Creation vs. Evolution
- Thread starter ledhed
- 9,687 comments
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PS
(Banned)
- 2,883
SwiftPS, looks like you may have unintentional missed this. So here it is again.
Actually I haven't. There's this giant building I go to every day now, I it learns me fings. Fings rike science, and maff, and uvver fings like that. So I'm kinda busy. and I'm going to bed...
...now.
- 29,010
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
ask code_kev 
- 3,802
Touring mars, I think you may have just got the wrong end of the stick hehe. The site is pure satire .
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0905/relief.html
Classic
"It is understandable that the survivors of God's hurricane are confused, starving, homeless, and distraught - but as True Christians we know without a doubt in our hearts, that giving them food and shelter is not going to solve the biggest and only real problem in their lives. In fact, it will turn them into beggars and make their misery even worse. The issue that caused their condition is not an earthly condition at all. We know that it is an eternal condition, and there is only one sweet balm to soothe a lost soul who has no respect for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And that is getting a Holy Bible KJV 1611 into their hands. "From what I've seen of these survivors, I doubt many of them know how to read, so we will be sending Bibles on tape for them as well," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "They can play the Bible tapes on the boom boxes it looks like they made it a priority to salvage or loot." "
.http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0905/relief.html
Classic
"It is understandable that the survivors of God's hurricane are confused, starving, homeless, and distraught - but as True Christians we know without a doubt in our hearts, that giving them food and shelter is not going to solve the biggest and only real problem in their lives. In fact, it will turn them into beggars and make their misery even worse. The issue that caused their condition is not an earthly condition at all. We know that it is an eternal condition, and there is only one sweet balm to soothe a lost soul who has no respect for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And that is getting a Holy Bible KJV 1611 into their hands. "From what I've seen of these survivors, I doubt many of them know how to read, so we will be sending Bibles on tape for them as well," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "They can play the Bible tapes on the boom boxes it looks like they made it a priority to salvage or loot." "
- 29,010
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
I knew it! I hate you... 
(atleast you didn't quote me
)
(atleast you didn't quote me
)
- 3,425
Is this what will be taught in schools after they allow creation..ummm " science " ?
.1. Why are there clouds in the sky?
Correct answer: B. (Clouds are God's footprints in Heaven and are made up of the dust from his feet) "The Lord is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet" (Nahum 1:3).
2. Why are some people blind, deaf, dumb or handicapped in some other way?
Correct answer: A. (These deficiencies are deliberately inflicted on some people by God) "And the Lord said unto [Moses], Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord ?" (Exodus 4:11). "And, behold, thou shalt be dumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed because thou believest not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season" (Luke 1:20).
3. What causes thunder and lightning?
Correct answer: A. (God's will. Thunder is the sound of his bellowing voice. Lightning is a deadly force He deliberately hurls at various places) "Hear attentively the noise of his voice, and the sound that goeth out of his mouth. He directeth it under the whole heaven, and his lightning unto the ends of the earth" (Job 37:2-3).
4. Why do we sometimes see rainbows?
Correct answer: B. (God has them occur periodically to remind Him that He has promised not to brutally kill all the men, women, children and unborn children of the Earth again) "I do set my bow in the cloud; and it shall be a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: And I will remember my covenant, which is between you and me and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh" (Genesis 9:13-15).
5. What causes tornadoes to form?
Correct answer: B. (God uses tornadoes to kill sinners when He wants a quick result, as opposed to the somewhat slower means of plagues and pestilence) "Behold, the whirlwind of the Lord goeth forth with fury, a continuing whirlwind: it shall fall with pain upon the head of the wicked" (Jeremiah 30:23). "Yea, they shall not be planted; yea, they shall not be sown: yea, their stock shall not take root in the earth: and he shall also blow upon them, and they shall wither, and the whirlwind shall take them away as stubble" (Isaiah 40:24).
6. Why are some women unable to have children?
Correct answer: A. (It is their punishment for being adulterers, whether they admit the sin or not) "But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man's wife. . . . For the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife" (Genesis 20:3, 18)." "And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Penninah had children, but Hannah had no children. . . .But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but the Lord had shut up her womb" (1 Samuel 1:2, 5).
7. What causes earthquakes?
Correct answer: B. (God inflicts earthquakes on sinners when he is really angry) "Therefore I will shake the heavens, and the earth shall remove out of her place, in the wrath of the Lord of hosts, and in the day of his fierce anger" (Isaiah 13:13). "Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth" (Psalms 18:7).
8. Why do rivers and springs sometimes dry up?
Correct answer: A. (Quite simply, this is product of the sin of those nearby) "He turneth the rivers into a wilderness, and the watersprings into dry ground; A fruitful land into barrenness, for the wickedness of them that dwell therein" (Psalms 107:33-34). "Though he be fruitful among his brethren, an east wind shall come, the wind of the Lord shall come up from the wilderness, and his spring shall become dry, and his foundation shall be dried up: he shall spoil the treasure of all pleasant vessels" (Hosea 13:15).
9. Why do certain areas of the world experience drought?
Correct Answer: B. (This is one of God's many punishments for sin) "The Lord shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish. And thy heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron. The Lord shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed" (Deuteronomy 28:22-24).
10. Why are some men afflicted with hemorrhoids?
Correct Answer: A. (The affliction is yet another of God's countless methods of punishing sinners) "The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed" (Deuteronomy 28:27). "But the hand of the Lord was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof" (1 Samuel 5:6).
????????????????????
Is this a joke ?
.1. Why are there clouds in the sky?
Correct answer: B. (Clouds are God's footprints in Heaven and are made up of the dust from his feet) "The Lord is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet" (Nahum 1:3).
2. Why are some people blind, deaf, dumb or handicapped in some other way?
Correct answer: A. (These deficiencies are deliberately inflicted on some people by God) "And the Lord said unto [Moses], Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord ?" (Exodus 4:11). "And, behold, thou shalt be dumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed because thou believest not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season" (Luke 1:20).
3. What causes thunder and lightning?
Correct answer: A. (God's will. Thunder is the sound of his bellowing voice. Lightning is a deadly force He deliberately hurls at various places) "Hear attentively the noise of his voice, and the sound that goeth out of his mouth. He directeth it under the whole heaven, and his lightning unto the ends of the earth" (Job 37:2-3).
4. Why do we sometimes see rainbows?
Correct answer: B. (God has them occur periodically to remind Him that He has promised not to brutally kill all the men, women, children and unborn children of the Earth again) "I do set my bow in the cloud; and it shall be a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: And I will remember my covenant, which is between you and me and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh" (Genesis 9:13-15).
5. What causes tornadoes to form?
Correct answer: B. (God uses tornadoes to kill sinners when He wants a quick result, as opposed to the somewhat slower means of plagues and pestilence) "Behold, the whirlwind of the Lord goeth forth with fury, a continuing whirlwind: it shall fall with pain upon the head of the wicked" (Jeremiah 30:23). "Yea, they shall not be planted; yea, they shall not be sown: yea, their stock shall not take root in the earth: and he shall also blow upon them, and they shall wither, and the whirlwind shall take them away as stubble" (Isaiah 40:24).
6. Why are some women unable to have children?
Correct answer: A. (It is their punishment for being adulterers, whether they admit the sin or not) "But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man's wife. . . . For the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife" (Genesis 20:3, 18)." "And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Penninah had children, but Hannah had no children. . . .But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but the Lord had shut up her womb" (1 Samuel 1:2, 5).
7. What causes earthquakes?
Correct answer: B. (God inflicts earthquakes on sinners when he is really angry) "Therefore I will shake the heavens, and the earth shall remove out of her place, in the wrath of the Lord of hosts, and in the day of his fierce anger" (Isaiah 13:13). "Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth" (Psalms 18:7).
8. Why do rivers and springs sometimes dry up?
Correct answer: A. (Quite simply, this is product of the sin of those nearby) "He turneth the rivers into a wilderness, and the watersprings into dry ground; A fruitful land into barrenness, for the wickedness of them that dwell therein" (Psalms 107:33-34). "Though he be fruitful among his brethren, an east wind shall come, the wind of the Lord shall come up from the wilderness, and his spring shall become dry, and his foundation shall be dried up: he shall spoil the treasure of all pleasant vessels" (Hosea 13:15).
9. Why do certain areas of the world experience drought?
Correct Answer: B. (This is one of God's many punishments for sin) "The Lord shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish. And thy heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron. The Lord shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed" (Deuteronomy 28:22-24).
10. Why are some men afflicted with hemorrhoids?
Correct Answer: A. (The affliction is yet another of God's countless methods of punishing sinners) "The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed" (Deuteronomy 28:27). "But the hand of the Lord was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof" (1 Samuel 5:6).
????????????????????
Is this a joke ?
Danoff
Premium
- 33,701
- Mile High City
ledhed
This is an excellent example of why the bible cannot be used to determine school curriculums. If you want your kids to learn that stuff, take them to a private school that you fund. In fact, let's all take our kids to private schools that we choose to fund voluntarily... that way we don't have to have the debate over how public funds should be used to indoctrinate... er... teach children.
Danoff
Premium
- 33,701
- Mile High City
Swift
Possibly more so.
Yes they are. Private schools have only to answer to their customers whereas we all get into a big debate about what public schools should be doing - since we're all part of their involuntary funding source.
Also, there are private and partially public funded colleges as well.
- 10,116
- Maryland, USA
- swift-bass
ledhed
It is from the bible. But it's talking about isolated insodents and descriptions of how we can attempt to percieve God. ie Clouds are his footprints.
All that is from the bible as far as I can tell. But to be taken as answers to those questions without interpreting it with other scripture makes not sense. Not to mention is just plain dumb.
- 10,116
- Maryland, USA
- swift-bass
ledhed
Almost all of those scriptures about weather are talking about the end times or when Jesus died. So, I can understand your confusion.
I really hope people don't go around saying, "You hear that thunder? That's God groaning."
They forgot to mention these versus.
1Kings 19:11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake:
1Kings 19:12 And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
God doesn't always use earthshattering events to get ones attention.
- 29,010
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
ledhed
It is... and code_kev got me a beauty with it...
In my defence, I was suspicious straight away, but the advert for 'Heathen' T-shirts clinched it for me...
PS
(Banned)
- 2,883
Swift
I popped in for 2 seconds, ok? I'm not comming here to respond to each and every little question. I just browse the Rumble Strip, and check out what's going on here for 2 seconds.
And I couldn't give you an answer, it was given with a screaming mother in the background flicking my lights on and off.
- 4,822
- Concord, CA
- kylehnat
code_kev
Haha, I got zero! I only answered 7 of the questions, as some of the scientific answers were wrong also. I like a good satire, though
Even though this was a joke, I'm sure there is something like this out there that isn't, and that's what makes me cry.
- 8,015
- GTP_Royalton
Zardoz
I will give you a chance to repeal this comment. I suggest you do so. I dont feel like replying to a comment that is written in reply to what you thought I said. And why pick out 1 sentence and jump on it? Why dont you try answering some of my questions for a change? Why jump on one thing that you think is wrong, but ignore all my questions? Or is it that you dont have the answers?
ledhed
The Bible also says the Earth is God's footstool. I guess you take that literally too?
Jesus said to eat his flesh and drink his blood. Would you take that literally too? Those who did take what he said literally stopped following him. Those who had faith in him (even though they admittingly weren't sure of what he meant when he said to drink his blood and eat his flesh) stayed with him because they knew he taught the truth, and 'was the way to life'.
I have a question for everyone.
Do you think you are the highest form of life in/or outside the Universe?
- 4,822
- Concord, CA
- kylehnat
Earth
Nothing is highest/lowest form of life. Humans may be the most advanced species on the planet, but we can't control any other species. A dog may learn a few commands, but ultimately, it does what it wants. I can't tell a microbe to do my laundry, even though I'm vastly more intelligent and complex. Likewise, no other species can control humans. Life is life; there's no ranking system.
