The General Relationship Thread

  • Thread starter Type S Tony
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The hour commute is gonna be a pain, but if you really like her, go for it. Ask if she's ready to take it to kissing and if she is, get all up in there. But do it romantically.

'Mutual crush' works just fine.
 
funkyDucks
Take into consideration that I have never kissed a girl before or been in any sort of relationship before while reading this.

Uno problemo guys, I met this girl a few weeks back and we really hit it of, we started texting in a friendly way. We met up again and had a good laugh together. Since then things have got more serious and we have both confessed our fondness of each other. I acted like the proper bf, not wanting to screw up. However she has got very attached and keeps saying how she needs me. We both know that this could be nothing more than a mutual crush, but i want to know what to do. I think i should go ahead and try to kiss to see what happens after that.
BTW. We live over an hour from each other so its will take more organisation to get to see her.

If there are any loose ends in the story or you need clarification on anything just ask.
Thanks.
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To me it sounds like she's "ready" to the kissing, but as Danny says you (could) ask her, if you want to know for sure.

- Next time you see her, go for it! - Good luck 👍.
 
Nice girl, with possible baggage. I like her, a lot, a hell of a lot actually. The problem is she hasn't dated anyone after splitting from an eight year marriage, so while she seems to be someone who's easy to talk to about emotions, intentions, and what-not, I'm still afraid of a bad rebound relationship. She assures me she's healed and ready to date, but I told her I can't be blamed for being cautious. She said that I'm a sweet, good man, which her husband never was, so she isn't looking to replace him with anybody else, because he was half a man and any good man will make her happy, like discovering something new you've never experienced before. I wish I could trust her, but I definitely have my guard up. We shall see I guess.
 
funkyDucks
Take into consideration that I have never kissed a girl before or been in any sort of relationship before while reading this.

Uno problemo guys, I met this girl a few weeks back and we really hit it of, we started texting in a friendly way. We met up again and had a good laugh together. Since then things have got more serious and we have both confessed our fondness of each other. I acted like the proper bf, not wanting to screw up. However she has got very attached and keeps saying how she needs me. We both know that this could be nothing more than a mutual crush, but i want to know what to do. I think i should go ahead and try to kiss to see what happens after that.
BTW. We live over an hour from each other so its will take more organisation to get to see her.

If there are any loose ends in the story or you need clarification on anything just ask.
Thanks.
Click to expand...

Plan a day with her. Do stuff. When you feel the time is right kiss her. Then again, then again, then again. Don't ask, don't talk about it, don't discuss it, just do it. If she says she's attached and needs you then she wants you to kiss her. Enjoy.

XS
Nice girl, with possible baggage. I like her, a lot, a hell of a lot actually. The problem is she hasn't dated anyone after splitting from an eight year marriage, so while she seems to be someone who's easy to talk to about emotions, intentions, and what-not, I'm still afraid of a bad rebound relationship. She assures me she's healed and ready to date, but I told her I can't be blamed for being cautious. She said that I'm a sweet, good man, which her husband never was, so she isn't looking to replace him with anybody else, because he was half a man and any good man will make her happy, like discovering something new you've never experienced before. I wish I could trust her, but I definitely have my guard up. We shall see I guess.
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You are right to be cautious. Some women come out of relationships and every guy looks good in comparison to the guy they left. Some are over their relationships while they are still in them and ready to move on. Sounds like she's already fond of you so give her a chance to prove herself true to her word if you really dig her. Move forward, maybe a little slower than normal, and in time you'll learn to trust her, or not, but you have to get your feet wet if you hope to swim at some point. Time will tell you everything you need to know.

One piece of advice about her and the ex. Try to avoid bashing the ex or even talking about him at all. She'll probably want to talk about it a bit and let her say her piece but move the conversation in another direction as soon as it's feasible. If she's ready to move on, let her prove it by not constantly talking about her past relationship and it's boring for you anyway.
 
Johnnypenso
I can't believe I'm saying this but Crazy Stupid Love comes to mind. PG rated comedy about Steve Carell trying to recover after his marriage goes south, gets dating advice from supercool Ryan Gosling. Quite funny with a few turns and twists and at one point Ryan Gosling is forced to take his shirt off by a drunken date and that should be enough to turn any date on...the dude is cut...it worked for mine anyway...lol.
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We watched this before. Pretty similar result though I admittedly, lost a lot of interest halfway through the movie.
 
Johnnypenso
You are right to be cautious. Some women come out of relationships and every guy looks good in comparison to the guy they left. Some are over their relationships while they are still in them and ready to move on. Sounds like she's already fond of you so give her a chance to prove herself true to her word if you really dig her. Move forward, maybe a little slower than normal, and in time you'll learn to trust her, or not, but you have to get your feet wet if you hope to swim at some point. Time will tell you everything you need to know.

One piece of advice about her and the ex. Try to avoid bashing the ex or even talking about him at all. She'll probably want to talk about it a bit and let her say her piece but move the conversation in another direction as soon as it's feasible. If she's ready to move on, let her prove it by not constantly talking about her past relationship and it's boring for you anyway.
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She seems true, I really don't know her though, which I guess is all a part of dating. It seems like at my age (I'm pushing 30) that most people who are single have been hurt or just out of a bad relationship, so maybe it's good to meet someone who admits to having some baggage but a willingness to start new. I hear you on the ex bit. She doesn't have much to say about him, which at first I thought was odd, like she might be trying to run from most of her adult life. However, she seems like she just wants to start a new life.
 
Thanks guys.
Through conversation she has already said that she is ready to kiss. So that is a no brainer really,
and i know that she is genuine.

I had other things to talk about, but even just putting my situation out there has made everything clearer.
 
Don't ask her if she is ready to kiss thats a crazy turn off lol. She must be pretty easy going and actually decent or desperate really (I hope this isn't the case for your sake), most girls would walk away if you asked that.
 
funkyDucks
Thanks guys.
Through conversation she has already said that she is ready to kiss. So that is a no brainer really, and i know that she is genuine.

I had other things to talk about, but even just putting my situation out there has made everything clearer.
Click to expand...

Good for you...one hurdle cleared..👍👍
 
xStretch-
Don't ask her if she is ready to kiss thats a crazy turn off lol. She must be pretty easy going and actually decent or desperate really (I hope this isn't the case for your sake), most girls would walk away if you asked that.
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Oh no, she brought it up. I was taken aback by her honestly but let her know i felt the same way.
 
MarinaDiamandis
Personally, I think this part is your problem, or at least the part that you have the power to change. Contrary to the movies, most women don't want a sensitive, romantic guy who plans a fairytale future with her.

A little spontaneous romance is good, pamper her a little if she is having a rough time, maybe buy her some flowers for no reason at all, but it shouldn't get to the point that she can predict and expect it.
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Will try some of that... fortunately enough, things are cool again... What she said didn't have anything to do with something being wrong between us...

Many things changed inside my head these days... and maybe I'm the one that needs some time...
 
MarinaDiamandis
Personally, I think this part is your problem, or at least the part that you have the power to change. Contrary to the movies, most women don't want a sensitive, romantic guy who plans a fairytale future with her.

A little spontaneous romance is good, pamper her a little if she is having a rough time, maybe buy her some flowers for no reason at all, but it shouldn't get to the point that she can predict and expect it.
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After spending a lot of time with my girl, and understanding how she reacts, this is the best advice ever.
 
terminator363
After spending a lot of time with my girl, and understanding how she reacts, this is the best advice ever.
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It's good advice yes, but at least to me, that's not the kind of person I am. I'm always a baby around my woman and I always try to keep her happy with nice surprises.
 
Slashfan
It's good advice yes, but at least to me, that's not the kind of person I am. I'm always a baby around my woman and I always try to keep her happy with nice surprises.
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...Aaand that's why you'll get a divorce at 35 in which your 'sweetheart' will strip you of everything you own while driving off into the sunset with her 'new friend' (who she has actually been banging behind your back for at least 6 months).
 
MarinaDiamandis
...Aaand that's why you'll get a divorce at 35 in which your 'sweetheart' will strip you of everything you own while driving off into the sunset with her 'new friend' (who she has actually been banging behind your back for at least 6 months).
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Because I'm too nice? From many of the girls I've been with I've always had great feedback and remained on good terms with just about all of them. They've always said I've treated them better than anyone else they've been with. I just thought it was a good thing.

Obviously I'm not over-protective or obsessed with the girl I'm with, I trust her enough not to do that stuff and she's been faithful. I don't go over the top but I always try to keep them happy. I let her have her space.
 
terminator363
I've learned from early experiences... they hate that. I think they look for something different, they already have all their girl friends to baby them. When she's looking for a man she wants a man.
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I am but I also melt around them. Ebery girl I've been with liked it, and I've been with quite a few.
 
Slashfan
Because I'm too nice? From many of the girls I've been with I've always had great feedback and remained on good terms with just about all of them. They've always said I've treated them better than anyone else they've been with. I just thought it was a good thing.

Obviously I'm not over-protective or obsessed with the girl I'm with, I trust her enough not to do that stuff and she's been faithful. I don't go over the top but I always try to keep them happy. I let her have her space.
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Annnnnd it sounds like you're really considered just a friend than someone any of these girls will actually want as a spouse.


Then again, these girls are young, so they may not think that far ahead. But, the sad fact is a lot of girls do want a bit of a "wild" side to their man because it keeps them from figuring out how you work & whether or not they want to spend their lives with that routine. You keep them on their toes, don't go out of your way to do things, & they should keep talking to you.

Women know how to figure out men, & it's true that women can make a decision of whether or not they want to give you 2nd thought within' minutes of meeting you.
 
McLaren
Annnnnd it sounds like you're really considered just a friend than someone any of these girls will actually want as a spouse.


Then again, these girls are young, so they may not think that far ahead. But, the sad fact is a lot of girls do want a bit of a "wild" side to their man because it keeps them from figuring out how you work & whether or not they want to spend their lives with that routine. You keep them on their toes, don't go out of your way to do things, & they should keep talking to you.

Women know how to figure out men, & it's true that women can make a decision of whether or not they want to give you 2nd thought within' minutes of meeting you.
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Honestly the girl I'm with now says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her and shes willing to look past what I've discussed on recent pages and it doesn'tbother her.She says I'm the one she wants as a sppoouse especially since we've dated before for a WHILE and known each other for many years.
 
Read: she has awful self esteem.

Seriously, she's 2nd prize and she knows you wanted the other girl more than her, and she's OK with that?
 
Slashfan
Honestly the girl I'm with now says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her and shes willing to look past what I've discussed on recent pages and it doesn'tbother her.She says I'm the one she wants as a sppoouse especially since we've dated before for a WHILE and known each other for many years.
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I'm sorry, but your girl is far from how women actually work.

First off, your girl had no problem knowing you were chasing someone else & she still stuck by you. Secondly, a girl your age wanting to choose a spouse already is the only thing she has in relation with this current gen; everyone wants to marry young & get bit in the ass later by real life.

Taking that into account, your girl is a clinger, plain & simple. She's sticking by you because she doesn't want to be alone. NO girl tolerates her boyfriend chasing other girls knowingly & NO girl accepts being the 2nd prize which is what your girlfriend has done.

And beside that, didn't you already say you were going to dump her because you didn't see it working out in the long run? What happened to that, or do we already have a pretty clear idea?
 
I plan on leaving her still. I just can't understand why she would even want to stay through all that. Baffles me.

EDIT:

In the process of talking to her about this all as we speak.

EDIT:

I told her about the clingy-ness thing and being a 2nd prize which she knew about. She says and I quote

"It's because I love you. Not that I don't want to be alone, it's because I love you. I truely do."
Text 2
"You deal with it when you truely and genuinly love someone. If I didn't love you, do you think I'd still be here today even after going through all the obstacles we went through?"
 
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