Depression and Anxiety Thread
- Thread starter JohnBM01
- 2,241 comments
- 159,393 views
- 29,925
- Thailand
@kikie, let us know how you’re doing man.
Drop me a message. You wouldn’t be the first person on GTP that’s called on me for airing grievances. I’m happy to give you my contact and listen to you rant for hours if necessary. I’m not a pro therapist, but I’ve been through the works myself over the years so I can relate. Plus I don’t charge.
- 29,925
- Thailand
In fact, to bolster the general moral of the more miserable of GTP members, consider me a therapist (unqualified, admittedly) and drop me a personal message.
I’m happy to arrange a time to live chat over a messenger service. Even if you just want somebody to listen to you, lean on me.
For what it’s worth, I don’t take this on selflessly. I do gain some personal satisfaction from helping others. It’s non-judgemental, unbiased and pretty much what you’d expect from me. I just intend to offer an ear for those that need it.
I’m happy to arrange a time to live chat over a messenger service. Even if you just want somebody to listen to you, lean on me.
For what it’s worth, I don’t take this on selflessly. I do gain some personal satisfaction from helping others. It’s non-judgemental, unbiased and pretty much what you’d expect from me. I just intend to offer an ear for those that need it.
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- 26,814
- Houston, Texas, USA
- JMarine25
I was checking my Facebook Memories; and on this day (November 24) in 2017, I posted that I was away from social media because I had to be hospitalized for an infection. The support I gotten from other people was astonishing. Even people who don't normally chat with me shown their love. The important lesson here is that it shows just how much I am loved and appreciated by others. So if you feel depressed and have no support from others, at least thankful you have some sort of clique concerned about you and for you. Not everyone can be so blessed, but be thankful if you are.
Don't let depression or anxiety win.
Don't let depression or anxiety win.
- 7,099
- Jakarta
A year of finally medicating and it seems like I feel worse. This has been a very difficult time, I lost a lot of people this year (ironically not because of Covid) and the pandemic doesn't help. I want to get better but everytime I'm trying to stay positive, italways feels like I'm lying to myself.
I'm not actively suicidal but at the same time I'm slowly losing my will to live. I can't tell anyone in my life about this because either they just don't help, or I just don't want to make them sad or something. I just couldn't trust anyone and I don't blame them. At the same time, telling what I feel to my doctor felt weird as hell.
At the end, I don't know what I want or what to do. I guess I'm just venting a bit now.
Truly sorry for the long post.
I'm not actively suicidal but at the same time I'm slowly losing my will to live. I can't tell anyone in my life about this because either they just don't help, or I just don't want to make them sad or something. I just couldn't trust anyone and I don't blame them. At the same time, telling what I feel to my doctor felt weird as hell.
At the end, I don't know what I want or what to do. I guess I'm just venting a bit now.
Truly sorry for the long post.
- 4,122
- United States
No need to be sorry.
Although we share different experiences, I share nearly all of the same feelings, especially the part of 'lying to yourself'.
I guess I'm passively suicidal, and I just questioned why I'm even living once again, which is why I decided to visit this thread.
Its gotten to the point where something may happen I just don't know when. Until then, I'm just gonna keep living, trying to take advantage of each day.
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- 1,934
- A field in England
No need to apologise at all.
I had similar feelings a few years ago. I always knew loneliness was my problem, though. I don't do well on my own. I didn't want to commit suicide, but I didn't want to carry on either. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. Meeting my other half lifted me right out of it and gave me something to live for. I got unbelievably lucky to find her. Have you tried the Wisdo app? It links you with people who've been through similar, which helps a lot because you finally have people to talk to who understand you a little better than your family might.
Do you live alone? Is there someone in your life who you can talk to, or just spend time with as a distraction?
- 4,122
- United States
Sorry for not responding.
I live with my parents and the environment is not healthy at all.
As of recent, I’ve been fighting suicidal thoughts and managed to have a panic attack while walking in public.
I ask myself everyday - “Why do people have to be needlessly cruel.”
These thoughts have never been so strong for me. I’m hanging on by a thread.
- 1,934
- A field in England
Have you got any friends you can talk to about it? It helps a lot, even if you don't directly talk about the problems, it can be nice to have a distraction.
I'd also recommend the Wisdo app. Someone here suggested it to me a few years ago when I was at my worst, and it helped to talk to people who were going through similar things.
As for people being cruel, you're right. People are unbelievably selfish and terrible, and I've personally decided not to give a damn about a single one of them outside of my partner and a select few others.
Please feel free to message me if you want to chat.
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- 4,122
- United States
I don't have any friends. I had to end a lot of friendships over the past two years because they were not good to keep around in the long run. I do have one person I speak to, that's it. Family, I keep them arm's length for my own protection.
I've never heard of Wisdo, but I'm really interested in it, so I installed it on my iPhone just now.
Something incredibly ****ed up happened to me, which it involves family and it may drag out for a long time.
I'm not even sure if I'd even have the strength to speak to you through PM, but I really appreciate it.
- 29,925
- Thailand
Not having friends is no big deal. As an expat I’ve had “friends” come and go. Many of the dear to me but ultimately they’re just correspondents now.
Currently, like yourself, I have a friend (excluding my wife) because most people I’ve tried to associate with are either bad influences on me, or I’m bad for them. People at work I don’t even bother to business with outside of school hours because I’m so different from them.
If you’ve got family issues then you might want some professional help. Some things can be worked out for the better.
If it’s related to abuse and the like then it’s really best to get it out of your system, no matter how hard it seems. I haven’t been able to fully clear some of the abuses of my childhood (not by family though) and it’s left me scarred. I’m sure professional help might rectify the issues but that hasn’t been an option for me, I hope it is for you if you need it.
Ultimately, sometimes the so-called strangers on a website might be able to help you. Like it’s been said, send us a message and arrange a time to talk if you need. I’m always here to listen.
- 4,122
- United States
- 26,814
- Houston, Texas, USA
- JMarine25
I hope you all can find something to be hopeful of or interested in trying to make the new year great. For me, I have embarked on a creative burst of preparing meals in an air fryer or a toaster oven. I also have bought FL Studio (Fruity Edition) to try to make music. Actually, possibly returning to making music. Creativity can help you to feel better and enrich your mind and ease up whatever depression or anxiety you may have. So think about these things as we welcome in 2022.
Don't let depression or anxiety win. And uh, happy new year!
Don't let depression or anxiety win. And uh, happy new year!
- 26,814
- Houston, Texas, USA
- JMarine25
Dull, cloudy, rainy/snowy days get to me also. Thankfully today, it is a beautiful blue sky day here in Houston today. Also VERY cold. Seasonal affective depression is a thing. I think earlier in this thread, someone mentioned light therapy to help those with SAD feel better. So consider some light therapy to help you out with something like this.
- 17,115
- United Kingdom
As I sit here facing the start of yet another year of the same goddamn **** at work, starting in 7 hours time, I can't shake the idea that just checking out is the better option. There is no upside to anything these days, circumstances moved the one shot I've had at happiness away from me... and the alcohol consumption required to keep moving forward became unsustainable quite some time ago. I've had enough. This isn't a last gasp post on GTP, I'll still be here tomorrow, I'm not sat here with a blade in my arm... but **** me, I hate the world today, I hate what it makes us, I hate what it puts us through.
- 29,925
- Thailand
One thing that did wonders for me was moving to a warm, sunny climate where SAD can’t occur. I know it’s a major deal and not really an option for most to move across the world to deal with depression but my life has been better for it.
I feel your pain. It’s been not too long since I was in the drink/ depression cycle which eventually levelled out. There are still days when I look in the mirror and wonder where the last 20 years have gone; how much of it I’ve lost to booze and how much I’ve shorten my life by the alcoholic affliction.
I’ve found that shaking things up, work wise, has helped me. Once I’ve settled into a company and become all too familiar I find myself back in a drink cycle. Finding new work helps me get motivated to show my better side which helps keep me away from permadrunk status.
As always with depression there are highs and lows. Very rarely do they seem to be connected to anything other than faulty brain chemistry.
Anyone here is welcome to drop me a line at any time for a rant or just to escape from reality for a bit. Being at rock bottom sucks, but it’s always a bit less of a drag when there’s somebody to listen who understands your position.
- 1,934
- A field in England
I think a lot of us can relate to having a job we dread. Changing your job, even if it's something you don't necessarily like the sound of, can make a big difference, at least for a while. A job that gets you moving and doesn't give you time to think as much helps. The good news is there's lots of jobs in the UK right now.
- 4,881
- Connecticut
- Ridley-X4
I’m trying to not let something bother me - the fact that I’ve always been told that I’m smart and that I’d be a great bf, but I’ve never had a gf. I’m also still a virgin and I hear some women prefer men with more experience. So I try not to let it bother me, but I turn 30 in late March, so sometimes I feel really self-conscious about my situation. I’m not fat nor ugly, and I’ve tried the supposedly popular dating apps for over a year without getting any dates. It feels like my relatives just give me empty platitudes when I tell them that fact, like that they’re sure that whoever I find will think I’m a catch. I want to be more pro-active in finding someone - either for something casual or longer-term, as I just want the experience at this point - but I don’t know what to do. All I know is that I’ve had a fear of missing out for too long.
It feels like everyone my age is getting married or already has someone. What’s left for me? Bitter divorcees? Single mothers? And otherwise damaged women who have far more baggage than me? No, I feel like I deserve someone better, and I’m not going to settle. You can call me “entitled,” but I’m just tired of missing out, and I want the experience. Other people always tell me that I’m handsome, smart, and nice - so the only reason I’ve never had a gf, I think, is a simple lack of trying. Otherwise, I don’t have any excuses for myself as to why I don’t have a gf. But I just don’t know what to do, exactly, even though I’m clearly motivated. I wish dating apps actually worked for me, they feel so broken. Getting an escort isn’t an option for me, either - it’s not in my budget.
I want sex and I want it yesterday! Why do I never feel like I’m good enough to get that?! It’s not as if I was told it was like, the best thing in the world for all my life, dammit! I’m so tired of being told that dating, online or not, is a numbers game. I’m almost 30, I don’t have time to pull the lever of life’s slot machine until I win the jackpot.
I feel seriously tempted sometimes to just get a RealDoll and cuddle with it, pretending it’s my gf.
It feels like everyone my age is getting married or already has someone. What’s left for me? Bitter divorcees? Single mothers? And otherwise damaged women who have far more baggage than me? No, I feel like I deserve someone better, and I’m not going to settle. You can call me “entitled,” but I’m just tired of missing out, and I want the experience. Other people always tell me that I’m handsome, smart, and nice - so the only reason I’ve never had a gf, I think, is a simple lack of trying. Otherwise, I don’t have any excuses for myself as to why I don’t have a gf. But I just don’t know what to do, exactly, even though I’m clearly motivated. I wish dating apps actually worked for me, they feel so broken. Getting an escort isn’t an option for me, either - it’s not in my budget.
I want sex and I want it yesterday! Why do I never feel like I’m good enough to get that?! It’s not as if I was told it was like, the best thing in the world for all my life, dammit! I’m so tired of being told that dating, online or not, is a numbers game. I’m almost 30, I don’t have time to pull the lever of life’s slot machine until I win the jackpot.
I feel seriously tempted sometimes to just get a RealDoll and cuddle with it, pretending it’s my gf.
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- 17,115
- United Kingdom
Some points, just my two cents....
1) The people telling you, 'you are a nice guy and deserve a girlfriend' aren't doing so from the point of view of being a sexual partner, and they're probably too nice to point out any major flaws anyway.
2) Using whatever metrics people judge potential sexual partners by, you are looking for a 7, 8 or 9 out of 10, but are likely only a 4, 5 or 6 yourself on the scale of the people you are looking for. You will be frustrated and desperate until you accept this, and potential sex partners don't like frustrated and desperate, unless it brings out your wallet and they happen to be earnin' money that way.
3) Bitter divorcees and 'damaged' women you might want to avoid, but you need to get over the single mother thing. Not only are you are limiting the possibilities, but also you're ruling out a lot of more open-minded, less self important, more worldly women. Get used to being alone... desperation and frustration represent the lack of experience you think will be a turn off for potential partners.
5) The best some people get is average, this is true in all aspects of life. Make peace with the idea you might be in that segment of the population, and you'll probably see more opportunities present themselves.
6) You can get sex, without paying for it, you're just choosing to avoid avenues that are less appealing to you... open up these avenues, it will propel you forward.
Brett
Premium
- 8,632
- Oklahoma
To add to that, you are going to have to put in effort if you want a meaningful relationship. If all you want is sex, then by all means have at it. Sex is more than what you are presenting it as. There are strings attached. I would advise you that just having sex will not fulfill what you are looking for.
One thing putting in effort means is your appearance. I am not talking about your face or body shape. How you dress and present yourself matters. You do not need to stand out with your dress, but people do notice poorly fitting clothes. They also notice hygiene. Taking care of yourself signals that you are not a man child. No one wants to date a man child, much less have sex with them. Ain't nobody got time for that!
Having the attitude of not settling puts you on the wrong foot. It comes off extremely negative. It also sets you up with a poor attitude towards potential partners. People will notice that negativity and most will run away; the ones that do not run away are probably the ones you really want to avoid.
You are looking for a partner. Those come in all kinds of shapes, sizes, appearances, etc. With the attitude of settling, you might think someone is beneath you, skip past them, and miss out on an awesome person. All you are doing with that attitude is setting yourself up for failure.
Lastly, no one owes you anything. Dating someone and sharing your time with them is a two way street. Value your time, but also value the other person's time. If one of two people is not equally invested, then what do you expect the other to do? Sit there and pull the other? That is not how it works in a healthy relationship.
One thing putting in effort means is your appearance. I am not talking about your face or body shape. How you dress and present yourself matters. You do not need to stand out with your dress, but people do notice poorly fitting clothes. They also notice hygiene. Taking care of yourself signals that you are not a man child. No one wants to date a man child, much less have sex with them. Ain't nobody got time for that!
Having the attitude of not settling puts you on the wrong foot. It comes off extremely negative. It also sets you up with a poor attitude towards potential partners. People will notice that negativity and most will run away; the ones that do not run away are probably the ones you really want to avoid.
You are looking for a partner. Those come in all kinds of shapes, sizes, appearances, etc. With the attitude of settling, you might think someone is beneath you, skip past them, and miss out on an awesome person. All you are doing with that attitude is setting yourself up for failure.
Lastly, no one owes you anything. Dating someone and sharing your time with them is a two way street. Value your time, but also value the other person's time. If one of two people is not equally invested, then what do you expect the other to do? Sit there and pull the other? That is not how it works in a healthy relationship.
- 4,881
- Connecticut
- Ridley-X4
I think my biggest problem is that I don’t know where to find all the single women, whether they’re attractive or not. Especially when dating apps imply that there’s nobody in my area. I can’t afford to move, either. I still live with my parents because I can’t afford an apartment yet. I’ve been working cruddy part-time retail jobs since I graduated college six years ago, but I did recently interview for a job that could change that situation.
But sometimes I’m not convinced I have anything really to offer in a relationship, and that deep down, I just want someone to pay attention to me. For someone outside my family to care about me. I want someone I can brag about to my friends, really. I also admit I’m insecure on multiple levels, and I fear that I’m convinced that getting into a relationship is the only way to fix some of these personal insecurities.
I also believe my family and friends when they compliment me - they’ve never had a reason to lie about things like that. They all are the sort of people who call me out on my flaws if/when I display them.
I also posted a photo of myself in another thread, here’s how I look, fwiw:
But sometimes I’m not convinced I have anything really to offer in a relationship, and that deep down, I just want someone to pay attention to me. For someone outside my family to care about me. I want someone I can brag about to my friends, really. I also admit I’m insecure on multiple levels, and I fear that I’m convinced that getting into a relationship is the only way to fix some of these personal insecurities.
I also believe my family and friends when they compliment me - they’ve never had a reason to lie about things like that. They all are the sort of people who call me out on my flaws if/when I display them.
I also posted a photo of myself in another thread, here’s how I look, fwiw:
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Brett
Premium
- 8,632
- Oklahoma
I was very fortunate and found someone fairly quickly through Tinder. I am definitely not going to say that even with my mostly short dating time that it did not frustrate me at any point because it absolutely did. It was an emotional roller coaster prior to finding and even dating my partner. Hell, it still is nearly seven years later, but I am a better person for it.
It has made me reflect often. It has made me realize that I need to work on myself and grow as a person. I needed to and still need to better understand and grasp my thoughts and emotions. It made me better understand that being able to effectively communicate what is going on is very important. It helps build a deeper bond.
It is okay to want another's attention. But definitely return the favor and listen to the other person's feelings and emotions also. Remember it is a two way street; both people in the relationship are important and valuable.
It took time, but I also eventually realized that it is okay to be vulnerable. It can hurt to open up, be vulnerable with someone, and them step all over that vulnerability. It is also okay to feel hurt; it means you are human. But you have to willing to share yourself with someone else. It is a partnership. It will be a give and take, but you will also want to give and take.
It is also okay to be insecure, so long as you are trying to work on it. It will not be easy either to "fix" those insecurities; the brain has a wonderful way of trying to convince you otherwise. And as soon as you feel secure about one thing, another insecurity will creep in; brains sure are awesome.
Remember that part about communication though? Those insecurities are something that you can share with another. Not in a negative way expecting them to fix them because that does not work, but in an expressive way that shows you can be vulnerable. The person you share with can certainly help on the fixing, but ultimately, it is up to you to address your shortcomings.
Also, your confidence will build as you try to work on yourself and address those insecurities. It feels good to take care of yourself. Slowly, but surely, you will become more comfortable with yourself. However, do not rest on your laurels. You have to continue putting in the effort and it will be difficult, but that is also part of life.
You are an attractive fellow. You just need to work on polishing the rough edges. None of it will be easy, but working towards being the best version of yourself is worth it.
I will also say it is also okay to be single. We should not stigmatize people for not being in a relationship, a virgin, or whatever thing it is that people needlessly perceive as negative. Not everyone experiences life in the same way. It is okay to go through life differently; having different experiences is part of the fun.
- 4,881
- Connecticut
- Ridley-X4
I think my largest problem is that I just don’t know where to find all the single women. It feels like whenever I talk to a woman and try asking for her number, she ends up telling me she has a bf. But I do have a couple friends that might know some other women, so I think they could help me. I just want attention.
It’s especially frustrating when it comes to dating apps, because I get this impression that there’s all these attractive single women that don’t want me for reasons I’ll never know. I’m fortunate to even get a match, let alone a response from someone. So I’ve never been on a date, either, let alone with a woman I’ve met online.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up and try wasting a ton of my money on a Russian mail-order bride. I’d sincerely consider it if I didn’t think that the people who actually do that are losers. Not that I’d end up in a real relationship if I did that, anyway - I see mail-order brides as glorified prostitutes, pretending to be interested in various men for economic benefit. If I got one, people would see me as being a genuine loser who’s failed to find true love, and has had to resort to a largely transactional relationship.
It’s especially frustrating when it comes to dating apps, because I get this impression that there’s all these attractive single women that don’t want me for reasons I’ll never know. I’m fortunate to even get a match, let alone a response from someone. So I’ve never been on a date, either, let alone with a woman I’ve met online.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up and try wasting a ton of my money on a Russian mail-order bride. I’d sincerely consider it if I didn’t think that the people who actually do that are losers. Not that I’d end up in a real relationship if I did that, anyway - I see mail-order brides as glorified prostitutes, pretending to be interested in various men for economic benefit. If I got one, people would see me as being a genuine loser who’s failed to find true love, and has had to resort to a largely transactional relationship.
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- 2,926
- United Kingdom
- 4,881
- Connecticut
- Ridley-X4
Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OKCupid, and CoffeeMeetsBagel. I’ve tried some of them for over a year, too, and I never got a single date. I want to say it’s my location, but then again, I’m a simple train ride away from NYC/Boston, and less than an hour’s drive to the two major cities in my state, not to mention one or two major cities to the east of me over in Rhode Island.
I’ve convinced myself the whole “online dating” thing is just a big grift, anyway. After all, most (though not literally all) apps are owned by MatchGroup, which is publicly-traded. It’s actually not in their best interest for people to find fulfilling relationships, because that would mean people getting off the apps. They make more money when people get tried and frustrated, and then buy proposed solutions like “boosts” or “super-likes” which likely won’t help at all, anyway.
EDIT: On a very but not entirely un-related note, I feel so glad I had decided within the last few months to be more withdrawn from social media. I feel much more content in specialized forums like here at GTP, or even in Discord channels.
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- 224
- United States
@MIE1992 FWIW. I'm 47. After two failed relationships I met my now wife in 2015 on Ok cupid, and most of my friends tend to think it's a better platform. Neither of us have children as well. I wasn't opposed to kids depending on the situation. I played step dad in a previous relationship that wasn't all that great.
Maybe it was luck of timing but our relationship is pretty great and our match was in the high 90 percent range iirc.
Maybe it was luck of timing but our relationship is pretty great and our match was in the high 90 percent range iirc.
- 4,881
- Connecticut
- Ridley-X4
When did you meet? Like, what year?
What year did you friends say they met someone?
I mostly ask this because I've observed there being a massive impact on what year you were using online dating. It seems that as time goes on, the system - regardless of app - gets exponentially worse. I'd be amazed if, between the two of you, you knew anyone who met in 2020 or later.
I have an additional hypothesis. Another thing that happens as time goes on, is that more uncouth men join the apps, drive away the women using the apps with their antics, causing more men to get desperate and act as such since there ends up being less women on the apps, causing a cycle. Eventually, I hypothesize that almost everyone on the dating apps will either be a man, a scammer, or in the tiniest minority, an incredibly desperate woman who leaves a lot to be desired for one reason or another. (EDIT: And also women who are exploiting the audience of the apps to shill their social media accounts, whether it's OnlyFans, SnapChat, or Instagram.)
But it won't matter because the apps will keep making money off of desperate men, increasing shareholder value. Nobody will suspect a thing. It's almost the perfect crime.
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