want to be alone. And I usually forget to answer the messages that people lay on my voicemail.

I don't know if that is the case here, but the chance is there. I would suggest you send her a text-message, and see what happens.

 

[MoLiEG]

Current Relationship Status:



That's all I'm going to say for now. Thanks everybody who provided me with tips, or just simply read any of my posts. You are all part of this achievement and I thank you from the bottom of my heart 👍