The General Relationship Thread

[XS]

Jeez that was SO boring . Seriously though I'm very sorry that happened to you! You obviously have the right mindset about it which is good. They say it takes 2 years to completely get over a broken heart, which I really hope isn't true lol. If it makes you feel better I went through a very similar situation, albeit without the cheating but she did replace me with another man. So while I don't feel as betrayed as I'm sure you do, I still felt worthless and I'm sorry to say to this day I still can't believe how things transpired (don't know if that feeling will ever go away, I just think about it less over time). But yeah, she was my business partner, best friend, and companion for three years. Just like you I stayed in a state very far from home for what we had going too, personally and professionally. I won't bore you with details but I now question everything about our relationship. Ultimately I think you just have to realize that people feel what they feel, and you can't do anything to change it. Emotions aren't easy, logical, fair, or convenient and in my case I can't blame her for the way she felt. I had to put myself in her shoes and think about what I would have done and I couldn't say 100% that I wouldn't have done the same thing. That revelation forced me to question myself and gave me a larger understanding of why people do the things they do. Your case is a little more difficult, I'm not sure I could reason or reconcile with what she did, but you seem to have the right attitude about it which is good. The only way I know to make it feel better right now is to start a workout routine (great for the mind and body during a breakup) and stay busy. I hope you start to feel better soon!!

 

[BobK]

Your feelings are understandable. But give it some time and see how you both feel then. Yes it's possible that this marks the end of your relationship but this kind of thing has also made relationships stronger. How is this possible? Well, if this was a spur of the moment thing that just sort of happened rather than being a deliberate planned thing, it's something she (and you) can learn from and more easily avoid the situation in the future.

On the other hand, if she'd been sneaking around behind your back for some time, well then you're entirely justified in feeling the way you do.

So sit down with her and have the talk. Don't be accusatory or paint yourself as a victim even though likely you're tempted to do both. Keep the focus on why it happened, not how.

Last of all, good luck.

 

[DegenThought]

Thanks guys. Bob your advice is spot on, but in this case it really is the end. We've had bad experiences in the past that we have worked through, learned from, and strengthened us. But deep down I can tell this happened for a reason, and I think I am subconsciously realizing I never fully trusted her, which is a problem no matter how deeply I buried it under all the good things we had. It's almost like I tried to push the tires one lap too many, and inevitably spun. Now it's time for a slow crawl back to the pits to put on a fresh set. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my issues. Even just that helps

 

[cnd01]

Thanks guys. Bob your advice is spot on, but in this case it really is the end. We've had bad experiences in the past that we have worked through, learned from, and strengthened us. But deep down I can tell this happened for a reason, and I think I am subconsciously realizing I never fully trusted her, which is a problem no matter how deeply I buried it under all the good things we had. It's almost like I tried to push the tires one lap too many, and inevitably spun. Now it's time for a slow crawl back to the pits to put on a fresh set. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my issues. Even just that helps

I do agree that you need a fresh set. When you put that huge chunk of your life into someone only for her to cheat on you is a sign that you weren't meant to cross the finish line with that set of tires. I hate it for you, but your attitude is phenomenal given what happened 👍

 

[DegenThought]

I do agree that you need a fresh set. When you put that huge chunk of your life into someone only for her to cheat on you is a sign that you weren't meant to cross the finish line with that set of tires. I hate it for you, but your attitude is phenomenal given what happened 👍

I'll admit it's easier to compose my thoughts in text on the internet where it's easier to hide all the emotional turmoil. But I am doing the best I can and trying to keep my head up. I appreciate all of your support.

 

[cnd01]

I'll admit it's easier to compose my thoughts in text on the internet where it's easier to hide all the emotional turmoil. But I am doing the best I can and trying to keep my head up. I appreciate all of your support.

No one deserves what happened to you. I've never been cheated on or cheated for that matter, so I can't really give 100% solid advice, but I do think you're doing a hell of a job going forward. Best of luck

 

[Slash]

I'm in a good relationship right now and I am happy on where it stands. However I wasn't sure where to post this as it could go either way but I'm leaning towards this thread.

I had a dream last night about my very first true love. First heres the backstory.

I had a crush for many years on a girl I grew up with. I met her very young, around age 4 (pre-school actually). We grew up together, went to school together and by kindergarten somehow I got the balls to tell her I loved her and I wanted to marry her. Now I know that probably meant nothing at that age but I always felt very close to her. We were friends and all and she was friends with me but she always seemed cold (but in a jokingly kid of way). Years later (roughly 6/7 of them) she finally broke down and told me she desired me and she had tried so hard to keep it a secret and couldn't anymore and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Anyways she did the unthinkable and actually asked me out and I obviously said oh hell yes. So we dated for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was about 7 months. We were very happy together. I was thrilled. And then the inevitable came and we split. It was not pretty. I was a wreck. Over several years we'd throw insults at each other whenever we'd see each other and got to the point the school had To get involved. but there was an occasion were she expressed that she enjoyed our relationship as did I and said a particular night we had was very fun (her birthday) and had a blast with me. After that things lightened up. While I rarely see her or say much to her hear days we get along great and life has been good.

Now, 7, almost 8 years have passed since then and I had a dream last night that made express desire for it all again. It made me seriously think about it all day today and I wouldn't mind returning despite it all afterwords. At least to me, she isn't quite as attractive as she once was but that desire I had to return when I woke up was insanely strong and made me seriously think over my current relationship. Being with that first girl was the happiest I had ever been in my life and yet no one, not even my current gf has filled those shoes. I have since recovered from that all as I said but I still feel empty in that regard. The emotions when I woke up and feelings were intense and stroke. I couldn't get her out of my head. I tore my heart out for her. Did everything for her. She gave me my first kiss. A lot of firsts.

So what I guess I'm saying is, is it possible my brain is telling me something about how I need to move on and find someone to fill those shows, go to back to my first love or is it all a bunch of bull made up in a dream and not to take t seriously? Or that I never fully got over it even after all these years?

 

[Ryanswannell]

I think I've just made myself look a massive cock . So, I had a few drinks with my golf mates as it was our 'captains day', which is our most important golf event of the year, and afterwards we went to the pub to celebrate 👍.

So, about an hour after I get home, I chose to go on the internet in my 'tipsy' state, and then logged onto Facebook. There is this girl who I have on my friends list who I think is gorgeous but I don't know her very well, but I just sent her a private message saying how I felt about her.

She has seen the message but hasn't replied . Luckily I don't see her much anymore (as I have finished my last year of Sixth Form) so it wont be as awkward as it could have been, but I still feel weird about it

However, I'm so glad I got it out there for her to see. Let's just hope there are no repercussions

 

[terminator363]

Facebook fun

Tell her* that you were wasted when you sent that but still think she's pretty hot

 

[Ryanswannell]

Tell here that you were wasted when you sent that but still think she's pretty hot

I not being rude but I don't quite understand what you said
If you're asking if I think she's hot when I'm sober, then yes, I certainly do:tup:

EDIT: I just realized that you type 'here' instead of 'her', it really confused me

 

[terminator363]

Extreme confusion

Sorry fixed.

 

[adam46]

The painfully familiar story...

This could have pretty much been written by me. It's so similar to an experience of mine that it's a little uncanny.
Anyway, when your mind starts playing that game on you I have found there are two options, both can work, one is more risky.

Option One:
Get closer to her again, see if she has changed or indeed if you have changed, see how it goes and play the long game; maybe if you can be good friends again you can become more than that. This can backfire though, you may end up upsetting her and yourself like I did. Would I recommend trying? Well, I can't really answer that properly without knowing either of you. But if you feel she is worth the risk, go for it, but I advise caution.

Option Two:
Move on somehow. I have had this feeling twice, once over an ex I'd known a long time like you had, and once over a dead friend. On the latter obviously I had to move on rather than wallow with a ghost and some faded memories, but with the ex I at least had a choice. I chose to try and get back with her, and well I guess we now have a similar deal to what you have. She's an amazing swimmer, and if I catch wind of her doing well in some championship I'll drop her my congratulations and we might catch up a bit.
But, in trying to reignite the flames I burnt myself badly, so I wish I did what I did when I was longing my dead friend. I found a new hobby, and vastly expanded my knowledge of existing hobbies (Music, Motorsport).
I also cut out parts of my life that caused distress where possible.

I know doing that probably feels a little harder to do the second one, but in the long run it might be better. It varies from person-to-person and depends on various situations. The first one might be worth a try, but try not to commit yourself to it massively.

So, I know I rambled and went off on pointless tangents, but that's what my brain leaked out when I read your post.
The ultimate decision is your own, and I hope things work out for you in the end. 👍

 

[terminator363]

I have a problem, I'm extremely confused, I've been meeting a lot of girls recently (friends and all) and after my last relationship I just can't act "smooth" or comfortabe around them. I think I have this general feeling that girls want to tear my heart out and hurt me like my ex. My ex was extremely selfish and I can see it well now, but I think the way she acted makes me feel like women are all the same. I gave my heart to this girl only for her to break it, now whenever I'm near girls trying to have fun I get the constant thought of them betraying me (even as friends), and I end up acting all serious / no fun and games. I don't know what to look for in a girl anymore, my ex seemingly had everything I wanted in a girl but I realize it was all a mask (too good to be true). I can't seem to match personalities with anyone, is it possible that the next person I'll chose to be with won't be anything I look for but yet somehow better than my ex I thought was perfect? Sorry if this is confusing but I can't move on yet I can't stand my former girlfriend.

 

[MiuraSV777]

Ive known a girl since kindergarden that I have been friends with, during that entire time (about 10 years). When I was younger, I used to have a crush on her, and my brother eventually found out about me liking her, and proceded to sort of tease me about it, so I backed off from her a little bit, to try to make my brother stop. So, we just became casual friends. We didnt really talk as much throughout middle school, (last 2-3 years) and I almost completely stopped talking to her. Then, out of pure luck, we happened to get the same gym class as each other. We are doing the swimming unit right now, and I happened to get in the same lane as her, and we have finally started to talk to each other again. I usually talk to her during class, after class (waiting for bell to ring, standing in hallway), and, since it is our final hour of the day, I talk to her while I walk with her to her bus.

All of this has made me really start to like her again. I dont know if she likes me back or not, but Im trying to find any clues from her whether or not she does. Im trying to tell myself that she does, but I cant be sure. She also seems to be always hanging around this one guy, who I am afraid that she likes, but they only seem to act as friends, with the guy even telling everyone how good of friends they are. (annoying everyone else ) but, he also seems to do this with just about everyone.

Ive never really been in a relationship before, and Im just confused as to what to do with my situation. Also, just as a small note: i dont ever get nervous around her, or talking with her, and I literally cannot stop thinking about her, even not being able to wait to see her throughout the day.

Sorry to this being long and boring (and to any ramblings), and sorry to any messed up sentences/spelling... Im literally typing this in bed, and im tired, but releived to get this off of my chest. well, time to go to bed...

 

[cnd01]

I have a problem, I'm extremely confused, I've been meeting a lot of girls recently (friends and all) and after my last relationship I just can't act "smooth" or comfortabe around them. I think I have this general feeling that girls want to tear my heart out and hurt me like my ex. My ex was extremely selfish and I can see it well now, but I think the way she acted makes me feel like women are all the same. I gave my heart to this girl only for her to break it, now whenever I'm near girls trying to have fun I get the constant thought of them betraying me (even as friends), and I end up acting all serious / no fun and games. I don't know what to look for in a girl anymore, my ex seemingly had everything I wanted in a girl but I realize it was all a mask (too good to be true). I can't seem to match personalities with anyone, is it possible that the next person I'll chose to be with won't be anything I look for but yet somehow better than my ex I thought was perfect? Sorry if this is confusing but I can't move on yet I can't stand my former girlfriend.

I'll tell you this. My girlfriend and I on the surface have next to nothing in common. She wants to major in graphic design, and I'm in chemical engineering. Im a staunch conservative politically while she's more moderate. (Just using it as an example. I respect all political viewpoints) My point is that you might not think that you have a lot in common with people, but once you communicate there could be something there with a girl that you never imagined. Best of luck 👍

Ive known a girl since kindergarden that I have been friends with, during that entire time (about 10 years). When I was younger, I used to have a crush on her, and my brother eventually found out about me liking her, and proceded to sort of tease me about it, so I backed off from her a little bit, to try to make my brother stop. So, we just became casual friends. We didnt really talk as much throughout middle school, (last 2-3 years) and I almost completely stopped talking to her. Then, out of pure luck, we happened to get the same gym class as each other. We are doing the swimming unit right now, and I happened to get in the same lane as her, and we have finally started to talk to each other again. I usually talk to her during class, after class (waiting for bell to ring, standing in hallway), and, since it is our final hour of the day, I talk to her while I walk with her to her bus.

All of this has made me really start to like her again. I dont know if she likes me back or not, but Im trying to find any clues from her whether or not she does. Im trying to tell myself that she does, but I cant be sure. She also seems to be always hanging around this one guy, who I am afraid that she likes, but they only seem to act as friends, with the guy even telling everyone how good of friends they are. (annoying everyone else ) but, he also seems to do this with just about everyone.

Ive never really been in a relationship before, and Im just confused as to what to do with my situation. Also, just as a small note: i dont ever get nervous around her, or talking with her, and I literally cannot stop thinking about her, even not being able to wait to see her throughout the day.

Sorry to this being long and boring (and to any ramblings), and sorry to any messed up sentences/spelling... Im literally typing this in bed, and im tired, but releived to get this off of my chest. well, time to go to bed...

I bet that's a little awkward even though you haven't had any problems talking to her. My suggestion is to be bold with her, but don't bank on immediate results. If you and some friends are going out one evening see if she wants to tag along. If she can't/doesn't want to then you're not sitting at home wishing she would have hung out with you. Be persistent too. If she says that she can't, she might really want to just she has plans. Rinse and repeat until either she flat out tells you no or you two hang out.

In conclusion: go for it, but have a plan B and possibly C and D etc.

 

[phillgt2002]

now whenever I'm near girls trying to have fun I get the constant thought of them betraying me (even as friends), and I end up acting all serious / no fun and games.

Welcome to my world.. Partially. A woman said hi to me, and I just laughed and went back to my studies. She got pissed and insulted me. Besides a few girls I know, i have trust issues from past relations. That happening doesn't help me either. I guess I can say I act and look to serious in parties, events ECT.

 

[NissanSkylineN1]

Gonna ask for advice here:

I've been dating my GF for about 1 1/2 years. My parents know who she is but don't know I'm dating her. If I tell them, they will flip not just 🤬 but the entire bathroom along with it. My GF wants me to tell my parents but I don't think that's a good idea unless I get a good acceptance to university (My parent's think that I shouldn't be dating due to grades). I really love her, and she's a great girl, but telling my parents would be near suicide. Should I:

1) Break up and apologize to her
or
2) Tell my parents and take the suffering?

 

[Yauma9]

Does she know about what your parents think?
Maybe you could explain her about that and why you can't tell them.
She may think you're ashamed of her.

 

[NissanSkylineN1]

She knows the reason and what my parents would think. She still wants me to tell them, which is a fair request.

 

[adam46]

I think you should tell them. Explain that she makes you happy. In my view staying with her and telling them would be a lot better for you, rather than leaving her and regretting it. If anything, I'd imagine that'd have a worse effect on your grades I would have thought. If they are reasonable, they should see how far along you two are and hopefully they should realise it's not a bad thing and put your happiness first.

I hope it all goes well for you, dude. 👍

EDIT: Answering NissanSkylineN1 here.

 

[cnd01]

She knows the reason and what my parents would think. She still wants me to tell them, which is a fair request.

If you really do like her, you will tell your folks, and if you two really have something, you'll make it work around the parental resistance

 

[BobK]

Why is it that your parents don't like her? I think this question has to be answered before any good advice can be given.

 

[Kitten]

Ok this might be short story but hey

Well, Ive been dating this girl for the past 6months or 7 I lost track , Both of us do Martial Arts, But I mean she's scary, I mean she can beat me up That's how I met her was from martial Arts. and then it went from there and we started dating some time in March. Also she's scary, She can beat me up easily, I mean like when she hurts me "accidently" she says "I love you" And hugs me, She hugs me a lot, According to her im a teddy Bear since im warm O.o, And because im Canadian o.O. She's one grade below me but were both in High School, However i'm Homeschool . We see each other 2-3 Times a week and on weekends sometimes both days, and some days 1. . were in a Stable Relationship. I mean her Home Life is kind of all f-up'd she had 2 Step Dads, And her mom is crazy, Her Step dad is ok. But I feel so bad for my gf, her mom told lies about his birth dad about her getting raped etc, so she can hate him. But its all not true.. Had to find out since these stories she was telling me were getting kinda So I talked to her "birth dad" on facebook and learned the truth.. and I understand why she wants attention by telling these "made up stories" but usually I ignore them, But still listen. usually kissing while she talks shuts her up of her stories

Goes from there.

 

[DegenThought]

Slash I have had the dream situation before. I firmly believe there could be something to that, but I urge you to take it with a grain of salt and use your best judgement. I don't know how to explain telling the difference between a meaningful vision and your mind playing tricks on you. But I know the feeling of waking up with insanely strong feelings and emotions and feeling like there just HAS to be a reason for it. It's hard to tell what triggers dreams like that...I've even had dreams that sparked similar feelings about people I haven't seen in years or ever really had any past with. Maybe I'm just weird. But I do understand the emotion. Follow your heart, but make sure your mind at least gets a say as well

 

[XS]

Slash I have had the dream situation before. I firmly believe there could be something to that, but I urge you to take it with a grain of salt and use your best judgement. I don't know how to explain telling the difference between a meaningful vision and your mind playing tricks on you. But I know the feeling of waking up with insanely strong feelings and emotions and feeling like there just HAS to be a reason for it. It's hard to tell what triggers dreams like that...I've even had dreams that sparked similar feelings about people I haven't seen in years or ever really had any past with. Maybe I'm just weird. But I do understand the emotion. Follow your heart, but make sure your mind at least gets a say as well

Be very, very, very, careful with the dream interpretation folks. All they've done for me is make hard situations harder. For instance, my ex whom I haven't seen in three months, I had those type of intense dreams about before during and after we dated. Well, I'm still having them, 1,200 miles away, and with no chance of getting back together. So yeah, I hate to say it, but in my experience those emotionally intense dreams mean nothing. If anything all they do is make it harder to get over someone. I hate them and wish I would stop having them.

 

[Slash]

I'm glad some of you guys could relate to that, it makes me feel better. I just thought it was weird that it happened years later. To the point of making me think over everything. I wasn't sure if I should take it serious because after all it was a dream, but it jus felt so real...stronger than anything I've ever felt consciously.

 

[lintels123]

I'm glad some of you guys could relate to that, it makes me feel better. I just thought it was weird that it happened years later. To the point of making me think over everything. I wasn't sure if I should take it serious because after all it was a dream, but it jus felt so real...stronger than anything I've ever felt consciously.

I had a dream of that emotional intensity the other day actually. Text the person who i dreamt about the morning after. Didn't pour my heart out to her or anything but i wanted to see her reaction to her even being in my dream (gave her non important details). She didn't show much interest so i ignored and am continuing on. It was, after all, just a dream.

 

[NissanSkylineN1]

Well I'll bring some positive outlook into this thread:

Went out to an Italian restaurant with my GF last night, and then went to a dessert shop to share a chocolate crepe. After we just sat in the back of my car and cuddled and stared at each other, and then brought her home. Simply the best night ever.

One thing I'll tell you, which is that there is no "the one", but there are a few select people that are very close to it. And as long as you make it work between each other, you will have a very strong relationship. Although my GF and I are almost opposites, we also respect and try out each other's opinions and try to make it work. And after 21 months, I cannot see us ending. Again, its just about how much the two of you want it to work out.

 

[Yauma9]

One of my teachers one told my class that (atleast in her opinion, but I think the same) it's better to find someone who hasn't got anything that you dislike, even if that means he/she doesn't have any characteristics you may want in someone.

Anyways, I'm going to ask out this girl I really really like on saturday.

 

[Ryanswannell]

One of my teachers one told my class that (atleast in her opinion, but I think the same) it's better to find someone who hasn't got anything that you dislike, even if that means he/she doesn't have any characteristics you may want in someone.

Anyways, I'm going to ask out this girl I really really like on saturday.

Best of luck 👍



One thing I can't understand (and it has probably been brought up a few times already) is that a lot of girls seem to like complete 🤬, or go out with guys who turn out to be 🤬, break up with them and then want to get back with said 🤬 about a week later. I really don't get it, and then it leads to the girl saying something - usually on facebook - along the lines of "all guys are the same". No you thick 🤬, perhaps the type of guys you like are complete prats, in which case is your problem.

Rant over/


Anyway, I'm single and always have been (18 years) and roll on the day when I finally find someone 👍.